Chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
BILLIE
O nce packed, I went outside and picked up a shovel by the barn. I started to dig, throwing all my weight into the activity. It was hard work. It felt therapeutic. I focused on the snow, digging, lifting, and throwing it, knowing each shovelful meant I was closer to driving away from Smoke River and leaving Axl.
Axl worked the back of the truck, and I focused on the sides. He was not joking about being good at shoveling, but damn if I was going to let him “rescue me.” I was done being the girl in distress.
I scooped up snow and buried the memory of sleeping naked by Axl in front of the fire. I scooped up snow and tried to forget the first time I kissed him and how the kiss traveled from my lips to my center.
My radar was broken. I knew this in Seattle. I knew this on the drive to Denver. I let my guard down for two nights, and I pick a guy who doesn’t give a shit about cheating.
After about an hour, I looked up and a sinking feeling filled my body. Axl was close to the turn in the drive, but we were not even close to getting the truck out. I did not want to spend another night here .
The buzz of a snowmobile cut through the air. I stopped shoveling and looked up to see Ethan rounding the corner of the cabin. He’d come up along the river and the south field.
I leaned on the handle, happy for a break.
“Hey, Billie,” Ethan said, climbing off the sled. “Dad sent me. Said I need to help you get out before it’s dark. He told your mom he’d get you home tonight. If we can’t get you out, he’ll update her.”
“Oh, we’re getting me out tonight,” I said. “Thanks so much for helping.”
He looked at the truck. “Why don’t I put the chains on for you?”
“That would be downright dreamy.”
Axl waved at Ethan, but kept digging. He’d rounded the corner, which meant I was almost to the main road.
“Dad said the plow will be running in about an hour, so you should have no trouble.”
“Great.” Relief flooded my body. I was going home. I popped into the house to get my duffle and threw it into the back of the cab. Ethan got the chains on and backed the car up to make sure traction was good. Engine running, he opened the door and hopped out.
“She feels good.” He nodded down the drive. “You want to wait until the plow hits the logging road?”
“No, I’m ready,” I said, thinking about the drive ahead. “I would rather go now and not risk being out there in the dark.”
“All righty then,” Ethan said stepping aside. He handed me a flip phone. “Dad said to take this.”
“I can’t take a phone.”
“Sure you can,” Ethan said. “It’s an old flip phone that dad hasn’t disconnected from his account. He says you can’t do much on it, but if you need to make a call, you can.”
Tears flooded my eyes. I was so grateful to Mason and his boys for being kind to me. “Thanks,” I said. “Tell your dad I say thank you.”
“You got it.”
I reached out and gave him a quick hug before climbing into the truck. Ethan patted the hood, signaling I was all clear. I backed up the truck and did a three-point turn heading toward the road. Axl and Cam were up ahead. I drove slowly, knowing Axl would hear the crunch of the wheels.
Axl was at the edge of the drive, still digging. He looked up as my lights flashed on the snow. Stepping out of the way, he clapped his hands, signaling Cam to jump beside him. I slowly rolled past the two of them. Axl nodded as I passed. I gave him a look, but didn’t smile. I didn’t roll down the window. In my rearview, Cam sat at his feet watching my taillights. It was hard not to imagine she was wondering why I was leaving.
The drive home was cake. It was everything the drive to Smoke River was supposed to be forty-eight hours before. Snowplows cleared the roads out to Four Clover Farm. Once I hit the icy highway, the drive was even easier with chains. As long as I didn’t stop, I was good to go.
Mom texted when I was just outside of Golden.
You close?
I readied to answer her call on speaker. The phone rang.
“Hey, Mom,” I said, smiling. The snowglobe surrounding Axl and I had shattered. My real life was crashing in all around me.
“I’m so happy to hear your voice, sweetheart,” Mom said. A hammer pounded in the background, and I heard the muddled voices of people shouting. “What an ordeal. I can’t believe you got snowed in up there — and with a tenant.”
“You and me both, Mom,” I said. I took a long, slow breath as I hit traffic at Golden, which I had no intention of mentioning. “Yes, it was a surprise.”
“Well, I suppose it’s good someone has been keeping an eye on the place,” Mom said.
“Nah, I don’t think he is the right fit,” I said. “We should talk about making a change. He has a lease, but he’ll give it up if we ask him to.”
“Okay, honey. If you think so,” Mom said. Then her voice muffled, I heard what I imagined was Abby. Mom was talking to her with her hand covering the phone.
“Hey, Mom? I’ll talk to you soon. ”
“Great. Abby is here now,” Mom said.
“I figured. I mean, that’s great,” I said, reminding myself to quit being such a bitch. Abby had been helping Mom while I played naked roommate with Axl. I was embarrassed at myself for running away and then getting stuck.
“She says hello,” Mom said. “We’ve got a crew over here right now, ripping out the soggy floor outside the powder room. We’re going to get that repaired and then look at rescheduling the open house.”
“Yikes,” I said. “Mom, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I know I thought I was helping by taking things to the cabin, but what a mess.”
“Honey, nobody saw that weather coming. Don’t you worry a thing about it,” Mom said. “The good news is, the house wasn’t staged. I can’t imagine what it would cost to replace all that fancy furniture.”
“Oh, Mom,” I said, feeling sick for leaving her to deal with such a mess. I couldn’t have predicted the pipes would burst, but my inclination had been to run. I was ashamed of myself for leaving Mom when she needed me and falling for Axl’s bullshit. “I’ll be home to help soon.”
“Well, you can help first by stopping to get a bucket of chicken,” Mom said.
“Hold the phone,” I said, in mock surprise. “Is my mother, Moira Prescott, actually greenlighting getting take-out?”
“Oh, you know that I like my fried chicken better than anybody else’s, but the kitchen is a mess, and Abby is encouraging me to not to do much.”
“Huh,” I said, an unexpected feeling of camaraderie surprising me. “Tell Abby, thank you. I approve.”
“I will, sweetheart.” Mom sighed. “Okay, drive safe. You know the traffic in Golden — ”
“Yes, you and Abby are right. It is terrible.”
“I know it is.” Mom sighed. “Love you, sweetheart. I am going to go before they start banging and ripping things up. I’m afraid it’s not so peaceful here. ”
“It’s okay. I kind of feel like picking up a sledgehammer and knocking some walls down myself.”
“Oh, sweetheart. I think you need to be insured for that kind of thing.”
“Kidding, Mom,” I said.
“All right. Love you.”
I hung up just as I passed the Walmart, where I considered picking up a phone charger before heading to Smoke River. Here I was, back in Denver. I felt different, but nothing had changed. There was snow on the ground, and the traffic still sucked in Golden. Mom and Abby were hard at work preparing to sell my childhood home.
“What happens in Smoke River stays in Smoke River,” I muttered to myself as I flipped on the radio. I scrolled through different stations, pausing at the golden voice of John Denver.
You fill up my senses, like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain
His every word reminded me of Smoke River and the quiet walk Axl and I took through the southern field toward the river.
You fill up my senses, come fill me again.
I flipped off the radio. What was wrong with me? Axl was nothing more than a man I fucked and now regretted. I tried to have a meaningless hook-up and failed. As traffic slowed in Golden, my mind wandered back to the moments Axl and I shared in the cabin. I tried to think about other things, like my rage and his lies. But my mind returned to Axl sleeping in front of the fire like a song on repeat. The morning after we made love, I woke to check the weather and remember watching him breathe. He was beautiful, and he was wrong for me. Both things could be true.
I turned the radio back on to hear John Denver finishing his song.
Come let me love you, come love me again.
At the house, Mom and Abby sat at the kitchen table scrolling through Abby’s phone.
“Now, you see this place has a small garden, but not too much yard,” I heard Abby say.
Mom looked up when she heard me walk inside the kitchen. “Billie, honey.” She jumped up and wrapped me in a tight hug.
Abby stayed at the table, beaming at me, phone in hand. “Hi, Billie! I was just showing your mom some properties, less up-keep, less investment, good options for downsizing.”
Oh, so Abby planned to sell the house, make money on my mom, and then turn around and make more money. My temper flared. I’d had enough of other people trying to take care of me and my mom.
“Thanks, Abby, but I don’t think we are ready to think about re-investing, are we, Mom?”
Abby’s smile didn’t waver. “I understand. These are big decisions. Timing is important.”
“And I said, Mom’s not ready.”
“I understand,” Abby said.
Mom and I both sat down at the kitchen table across from Abby. The cookies were long gone, and the kitchen door sat propped open. A workman carrying a big tool box lumbered in and walked past us and down the hall with a nod.
“They know where to go,” Abby whispered to me. “The best plumbers and contractors.”
“How much is all this costing?” I asked, as two more workmen followed.
“Well, it’s not like we have a choice, sweetheart,” Mom said, rubbing her forehead.
“This crew does the best work for the best price,” Abby said. “I’ve used them before and never had a problem with the quality of their work. Your mom has insurance, and we’ve already done a claim. We are running all the costs through me so your mom doesn’t pay anything until we close.”
“Oh, so you are managing everything?” I said, aware of the tension in my voice.
“Well, I am helping,” Abby said, glancing nervously between me and my mom.
“I get it,” I said. “You swoop in here, Mom is alone, vulnerable, and then you take advantage of her.”
“Billie,” Mom said, her hands gripping the table.
“No, I see it now,” I said. “You see our little house and figure that Mom can’t handle it, and she needs you to rescue her. Mom wants a change, and you want to make money, so you market our home as a tear-down — ”
“A tear-down?” Abby said, eyes wide. “Moira, this isn’t … ”
“Billie, stop it,” Mom said.
“Somebody has to stand up for us, Mom.” I glared at Abby. “News flash, our house is not a tear-down. We can’t be thrown away like nothing, and you are not going to take advantage of my mother by selling her house and letting some builder come in here and build something like one of those shitty townhouses in Golden.”
“Golden!” Mom said. “Who said anything about Golden?”
“We have been fine without you for years, Abby. Mom doesn’t need people like you helping her. She needs people she can trust, not people who lie and cheat.”
“Billie! That is enough.” Mom hit the table with both her hands. I jumped in my seat at the sound, feeling like a teenager getting called out for disrespect. “Abby, I’m sorry,” Mom added.
“It’s okay,” Abby whispered.
“I’m going upstairs,” I said, tears stinging my eyes. My heart raced, and my legs felt wobbly as I stood.
“You do that,” Mom said. “You must be tired.”
The dull thud of construction echoed down the hall. It was steady and relentless. My breath shaking, I left the kitchen, my mother’s voice trailing after me.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into her,” Mom said .
“It’s okay,” Abby said. “She’s hurt. Selling a home is hard sometimes.”
The kitchen door swung shut, muffling whatever Mom and Abby said next. I didn’t want to hear it anyway. Three men were tearing up the floorboards in the powder room. I pressed myself up against the wall to walk past them, biting my lip to keep my tears at bay. Reaching the staircase, I bolted up the stairs two at a time.
I hated how I felt. I ached in my belly. My heart throbbed with pain. I was sad and angry. I felt betrayed by Axl, betrayed by Abby, and I supposed I felt betrayed by Mom for not understanding that I was the only person she should be listening to. We were Preston women, and didn’t need anybody else in our lives.
I closed my bedroom door and fell onto my bed, my hands reaching for the familiar stitching of the shooting star quilt Gran made me years ago. I sobbed into my pillow, my body racked with grief for all the wishes I’d made that never came true.