Chapter 32
Kaiser
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I try to remember what I know about Shoshonna Bosco’s death. It was in the files St. James gave me when I started the job.
“It was a turf war,” I say. “Someone wanted your father to work for them. He told them no, and they refused to take no for an answer. They had men on you. Following you.”
Bella stares into the distance, not really seeing anything. I don’t know if she’s even listening.
I try again. “You were five. It wasn’t your fault. It couldn’t have been.” I move my hand closer, and she flinches away from my touch, coming awake again.
“It was my fault we were out in the first place. I wanted to go see the ducks. Mama said no, but I threw a fit and she took me to the park. That’s when they found us.
The bad men. We left as soon as she noticed them, but it was too late.
They followed us. She didn’t think she could make it home, so she went to the closest place she could hide.
One of our nurseries. It had a warehouse where Papa grew the most poisonous plants. That’s where she hid me…”
I stare at her, feeling a growing sense of dread. I want to stop her, to tell her it’s okay. But I want to listen. I want to know her. I want to know everything.
“I remember…” she says and trails off. She’s far away, gone back in time. A little girl, clinging to her mother.
“What do you remember?”
“She must have been terrified. But she didn’t show it. She told me it was a game. We were going to play a game. I was to hide and be very quiet. No matter what. Until Papa found me. She left me there. She told me she loved me and to be good for her and hide. And she left.
“I didn’t find out what happened until later. She drew them away from the room, and they killed her right in the warehouse. I heard voices—men I didn’t know—but they didn’t come into the room marked as dangerous. They left her body for my father to find.”
“They didn’t find you.” I know that much.
I also know they spent hours torturing Shoshonna before leaving her body for her husband to find.
“I was so quiet,” Bella whispers. “I was good for her. I waited for hours hidden in the plants. The grow lights turned off. I fell asleep… My father found me. I was barely conscious. He carried me out of the warehouse. I remember the cool air on my face.”
Bella’s father must have carried her right past her mother’s body. “And then we were hiding. I was in a coma for days. Then I woke up and cried for Mama, and my father told me she was dead.”
I flinch. Bella was just a child.
“That’s why he hates me.”
“He doesn’t—”
“It’s okay, Kaiser.” As much as I love the sound of my name on her lips, I wish she’d use a dumb nickname. “He does. I’ve accepted it.”
“You can’t blame yourself.” She’s carrying a heavy burden, and I don’t know how to fix it.
“Tell me what to do. Anything, I’ll do it.
” Maybe she’ll name her mother’s killers.
St. James couldn’t find out who was behind the hit.
He told me he thought the Poisoner might know, but no one else ever found out.
“There’s nothing you can do.” She shrugs. “It was a long time ago.”
“The things that happen long ago still matter. They shape us.” I flex my hands. The tattoos over the scars. “I know this.”
She’s watching. She’s right next to me, swathed in a blanket, but she feels so far away. What can I do?
Father Francis would tell me to open up to her.
Telling her about my past will feel like I’m carving out my heart, but if it makes Bella feel better, I’ll butcher myself right now.
“For a long time, I thought Jaeger hated me.”
She blinks. “What?”
“My brother. My twin.”
“I know who Jaeger is. Why did you think that?”
“Because I tried to kill him.” She gives me a questioning look, and I continue. “It happened when we were in the fighting rings. We were champions. Crowd favorites. Maestro sometimes allowed us weapons or gave our opponents a weapon and us nothing. We’d have to use our wits.”
“That’s not fair,” she says. “It sounds like you were gladiators.”
“Yes. One day, Maestro pitted us against each other. I learned later he billed the fight as a final match between twin brothers.” My voice sounds flat, like I’m talking about last night’s baseball game. “He gave me a knife, and Jaeger got nothing.”
Bella sucks in a breath but says nothing.
“I think he thought that I had been in more fights, so I was more popular.”
“You said you didn’t want Jaeger to fight.”
“I didn’t. I would get into trouble, so Maestro would put me in the ring more often.”
“Did that work?”
I shrug. “It did.” But then, after the fight, I would be punished.
I’m not ready to talk about that yet. “Jaeger was good, but I was better. Maestro wanted me to kill him. So I did. Except I pulled back at the last second. While he was bleeding out, I walked up to Maestro to claim my victory, and then I stabbed him through the eye.”
“Good. I’m glad he’s dead.” She looks so fierce, I want to smile. My bloodthirsty bride. “Then what happened?”
“I got us out of there. The crowd was on my side, you see. I knew they would respect their champion. Atticus saved Jaeger.”
“Atticus—”
“He was there. He was apprenticing with the man who always patched us up, and Atticus had learned to bind our wounds. Stop the bleeding. He and his mentor developed ways to heal us faster, make us strong.” I make a fist and flex my bicep.
I’ve put on weight since those lean fighting days.
Maestro never fed us enough. Now my muscles are bulkier, but I’m still strong. The veins cord on my arms when I flex.
Bella shifts in her seat. Her fingers twitch, like she wants to touch me. But she doesn’t move.
She won’t touch me anymore.
I miss it. I’d give anything for her to touch me again.
“After that, we went back to Father Francis. Met up with St. James and Damien and joined Fraternitas.”
“Damien?”
“The Devil. Don’t tell anyone.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll wait until you forget you’ve told me, then use it against you.” She sounds like she’s joking, but I know she’s not.
“Bella,” I turn to her.
“So he forgave you? Jaeger?”
I remember the point of my whole story. “Yes. I thought he was angry with me, but he never mentioned it. Then last Christmas, we talked, and he said he understood why I did it. I did it to save him. To save us both. He said there was nothing to forgive.” I’ll never forget the weight that rolled off me that day. It allowed me to start living again.
I also had to apologize for the way I treated his woman, but that’s another story.
I should apologize for beating him outside the Poisoner’s house earlier. And to Elodie, for doing my best to fuck up her man’s face.
Maybe next Christmas.
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to talk to your father. But one day, you might ask him what he thinks of you. I think you’ll be surprised.”
She sighs. “I know what he thinks of me. That I’m a spoiled brat who does what she wants and doesn’t think of the consequences.”
My blood heats, hearing her talk about herself that way. “No.” I don’t know what to say, how to put into words everything that she is. How I see her. Her lovely face, laughing, teasing, and sly. The way she radiates. She outshines the sun. “You’re—”
She holds up a hand. “It’s true. My father is right.”
“He’s not.” I search for the words to explain why, but they won’t come. My lips and tongue won’t move. “He’s wrong,” I finally say. “He can’t talk to you that way. Tell me to kill him, and I will. I’ll kill anyone who hurts you.”
She gives me a sad smile. “I know.”
Talk to me, I want to beg her. Tell me who to fight, and I’ll fight them. I’ll do anything for you. Anything.
I did what Father Francis said and opened up to her for nothing. It’s no use. To her, I’ll always be the enemy. The man who wanted to own her.
She doesn’t need me to protect her from her father. I’m the biggest threat to her. Her light and her freedom, everything that makes her who she is. What can I do to prove that I’m not her enemy? How can I show her that she owns me?
I don’t know if it’s the right time, but I pull out the gift I got her. “I want you to have this,” I say. There’s so much bursting on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t say it. I’m not good with words.
So I open the black velvet box and show her the sparkling set of rings inside. “Oh,” she says, with a hint of interest.
“Do you like it?” Jaeger’s woman helped me pick it out. It’s not just one ring, but three that nest together. Diamonds and emeralds in a leaf pattern that reminds me of her plants.
“It’s beautiful,” she says but makes no move to take it. My heart sinks. She’s rejecting it. She’s rejecting me.
Then she jokes, “Are you asking me to marry you? A little late for that?”
My heart is pounding. “I thought it might be nice.”
Her gaze softens. Pity. My skin crawls. I don’t want her pity.
“I do like it.” She touches one of the emeralds. “When is the engagement party?”
“Saturday. We’ve arranged to host it on neutral territory. The home of Senator Blumkist. The Vesuvios will be there.”
She freezes. Her head is bowed, and I can’t see her face. “The Vesuvios?”
“The senator is in the pocket of both Fraternitas and the Vesuvio family. He’ll oversee the terms of a truce.”
“All right. I’ll wear the ring then.”
I put the jewelry box away. There’s a boulder in my throat. She doesn’t want to wear the ring until we have to fake it to the world.
You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I’ll call off the engagement. It’s on the tip of my tongue to say it. But if I can’t have her love, I’ll take her any way I can get her. I’m a coward. I’m afraid she’ll leave me.
Because why would she stay?
Bella
Kaiser is disappointed. He tries to hide it, but I can tell.
He reaches for me, and I lean back, out of the way. I can’t let him touch me. The poison’s in me, on me, lying in wait.