Chapter 32 #2
He wants me to open up to him. To be his good little bride. I can’t be that anymore. I can’t be a good girl, or daughter, or wife. Not even to pretend. What we had is gone. It had to die for me to be reborn.
But I want to touch him. My hands ache with longing. If only I could brush my fingers down his face, soothe him like he soothes me.
He leans in to kiss me, and I turn my face away. “Not now. I’m not feeling well.”
“Okay,” he says. “I understand.” Now I can hear the hurt in his voice. I lured him in, made him crave me, and now I’m withdrawing his favorite drug. “I’ll be better soon,” I say.
“Take all the time you need.”
He’s being sweet.
It doesn’t matter, I tell myself. I can’t be with him.
He’ll never belong to me. Besides, how could we even be together?
He’s my enemy. What do I expect him to do?
Renounce his membership to the gang that raised him?
The gang that he thinks of as his family?
All those psychos and skull masks, they’re his brothers and sisters.
They’d do anything for him, and he’d do the same for them.
I don’t know much, but I know enough to know that family is everything.
I can barely have a conversation with my father, and I’m still ready to take on all of Fraternitas simply because they threatened him.
Even if Kaiser was willing to leave Fraternitas, what would we do? Run away? Live on a farm? I imagine Kaiser as a farm boy, tilling the fields. Like my father did when my mother was alive.
Even in my imagination, the picture is weird.
So I let the fantasy die, like everything else. I imagine a cold, winter field. All life is hidden under the soil. I imagine it until I feel frozen.
Is this how my father feels? Is this how he keeps from letting his emotions show?
The night of the engagement party arrives all too soon.
I wear an elegant gown that’s so dark green it looks black.
The designer dress and my full face of makeup feel like armor.
On the drive over, I’m lost in my thoughts.
I wonder what happens when I enact my plan of vengeance.
If I do what I’m about to do, many people will die.
That’s what I want, right? The Vesuvios and Fraternitas locked in a bitter struggle.
Except… I don’t want Kaiser to die. I have to make sure that he stays safe. I should be one hundred percent focused on what I’m about to do, but I can’t be. I’m worried about Kaiser. I need him to be okay. I don’t want anyone to touch a single hair on his pretty blond head.
I care about him. He means something to me, and I want to protect him. How can I do that and still be a supervillain?
“Bella,” Kaiser’s calling my name. “We’re here.” I realize we’re parked outside the senator’s house.
I take a deep breath. Showtime.
“Where did you go?” he asks me softly.
“I’m here.” I try to put on a smile, but it slips away.
“No, you’re not.” He almost sounds sad. “You went somewhere. I wish you’d come back. Come back to me.”
Don’t leave me, I hear my childhood self scream. I slam the door shut on the memory.
“I’m here. I’m fine.”
He looks at me like he knows I’m lying.
I can’t look at him too long. The sadness on his beautiful face… it weakens me. I wish I could reassure him. Make him feel better.
“You don’t have to fight me, Bella,” he says, but I do. I do.
“I’m not fighting,” I lie. “I’m going to marry you. That’s what everyone wants.”
“I want you to be happy.”
There’s nothing to say to that, so I pull down the mirror and reapply my lipstick. “How do I look?”
“Beautiful. You always look beautiful.”
“Do you have the ring?” I keep my voice brisk.
He pulls out the black velvet box, then hesitates.
“You don’t have to do this,” he says.
I stare at him. Is he serious?
We’re parked outside a grand mansion in the most expensive part of Metropolis. We’re about to shake hands with a senator and his crowd, and then announce to everyone the date of our wedding.
“I thought tonight was important,” I say.
“You’re going to meet later with the Vesuvios and plan a truce.
” He told me St. James spent weeks trying to get the Vesuvios to sit down and plan a ceasefire between Fraternitas and them.
They finally agreed to send a few representatives to the engagement party. Tonight.
“Yes.” But he looks troubled.
“Let’s get on with it then.” I’m ready for this part to be over. For all the bullshit to be wrapped up until I come face to face with the Vesuvios.
I hold my hand out for the ring. I’m wearing opera gloves. My skin feels slick underneath them.
Kaiser sees the gloves and hesitates.
“I’ll wear it over the gloves,” I say, and pluck the ring out of the box and slide it onto my pinky finger, where it fits even over the glove. “See? It fits. Unless you wanted to present me with it in there. Down on one knee, the works.” I frown, wondering if the theatrics will be better.
“Whatever you want,” Kaiser says. He sounds so serious, like he’s making a vow.
“This is fine, I guess. Good idea, getting me this thing. It’ll really sell the marriage.
” Which will never be real, I add silently.
I don’t look at him. I can’t. I need to get out of this car, but Kaiser’s not moving, so I open the car door.
He catches my arm, gripping me over the glove.
All the air rushes out of my lungs. He’s been so careful with me the past few days. I’ve missed his control, his touch.
“Bella.” Each syllable comes out like he’s wrestling with it. “Tell me what you want.”
“I want to go inside and get this over with.”
“Then tell me what you’re afraid of. I’ll take care of it.”
I shake my head. What can I say? I’m afraid of looking at you. I’m afraid you’ll figure out what I’m about to do and stop me.
I’m afraid I’m falling for you. That I’ll be too weak to go through with my plan. There are so many women I need to avenge. I can’t let one pretty man stand in my way. “I’m not afraid of anything. Not anymore.”
The senator greets us at the door.
“A pleasure,” I say and offer my hand. He makes a big show of kissing it. I feel his lips over the glove. Kaiser moves closer.
“Careful.” I smile and thread my arm with Kaiser. “My fiancé gets jealous.”
“I was so sorry to hear your father couldn’t make it.”
This is news to me. But it’ll make things easier. “He sends his regards,” I lie.
“He sent me an eighteen-year-old Bordeaux. Shall we open it later?” He winks at me, laying it on thick, and I play right along.
“Oh, we must,” I say and join him in a fake laugh.
The senator takes me around and introduces me to a million people.
Kaiser hovers, stone-faced at my side, while I shake hands and talk and flirt.
I use all my charm. I can hear myself talking, and I know I don’t sound like myself.
But I’m not pretending I’m in an episode of Vampire Varsity. No, that’d be childish.
I’m not a child anymore.
This party is full of beautiful people. They glitter together like a chandelier made of glass sharp enough to cut. At least Fraternitas is honest about being violent. These people would smile in my face and stab me in the back.
That’s okay. If they were truly my enemies, I could poison their wine before they even got close.
After cocktails on the lawn, we sit down to dinner.
There’s a violin quartet playing softly beside us, and every scrape of the strings sets my teeth on edge.
After dinner, a few couples take to the dance floor.
Kaiser takes me on a tour of the house, and we end up on a balcony overlooking the drunken crowd.
“I thought you said the Vesuvios would be here,” I say to Kaiser.
“They sent a few capos.” He points out a few burly men in badly fitted suits.
“That’s it?” I was hoping there’d be someone from the head family. Dominus or his two remaining sons, Francesco and Salvatore. I want to meet them. Shake their hands.
“Sal and Frankie Vesuvio were supposed to be here. The senator told us they’d be coming. We begin truce talks at midnight. But you won’t be there.” I half expected this, but it’s still disappointing.
“Afraid I’ll poison someone?”
“Yes.”
“Then why’d you let me come?”