Chapter 38
Bella
I can take the pain.
I nod, because I know it’s true. Kaiser can take the pain. He’s taken everything I’ve dished out.
I feel such despair. I’ve done nothing but hurt him. He had to be strong to survive me. He almost didn’t.
I want to touch him. Stroke his face, cup his cheeks, kiss his lips. Caress his cauliflower ears.
I pull on a pair of latex gloves instead. “I’m going to start on your face. I’ll be gentle but… tell me when to stop.”
“My safeword is kumquat.”
Oh no, he didn’t. “Shut up,” I whisper. My tears are falling again. “Shut up—” I press the back of my hand to my eyes. I don’t want to lose it. But I am.
“Hey.” He reaches for me, grabbing my arm, and I don’t pull away. “Come here.”
“I can’t,” I say, even as I let him pull me so I’m sitting on the bed. I don’t want him to strain himself. “I’ll hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He takes my hand and presses it to his jaw. His skin is cracked and bubbling, an angry red ready to ooze pus.
“I’m hurting you,” I say.
“It doesn’t hurt. It feels like heaven.”
“Liar.”
“I will never lie to you.”
I pull my hand to free it from his. “Let me do this. Let me help you.” I scoop out the cream, a lot of it, and dab it on him.
I’m having flashbacks to when I coated myself in poison.
Why did I do it? Why was I so focused on my plan?
Why didn’t I think it through? I glide my fingers up his cheeks, trying to reach under the loose bandages.
He has blisters everywhere, even on his ears.
When I get to them, he winces, and I stop, sucking in a breath. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” I rave. “You’re hurting! Because of me.”
“No,” he says. “I feel things… because of you.”
I shake my head and realize he can’t see me. I bite my lip and start coating his upper chest and arms with the lotion.
“I didn’t feel anything until I found you. It was like my skin was dead. I had no feeling left in me. Couldn’t reach it. Until you.”
“Because I hurt you.” I smear the cream over his blistered bicep.
“Because you healed me.”
“I’m not a healer. I’m… I’m a fuck up.” It feels so good to finally admit it. “I wanted to be so strong. I wanted to be a supervillain—”
“No,” he’s saying. “No—”
“I am. Will you stop being nice to me? This is all my fault.”
“It’s not and never will be. The Vesuvios got what they deserved.”
All I can see is Kaiser face down on the floor. “I failed.” My tears burn my throat, and my voice cracks. “I failed you.” It hurts, it hurts. And it hurts more knowing I hurt him. This ache in my chest? It’s what I deserve.
“You did what you had to do. Baby, please hear me. Just because it didn’t go right, doesn’t mean that you didn’t do right. You’re not in control of everything. No one can be in control of everything. Not even supervillains.”
Oh fuck me. I’m sobbing now, and it hurts like my heart is ripping apart. “I’m such a fuck up. I am, I am.”
His hand cups my face. The back of his hand is still raw, and my tears are falling on him—it must burn. But he just murmurs, “It’s okay, baby, let it out. Let it go.”
“He left me,” I cry. I feel weak and useless, so I let the tears run down my face. I can’t do anything else. “He’s gone. He never wanted me.”
“Baby.”
“Don’t leave me.” I grip his hand, fighting the urge to scream. Mama, don’t leave! “Everyone else is gone. I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay with me.”
“I’m here. You’re not getting out of this marriage so easily. We have a lifetime, remember?”
Now I’m crying because I can see it. Years and years with him.
I see us walking through the orchard, holding hands, the sun glinting off his golden hair.
All the moments stretching beyond our happily ever after.
And I want it. I want it so bad. “Dammit, I wanted to be strong.” I wipe the extra cream on the back of his hand.
“I was so stupid, thinking I could be a supervillain.”
“You are. You are the best villain I’ve ever met. You scare me.”
I laugh sadly. “No, I don’t.”
“You do. And you’re going to unleash terror on this world unlike anyone’s ever known. I believe in you. But also… you’re not alone. Not anymore. I’m not leaving, Bella. You’re stuck with me.”
I sleep in a chair beside him, my face planted on the bed, his hand on my head.
I wake when he groans. He shifts in the bed, making it creak. “No, stop—” he moans.
“Kaiser?” I croak. My head is pounding and woozy at the same time. I’m probably dehydrated. I wet my lips so I can speak. “I’m here.”
But he’s caught in a nightmare, thrashing. He’s going to hurt himself. I pull back the covers, and still he fights. The blisters on his face crack and bleed, and he still doesn’t stop tossing and turning. “The bars. I can feel them—” His cry turns to a roar. His veins stand out on his skin.
I back away, I can’t help it. The monster in the bed is terrifying me. Where is the medical team? “Help!” I cry. “Help me!”
Machines are beeping, shrieking, and Kaiser is bellowing like he’s being electrocuted.
The attendants come running. “What’s happening?” one asks me.
“I don’t know. He just woke up—and you have to help him!”
“Hold him down.” They move to pin his arms, and he shoves them away, sending them flying.
“We need reinforcements—”
“No, you’re hurting him.” I hover where I stand, unable to move closer but unable to leave. I don’t know what to do. “Don’t touch him.”
“Bella?” Atticus appears. He’s alert, but he must have been sleeping. He’s shirtless, only wearing black baseball shorts and fuzzy brown slippers.
“He’s having a bad dream,” I say.
“His temperature is too high,” an attendant says.
“His body is fighting the poison, but it’s not working,” Atticus says. “We need to try your blood.”
“Do it,” I say. “But don’t hold him down,” I say. “He can’t stand it.”
“She’s right,” Atticus says to his team.
“But he’ll fight if we try to inject him,” one attendant protests.
“We don’t have time for this.” Desperate, I head back to Kaiser’s side. I feel like I’m entering the lion’s den. “I’m here, Kaiser. Please. You’re safe. You don’t have to fight.”
He moans but quiets.
Atticus readies the shot and nods to me.
I put my hands close to Kaiser’s arm. “I’m going to touch you now. It’s just me. Bella. Your fiancée.”
“Now,” Atticus mouths to me.
I clamp my hands on Kaiser’s arm and Atticus injects him, quick as a bee sting.
Kaiser roars again, but he doesn’t fight me. I keep my hands clamped on his arm. I can feel the power in the muscles. He could rip it away and strike me, hurt me, but he doesn’t. “It burns,” he groans.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I didn’t think I had any more tears, but they come all the same and leave burning tracks down my cheeks. “Don’t leave me.”
Atticus dismisses the attendants. Once they leave, he starts to back away. “Where are you going?” I ask. “He needs you.”
“He’s not here. He’s back in his past. Dreaming.” Atticus motions with his hand. “He won’t want me to see him like this.”
“I don’t fucking care. Everybody gets sick. No one is strong all the time, for fuck’s sake.”
Atticus still looks unsure.
“He doesn’t need a doctor. He needs a friend. You’re his friend, right?”
“His oldest one.” He paces forward. “Kaiser, I’m here.”
Kaiser turns his head. There are bloody tracks down his cheeks.
“You’re free, brother. Maestro is dead. You killed him. And we won’t let anyone cage you anymore.”
I feel Kaiser’s body relax.
“It’s helping. Thank you.” I look down. “There are fuzzy bears on your slippers.”
“I know.” Atticus looks troubled. “Should I call Jaeger?”
“Where is he?”
“Back home with Elodie.”
“No,” I say. “Let him sleep. Call him in the morning. Maybe Kaiser will be awake.”
Unless he doesn’t live through the night.
Kaiser
In my darkest dreams, I’m not free. I’m back in that cage. It’s too small, and I can’t move. The bars press to my skin, burning them until I feel nothing. I am nothing. Helpless.
There’s nowhere to go. Nowhere to run. Only the shadow of Maestro stretching over me, able to do anything he wants to me. I can’t fight. My muscles bulge between the bars. I want to scream but don’t want to give him the satisfaction.
If he touches Jaeger, I’ll kill him. But this is all I deserve.
And then a sweet voice says, Don’t leave. Don’t leave me. I hear her. I feel her poison burning through me, waking me up, bringing me back.
It burns, but it cleanses me like holy fire. The poison she gives me destroys the darkness inside me. The bars disappear, and the shadow of Maestro fades away.
And she’s there the whole time, slaying my monsters, laughing with triumph and delight, and burning with me.
I wake up with cool air on my face. I can feel everything. It hurts so much, but it’s a good sort of pain. Grounding.
And she’s with me. Sitting by my sickbed, slumped on it, asleep with her head resting by my leg. I take her small hand and press it to my skin.
I’ve been numb for so long. It wasn’t safe to feel anything. But now I’m desperate for her touch. And I can feel it. I can feel everything.
I will never leave. I will never leave her. I will always be here.
Even when the dark tries to take me down, I will always come back to her.