Chapter 1
Chapter One
Lucille
Strands of my hair blew wildly through the warm summer air, brushing along the skin of my face, dancing like flames in the golden hues of the setting sun.
The familiar smells and sounds of my surroundings overflowed my senses, pouring in through the rolled down car window, smothering me as I drove down the long country road.
The overwhelming sensations brought with them reminders of my past that weaved through the air and wrapped around me like a snake, constricting me while my mind wandered endlessly.
I felt a plethora of emotions…anxiety, nostalgia, but most of all… fear.
It’s been almost a decade since I’ve been home.
I wonder if it’s even the same as it was back then.
Do the loose shutters on that old, rickety house still squeak every time it storms?
Does my room still have that creaky floorboard just as you walk in?
And what about Wimberley? How big has that darn dog gotten since I last saw her?
The corners of my lips curled up as the reflections of the distant past rolled through my mind’s eye. I rested my left elbow along the car door and leaned against my palm, basking in the warmth of the fading sun.
That silly old pup is probably still just as energetic as she was back then.
I paused.
Wait…will she remember me?
My thoughts took a dark turn.
Can I even call that place home anymore? It’s been so long since I even set foot in this state…what if none of it’s familiar anymore. Or worse.
I glanced down at the opened letter in the passenger seat. “What if I no longer fit into my old life? What then?” I whispered aloud, forcing my eyes back onto the old country road.
The letter was written by my mother, sent to me only a few days prior.
It was one of many she had sent me over the years, her oddly preferred method of keeping a relationship despite all that happened.
Usually she rambled on about the ongoings of the family ranch, telling me about every little goofy detail no one really cared to know.
She would send newspaper clippings and kept me up to date on all of my brother Boone's success.
As expected, he followed the path of our father and had become somewhat of a notorious bull rider… that is, until recently.
My stomach sank, recalling my mother’s cursive words written along the page: there’s been an accident. Sadly, she conveniently left any other details of said accident out. And knowing her, it was for a reason.
She always did avoid the hard truths of things. Which is more than enough reason for me to be all the way out here, facing the ghosts of my past. Bull riders and ranches…accidents…Oh, Boone, I hope you’re okay.
In the hopes of shadowing in our father’s footsteps, Boone had spent all his spare time training, building his own notoriety. He was wildly successful, predicted to become the next Memphis Limmerick. It was all he ever wanted. To be just like Dad. But now, it was gone, and it was all my fault.
Had I not left and forced all those responsibilities onto him, maybe, just maybe, he could’ve focused more on his training. And then, he could’ve lived his dream. Fuck, it’s my fault, isn’t it? It’s always my fault.
My hands gripped the steering wheel, squeezing hard as I felt my eyes water. “No.” I tried to push those negative thoughts away as I fought back the stinging tears. “Stop it. Stop thinking that way, Lucille. Remember your steps.” I took a deep breath. “One…two…three…”
Let the emotions roll over you, like a wave. Don’t hide them, but know they will pass. This will pass. Just breathe and keep counting.
“Eight…nine…” My eyes flickered to the right as I drove past the large city sign.
The image made my entire body tense. It was as if time had suddenly slowed, and I was now face to face with the old, hand-painted image of my father.
The likeness was overwhelming perfect, captured during his riding days.
And just above his smiling face read the words I spoke aloud as I slowly drove past. “Welcome to Purgatory Creek, Home of Professional Bull Rider, Memphis Limmerick.”
Dad.
Time suddenly resumed in the world and I exhaled, my body slumping forward. Old feelings I had kept tucked away suddenly began to slither and creep up my spine as if my inner demons were trying to pierce through.
Fuck. This is going to be harder than I thought.
I shook my head and straightened my spine. “You can do this, Lucille.” I hit the button on the radio to play a random station, letting the music carry away my thoughts as I drove the memorized route, and lost myself in the music.
Time flew by, and before I knew it, the sun had fully set.
I turned down the old, familiar path and slowly followed the dirt road until I finally reached the old ranch gate.
As I stopped the car, I stared straight ahead as the headlights illuminated the metal gate.
It was an odd feeling, seeing it again after so many years.
For the most part, it looked the same as it did the last time I set eyes on it, only the lettering along the ranch sign seemed smaller than before.
And maybe, a different color? “Strange how memory can make things seem different than they really are.” I stared at the gate, wondering if it had always been that color or if I had just imagined it differently.
“Nah.” I scoffed. “I was gone for almost ten years; hell, I’m just old now.
” I joked to myself. “And who cares? It’s just a gate.
” I reached my arm out the window and typed the code into the keypad.
The light blinked green and I smiled. “Some things never change.” I sat back in the car seat and watched as the metal gate slowly swung open, pulling a cigarette from the center console and lighting it.
“Bone Ridge Ranch.” I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the warm smoke.
“Damn,” I exhaled. “It’s been a while.” I put the car into drive and drove past the gate and down the long, winding pavement.
Here we go.
I anxiously smoked the cigarette while driving down the old road, traveling across acres of my family's ranch. I felt such contrast in the waves of emotions as I continued to drive. There were so many good memories here, ones branded across my heart, while others were glimpses of things I’d almost forgotten.
But none compared to the rush of what I felt as I drove past the barn.
My stomach tightened as my entire body shivered.
I had to force my eyes away, too overwhelmed by its presence.
It wasn’t just an old, burned-down barn.
No, it was the skeleton of the very demon that haunted me every minute of every day.
The reminder of why I ran away and left this life behind.
The reason why, no matter how much I tried, I would never heal.
My free hand squeezed around the steering wheel as my palms began to sweat.
I tried to focus on driving, but my head felt light, and all I could hear was the sound of my heartbeat, pounding within my ears.
“Fuck,” I groaned. I smoked the cigarette some more, driving a little faster, determined to reach the old house soon.
“Almost there,” I whispered to myself. I drove past the old bunkhouse on my way and noticed the lights were still on.
But what really caught my attention was the dark silhouette of someone standing outside along the fence, smoking.
That’s odd…I don’t remember any of the ranch hands being smokers. Especially after—
“Ugh! Stop it! You don’t need to think about that right now!” I shook the thoughts away, speeding up even more.
It didn’t take but a few minutes to reach the house, which was sitting just up a hill. The home was eerily quiet and dark. Hell, I would’ve missed it had I not known it was here.
It almost feels wrong being back here.
Smoke clouded around my face as I exhaled heavily.
“Well, there’s no turning back now.” I turned the engine off and sat in the car, listening to the nightlife as they sang their evening songs.
Despite the peaceful sounds, I was stuck in a clouded aura of pure anxiety.
“You can do this,” I quietly tried to assure myself.
“Just one step at a time. Take it one step at a—” I blinked, and suddenly, the image of my father appeared like a ghost in the night.
No…it can’t be. Can it?
I jumped out of the car and stared straight ahead.
“Daddy?” He stood there on that old porch and smiled, and I felt my heart flutter.
The very image of him made my eyes burn as tears swelled in them.
“Daddy…” I choked back a rush of emotions, nearly stumbling over in disbelief.
I had to blink from the overwhelming amount of tears, and when I did, he vanished.
“No!” I rubbed my eyes, again and again, desperately hoping that he’d reappear, but he never returned.
And the brief flicker of warmth I felt vanished, returning my heart to the same heavy sadness that held it captive before.
I gripped my head before wiping my eyes. “Get a hold of yourself,” I grumbled as my body shook from the emotions. It hurt to resist them as they swelled within me, and I struggled to contain my composure. “Fuck, what is wrong with me?”
It’s not real. It’s not real!