Chapter 1 #2
I tried to smoke my cigarette, but my hands trembled too much.
Instead, I threw it down angrily and stomped it out with the toe of my boot.
“Breathe.” I exhaled, closing my eyes. “Just breathe.” The night air surged through my lungs and lifted me.
I allowed the comfort of the familiar smells and sounds to take over, replacing all the negative things I was feeling.
“One…two…” The prickly pain I had felt slowly faded and my body relaxed.
Years of therapy came rushing back to my consciousness as I tried to recall all the ways I could combat this moment.
I had spent so long healing what I could, and standing here now, facing the ghosts of my past, I felt… ashamed.
My head raised and I glanced at the old house. “This is going to be harder than I expected.”
With all my resilience, I grabbed my luggage and headed up the porch steps to the front door.
“Mom?” I knocked, dropping my things down.
No one answered. “That’s weird.” I reached out and tried to open the door, but it was locked.
“Mom? Hello?” I knocked again, but she still didn’t answer.
“Mom!” I stepped back and approached the front window, peering inside. “Mom?” It was so dark and quiet inside.
I stepped back and looked around. Her old car was parked next to Boone’s truck.
“Maybe she’s asleep.” I pulled my phone out and noticed the time.
“It’s not that late, she should still be awake.
” Using the flashlight on my phone, I walked around the wrap-around porch, the old wood creaking as I headed to her bedroom window and noticed the curtains were drawn.
“Mom?” I knocked against the window a few times, but still no answer.
There’s no way she would’ve slept through that. Maybe she’s out on a walk?
I tapped my phone and pulled up her contact information, hitting the call button. The phone rang for a bit, but she eventually answered. “Hi baby!”
I felt relieved to hear her overly cheerful voice. “Hi Mom. Umm, where the heck are you?” I looked around, listening to the crickets chirp in the night. “I’m at the house, but the door’s locked and it’s dark inside. Can you let me in?”
Her loud gasping broke through the phone and hit my ear. “Oh biscuits! I didn’t think you’d get there so quickly! You never were one to be on time.” She giggled and my cheeks burned at her tease. “I figured you’d just come out over the weekend since you’re always so busy.”
That felt like a jab.
My face hardened. “Yeah, well, I’m here now. Where are you?” I asked, trying not to sound too annoyed.
“Well, you see, I planned to stay the night here, with your brother. You know, ever since him and that girl broke up he’s been so darn mopey.
Oh, I didn’t want him to feel all alone.
You should really see this room they got him in, Lucille.
It’s so fancy! It even has this nice recliner right next to his bed that I can sprawl out on.
Oh, and the nurses are so sweet. They bring me these blankets that are so warm and—”
I should’ve known she’d be with Boone at the hospital. It was selfish of me to think she’d be home waiting for me. I never even told her when I was coming.
She kept talking until I finally interrupted her. “Mom. Mom. Focus, Mom.” She paused. “Just tell me where the spare key is and I’ll get myself settled.”
She sighed. “Oh, fiddlesticks. I’m sorry baby, but I don’t have one.”
Breathe.
I rubbed my forehead and tried to remain calm. “You don’t have a spare key to the house?” I groaned, unsurprised. “It’s fine, it’s my fault for not letting you know I was coming. I’ll just head back to the neighboring town and stay at one of the hotels.”
My mother made all sorts of noises. “Oh don’t be so dramatic! I’ll just call Cooper and have him bring you a key.”
My face hardened. “You gave Cooper a key to the house? And you don’t have one yourself?”
Typical Mom. Always so trusting,
She giggled. “Well of course, silly! That man is like family and has been working on that ranch since your daddy was a little boy. Besides, he’s been taking care of the house while I take care of your brother. Now, just sit tight and wait for him. Oh, and your brother says hi!”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head with an annoyed smile. “Tell him I said hi back.”
“I will.” She got quiet. “Lucille?”
“Yes, Mom?”
There was a long pause. “I’m so happy you came home. We’ve missed you, baby. Get some rest, okay?” The call ended and I sat down on the porch steps. My head dropped and my chest filled with a heavy sadness.
I’ve missed you too, Mom. Both of you.
After a few minutes, my head slowly raised and I looked out into the distance, admiring the ranch. It had been such a long time since I sat on these steps and just stared into the night. Too long. And the longer I sat, the more I began to remember everything.
“No.” I abruptly stood. “Who the hell knows if Cooper is even awake? I’m not going to just sit here and wait.
I’ll just find a way in myself.” My body turned with confidence, and I began to circle the house, looking for a way in.
Unfortunately, everything was locked tight.
“Damn. They didn't lock the house down this well when I was in high school.” I blew a strand of loose hair from my face.
“Then again, that might be why things are more secure now.” I stepped back and noticed a loose screen on one of the front windows.
“Aha. There.” My fingers tried to peel the edges of the damaged screen loose.
I had to use my long nails to really grip the edge and pull.
“Almost there,” I groaned. “Just need to get it to—” The screen suddenly popped free from the window and landed at my feet.
“There! Now to just—” I reached down to lift the glass.
Just like in high school.
A man cleared his throat, loudly. I frantically spun around, kicking the screen. My eyes stopped as I noticed the burning tip of a cigarette. It took a second to see the man holding it. “Little Lucille.” He stood next to my car and snuffed the cigarette out.
“Who the hell is asking?” I asked as I raised my phone and turned the flashlight on.
The man walked closer, stopping at the base of the porch steps. “You know, it kind of hurts my feelings that you don’t recognize me.” His head tipped as he looked down at the window screen between us. “Especially after we damn near grew up together.” His eyes met mine and I nearly fell over.
No…it can’t be. Can it?
“Forsythe?”
What the hell is he doing here?
The corners of his mouth curled, and he looked back at the front window. “I find it hard to believe Ms. Nellie’s own daughter would have to break into her childhood home.”
My cheeks burned with embarrassment. “I wasn’t breaking in.
” I stomped my foot. “I just wanted to get inside and—” I stopped.
“What the hell are you even doing here?” I raised the flashlight on my phone and pointed it directly at the man’s face.
Despite how bright it was, he didn’t budge or shy away.
He just stood there, staring back at me with that familiar face.
A face I hadn’t seen since I was a kid. “It really is you, isn’t it?
” He didn’t answer. “I thought you left. Why are you here?”
He tsked. “You never could accept that this place was my home too, could you?”
I scowled at his response. “And you never could accept that you weren’t his son.” My words hit like venom.
Forsythe stood there and remained silent. It was weird seeing him again, wearing a faded black cowboy hat and dressed in a dark leather jacket with a tight black shirt that seemed almost too tight.
“Same ol’ Lucille.” The old silver spurs along his boots clinked as he walked onto the porch. “You may look different, but you’re still the same.” I noticed his thick beard was dark with silver streaks and wondered if his hair under that old hat was the same.
He must be at least forty now, right? How many years were between us? Fourteen? Fifteen? Damn.
Forsythe’s eyes moved from the door to me. “Your momma called Cooper asking for the key.”
I lowered my flashlight. “Yeah, but you’re not Cooper.”
He pulled a single key from his front pocket and unlocked the front door. “No, I’m not.” He then opened the door and reached inside, turning the front porch light on. “Welcome home, little Lucille.”
My eyes squinted from the light as I tried to look up at him. “No one calls me that anymore.” I grabbed my luggage and eyed him closely as I stepped past him and walked inside. “And you never answered my question. Why are you back here?”
Forsythe removed his hat and brushed his dark, salted hair with his fingers.
I instantly noticed the rather large scar along the right side of his face, stretching from his eyebrow to the middle of his cheek.
His skin looked as though it had seen too much time in the sun, which told me I was probably right about his age.
“You don’t remember, do you?” His question knocked me off balance.
My brow raised at his question. “Remember what?” I asked.
Forsythe shrugged. “Don’t matter.” His eyes met mine. “Good to see you haven’t changed your hair, otherwise I wouldn’t have known it was you. Can’t have some random person walking into Ms. Nellie’s home.” His words sounded almost territorial.
My cheeks flushed again. “It’s my house. Not yours. And since you refuse to answer me, I think it’s best if you leave.”
He returned his hat to his head. “Calm down, I’ll leave you alone.” He paused. “But I did promise your momma I’d look around to make sure the house was good before I left.”
“She what? Why?”
Forsythe shrugged. “Trust me, I don’t want to be here either.
I got way more important things to do with my time, but Ms. Nellie asked and…
” He stopped, noticing the frustrated look clearly written across my face.
“I won’t take long. But you never know when some city folk might come wandering all this way and break in.
The house has been pretty empty for some time, and I hear they prefer to weasel in through old windows.
” He grinned. I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off and walked right past me.
“Guess it’s a good thing I came down here so quickly.
I would really hate to have caught you breaking into Ms. Nellie’s house. ” He casually walked farther inside.
“It’s my house—hey, wait! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I rushed after him.
He looked back at me over his shoulder with a twinkle in his eye. “My job.” He stood in the middle of the house, looking around. It irritated me to see him standing in my home.
My jaw clenched. “God, can you just leave it alone!” Forsythe looked back at me with a blank look.
“I don’t know why you’re even here, but can you just slither back into whatever hellhole you climbed out of?
I don’t need your damn help!” I was shocked by how easily I was able to express myself.
It was as if I had no control when it came to him.
Some things never change.
Forsythe remained still and eyed me closely. “Fine by me.” He turned around and did as I asked. “I’m too tired to babysit your ass,” he grumbled. “I already got roped into dog sitting.”
“Wait.” I stopped him in the doorway. “Do you mean Wimberly?”
He nodded. With the cowboy hat, he nearly touched the top of the doorway. I guess he wasn’t some lost kid anymore. “Pretty annoying little mutt.”
I scowled. “Well, if she’s such a bother, bring her down to the house and I’ll take care of her myself. She’s my brother’s dog anyways.” The words felt strange coming out of my mouth, having not used them in so many years.
What if the dog didn’t recognize me? Or worse, what if I didn’t recognize her? And why did he, of all people, have her?
Forsythe lowered his head and grabbed my luggage, setting it inside the home. “It’s late. I’ll bring the dog down in the morning.” He then stepped outside. “I’ll fix the screen then too.” He pointed to the window. “Can’t have Ms. Nellie seeing that.”
My arms crossed. “You still never answered my question.” I huffed. “And I don’t need your help with the damn window. I can do it myself.”
Forsythe eyed me. “I’m not doing it for you, Lucille.” His eyes studied me while I stirred with anger. “Still so fiery. I almost forgot that you were a city girl for a moment.” He stepped down the porch steps and onto the driveway.
I rushed out onto the porch, shouting after him, “Don’t call me a damn city girl! You know nothing about me!” He ignored me. “I’m not a city girl!”
Forsythe stopped and turned back towards me. “Then what are you? ‘Cause being born on a ranch your daddy owns doesn’t make you a country girl either.”
My face burned with anger. “Then what does that make you, huh?” I crossed my arms. “You weren’t born here, and as much as you may want him to be, he was never your dad. He was mine. And unlike you, I never ran from him.”
He stared at me. “No. But you did run. Ran right to the city.” He eyed me. “Why?”
My head cocked at his bold question. “Why did you?” I demanded. “Even after everything he did for you—”
“I had my reasons.”
Sure.
My head cocked to the side. “Yeah, well, so did I.”
Forsythe nodded softly. “Yeah, well…at least I came back.” He grinned. “Only one of us can say that.”
I grit my teeth, fighting back a snarl. “Since you’re here, do me a favor and stay away from me.”
He removed his hat again and jokingly bowed his head. “Yes, ma’am.”
Ma’am?!
He placed his hat back on his head and continued down the road. “I’ll bring that mutt down in the morning. And I’ll fix the screen too, city girl. Try to get some rest. You got bags under your eyes…makes you look old.” My whole body tensed as I watched him walk away.
“Mother—” I stomped my foot and charged into the house, slamming the door behind me.
What the hell is he doing back here?