Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Jessie
Eli is precious. She sucks ravenously on her bottle nipple, taking down her formula like a champ. She has one tiny little hand wrapped around my thumb while her eyes remain on me.
As soon as she’s done, I pull the bottle from her and rest her on my shoulder to burp. I forgot to grab one of the many burp cloths I purchased, but that’s okay. A little spit-up never hurt anyone. Though Walker’s reaction to it would have made you think so.
He’s been a total spaz since I got here. I like to give him a hard time, but I don’t think anyone would be calm in a situation like this.
As Eli lets out a loud burp, then snuggles into the crook of my neck, I wonder how in the world her mother could have given her up.
Just goes to show Walker’s type. He’s never known how to pick a good one. I’ve seen the women he’s had on his arm. Tall, leggy, blonde. Makeup so thick that you wonder what their face looks like when it's off. Definitely after his money and power. His looks don’t hurt.
He walks back into the room, wearing gray sweatpants and a tight black shirt, and my entire body is engulfed in flames.
The shirt does nothing to hide his biceps or the sheer size of his chest. Eighteen-year-old me is freaking out right now.
Luckily, twenty-seven-year-old me is here to put a stop to it.
He stands in front of me, running a hand through his tousled hair. Shit, where did twenty-seven-year-old me go? She’s nowhere to be found right now. I could really use her ability to cut through this fog of attraction with her snarky comments.
Instead, I stare up at him like a damn fool. This is why I shouldn’t be alone with him. I haven’t lost control of keeping my hatred in the forefront of my mind for years.
“Your turn,” he says, breaking me from the voodoo spell he had on me.
“For what?”
“Getting ready for bed. I can take her.”
He stretches his arms out. I stand up, and we awkwardly try to maneuver around one another to exchange Eli. He has a woodsy, spicy scent that’s distracting. I’ve always been a sucker for the scent of a man.
He places her in the same upright position she seems to enjoy, and I stand in front of him awkwardly as I realize I don’t have anything to sleep in.
“Um, I didn’t expect to be spending the night,” I admit, feeling suddenly shy, which isn’t my personality.
Walker is the only one who brings this side out in me.
I hate feeling this vulnerable.
“Oh, right,” he says as he bounces her slightly and pats her back. He already seems slightly more comfortable with holding her than when I first got here. “Follow me. You can borrow something.”
That’s a bad idea. Wearing his clothes is what girlfriends do. But I’m not trying to sleep in his air-conditioned penthouse in my shorts and tank top. It’s cold in here. And I like to be comfy in the middle of the night.
Walking into his bedroom feels strange. He opens a drawer and pulls out black sweatpants, handing them to me.
“They’re big, but there’s a drawstring so you can tighten them around your waist.” Then he opens another drawer, this time pulling out a gray Columbia shirt.
“I get your ratty old college shirt?” I say to lighten the mood.
“Yes, I’ve gone down on plenty of girls in that thing. I thought you’d like it.”
I toss the shirt at him, and he laughs as he hands it back to me.
“I’m just kidding.”
“Are you though?” I ask, feeling like it’s more probable that he did.
He sighs as he pats Eli’s back some more. “Just go change. You can use my bathroom right behind you.”
I change as quickly as I can, not wanting to let myself think about the fact that it’s his clothing that’s draped around my body. I walk back out into his bedroom to find him pulling the covers on his bed down with Eli asleep in his arms.
The sound machine has been moved to his bedroom as well as everything he needs to change her in the middle of the night.
The swaddle that I purchased is draped over the pack and play.
“You should swaddle her and get some sleep now while you can,” I whisper. “Where am I sleeping tonight?”
He looks at his bed and back at me like the answer is obvious. “Right here.”
I lean forward, hands on my hips—an attempt to convey the utter disbelief that I’m feeling. “Umm, I’m not sleeping in your bed with you.”
You would think I just told him his puppy died with the look he’s giving me.
“What? But I need you. How will I know whether to feed her or change her or what she needs in the middle of the night?”
“I’ll sleep on the couch, you big baby. Come get me if you need me.”
I go to turn around, and he’s in front of me before I can even make it out of the room.
“Please, Jessie. I can’t do this alone tonight. I know we have a history. I know it’s … complicated.”
I huff at his word choice. That doesn’t begin to describe it.
“But I’m begging you … please help me get through this. I’ll put pillows in between us. I just … I can’t do this alone tonight. I need you.”
Beat me over the head. What a guilt trip. Watching the man I’ve secretly longed for saying this to me while snuggling his baby girl on his chest? It’s really not fair.
“Ugh, fine. Just for tonight.” I point a finger at him, hoping to drive home how serious I am.
I can’t do this longer than one night. I may hate the guy, but he’s still stupidly attractive. Lines can get blurred pretty damn fast.
I walk him through how to swaddle Eli. She is totally conked out, not budging at all throughout the process. I hope this is a good sign for how long of a stretch she’ll sleep tonight.
Walker placed the pack and play right next to his side of the bed. He climbs in next to her. I walk over to the other side, my heart feeling like it’s going to beat out of my chest.
I crawl under the covers, lying on my back, mirroring Walker’s position next to me. We both lie in silence.
I wonder what he’s thinking about. Is the idea of sleeping next to me even something that gives him pause?
Who am I kidding? He made his feelings clear that night. This isn’t affecting him in the slightest. That’s why I have to guard my heart.
I may be willing to give him my time, but I’ll never give him the chance to hurt me. Not like last time.