Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Walker
Ifeel like I got punched in the face. What the hell happened last night? Eli woke up, like, seven times. Each time—whether it was changing her, feeding her, trying to soothe her—it took forever to get her back to sleep.
I doubt I got more than three hours of sleep.
This is the second cup of coffee I’ve pounded in the last hour, and it’s still not even six. I need another spot to put her in the morning. I’ve been holding her on the couch for an hour, terrified to wake her up.
Jessie is still sleeping in my bed. She punched me in the arm around four when I begged her to help again. I’m just so much calmer when she’s with me, even if she’s not doing anything. But I want her to get some sleep, so I’m not gonna wake her.
I tossed and turned for a while last night. Between having my daughter to my left and Jessie on my right, my brain was full of distractions.
You would think the punches and curse words she shells out to me, and me alone, would make me sour toward her. But, damn, they make my dick hard. What I would give to punish her for all the times she’s come at me. A delicious punishment that would end with my cum all over her body.
Fuck. I need to stop it. This is why it took me so long to fall asleep.
Now that I managed to make it through my first night, I have another dilemma to tackle today. Who is going to watch Eli during my court appearance this morning?
My eyes immediately look at the door to my bedroom.
Jessie is my only hope. If not, I have to ask Eva.
I don’t want to put two babies on her plate.
But I can’t miss it. It’s the initial conference for my breach of contract suit.
The judge will set timelines for everyone, and this judge doesn’t take kindly to not respecting his time.
Getting on his bad side this early could be devastating.
I place the empty cup of coffee down on the coffee table and scoot back on the couch. I could probably have a dozen coffees and still feel tired. Eli snuggles closer to me, and my heart skips a beat. It felt like an intentional move to get closer to me. My daughter—taking comfort in me.
This is the first time I’ve had a moment to myself with her, without crying or panic at the forefront of my brain. It’s an overwhelming feeling.
Am I going to be a good dad? Am I going to do this … for real? Try to be a single dad?
It seems impossible. Not with my career.
But I do have a lot of money. I just need to find a good nanny. I could make it work.
I should make it work. She already had a mother give up on her.
I take a deep, shaky breath as I realize I’ve just made my decision. I’m going to keep her. I’m going to raise her.
I’m not ready to tell anyone yet. I feel like I need to get a routine together before I start to answer everyone’s intrusive questions. I first need to feel confident in my ability to actually do this before I tell others.
Jessie startles me when I see her standing in the doorframe of my bedroom. She looks gorgeous with no makeup and crazy hair on the top of her head. Wearing my clothes.
Bitterness fills my veins because I can never have her, not without telling her, and I can’t do that.
But I can’t be with someone holding such a big lie between us.
It would eat away at me. I’ve accepted the fate of my life.
Life is a bitch. It kicks you in the ass any chance it gets.
It’s better this way. Living in my misery is easier than hoping.
“Morning,” she croaks in a scratchy voice.
“Morning. There’s a pot of coffee made.”
“Thank God.” She walks past me and pours herself a cup before joining me on the couch.
“You look tired,” she says as she looks me up and down from across the couch.
“What the hell happened last night? That can’t be normal.”
She smiles behind her coffee cup. “I’m pretty sure it is. Especially at her age.” A weird look crosses her face. “How old is she exactly?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know.”
She stands up and comes back with a paper in her hand. “She was born on June 26. So, she’s a month old. Yeah, I’m pretty sure four-week-olds can be up a lot at night. Talk to Eva. She’ll tell you all about it. Awww.” She freaks out, holding a hand to her heart.
I look at her a little crazy, wondering what could make her this excited.
“Walker, Addie was born June 23. They’re cousins, born three days apart. How cute.”
I never thought about that. My sister and I have babies the same age. Cousins.
“Eva is gonna freak out.” She smiles widely.
“Yeah. I’m, uh, I don’t want to tell her yet.”
Her face falls. “Why not?”
I sigh, annoyed that I have to explain this already. “Because … I want to have the ground underneath my feet before I field a million questions about how I’m going to manage this new … life.”
She bites her lip as she seems to ponder my words, then looks at me skeptically. “Does this mean … you’re taking care of Eli?”
Fear settles in the pit of my stomach. This isn’t how I saw my life going. I wish I’d never met Amelia. “I have to. I’m her father.”
The shock written all over Jessie’s face annoys the fuck out of me.
“Wow. I’m kind of stunned.”
I roll my eyes. “Shocker. Jessie didn’t think I was capable of taking care of my child on my own.”
“Hey.” Her eyebrows turn down at me. “That’s not fair. It’s just … you live a certain way. You’ve never really seemed like the kind of guy who could live life worrying about someone else.”
Of course that’s what she thinks of me. For being such a perceptive person, she sure has missed a lot about why I am the way I am. If only she knew. But that’s wishful thinking because I’m taking my secret to the grave.
“Gee, tell me how you really feel about me.”
She shakes her head in irritation. “Never mind that. We’re getting off topic. You can’t keep this from Eva for long. I can’t keep this from her for long.”
“I just need to figure something out. Like … a nanny. Where do I even get a nanny?”
“This is New York City. There are agencies with a slew of nannies everywhere.”
“Really?” I ask. “That’s great!”
She chuckles. “Yeah, great.”
I scratch the back of my head nervously, knowing I need to convince her to help me until I find one. “About that. Um … until I find a nanny, I …”
Her head tilts to the side, and then it dawns on her. “No, I’ve given you more of my time than your dumbass deserved.”
“Please!” I beg, rubbing a hand over Eli’s back, hoping she stays calm enough for me to have this conversation. “I’m begging. Begging! I can’t do this alone. I have a court date today.” Before she can go off, I continue, “It’s just an initial conference. It’ll take an hour. Are you in court today?”
When she doesn’t answer immediately, I know the answer.
“If you watch her this morning and afternoon, I’ll come home right after court and start looking for a nanny.”
“What’s in it for me?” she asks, seemingly calm for what I’m asking of her.
Her question throws me off-kilter. “Huh?”
She leans forward. “What’s. In. It. For. Me?” she says slower, like I’m a moron.
“I don’t know … the knowledge that you helped out a desperate man in need?”
She shakes her head. “Nope, not good enough. You’re not a man. You’re a man child.”
Fucking hell. She is such a stubborn woman.
“Fine. Shopping spree on me this weekend.”
She pouts her lips. “Hmm. Interesting. What’s the spending limit?”
“I don’t care. Spend all of my money.”
“Wow. You are desperate.” She sits up and puts her coffee cup down. “Okay. Deal. I’ll help you until you get a nanny if you take me shopping this weekend.”
Relief washes over me like a tide—but just as quickly, it ebbs away, leaving uncertainty in its wake. Just because I’ve decided to take care of Eli on my own doesn’t mean I think I’m capable of it. Doubt floods my mind, making it hard for me to think about what my next step is.
“Deal. And just so we’re clear, we aren’t telling Eva yet.”
“If she comes right out and asks me, I’m not going to lie.”
I groan at how frustrating she is. “Fine. If Eva point-blank asks you if you are helping me take care of my secret child that I just found out about, you can tell her.”
Proving how crazy this woman is, she nods her head in agreement, satisfied with my response.
I look down at Eli, sleeping soundly on my chest, then up at Jessie.
“Just put her down in her bassinet. I’ll go get her if she cries while you’re getting ready.”
Damn, she knows me too well.
By the time I’m ready, I have to check my watch while walking back into the living room to see how long I took. Because, based on what I see you’d think I was gone for hours.
There’s a swing already set up in the corner, and Eli is currently lying down on some blanket thing that has toys dangling over her head.
She’s kicking and waving her arms while making sounds.
Jessie is lying on the ground next to her with a smile on her face. “I know, Eli. Mr. Cat sure is funny, isn’t he?”
“What is that thing?” I ask as I tie my tie, now standing over both of them.
Jessie looks up at me, but instead of answering, her throat bobs as her eyes look at me from head to toe. My jaw clenches because I know exactly what that look means, and I need her to stop giving it to me. Not unless she wants me to drag her into my room and fuck it off her pretty little face.
I’ve only got so much self-control. If she is going to openly ogle me, we’re going to have issues.
“It’s a mat,” she finally responds, shaking off the moment.
“I didn’t know she could make any other sounds besides crying,” I admit as she continues to babble on the mat. I look down at my watch, knowing I’ve got to get out of here to get shit done before court. “I gotta go. I’ll be back around one.”
I glance down at the mat and Eli. “Don’t, like … step on her or anything while she’s down there.”
Jessie gives me the death stare. “Get out of here before I step on your face.”
I chuckle at her cruelty. There’s my girl.
Bradly stands tall just as I’m walking into my office, following me in quickly.
“Sorry I’m a little late. Last night was … hectic,” I say vaguely.
He glances out the window to see if anyone is coming, then turns back to me. “Word is, the pharmaceutical company, Solentra Biotech, has officially hired us.”
Heat surges through my veins like fire. My fists clench on instinct as I bite down hard. This is not what I wanted to hear first thing this morning.
“Thanks for letting me know,” I answer.
I fall down into my chair as he backs out of my office awkwardly. Normally, I would be thrilled to hear this news and have him sitting down with me to construct a game plan immediately.
But I need time to process this news. I still need to reach out to an agency this morning to hire a nanny and prep for my court appearance. Then I’m supposed to be done for the day to relieve Jessie.
How am I supposed to find time to plan and execute a strategy to convince Stewart and Henry that I’m their guy? Am I their guy? This is a big case. It will require a ton of hours.
I massage my temples as I try to fight off the headache that’s appeared as well as the foggy brain from lack of sleep.
I just need to get face time with one of them this morning. That will have to be enough until I can gather myself and figure out next steps.
I walk to the other side of the floor, where their offices are located. As luck would have it, they are talking by Stewart’s door, just outside of his office.
I grab an empty file from the top of a filing cabinet, trying to look like I have a purpose for my venture. “Stewart, Henry … nice to see you this morning.”
“Walker, we were just talking about you,” Stewart admits.
“All good things, I hope,” I reply as I pat him on the back.
“Always.” He chuckles. “I’m sure you’ve heard the news. I know there’ve been rumblings around the city about it. There’s no keeping it a secret.”
I smile, shrugging my shoulders. “I guess congratulations are in order. That’s a big case for this firm.”
Henry nods his head. He’s the more serious one of the two. “It is. It’s going to take some time to figure out how to staff such an important case for the firm.”
Here’s my in. “I know this case is going to be brutal—layers of science, red tape, and media heat. But I thrive in messy. Give me the lead, and I’ll not only win it; I’ll turn it into a showcase for what this firm does best.”
Stewart’s eyes light up while Henry’s face doesn’t change a bit. At least I know I got one of them feasting off of my words.
“I knew you were a spitball,” Stewart replies. “Didn’t I tell ya, Henry?”
Henry looks between the two of us. “We have a lot of talent in the office and a big decision ahead of us.”
I don’t want to push him too hard and scare him off. I need to get out now while Stewart is still on my side. “I’m sure whatever you decide will be the right move. I’ll catch you guys later.”
I walk back to my office with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if they do choose me? I’m going to need a live-in nanny at this point to raise my daughter for me. This case would take up every waking hour of mine for months.
Unfortunately, I have too much on my plate today to agonize over what-ifs. First thing is finding a nanny.