Chapter 7 #2
He is standing in front of me in low-hanging black athletic shorts. That’s it! Nothing else! Lines and lines of tanned muscle everywhere. Ridges on his stomach, on his arms, his chest.
When I finally have my wits about me, I realize he looks pissed. I should be the one who’s furious. He has no right, parading that kind of body in front of me.
“Jessie”—his deep voice pulls me from my thoughts—“don’t look at me like that.”
It’s like a slap in the face. It feels like I’m eighteen all over again. The pain is sharp and piercing. “Fuck you, Walker.”
I walk in past him and try my hardest not to cry right here in front of him. I don’t understand why the idea of me and him together is so repulsive to him.
A flashback from nine years ago hits me like a sudden force to the chest.
I’m so happy my parents agreed to a joint graduation party with Eva. Having it at her parents’ house means that I get to see Walker. He’s staying for the weekend, then going back to the city, where he is currently in law school.
I love picking his brain when he comes home. I’ve known him since I was twelve. Back then, I was a scrawny kid who idolized boy bands and didn’t know the first thing about law.
But after taking a class sophomore year as an elective, I became enamored. I still remember the case that broke me and solidified in my mind that this was what I wanted to do for a living.
One night, when Walker was visiting home from undergrad, I talked to him about it after Eva fell asleep. We talked until four in the morning. I told him about how the case kept me awake at night, wondering how our legal system could have failed someone so drastically.
It was about a girl whose mother had passed years prior and she was left with a drunk, abusive father. Even though her aunt petitioned for custody and there was plenty of evidence of abuse and neglect, the court favored the father with money and power.
I saw so much of myself in the girl. Not in the family living situation, but when they described her as a person.
My entire world is filled with people with too much money and power.
What if I needed the law to save me? Not from my dad—he would never do anything to hurt me.
But what if something happened to him and I was left with my mom?
She could marry someone who hurt me. Who would help me then?
Walker confided in me that night. We talked about his reasons for wanting to be a lawyer. He, too, has parents who are mixed up in money and power. He’s seen the unjust world where the rich bought their way through business deals and illegal activity.
He wanted to become a force of good.
And throughout all of it, I couldn’t stop staring at his lips. The way his muscles flexed when he talked so animatedly.
It was the first crush I had that made me realize the effect a guy could have on my body. And I’ve been in love with him ever since.
We talk all the time now when he visits. He’s become a friend. I love the way his face lights up when I walk in the room. It makes my heart race and my chest feel like there’s a brick on top of it.
I spot Eva across the lawn, standing underneath the tent that her parents had set up for the party. It’s being catered by the number one–rated company in the city. Only the best for their daughter. I’m just happy to be along for the ride. My dad does well, but not as well as her father.
She’s arguing with her mom about something—I can tell. The way she waves her arms around so dramatically. She doesn’t talk to her mom like that unless she’s upset.
The entire night, my eyes are peeled, looking out for Walker. I’ve been such a mess that I’ve barely spoken to any of our friends, just walked circles, like a vulture waiting for its prey.
I feel his presence before I see him. Every nerve in my body feels like it’s on fire.
I turn around and spot him talking to his dad and mine.
They are all laughing about something. I find my legs moving before I can stop them.
I should play it cool—not seem so desperate, but I’m powerless to these feelings that he ignites in me.
Before I get there, his tall, leggy ex-girlfriend, Natalie, pops up on his right. She makes a big show of kissing Mr. Harlow on the cheek and wrapping an arm around Walker’s, linking them together.
Ugh, I hate her.
She was around a lot when I was younger. They dated on and off in college, both attending Columbia. She’s home now, likely desperately looking for a man with money to marry. Little does she know, Walker isn’t like the rest of the men in this town. He isn’t after money and power.
I can’t watch her worm her way back into his life.
I shift my weight to my heel and peek to the right, where I spot some high-school friends.
I don’t even want to talk to them right now, but it’s better than my heart shattering piece by piece as I lose the man I’ve dreamed of to someone older and prettier.
I finally decide to get another Shirley Temple at the bar, tempted to beg them to put a shot in it, when all the hairs on my arms begin to stand.
“Congratulations.” His warm breath tickles my ear.
I momentarily close my eyes, unable to comprehend how something like that makes me feel more than any of my high-school boyfriends were able to invoke.
I turn around and smile up at Walker, no doubt with adoration in my eyes. “Hey, you.” I reach up on my tippy-toes and give him a hug. “Thank you.”
“I can’t believe you two are going to college in different states,” he says as he sticks his hands in his pockets. “How are you going to survive without each other?”
I tuck a piece of hair nervously behind my ear. “Well, I’ll have one of the Harlow siblings in the same city as me.”
He chuckles. “That’s true. NYU—that’s a huge accomplishment, Jessie. I’m so proud of you.”
I begin to fidget with the gold necklace that hangs between my breasts. His eyes immediately fall down to my hand, then home in on my chest. I specifically wore this dress because my boobs look awesome in it.
This is the first time I think I’ve ever caught him ogling me. I want to do a celebratory dance but need to be cool.
Instead, I run my fingers up the inside of his forearm and take a step closer. “Are you going to make sure nothing happens to me in the city this year? It’s a scary place.”
His throat bobs as his eyes move to my lips, where I bite down on my bottom lip.
Before he can respond, Natalie appears like a ninja in the night. “I lost you for a second,” she says to Walker.
He doesn’t take his eyes off me. “Yeah, looks like it.”
She looks me up and down with disdain. I know that look from a girl when I get it. She’s threatened. By me. I feel like a million bucks.
“Congratulations, Jessie. Aww, you are so cute. Going off to college. Still so young though.” She pulls on Walker’s arm. “Hey, let’s go say hi to my parents. You haven’t seen them in ages.”
He doesn’t look like he wants to go, but Natalie has him falling backward away from me without his response.
The rest of the night plays out completely different than I expected. Natalie won’t leave his side.
I give up on my dreams of tonight being the night for something to happen around midnight.
Instead of going home, Eva begs me to spend the night. “Please.” She clasps her hands together in front of me. “I leave for Chicago in seven weeks. Our sleepover nights are limited.”
Even the thought makes my insides tense. “You’re right. I don’t want to think about that right now. Let’s have a slumber party like we used to. We can round up a big tray of leftover desserts and put on Dirty Dancing.”
We race to her bedroom with a big tray of desserts that are impossible for just the two of us to consume. She changes into her pajamas, and I rip off my dress and steal a tank top from her, leaving me in just my black panties and her white top.
About halfway through the movie, I look over to find Eva snoring with a piece of cheesecake hanging out of the side of her mouth.
My first thought is, This is why she is my best friend.
My second is, I wonder what Walker is doing. He’s probably asleep.
I can’t help but replay our conversation tonight over and over in my head. From the way his eyes roamed my body to the feel of his skin on my fingertips.
I wanted tonight to be something special.
It dawns on me that this will probably be the last time I sleep at their house with Walker here.
He’s already one year from getting his law degree. And who knows where the wind will blow for me and Eva in our next chapter? This is it.
If I want to take a chance on what I feel for him, tonight is the night. I want to show him that I’m not innocent or just his younger sister’s best friend. I’m going off to college now. We’ll both be attending school in the same city. We can make it work.
With a renewed sense of confidence, I tiptoe out of Eva’s room and down the hallway, until I’m standing outside of Walker’s room. I press my ear to the door. I don’t hear anything. I take one last deep breath and slowly turn the knob to the right, then push it open.
It’s dark. I can barely make out his form lying in the bed as the moon casts a subtle light on him. I walk to the edge of his bed. His covers are at his waist. He isn’t wearing a shirt. My body instantly reacts to the smooth edges of his muscles.
My instincts take over from here. I’m not even thinking. Just doing what I want. What my body wants. I sit down on the bed and let my fingers glide over the soft ridges of his abs. They flex under my touch.
I push the covers down, revealing a pair of tight black boxers. The outline of his dick is huge. I’m no virgin by any means, but I wouldn’t call myself experienced. I still feel slightly intimidated at the sight of a man’s dick.
Not now.
I am practically salivating over the idea of touching him, of being the one to bring him to the height of pleasure.