Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Jessie
Today has been awful. The moment I got into work, everything started going wrong. From spilling my coffee on my white blouse—thank goodness I’m not in the courtroom today—to every single case that I’m working on coming back with some kind of bad news.
At nearly four o’clock, I’m ready to pull my hair out. On top of it, I’m desperately trying not to think about last night and what it meant. Walker owned my body in every sense of the word.
I hadn’t known it could be like that. What happened between us in the shower felt bigger than just sex. It was like our bodies became one on a cellular level.
The moment I had been dropped off at my place last night, I knew I had to go to him. He had been crushed by his parents’ reactions. I didn’t even know everything that had been said, but I knew it’d cut deep. I saw it in his eyes. They had lacked the spark that I’d come to love.
I didn’t think about how life-altering having sex with him would be.
A text rings from the phone sitting to the right of me on my desk. I reach for it and swipe my screen to unlock it.
It’s a video of Eli lying on her mat on the floor. She’s smiling up at the cat playing music above her and kicking her feet wildly with excitement. Then she starts to coo at it. She does this for a minute straight, and I smile the entire time I watch it.
Me: Oh my gosh!!! She is a babbling little princess. What are you doing home from work already?
I put my phone down, but he responds right away.
Walker:I’m still chugging away at work. Mrs. M is my new videographer.
I smile.
Me:Awww. I’m so glad she is working out. What a relief!
Walker:Mrs. M is amazing. But she isn’t going to be good for my abs. She keeps cooking huge Italian feasts and bringing me leftovers.
An image of his abs tightening as he came in my mouth flashes through my head. I shift in my seat as a wave of desire floods me.
Me:Poor baby might have a six-pack instead of an eight.
Walker:Miss Turner, I do not appreciate the sarcasm. I’ve already warned you once about that. My hand is itching right now, waiting to punish you.
I fan my face with my hand. The temperature in the room feels like it just went up twenty degrees. I have never once thought about that kind of sex, but the idea of Walker touching me that way is doing things to me.
I try to come up with a response, but I end up deleting every single thing I type.
Walker:Cat got your tongue, Jessie? Don’t think I didn’t see your reaction the first time I threatened you with a punishment. I know you want it. I’ve got to get back to work. I’ll call you after I get Eli in bed tonight.
He’s going to call me tonight? I don’t know what any of this means. For the first time, I let myself consider the possibility that he may be reconsidering the idea that we can’t be together.
I should be pressing him further on what he is hiding. What if it’s big and I can never look at him the same?
My computer chimes with a flood of new emails, pulling me away from the start of an internal meltdown. Once five o’clock hits, I close my laptop and take it off of the docking station and slide it into my bag.
I call my dad on my walk back to my apartment.
“Hey, Jessie girl.”
I smile at the ground. “Hi, Dad. How are you doing?”
He chuckles on the line. “I’m in my office, trying to get some emails out before I call it quits for the day.”
“Well, you didn’t have to answer my call, Dad. I don’t want to bother you.”
“Oh, you’re never a bother, sweetie.” I hear his fingers typing away as he talks. “Are you just leaving work?”
“Yeah, I needed to get out of there. I couldn’t focus,” I admit.
The line goes silent, the sounds of the keyboard gone. “What’s wrong? Are you all right?”
“I’m fine, Dad. It’s just been a long couple of weeks.”
“Ah, I heard you were at the Harlows’ yesterday. I suppose Walker was there to break the good news to his parents?”
I huff in annoyance. “I’m not so sure they thought it was good news.”
“They’ll come around. We live in a very judgmental world. Once the news is out and the gossip moves along to someone else, they’ll be thrilled.”
“Dad, they shouldn’t care what a bunch of entitled assholes think. Eli is a gift, and she should never be thought of as anything but.”
“You’re right. She is. How is Walker handling it?”
“Not great. He’s got a lot on his shoulders. His parents disapproving looks didn’t help.”
“You care about him,” he says.
It takes me by surprise. “I … I mean … sure. I guess. I’m just trying to help him in a difficult situation.”
“I always thought you two would end up together. I saw the way you two looked at each other.”
It’s like salt in a wound. “I don’t know where you got that.”
“Well, you’re my daughter. I have those father Spidey senses.”
“Oh gosh, Spidey senses? Dad, please.”
He laughs. “It’s true.”
“Whatever you say.” I walk through the front doors of my apartment building. “All right, Dad, you get back to work. I don’t want to keep you.”
“Love you, sweetie.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
I hang up the phone just in time to get on the elevator, which always loses service.
I settle onto my couch with a glass of wine. It’s a typical Monday night for me. I make myself dinner, then go down to the gym in my building and force myself to lift some weights.
I read somewhere how important it is to keep building your muscles as you age, and it’s kind of stuck.
Then I pull out my book of puzzles. It’s filled with crosswords, word searches, and sudoku. I’ve found that it calms me down to do a couple of puzzles while I watch some of my favorite shows on repeat.
In a world filled with pain, chaos, and uncertainty, there’s comfort in the familiar. Watching lighthearted shows I’ve already seen, knowing exactly how they’ll end, is the kind of stability I crave. No surprise. No twists. Just easy laughter I can count on.
Just as I’m swiping through the shows on the screen, my phone rings.
It’s a video call—from Walker.
I sit up straight, realizing my hair is still a little damp from my shower. I didn’t feel like blow-drying it all the way. Now I regret the decision.
This is the kind of unpredictability in my life that I shouldn’t like, but damn if it doesn’t make my heart fill with false hope. Hope for something more.
Before the call ends, I slide my finger across the screen.
The moment his face pops up and he spots me, he breaks out into a wide grin—with those damn dimples.
“Hey, you.” His voice comes out low and rough.
I’m twenty-seven years old. I shouldn’t feel like I’m a teenager again. But here I am, giddy and my heart filled with joy as I slink back into the couch with my wine.
“Hello to you,” I respond like a fool as my cheeks heat.
No one else has been able to do this to me. I’m normally such a loud, outspoken person. I’m the crazy one who never gets embarrassed. Yet put me on the receiving end of one of this man’s smiles, and I turn into goo.
“Don’t you look adorable?” he says lazily.
I notice he’s on his couch with no shirt.
What is with him walking around all the time with no shirt and his gray sweatpants? It’s like he’s read a mountain of romance novels and knows that they’re kryptonite.
I run a hand through my hair self-consciously. “I’m a mess. I just showered. My hair is still wet, and I don’t have any makeup on.”
The hard lines of his face transform, his jaw tightening. “Don’t do that to me. Putting a visual in my head of you in the shower. Not after the other night.”
I bite my lip as my own face must betray my thoughts. “I thought about it all day today.”
I can’t believe I admitted that. But I need him to know what that moment meant to me.
He groans as he sinks further down onto his couch. “Baby, I’ve been craving you every second since that moment.”
“Craving me?” I ask on a heavy breath.
“Mmhmm,” he says as he rests a hand underneath his head, his biceps now slightly flexed and looking all too good. “I nearly locked the door and jacked off in my office.”
A carefree laugh falls from my lips. “You’re insane! There’s no way you would have done that.”
“Oh, you underestimate the power of my attraction to you.” He smiles slightly, but there’s something deeper there, like he’s completely serious.
I swallow down the growing desire inside of me. “How was your day? Did Mrs. M fill your belly again?”
He laughs. “She went easy on me this time and had a chicken salad waiting for me. I keep telling her I don’t need her to provide food for me.”
“Oh, please. I’m sure you love being spoiled.”
He runs a hand through his wild hair. For a fleeting moment, I see the twenty-one-year-old that I fell in love with. “You caught me. I’m kind of loving it. But I’m increasing her weekly pay by five hundred.”
Ugh, I resent how nice of a guy he is. It was so much easier when I could hate him from afar, imagining that he was nothing but a slimy corporate lawyer who cared only about himself.
This has really messed up the image I desperately needed to have of him in order to protect my heart.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asks as his voice turns serious.
I shift uncomfortably. It’s like he can nearly read my thoughts. “Nothing,” I lie.
He sighs. “I know it feels messy right now, but what I feel for you isn’t complicated at all. That part’s simple. But if that’s not enough for you, I understand. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”
He’s putting the ball in my court. If I want to put a stop to this, no hard feelings.
The logical part of my brain is trying to step in and save me from this mess.
But the hopeless, romantic part isn’t letting me get a full sentence in.
Because this is the man of my dreams, and if there’s even the slightest possibility that we can find a way to be together, shouldn’t I take the chance on him?