11. Approaching Heat #2
Fuck! I think that maybe, in the back of my mind, that had been my plan. Only because I knew that Kade and Blake had no interest in meeting Silas, since he was keeping me from Dakota in their minds.
“See? That silence says everything. Would you have let me meet your son? Told him what I was to you?”
My mind stalled out. Silas was only a few years older than my son, but an exceptional fighter that had climbed the ranks quickly.
His wolf was fearsome. “I don’t know, Si.
He knows about you, that you’ve been there for me, but I don’t know about you meeting him.
His alpha is protective.” Not to mention Kade would tell Silas about Dakota with zero remorse.
“Right, Alpha Blake.” It didn’t sound like he believed my excuse. Could he tell that I was leaving things out? “Are you going to get through your heat okay without me?” His concern was sweet, more than I deserved, and I felt truly awful about how I’d treated him.
“I’ll manage. There are toys and things—“ I didn’t want to lie to him anymore, to hide anything. If there was anything we could salvage from this mess, I’d want it to be our friendship.
“What is it?” He asked into my silence.
“Si, I fucked up,” I admitted quietly, tears running down my cheeks. I gave a tiny sniff.
“Hey, don’t cry. What happened?”
“I met my fated mate and because of us, I rejected him,” I whispered.
“What the fuck?” Silas roared into the phone. “A formal rejection? Why the fuck would you throw away a gift from fate? Goddess! Jas, why?”
“No, not formally!” I protested, sounding small.
“Moon help me, Jas! What did you do?” This gave me hope that our friendship wasn’t as dead as our relationship.
“I said I had someone and wanted to focus on the kids and not on a new mating.” Even now, the excuses sounded thin.
“So you weren’t with him or anything?” Silas sounded wary.
“No!” I barked, offended. “I wouldn’t do that to you. I like what we have. Had.”
“I did too, but I kinda wish you’d told me this sooner.
” I could hear him pacing off his frustration.
“This whole month has been shit. All I’ve been able to think about is us and if we had a chance at making it work.
Knowing that we didn’t. There wasn’t enough there for us to work long distance.
” He paused, and I heard some sounds on the line that I couldn’t make out.
“I can’t even imagine how that guy feels. Do you see him a lot?”
“Everywhere. He works for Alpha Blake.”
“Does Kade know?” There was that tone again, jealousy seeping through.
“Unfortunately, yes. I’m kind of on his shit list just now. It’s part of the reason I probably wouldn’t have had you two meet. It would have been horrible for you to find out like that.”
“So he likes the guy?”
“Um—“
“Jas?”
“Turns out Dakota is Kade’s best friend.”
“Fuck.”
“Indeed.”
“Were you going to tell me?” he asked.
“Yeah, I just wanted it to be in person, so you could tell I wasn’t lying to you. I wanted to remind you of how good we were before dropping that bomb. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.” I slumped onto the sofa.
“Jas, it might take me a little while, but I still want us to be friends. Things just hurt right now. Will you be okay?”
“I want that, too. Silas, I really am sorry for not giving you what you needed. Clearly, fate had other plans for us.”
“What are you going to do?”
“No idea.”
At a loose end after my call and with my brain spinning, I visited Kade under the guise of being on pack land to pick up his sister. It certainly wasn’t because I wanted a glimpse of my mate. I didn’t want to find out if he’d be open to taking me through my heat. No, Sir.
Ugh . My fox was furious with that thought.
Our poor mate couldn’t be treated in such a poor manner.
He wasn’t at our beck and call. He was a strong alpha bear, and we’d hurt his feelings with our callous rejections.
My fox reminded me that Dakota had insisted we’d have to beg.
My cock thickened at the idea of being on my knees for my mate.
I envisioned him naked, thick hairy thighs in front of my face, a large hand in my hair as he guided me to suck him.
Just the thought of sucking him until he knotted my mouth had me hard and leaking.
A problem that I had to deal with before I went to the compound.
I took a shower, stroking myself to thoughts of Dakota fucking me under the spray.
I eased a dildo inside me, a poor substitute for the real thing, and thrust it in and out to the strokes over my cock.
Streaking the gray shower tiles white, I came with a loud moan, grateful for the empty house.
I shook as I washed away the evidence of my orgasm.
In the days leading up to my heat, I was always hornier. My orgasms came quickly and often as a surge of hormones flooded my system. Within moments, I was ready to go again and had to fight back the impulse to stroke myself again.
Guilt was present as I finished showering.
Silas had been right. I hadn’t been invested in our relationship.
Here I was, newly single by a couple of hours, and I was already thinking about someone else like nothing had happened.
I hated my brain at times. Fighting the mating bond had been difficult, but I’d done my best to stay faithful to Silas.
He didn’t need to know my shower fantasies or dreams. Not any more, at least. I was free to see if I could salvage the mess I’d made.
After getting out of the shower, I picked out beige colored slacks that made my ass look great. I paired them with a pale blue shirt and a lightweight muted bronze sweater vest that complimented my pale skin tone and made my auburn waves look extra bright.
Maybe I put more energy into getting ready than I’d needed to. I’d already been on pack lands, dropping Angel off. They were going to wonder at the new outfit and extra care I’d taken over styling my hair.
As I expected, Kade was in his office. Roan wasn’t at his desk, likely in with Kade, but Dakota was at his.
He gave me a careful once over, heat filling his gaze.
Time seemed to stop as we stared at each other.
His tight white button down made him look more tan.
Like me, he’d taken more care of his hair, his slicked back, the sides newly buzzed.
I felt a pang of jealousy when I wondered who he was trying to impress.
With a knock, I entered the office. “Is this a bad time?” Kade and Roan were huddled over a laptop screen. He pushed back and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“Honestly, I need a break. What’s up?”
I waited until Roan left the office before speaking, the door slightly ajar but giving us the illusion of privacy. “Silas ended things today.”
Triumph lit Kade’s expression for a second before he sobered. “I’m sorry,” he said once he had himself under control.
“No, you aren’t, but it’s okay. I deserve it.” I gave a wry smile. “There’s a problem, though.”
“What is it? Can I help?”
“My heat is in two days.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah. I thought about using blockers to—“
“No blockers!” Kade and… Dakota? yelled. Kade cast a look at the doorway. “Blockers are bad news. What happened to me aside. Just don’t touch them.” He looked at the door again, giving me a significant look that said, “why not ask him?”
I shook my head. “It’s not right to ask,” I answered in an undertone.
“What about Heatwave?” Kade suggested.
“Heatwave?”
“It’s a heat club in Sweetwater. Great place and perfectly safe.”
“What’s a heat club?”
“Moon help me! Roan, can you come in and explain a heat club to my papa?”
“I would,” he called back, “but I’ve never been in one. Want me to get Axel?”
There was a grumble, and Dakota entered the office with a grin from Kade. Little fucker . “Dad, would you explain what a heat club is and how it works to Papa, please?” He gave Dakota a sweet smile. To me he said, “I take it you didn’t get out much when you were away from the pack?”
“No, it wasn’t safe. My heats didn’t return for close to three years after having Angelica.
By that time, I already had Silas in my guard unit.
And you know as much as you need to about that.
” I felt like I needed to explain my lack of knowledge to my mate.
“I came from a pack that liked to keep us omegas uneducated in reproductive functions and rights. That didn’t change when I went to Rincoln’s pack. ”
It was the most I’d spoken to him in weeks, and I longed to soak in his presence. He seemed to eat up every word and gesture that I made, giving me hope that if I could just get through this heat, I could apologize and we could possibly work on being together. It wasn’t a lost cause.
“Heat clubs are there as a resource for omegas to control their heats. They can start them early—“
“They can? How?” I interrupted. “Sorry!”
“Well, as you know, your body floods you with hormones the closer you get to your heat, so it’s easy to introduce enough chemicals that are present in semen to trick the body into starting a heat early.”
“So you just have a lot of sex and the semen can start it off?”
“Basically. There’s a magical remedy that can do it too.
Most prefer not to use magic. Shifters don’t always react well to it, and sex is fun.
An omega will pick a couple of beta shifters, then once their heat has started, they can either pick an alpha to knot them, or the betas can use a potion or toy to emulate a knot. ”
“I always wondered about the knot.” Roan said aloud from the doorway. “All alpha shifters have them, but not all alters have knots, like the birds. Have you ever wondered that?”
“It’s down to evolution, or a prayer, depending on what story you believe.” My voice sounded loud in the silence left by Roan’s question. This was one of the few things that I knew about shifter biology since Rincoln had loved the origin story of the knots.
“What?” Kade and Roan asked together.
“The Luna famously favored her wolves, giving them the ability to knot in human form, increasing the chances of pregnancy. The knot ties the couple together, giving the sperm more time to get to the egg before being expelled by the body.” I was in full on lecture mode.
“The other species, seeing how fertile the wolves were, begged The Luna for the same advantages, and being a sympathetic goddess, she allowed the future generations the same as her precious wolves. Either that or they mix mated with wolves and developed a knot in later generations. I like The Luna story better.” Despite it being Rincoln’s favored version, it suited my belief of what the goddess was like.
“Huh. Thanks, Jasper.” Roan said before returning to his desk.
“Back to Heatwave—“ Dakota said carefully.
“That’s the local heat club?” I queried.
“Yes.” He replied.
“I’m not sure about going to a club and having sex with strangers,” I said deliberately.
“It’s a pity you don’t have a mate, right here, that could take you through your heat.” Kade said with a smirk.
“Kade.” Dakota’s rebuke was firm.
“I’ve a lot to make up for before that and no time.” I said softly, aware of how angry Dakota looked at even the suggestion that he was my heat partner.
“Damn right.” Dakota barked as he stood and returned to his desk without another word.
“I’ll stick to toys,” I said to a wide eyed Kade. “Safer.”
I was so fucked. And not in a good way.