Chapter 38
Gavriil
My chest feels tight enough to bruise.
From the upstairs window, my eyes trailed Dominik and Alina as they walked to the car a few minutes ago. Alina’s hand was on Dominik’s arm like he was the only thing grounding her to the earth.
Jealousy still flickers through me. Only an hour ago, she was tucked under my arm, sleeping soundly like everything was right in the world.
I wish that it was. I wish that holding her could be normal for me.
Pressure formed under my ribs as I watched Valentin open the back door of the SUV. Dominik stepped forward first, but Alina paused.
She paused.
Then she climbed into the car, and it carried her away from here.
From me.
“Fuck,” I breathe out as I rest my forehead against the window.
Watching them leave felt like having my heart ripped out of my chest. It’s a loss that I know will haunt me forever, but there’s no going back now. The decision has been made, and they’re gone.
They’re…gone.
It was risky letting her stay as long as I did just to have her once, letting her sleep in my arms for a few minutes. But it was harder to leave her than I even expected it to be.
I swallow around the knot in my throat and turn away from the window, still feeling that pull deep in my chest that I’ve only ever felt toward Alina. There’s a name for it that I can’t even speak, but it lingers, refusing to leave, too.
I drop down onto one of the cushioned chairs in the lounge where men smoke cigars and drink vodka. I consider pouring myself a glass or two to dull this festering pain, but I need to stay sharp.
The attack could happen soon, and I want to fight with everything that I have. I don’t need to be stumbling around drunk again.
Another moment of failure for me.
I’ve made enough bad decisions these past few months that I no longer trust my own judgment.
I couldn’t tear Dominik and Alina apart no matter how hard I tried. They’re meant to be together against all odds.
And that thought fucking hurts because I love my brother. He’s not just my flesh and blood. He’s my second in everything. We’ve always been by each other’s sides.
I know I can be harsh to him, but I just don’t want him to make the mistake of being vulnerable again.
Protecting him doesn’t excuse the damage I’ve done, no matter what I told myself at the time.
I want Dominik to be happy, and if he’s happy with Alina…I’m not going to stand between them.
Even if I want her for myself.
At least she chose me once.
But she’ll choose him tonight, tomorrow, for the rest of her long, happy life.
I drag my hands through my hair, my eyes closing as I remember the sensation of her fingers pulling on the strands. Being with her felt like being revived. She filled my lungs with air. Made my heart race with purpose.
Now that she’s gone, it feels like I’m deflating a little more with each passing minute.
Getting her out of here was the right move to keep her safe, but was giving them a permanent goodbye the right decision?
Was capturing Alina when Archer betrayed us right? Was throwing her in my cage and Dominik in my prison the best thing to do? Should I have even had sex with her when she loves my brother?
None of my previous decisions feel certain now.
I inhale sharply and leave the room. If I stay still any longer, regret will hollow me out before our enemies ever get the chance.
“Eduard,” I call out once I step into the hallway.
Eduard pauses at the top of the staircase, stopping himself before he can descend. He strides over to me, breathing heavily. He’s been nervous around me since the incident in my office with Alina. Since he never actually laid a finger on her, he’s still alive. “Sir?”
“Give me an update.”
Eduard catches his breath, a glimmer of sweat adorning his brow. “Traps have been laid out in the back field. The gate has been strengthened and laced with barbed wire. All locks have been checked. Old, broken ones have been replaced.”
This is essentially our fort. We need to prepare it for battle as best as we can.
“And the prison?”
“When the doors close, they’ll automatically lock,” Eduard says.
Traps and tricky mechanisms will help us outfight our enemies. We just need to guide them to the right spots.
“Have the rest of our weapons arrived?”
Eduard motions for me to follow him into the meeting room, which has been transformed into a supply room. Different types of guns are strewn across the table, and metal crates of other supplies are stacked along the walls.
“We got these today,” Eduard says as he reaches into one of the crates and pulls out a smoke grenade. “Doesn’t matter how many of them there are if none of them can see.”
I nod. “Anything else?”
Eduard puts the smoke grenade back into the crate before reaching into another one. He pulls out a pair of black goggles and hands them over to me. “Since the attack will probably happen at night, we’ll have another advantage over them.”
I lift the goggles and peer through the lenses, seeing a greenish tint. “Night vision.” As if the Irish and Armenians wouldn’t think of the same.
“Yes, sir,” Eduard replies. “I doubt they’ll be as prepared as we’re going to be.”
Every precaution I take is another promise that my men won’t die because of me.
I can only hope that the Irish and Armenians get overly cocky and leave their fancy equipment at home, thinking their numbers will be enough to defeat us.
“Store some of the extra equipment in the bunker. We don’t want them stumbling upon it and using our own weapons against us,” I tell him as I pick up one of the handguns off the table. “Do we have enough ammo to take down an army?”
“All those crates,” Eduard says as he gestures to four different crates along the back wall of the room.
My forefinger rests on the side of the barrel as I turn my hand to inspect the gun. As nice and powerful as the shotguns and assault rifles are, I’ll move faster and kill more with just a handgun in my grip.
“I want small weapons planted throughout the estate. Make a note of where they’re placed.
They need to be well hidden and only found by people who know where to look,” I tell him as I place the handgun back down on the table.
“If any of our men lose their weapons or run out of ammo, they need a backup plan.”
“Yes, sir. I’ll get on that,” he replies. “Anything else?”
“No,” I answer without having to consider it. Thinking of Alina, I add, “Make sure everyone eats. I need them to keep their strength up,” I mutter.
“You should eat too, sir,” Eduard says.
When I give him a hard look, he lowers his gaze and hurries out of the room, leaving me alone with the torrent of thoughts in my head. I haven’t had an appetite for a while. How can I eat when every choice I make costs someone I’m supposed to protect?
My eyes sweep over all the weapons and equipment, tension winding around my chest. Our enemies aren’t going to show up with just their fists. They’ll bring their firepower too, and they won’t hesitate to shoot.
I’d rather not die, but I’ll choose death over being taken prisoner and tortured.
Regardless of what happens, I’ll miss out on the chance of making peace with my brother and telling Alina how I feel about her. Two things that I actually regret not doing.
Maybe this is the price of doing the right thing too late.
I let them go because keeping them here would have killed them.
If this war ends with my blood on these floors, at least it won’t end with theirs.