Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Phoebe
I stood in my office, Kane at my side, wondering how I had gotten into this situation. I got myself here because I asked him to be here, so why was I even fretting? After all, I only had myself to blame.
Only it was difficult to focus on the patterns in front of me, as well as the spreadsheets on my screen, when I could feel him standing next to me. Lurking, all hot and bodyguard like.
I hated that I called him hot first. Because he was way more than just his good looks.
But oh my God, talk about good looks. No, he was more. Of course the man was more.
He was smart, caring, selfless. He always put everyone else before him, including his family, friends, and who he was seeing. In other words, he put himself last, and always made sure that whoever he was spending time with, whether it was family or someone he was dating, had their needs met.
Though he ignored the fact that sometimes I just wanted to do things for myself. For example, I turned to him as he held out my cup of coffee without a word. The man didn’t even say anything. Didn’t even ask if I wanted coffee. No, he just saw that I had finished my cup, and allowed myself a second cup an hour after I finished the first as long as I had water. And of course the damn man had made sure I had water as well.
Because of course he was seeing to my needs without me asking. He was just always there, watching, waiting, making sure I was always taken care of and never had to want for anything.
The damn man was insane.
No, I was insane.
Thank God he couldn’t actually hear my thoughts, even though sometimes I thought he could. Because if he could, he’d think I’d lost my damn mind.
“Thank you,” I said through gritted teeth, and tried not to be resentful of the fact that the man just wanted to keep me safe. I had hired him to do so, not that he actually let me pay him. He was doing this for me because I was his friend.
Dear God, I hated that word. Friend. We had been so much more to each other—of course, it was my fault that we weren’t anything more now, but I wasn’t going to think about the details. Not when he was just always there, hovering. Doing what he did best and taking care of me.
I hated him.
But I still loved him.
And that was why this was not going to work.
“This isn’t going to work.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said so calmly, so coolly, that I knew he knew exactly what I was talking about.
Damn the man.
“You’re just always there. No matter what I do, you’re there. And so helpful.”
He raised a brow at me.
“Would you rather I not be helpful?”
“I would rather you not be here at all,” I said, and then immediately regretted the words when I saw that flash of pain. Whether he meant for me to see it or not, I still saw it all too well. I had ended our relationship. Yes, for our own good, but wasn’t that just the worst fucking thing to even think.
We weren’t together because I had needed to breathe. Because he had needed to do the same even though he hadn’t realized it. And he looked better for it.
Before he could say anything though, I reached out and gripped his forearm. I knew it was a mistake as soon as I had but there was no going back now. I felt the heat from him on my skin and swallowed hard. It took everything within me not to lick my lips and meet his gaze. Instead, I let out a breath and let my hand fall.
“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting him to say, but him leaning forward and taking my hand was not part of it. “I get you. You don’t want me here because of why I’m here. But Noah and the team are working on it, Kingston’s going through the information you gave him and the authorities, and we’ll handle it. And since I am not allowed to be on too many active-duty things right now, thanks to nurses Noah and Ford,” I snorted and grinned, just like he wanted me to, “I’m going to hang out with you.”
“I see you’re still not wearing your sling.”
He looked like he was about to shrug and then thought better of it. “When it’s in the sling, it hurts just as much as it does when it’s not. I’m not planning on doing any heavy lifting or rolling around on the ground. Don’t worry. I’m fine.”
“You keep saying that, and yet I’m not quite sure I believe you. Do you know what fine means?”
He grinned. “Freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional? No. Not so much.”
“Is that a real thing? Or is that just from that movie with Charlize Theron?”
“I love how of all the people in that movie, you went with her. Not that I’m saying that’s wrong.”
“She was the hottest, and the most talented, and has the most Oscar nominations. I think. Well now, I have to go do the math on that because I might be wrong.” I rolled my eyes and looked back at my desk. “You really don’t have to sit in here and watch me do this. There were a couple of letters and phone calls. It’s not like whoever is bothering me is at my house or in my office.”
“But he was sending the notes to your office. Until we figure it out, I’m here.”
“When you could be at home resting.”
“We both know I don’t rest.”
“Okay, then go sit over there. You’re hovering.”
He shook his head. “I don’t hover.”
“You are the definition of hovering. I swear if I put you and Isabella in a room, all you would do is try to out-hover each other and then I would be locked in a box somewhere trying to figure out how to get unhovered.”
“First off, unhovered isn’t a word.”
“Let me make a word up. I’m having a little bit of a panic episode.”
“You’re not having a panic episode. And second, Isabella and I cannot be in a room together. We fight more often than not.”
“Because you guys are the same person.” I hadn’t even realized that fact or that I was going to say it until I did and then I burst out laughing. “Oh my God. I was dating my older sister. I need to go to therapy. So much therapy.”
Kane looked appalled until his lips twitched. “You were not dating your sister. I promise you, Isabella and I are not the same person.”
“I don’t know. You guys overwork yourselves, ignore injuries and illnesses, do your best to make sure you’re the most amazing at your work, and you like to make sure that I never strain myself or make a misstep in any way.”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
I shook my head and was thankful that my phone rang so I didn’t have to figure out how exactly to explain myself to him.
“Jefferson Interior Designs, this is Phoebe speaking. How may I help you?”
I took notes as a potential client gave me their information and put more information into my spreadsheets.
“No problem. I can be out there next week, does Thursday at 8:00 a.m. work? Or is that too early? You’re right. No, Mr. Jefferson doesn’t have any space for the next year, but I’m fully certified and can fix all of this. You’ve seen my portfolio?” I nodded even though they couldn’t see me. “Great. Let’s go over a few more details.”
As I wrapped up the phone call, and then the next, I didn’t have any time to worry about Kane or the fact that he finally stopped hovering completely. I had work to do, orders to fulfill, and tomorrow I would be out at clients’ houses, doing what I did best.
I was an interior designer and I loved what I did. I loved brightening up a house to be filled with memories, or have an office be functional and yet warm. I loved moody interiors and bright spots of color. I didn’t like to gray wash, or monochrome anything. Thankfully, the person that I worked for was on the same page, and we didn’t go crazy on the budget. We were moderately priced, which meant my commissions weren’t as high as some of my fellow graduates, but I could pay my rent, at least with Claire as my roommate, and I had a small savings account. I counted that as a win.
Of course, with my long hours and Kane’s, it meant that when we had been together, we hadn’t seen each other enough. If I wasn’t at a client’s house, he was doing one of the countless things he had to do for his work. He worked all hours and sometimes he could set his own, since he was one of the co-owners of the company, but he couldn’t take all the time off when he wanted to. We both put our careers before our relationship, and that was just one other thing that stood in the way of us. Just the thought of me dating again made me want to be sick, because I wasn’t ready for that, but even if that did come up, I wasn’t sure when I was going to find the time.
I barely had time with Claire these days, let alone my family. There was no time for men in my life.
I still wasn’t sure how I had fit Kane in when we dated.
And then that made me think about what would happen when he was ready to fit another woman into his life. A woman that wouldn’t be me. My hand tightened around my phone for an instant, before I focused back on the hold music. I did not need to think about Kane with anyone else. He could be with someone right now and I wouldn’t know. I wouldn’t have the right to know. We were no longer together. He was helping me as what? A friend? A client? An acquaintance he used to sleep with?
That thought made my saliva turn to sawdust and I swallowed hard, reaching for my water bottle.
He was going to find someone. Someone that he fit with and who wouldn’t run away when things got tough. And he wouldn’t feel as if he needed to protect them. He would find someone strong and capable that could handle things on their own. Someone who wouldn’t come running to him over a few phone calls that were probably nothing.
I was overreacting. I still hadn’t even told Claire or my siblings about it. Was this just a way for me to reach out to Kane? A horrible, sick way of wanting him in my life without having to have him in my life? To crawl back without asking for forgiveness.
Even if I didn’t think I needed forgiveness?
The phone dropped its call and I glared at it.
“You okay over there?” he asked, his attention on his phone. I knew he was working over there since he had brought his tablet, but I wasn’t sure what he was working on.
“I was on hold with the distributor, well, a potential distributor, and the call just dropped me. For the second time. I think I’m going to go with someone else.”
“I hate customer service.”
“It’s usually not the other person’s fault either. They’re overworked, and you have to go through fifteen AI menus before you get to a real person.”
“And then the mom-and-pop shops are either overworked or don’t know how to deal with phone calls or websites.”
“Even in this day and age. It’s exhausting.”
“When do you get off work?”
“I don’t have to go to a client’s house today, so I can go home after that phone call.” I had a few meetings earlier that day, that were easier to have at my office rather than at home since Claire had been working at home for the morning. While we could usually work together in the same apartment, having Kane there would’ve raised questions that I didn’t have answers for.
And that reminded me I needed to do the one thing I should have to begin with.
“You know what? I was completely overreacting to this. I don’t need your help. But I want to thank you for helping me with my delusions. Or at least calming me down. Nothing happened today, so I’m not going to waste any more of your time. You can go back to work. As long as you promise not to hurt yourself in the process.”
Because he had still been shot. That person was still out there, and it made my palms sweat to even think about. I wanted to wrap him in cotton wool and keep him safe. But there was no way I could ever do that to Kane. I couldn’t get him to stop doing that to me. How was I supposed to protect him? The answer: I wasn’t.
I never got to protect Kane Montgomery Carr. He only got to protect me.
And the imbalance of that relationship and situation meant I’d had to walk away. I wasn’t going to keep him in my life with a slight tether over something I was clearly overreacting about.
Kane raised a brow and turned his tablet towards me.
“You got another letter today. This one has a little more detail. You want to tell me that you’re overreacting now?”
Ice laced his words, and I went to him, my eyes widened.
“I got a letter? I didn’t know.”
“You were on the phone; it came at the top of your mail. Without a postmark. Meaning whoever did it left it here. I’ve already contacted the officer with your case, and they came by for it.”
“Are you kidding me? What did it say? And why didn’t you tell me?”
“The officer’s going to talk to you tonight. I told him you were on a business call, and since he knows me, he’ll deal with it later.”
“What did it say?”
“You can read it here.”
I see you. I’m sorry I scared you. But you’re safe.
I promise you’re safe.
I just want you to know that I will always be there to protect you.
I will always be there to watch over you.
To make sure that the others don’t know.
You were always so caring. So attentive.
I see that. I understand. And don’t worry.
I’ll keep watching.
My mouth went dry, my hand shaking as I re-read the letter once, twice.
“They’ve never been that long before.”
“And the words changed to more possessive. The pronouns changed as well. A lot more I’s. And you’s. I’m not walking away from this. You worked your ass off today, and you finally looked a little more relaxed as the day went on. I wasn’t going to change that.”
“But this person is watching me.”
“They are. And I’m going to figure out who the fuck it is.”
“Kane,” I began, and he shook his head.
“Come on. Let’s get you out of here and talking to the person on your case, and then we’ll go get you some dinner and take you home.”
“This can’t be right. They’re just silly notes.”
“I deal with silly notes all the time. And I’m going to make sure that whoever wrote this doesn’t get near you.”
I couldn’t process what he was saying as I went on autopilot to gather my things. Speaking with the officer in charge went quickly, because they didn’t have anything to add. It helped that Kane knew the man, and they had worked together in the past. I felt two steps behind, coming to terms with nothing making sense.
I just wanted this to end. I had been ready to kick him out of my office, to pretend that nothing like this had happened at all, but it was all too real.
We stopped by a little Greek place to pick up take out, and I hadn’t even realized what we were doing until we were on the road.
“Wait, what? This isn’t the way to my house.”
“We’re going to my place. I figured we should talk.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound foreboding at all.”
“You were freaked out back there, and I don’t think you’ve really processed it. Kingston’s finishing up the security on your place, too,” he added, and I nodded, finally understanding.
“And you’re feeling just as weird as me?”
“Why would I feel weird?”
“Because you’re having to watch me. I just, maybe Kingston should be here? Or maybe I don’t need a bodyguard. Maybe this can just all go away.”
“First off, Kingston’s not going to be watching you. That’s on me. And after that note, you do. At least until we figure out what’s going on. Noah and Ford aren’t letting me out into the field beyond this anyway, so just know that I’m here because I want to be.”
“And this isn’t weird for you? That you’re watching me? That we’re in the same car together? Any of it?”
“I love watching you, Phoebe,” he whispered as he glanced at me, and then his gaze was on the road again.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re the best at what you do. I love your creativity. You can fix any room on a budget or with a million dollars. Hell, my house is fucking amazing because of you.”
I didn’t even realize I was blushing until I felt the heat rush to my cheeks.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I’ve always admired you and thought you were talented. And I like hanging out with you, even when it’s because I’m protecting you.”
I pressed my lips together, reality crashing in once again.
“Ah. That.”
Because that was why we had broken up. I was the baby of the family and my siblings were all so overprotective sometimes, it was hard to breathe.
Kane was the same.
He wasn’t a bully ex, no, he got growly and I felt stifled.
Maybe that was an issue that came from being abandoned by my father, but no, that just all circled back to the fact that I wasn’t equal in this relationship.
And I wasn’t ever going to be.
Someone was playing a game with me, scaring me, and yet here I was, running and asking Kane for help once again. This time it wasn’t a bear, and Kane wasn’t a stranger.
But I was still the damsel in distress.
And that was something I never wanted to be.
Especially with him.