Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Kane
A s soon as we were at a stoplight, I looked over at her, her silence digging in.
“What did I say?” I asked.
She didn’t say anything, just sat and looked at her hands, her mind going in a million directions. I could always tell when it did from the way she pressed her thumbs together, her forehead scrunched as she tried to organize her thoughts. She constantly had a multitude of thoughts and imaginings going in that brain of hers. It was how she could take a simple room with four white walls and a lowered ceiling and somehow turn it into a warm masterpiece that fit the client perfectly. She was able to do all that in that mind of hers, all while having a full conversation with you without you realizing part of her brain was working on something else. I had always admired her for that, for her strength, her brilliance, and her beauty. We had met in a situation where she had been running for her life, and yet it turned into one of the most hilarious and serendipitous parts of my life.
“Come on, we’re near my house. We’re going to talk this through.” Not only was someone stalking her, sending her threatening notes, calling her, there was something else going on. And we needed to get to the bottom of it.
“Kane. I’m fine. Really. We don’t need to talk it out.”
I shook my head as I went through the green light, taking the next street to my house. “Phoebe. We never talked about it.”
“Kane.”
“I want to know.” I huffed. “I think we both deserve to know.”
“Fine.” Her voice was so small and I hated myself. But if this was the only way to get her in the same room with me where I wasn’t going to growl or feel as if I was losing my damn mind, then I would take it. Because I fucking loved her and she had broken my heart. But maybe I’d just let her heart slip through my fingers. Maybe I hadn’t tried hard enough. I had let her walk away and hadn’t asked why. Maybe I just hadn’t seen it all along and this was all on me. I wouldn’t be fucking surprised. But I needed to figure it out. And frankly, we just needed to talk.
We went to my place and I quickly re-upped the security system, doing a walkthrough of the place. I had the best security system out there for my place. It helped that my family owned the company and ran it. And soon Phoebe was going to have the same exact system on her apartment with Claire. Kingston was texting me updates as he and Gus worked on it. I wanted to think that the safest place Phoebe could be was with me, but I knew that was a lie. After all, I still had a stitched-up wound on my arm, that I really should put back in that fucking sling, to show how wrong I was. If she had been safe with me, she wouldn’t have been pushed to the ground when I tried to protect her because someone had been shooting at us.
“Can I get you something to drink?”
“I’m fine. We have dinner to eat, and I like my kabobs.”
“At least get water. You don’t want a beer or some wine?”
“You don’t drink wine.”
“I do sometimes.” I paused. “I have a bottle of that pinot grigio that you like.” I didn’t look at her as I said it. But the fact that I had it, and I drank some of it whenever I wanted to think about her? That led me into pathetic territory. And I wasn’t about to lead her down that path. I was already pathetic enough.
“Oh. Okay. Are you allowed to have beer or wine with your wound?”
I looked over my shoulder. “I’m not taking any pain meds for it. I’ll have a beer. Or maybe I’ll have that glass of wine. It’s pretty good.”
Her brows rose. “You never told me that when we were together.”
“I’m afraid I didn’t say a lot of things I should have when we were together.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but I turned away to pour us two glasses of wine, as well as two glasses of water. She went through my kitchen as if she had never left, and the fact that she had just made it hurt more. She pulled out two plates, two sets of silverware, and set the small kitchen table as we pulled out the food from the bag and set out the containers.
“This is a lot of food,” she commented.
I shrugged. “Leftovers are good, and Kingston can always have some.”
“I like that he lives right next door to you.”
“Yeah, it’s good to have family close.”
“And I bet they don’t hover like my family does.”
I looked at her, then threw my head back and laughed. “You dated me for how long? You know the Carrs and the Montgomerys are ridiculous when it comes to overprotectiveness and hovering. It’s in the blood. The DNA. And those who are adopted in sort of assimilate into the culture. It’s just what we do.”
She met my gaze, something flashing over her eyes that I couldn’t read.
When had I stopped being able to read her?
How many mistakes had we made?
We ate in silence for a few moments, but it wasn’t awkward. It felt like we were falling back into rhythm. After a few bites I set my fork down, suddenly not hungry.
“Why did we break up, Phoebe?”
She stared at me for a moment before looking down at her hands and sighing. “We wanted different things,” she finally said, and I shook my head at that familiar refrain.
“What things?” I asked, my voice steady. “We wanted each other. That sounds like the same damn thing to me. What did I do, Phoebe?”
She looked up at me then, her eyes wide with shock. “You didn’t do anything.”
“Just say the words. You don’t have to be afraid of me. You’re not fucking afraid of me, are you?”
Fear slid along my spine before she stood up quickly and came to my side, grabbing my hand.
“I’ve never been afraid of you. Maybe afraid of what you were making me feel, but that’s just natural, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know, Phoebe. I never felt like this with anyone else.”
“And yet…”
“And yet. We wanted each other. It looks like you still want me. I still want you. Why aren’t we together?”
“Because you were just like my dad!” she blurted.
I blinked, so fucking confused. I had never met her father. It had always been an oversight in my opinion, but the man was rarely around. He had never married Phoebe’s mother, but they acted like a nuclear family. But I knew the man was a bastard. Overprotective, growly, and it made my skin crawl to be compared to him.
“Excuse me?” I asked, shocked.
“Not in the horrible ways that he can be. But he was always so overprotective and growly and didn’t let me go out or do what I wanted. At least when he was around. Most of the time he was working or dealing with life shit that wasn’t our family, but when he was around he was always in our business. So controlling.”
I stood up, moving so fast the chair fell behind me. “I’m…I’m controlling?” My mouth went dry and I looked back over every moment we had been together. Yes, I had wanted to make sure that Phoebe was safe, that my work never interfered with her day-to-day life. But controlling? “I’m that way with work, but I was never with you.”
“Not in that way.” She put her hands up, and then sighed, her eyes filling with tears. “Never in that way. I’m not using the right words.”
“Then use better words, Phoebe. Why did we break up? Am I that much of an asshole that you were afraid of me?”
If she said yes then I would call Kingston over here to take her home, and then I would stay out of her life. Because I had no clue that I was that kind of asshole. No fucking clue.
“No. I’m not saying this right. You always needed to make sure that your job never touched me.”
“But it did. It fucking did.”
“And that’s not your fault. Everything you did put me in this little box. You tried to make sure that nothing bad ever happened to me, and I couldn’t figure out how to say what I wanted. I didn’t even know what I wanted. We just moved so fast, Kane. One day we were running from a bear.”
I put up my hand, my mouth twitching. “Phoebe. Seriously?”
“No, one day we were running from a bear, and then I was practically at your house every night and barely seeing Claire and everything was just so serious and you always wanted to make sure I was safe and asking where I was when I wasn’t with you. And it wasn’t like I felt I always had to be with you. But you were always so afraid that something was going to happen to me. And I realized that with your job you’re always worried that something’s going to happen, but you were so afraid that you would hold me so tightly in your sleep that I would have to hold your cheek just so you could relax.”
I swallowed, remembering the nightmares of her being run off the road, or someone kidnapping her. Of the thousand things that I saw on a daily basis with my job.
“I didn’t realize that I hurt you.”
“Never physically, and not even emotionally. You were just so worried that something would happen to me you couldn’t see past that. And I know it was because of your job, and the fact that I have a fucking stalker now just reinforces that for you. You’re standing by my side when you’re obviously hurt because you’re afraid something’s going to happen.”
“Because something could happen. You have a damn stalker who is sending you notes.”
“I know, and it scares the hell out of me, but even before that you were always so worried that something was going to happen to me that you never were able to relax. You’re always tense, always afraid. We met in a moment of high adrenaline, but even then you were far more relaxed. What happened?”
“Daisy was hurt. She got fucking blown up, and Kingston was hurt right alongside her. My family keeps getting hurt on their jobs and even when they don’t have anything to do with security. I can’t let that happen to you.”
“But it wasn’t going to. Or if it did, then it wouldn’t have been your fault. Everything was just so much at the moment, and I was trying to get a promotion at my first job and I failed. Do you remember that?”
I shook my head. “You didn’t fail, they went with the other person, the one sleeping with the boss.”
“Yes, he was sleeping with the boss and doing a very good job of it, so I started over again on my own with Jefferson and it was all too much. I just felt stifled. Like I was suffocating in my own stress, and then you were doing the same and neither one of us were breathing. Not only was I feeling like I couldn’t get out, you were stuck in the same position. Always worried about what was going to happen to Leif or Kingston or Lake. Your family kept getting hurt and yet you were so afraid that I was going to also. You weren’t even thinking about yourself. It wasn’t healthy, Kane. So no, you weren’t controlling. That was the worst word to use. But you were so scared that you put us both in these boxes that we couldn’t escape from. And I didn’t want you to hate yourself if I got hurt. Just like I know you’re beating yourself up now even though you threw your body on top of mine. You protected me. So I know there’re still feelings and there’s still something between us because I don’t think that’s ever going away, but you are so afraid of what could happen that you weren’t living in the moment of what was happening. And I couldn’t breathe.”
Everything she was saying was true. I hadn’t even realized I was doing it. I was doing it right now. I had taken her to my house even though I had been planning to take her to the apartment to show her everything. But I wanted her in a place of security. A place I could control. Because people were after her, people were after me. The safest place she could be was not at my side, something we had done to ourselves in the first place. And yet I needed her to be safe. I needed to keep my eyes on her.
I was the fucking problem. I loved her so much, and watching her walk away, letting her walk away the first time had broken me. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to do it again.
“I…I’m sorry.”
She shook her head then moved forward, putting her hands on my chest. The warmth seeped through my suddenly chilled skin and I swallowed, running my hands through her hair. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I looked down and saw those wide eyes. “I hate that you’re sorry. Because you shouldn’t be. It wasn’t your fault. That’s just how you’re wired. And I know everything happening to your family hurt, and I tried to help. I tried to be by your side, but you didn’t want to talk about it. You just wanted to put more security up and find out exactly who was hurting your family. You weren’t talking to me about it. Along the way I needed to find out who I was before I could have someone as amazing as you. I’m just now realizing that I lost out on the best thing of my life and the best chance I had at happiness because I couldn’t say that I need to figure it out without hurting you first. And that I’m sorry for.”
I cursed, her words shocking some sense into me. Like the strike of a match, burning me from the inside out.
So I leaned down, taking her mouth. She tasted of dinner and wine and sweetness and everything that I had fucking missed. I had missed her mouth, her taste, her needs. I pulled away and swallowed hard, my breath coming in pants, her lips swollen. “That was probably the wrong fucking answer.”
She shook her head, her hand digging into my shirt. “No, that’s the right one. I think. Or maybe it is the wrong one. I don’t know anymore.”
I leaned down and kissed her again, needing her taste. Just needing her.
There was so much to talk about, so much we needed to go over, but it didn’t matter. Not right then. I let her slide her hands up my shirt, her palms on my skin as I tugged on her hair, deepening the kiss. She moaned against me, both of us reaching for the other. We needed to talk, needed to go over it all but I didn’t care. I missed this. I missed this so fucking much. I was like a dying man in a desert, craving temptation and salvation. And she was it. She was my everything. And now she was in my arms again.
I hadn’t realized that I had pushed her towards the counter until her back reached it and we both froze. But without a word, I took her by the hips and lifted her onto the counter. She immediately wrapped her legs around my waist and I moaned, stripping off her shirt.
Her breasts were full, the lace cups barely containing them. I had always loved her tits, loved sucking on them, playing with them. She had let me fuck them over and over again, and she would lean down to lick the tip of my dick. It had been so hot, so fulfilling, and I missed those beautiful breasts.
“I’m glad you did,” she whispered, and I realized I had said that last part out loud.
I didn’t care, just leaned down and pressed a small kiss to the top of each globe before undoing the snap at the front.
Her bra slid to the floor, her breasts falling heavy into my palms. I pinched her nipples between my thumb and forefinger, rolling them as she leaned her head back and moaned, pressing her breasts more firmly into my hands. She gripped the edge of the counter and I continued to play with her breasts, licking and sucking at her nipples. When she leaned forward, gripping my shirt, I jerked it over my head in one quick motion, loving the way that she panted as she looked at me. But then her gaze went to the bandage on my arm and I pinched her chin, forcing her to look at me.
“I’m fine.”
“You just lifted me up on the counter. Did you hurt yourself?”
“I’m fine. Let me kiss you.”
Let me love you.
But I didn’t say that part out loud. Instead, I pulled at her leggings, loving the way that she immediately lifted her ass up, letting me pull them off her legs and toss them to the ground.
She had on peach lace panties and I groaned, leaning between her legs.
“So warm, so fucking sweet.”
I pressed my nose against her clit through the lace, loving the way that she moaned again.
When I slid her panties to the side, I found her wet and swollen. So I sucked and I licked, moaning again as she rolled her hips along the counter, pressing her pussy against my face.
I spread her with two fingers, then used my other hand to play with her clit, my gaze on her cunt, then up at her face watching her eyes darken.
I dipped a finger deep into her cunt, loving the way that it squeezed my finger, before I pulled it out and reached up to her mouth. “Suck. Lick it clean.”
She did as I asked, and for a moment I wondered if this was the controlling part, but I pushed those thoughts away.
We would deal with all of that. We would.
But right now, we needed this. Even if this was a big fucking mistake.
She sucked my finger clean, then I went back for more, spearing her with two fingers, my thumb on her clit. And when she came, I stood and captured her mouth, swallowing her shout for more.
It was my name on her lips that nearly sent me over the edge in my own jeans, but I held back, knowing we both needed this.
I undid my jeans and pushed my pants down below my ass, my cock springing free. She leaned forward and gripped me, stroking me once, twice.
“I missed this. I missed you.”
The most beautiful words I’d ever fucking heard.
I positioned myself at the entrance of her sex and gripped the back of her neck, my thumb along her jawline. “Pull me in. Take me. All of me.”
In more ways than one.
She arched her back, pressing the tip of my cock deep inside her. I moved the rest of the way, thrusting slowly in and out, tantalizing, teasing.
And when I was seated to the base, both of us groaned.
“I’ve missed you,” she whispered, her lips at my neck as she ran her hand over my hair. I did the same, just holding each other, stock still as her pussy pulsed around my cock.
And then we were moving, both of us breathing into one another, taking everything that we could.
Because this was probably a mistake. A memory and time of fractured silence. But it didn’t matter. This was what I had missed. Her, everything. We fit in so many ways, but I had missed the parts where we hadn’t. The fractured connections that had never made sense.
But I would fix that. I would find a way.
Because I loved her.
Even if I had fucked up beyond all recognition.
And when she came again, clamping around my dick, I followed her, filling her up, taking everything.
I’d find a way to fix this. Find a way to protect her. But that was for later.
Right now was one more mistake.
Right now was my second chance.
And probably my last.