Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
Phoebe
T he smart thing would’ve been to discuss what had happened. To talk out our feelings and decide what it all meant.
I had just had sex with my ex-boyfriend. The same ex-boyfriend that had been through so much with me, even in the past few days, that it felt like I was constantly catching up.
But did we talk about it? Of course not.
Instead I sat there at the edge of the counter, my legs wrapped around his waist, him still buried deep inside of me, and let out gasp after gasp, trying to catch my breath.
Because that was one of the things with Kane. He always took care of you. Even when you needed space to try to take care of yourself. He was always there to make sure you didn’t fall. And to make sure you rose to the occasion.
I had orgasms before in my life, countless ones with my vibrator and my hand. But I had never had a real orgasm during sex like I had with Kane. I had thought those little slightly toe-curling, warming sensation bursts through my body during sex had been orgasms. No, that had just been a sneeze. A quick sensation that hadn’t really gotten me there.
The blackout orgasms where it felt like I couldn’t catch my breath, my whole body shook, my pussy clenched, and it felt as if my breasts were aching, the ones where light burst behind my eyelids, and I literally saw stars and maybe even God.
Those were the orgasms I got from Kane.
And I just had more than one sitting on his kitchen counter when we hadn’t even discussed what the hell we were doing with each other.
Apparently pretending that we didn’t care for each other and had no feelings for each other amounted to blow-your-head-off sex.
I sat with my arms still around him, afraid to say anything.
Because denial wasn’t just a river in Egypt, and wasn’t just what I felt day in and day out when it came to my feelings for Kane Montgomery Carr.
I was falling in love with him again, though could it be again when I never stopped?
This attraction was breaking us, or maybe just me.
Or maybe I needed to be honest with myself for the first time in far too long.
Then Kane slid his hands through my hair and looked into my face, cupping my cheek.
“Phoebe…”
His voice trailed off, and it made me feel a little bit better that both of us were out of our depths here.
We were making wrong decisions left and right, but at least we were doing it together?
I swallowed hard again. “I should—I think I need to clean up.”
He nodded, then leaned forward. I was afraid he was going to kiss me, because if he kissed me, I would lean into him and pretend that nothing else hurt. That I hadn’t bared my soul to him. That I hadn’t been such an idiot in the past.
But he kissed my forehead.
He hadn’t done anything wrong. And maybe I hadn’t either. It had been the wrong time, the wrong place before, and perhaps it was again. I didn’t have answers.
And I wasn’t going to find them sitting on the counter with him still buried deep inside me.
When he pulled away, I felt the loss immediately. I made my way to the back of the house to clean up, while he did the same in the kitchen.
I wanted to sleep in his arms, and I knew I needed a break. Needed to breathe.
But I stood in his bedroom, his robe wrapped around me, wondering what I was supposed to do.
He walked in and frowned at me.
“I think I have a pair of your pajamas here if you want them.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I know I probably should have given them back to you. But, well, I probably should have done a lot of things.”
“Kane,” I whispered.
“No. Let’s get some sleep. And text Claire where you’re staying. That way she knows.”
I nodded tightly. “You’re right.”
Kane let out a breath and moved forward to cup my face. I loved when he did that. It made me feel so safe, even though that was the exact opposite of why I had left to begin with. He was always there because I hadn’t been able to find myself.
But I had. I had a job that I loved, and I had a network of friends outside of being in love with Kane. And he had been able to take care of himself.
But now it was all up in the air, and I didn’t want to screw this up.
“Let’s get some sleep, Phoebe. I can sleep on the couch if you want. But I would prefer to sleep next to you. We’ll figure it out in the morning. All of this. And I want to say that you’re safe, but I don’t want to overstep.”
I shook my head. “No.”
He took a step away before I reached out and grabbed his wrist. “I mean, the safety thing? It’s a legitimate concern now. I’m not talking about before. So sleep next to me. And I guess we’ll figure it out.”
“I guess we will.”
And then somehow I was in his arms, my robe on the floor, and we slept skin to skin, and when I felt his heartbeat underneath my cheek, I finally slept.
In my dreams there were no letters or phone calls, there was nothing chasing Kane. There were no screams and asphalt underneath us.
There was just him, his heartbeat, and everything I had missed. Everything I had given up because I was too scared. Too unsure of who I was.
And in my dreams, nothing mattered but him, me, and us.
I didn’t want to wake up.
* * *
The next day I wasn’t with Kane. That was probably a good thing because we both needed to get our heads on straight. It was hard to think when we were in the same room, when our pasts and presents collided in such an intricately entangled way.
I was at work, dealing with a few last-minute issues before I went out with a client. And because there was a legitimate concern for my safety, and because Kane was overprotective, though not in the way he had been in the past, Kingston was with me today.
I liked Kane’s cousin. They looked somewhat alike in the way all the Montgomerys did. Most of them had dark hair naturally, though some of them dyed it whatever color they felt like. I dyed my hair a honey blond as it was, so I understood. Kingston also had blue eyes, but they were a slightly different shade than Kane’s, and while they reminded me of the man that I still loved, they weren’t exactly the same.
I enjoyed being around Kingston almost from the moment we met—the same day I met Kane. After all, Kingston and Claire were the reason that it had been easy for Kane and me to actually go out that first time.
As soon as I hung up with my client, I pinched the bridge of my nose. Kingston grunted.
He’d been sitting in the corner working on the countless things he had to do with his job, and I wondered if he hated being forced to be a full-time bodyguard. I would hate it, because it meant that he couldn’t actually do the work that he needed to do, because he was too busy babysitting me.
“Everything okay?” I asked, feeling as awkward as ever. Had Kane told him we slept together? Kingston had picked me up from Kane’s house, so he probably figured it out. The man was observant after all. But maybe he thought Kane and I had slept in separate spaces. That I hadn’t slept naked next to the man that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. The fact that we were in a situation, not a relationship, was concerning. I had no idea what it meant. But none of that mattered in the light of day when we had other things to worry about.
“I’m trying to track the notes, but the police don’t have his fingerprints, meaning the guy has never been run before, and he’s not in the system. And the emails are being re-routed through three different IP addresses, and it’s giving Noah fits. I said I would help take another look while I was sitting here with you.”
I swallowed hard, my mouth going suddenly dry at the thought that whoever was doing this was far more sophisticated at it than I had thought.
“How do you run emails through IP addresses? I don’t even know how to find mine.”
He shook his head. “It’s a process that some people can do quite easily. It’s unraveling it that’s the hard part, but Noah’s usually decent at it. So I’m not sure what’s going on.”
From what little Kane had told me of the company, Noah was one of the best. The fact that he hadn’t been able to trace the calls—nor had the detective in charge of my case—worried me. “I don’t like this. I don’t like the fact that you have to be here, or that someone is sending these weird notes. I mean, maybe they’re just not dangerous? Maybe they’re just playing a stupid game.”
Kingston set down his tablet and moved towards me, a frown on his face. I straightened my shoulders back, not sure what he was going to do.
“The fact that they’re doing all this rerouting worries me. That you went to Kane because you were scared? Trust that instinct. Maybe it’s nothing, but you can’t be too careful.”
“And do you always have a one-on-one bodyguard for something like this? You’re about to go on a client meeting with me. Doesn’t that seem like we’re overreacting?” I sighed. “I really want this just to be overreacting.”
“Maybe it’s overreacting and this is something that you can laugh about later. But I would rather us do too much than not enough.” He swallowed, his gaze going distant for a moment as if he were remembering something he would rather not.
I knew some of what Kane had done. But because of privacy reasons, and the way he always internalized things, I didn’t know everything. He sometimes had bruises and cuts, but never went into any detail about how he got them. He always said it was the nature of his job, but I wanted to know more. And with Kingston right here? I wanted to make sure he was safe too.
Of course, that just made me a hypocrite because wasn’t that why I had taken a step back from Kane? Because he needed to know that I was protected?
But who was protecting the Montgomerys?
“We do a lot in our job. A lot of times it’s boring. It’s setting up cameras or sitting outside a door during a meeting and waiting. I don’t mind the boring parts. They mean we did our jobs right to begin with. And frankly, if Kane wanted me to sit on you for the entire day and make sure you didn’t even get a paper cut? I’d do that. He’s family. And he loves you.”
I blushed, shaking my head. “Let’s not talk about that, okay? It’s far too complicated.”
“Yes, because Kane totally slept on the couch last night.” He rolled his eyes and held up his hands. “No, I’m not going to pry. I’d say it’s none of my business, but it is because I’m a nosy asshole when it comes to my family. However, you both need to work your shit out. I told him that when you first broke up, but he was too fucking proud to do it. So maybe this is your second chance. I just really wish it wasn’t while he was at the doctor getting his stitches checked out.”
I dropped my phone. “What? He’s at the doctor?” The panic in my voice made my words screech, and Kingston cursed.
“Shit. I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”
“Why? Because I’m not supposed to worry about him? No, that’s not how things work. His job is dangerous. I know that. But if I’m kept in the dark, then what does that make me? Just a fraction of his life that doesn’t mean much? I don’t need to know everything, but I need to know some things. Like the fact that he’s not here because he’s at the doctor. He was shot, Kingston. In my arms. I can still hear it echoing in my head. I can still hear my scream. He didn’t scream. He didn’t react other than to protect me. Because that’s what he always does. So is he hurt? Did he have to go to the doctor for an emergency?” I asked, this time my voice far calmer and far more sure.
“It’s just a checkup appointment. He should have told you, but he always wants to keep you in this little bubble and away from the decisions he makes at work.”
“And we both know that precious little bubble popped. So maybe he should keep me updated.”
“Are you two together? Do you have a right to know?”
I opened my mouth but was stopped by my phone ringing.
“That’s a question I guess I’ll have to answer later,” I said before I went back to work. Kingston sighed. It looked like he wanted to say something else but refrained. That was good. I didn’t have any answers.
I wasn’t going to ask Kingston for them.
And I was truly afraid to ask Kane.
* * *
By the time I was finished with work, I was frazzled and tired. I hadn’t slept much the night before, and it wasn’t all to do with who I slept next to. Kingston followed me home, then made sure I was safe and locked up in my apartment with Claire before he gave us a two-finger salute and walked away.
I hadn’t heard from Kane all day, other than a brief text message to check on me during lunch.
I wasn’t even sure what I was supposed to say to him, because I needed to get my thoughts in order. Yelling at him because he hadn’t told me he had gone to the doctor wasn’t going to help anything. Kingston was right. Did I have the right to know?
I walked into the kitchen to find Claire there, a glass of wine in each hand.
I raised a brow at my best friend and roommate as she handed over a glass. “Tell me what happened.”
“I think I made a mistake, or maybe not.”
“That was very clear and concise. How about a few more details?”
I took a sip of my wine before explaining. “I slept with Kane.” And then I took a big gulp. The sweet and tart taste covered my tongue, and I was grateful for the pinot grigio. At least it gave me something to do rather than blurt out everything else.
Claire blinked. “Okay. That’s a start. Tell me everything.” She gestured towards the couch and I sat down and told her everything that had happened, from start to finish. Including my conversation with Kingston. Claire set her half-finished wine glass on the coffee table and nodded. “He’s right, you know. It’s good that they’re being overprotective. I like that we’re more secure in this apartment. And while I think Kane should have told you he was going to the doctor since you were there for the incident, it does bring up the question—what do you want?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. All I know is that I like him. I love him.”
“If you love him, then talk to him about it.”
“I did. I told him why I made that decision before. Why I think I made a mistake before.”
Claire snapped her fingers and pointed at me. “There. Finally. You finally admit that you made a mistake by breaking up with Kane.”
I set my wine glass down and put my hands over my face, screaming quietly for a moment. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I let my hands fall, and Claire sighed.
“Because I thought you would snap out of it. It was what you needed at the time, but I thought the two of you would make it work if you would just talk to each other.”
“It’s so easy to talk to someone in a movie or in a book, but in real life? Do you know how hard it is to bare your soul to someone?”
Claire shook her head. “Not in that way. But you did. And then you slept with him. You love him. Do you trust him?”
“I trust him with everything that I am, except I don’t trust him with himself. Does that make sense?” I asked.
Claire scrunched her nose. “Yes. So, talk to him about it.”
“I will. Although he hasn’t spoken with me today beyond that single text. So for all I know he thought it was a complete mistake. And we’re never going to talk about it again. And it’s over. Done.”
“You will never know unless you ask. Which is the hardest thing, and super easy for me to say because I’m not in your shoes.”
The doorbell rang, and I tensed, my knuckles turning white from how hard I clenched my hands.
“Let’s check the camera. It’s probably just a delivery, you know my addiction to Amazon.” She stood up and grabbed her phone, looking at the readout.
“It’s a flower delivery guy. Do you want me to check?”
“No, I’ll go to the door.”
“How about I do it,” Claire said as she moved past me, and alarms rocked through me. I shouldn’t have to feel this fear. My so-called stalker just had to be someone playing a prank with too much time on their hands.
Only I wasn’t sure that was the truth.
I heard Claire talking through the door, and then the door opened as she took the flowers from the man and signed something.
When she came forward, her eyes widened. “Well, Kane seems to be fine with it.”
“What?”
“There’s flowers here, they have to be from him, right?” she asked, before I looked at the note.
“They have to be from him.” I wanted to feel warmth through my system, but neither one of us looked sure about that. Claire looked pale from where she stood in front of me holding the flowers.
Don’t be afraid. I miss you. I’ll see you soon. It took all within me not to drop the vase on the floor. I set it down, my hands shaking, and reached for my phone.
“I have to call Kane. This guy sent flowers. I really wanted these to be from Kane. I really wanted my only worries in life to be about my relationship, my family, and my deadbeat dad. I did not want this.”
“I’ll call Kane for you. It’s okay. We’ve got this. I checked the guy’s ID though, he’s literally from the florist.”
“What florist?” I asked, my head shooting up.
“I wrote everything down just like Kingston told me to. We’ll handle this. Maybe the guy made a mistake. Maybe he paid with a credit card and left his name.”
She dialed Kane from my phone and I rolled my shoulders back, taking the phone from her so I could handle it myself. I realized it wasn’t going to be that easy.
Something was wrong. This guy was escalating. And I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. But I knew who would.
I just swallowed hard before I said, “Kane? He sent flowers.”
I trusted him. I always had. Just not necessarily with my heart, or his. But that didn’t matter right now.
Not when danger lurked far too close.