5. Chapter Five
Jax
I blink, my eyelids drooping as my mouth stretches into a wide yawn. It’s a little past one in the morning as I quietly amble up the stairway, reminding myself to avoid the creaky spots so I don’t wake anyone. My shift at the fire station technically wasn’t due to end until seven. But the night was unusually quiet, so they sent me home.
I spent the entire shift thinking about my interaction with Maddie.
The exhaustion and weariness bracketing her dull eyes when she stumbled in after her first shift at the store flashes through my mind. I hated that look. Loathed it, actually. The urge to pull her into my arms had never been stronger. If I were Luke, I would work myself to the bone to make sure she never looked like that again.
I remember the way those tired eyes dipped down to my lips and lingered there. The way she shivered when I succumbed to temptation and allowed my thumb to caress her ankle. The smoothness of her skin against my rough callous made my stomach tighten. When she looked down at me, I could have sworn I saw desire.
Then I ruined it by opening my mouth.
Honestly, she was right. I had no right to get upset just because I didn’t like the answer she gave me. But it kills me that Luke will barely speak to me these days. And instead of focusing on him, I was fussing over his girlfriend— whom I have no right to try to take care of.
It pisses me off that Luke is squandering his chance.
As I shuffle down the hallway, a ray of light spills from Maddie’s open doorway and I slow. There’s a hitch in my pulse. I wonder if she’s awake in there, and if she’s wearing those sleep shorts that show off her creamy thighs. My dick twitches at the thought, and I reach down to adjust myself.
She’s probably waiting for Luke to come home. Keeping the bed warm for him. I grind my teeth together.
I’m just going to casually stroll past.
Without looking.
I’m definitely not going to invade her privacy or—
Cold sluices through my muscles, my ears straining to pick up the faint noise. It’s a very distinct sound that can only mean one thing.
The rhythmic creaking of a mattress accompanied by heavy panting.
Are they fucking in there?
My chest constricts. Does she get as wet and needy for him as she did that night I pulled her into my truck? Does she beg him the way I fantasize about her begging me to touch her?
Don’t you dare look.
I linger outside the doorway for a moment, like the pervert I am. Jesus, what am I doing? Listening to my brother having sex with the woman I’ve been lusting over? I’m such a piece of shit right now.
Move on.
But my ears strain, listening for Maddie.
She’s not giving out any of the breathy whimpers or pleas for more that she gifted me with that night—sounds I’ve been dreaming about for years. Are her eyes rolling back in her head? Are her fingernails scratching down his back?
Fuck it, I just need one glimpse.
My feet move of their own accord, carrying me into the doorway where my eyes are immediately drawn to the sight of bare skin. That spark of jealousy slams into my gut so hard, it nearly takes my breath away. My fingers grip onto the door frame as my jaw clenches. Maddie’s eyes find mine, her brown iris’ flaring with shock as I watch. She’s on Luke’s lap, her bare legs wrapped around his waist. He’s thrusting into her, his body facing the wall so he’s none the wiser that his girlfriend is staring slack-jawed at me. She opens her mouth to speak, and dread crawls up my throat.
She’s going to call me out, and I’ll never live this down.
“That feel good, baby?” Luke whispers. I ignore the sight of my brother’s bare ass and the way his hips rock against hers. Instead, I keep my attention on her. It’s not hard to do—anytime Maddie is within eyeshot, I have a tendency to forget about anything else. My eyes drink her in, trying to read the expression on her face. Her skin isn’t coated in sweat, she’s not bucking her hips, or mewling for more. Her eyes don’t have that droopy, glazed expression she gave me that night.
Something sour settles inside my stomach.
Is she just going through the motions, tolerating his touch until he’s finished? A woman like her should be catered to. She should be out of her mind with ecstasy.
Maddie snaps her mouth shut, a myriad of emotions flitting across her features. Her eyebrows knit together. And then her gaze slides down my body, taking in my disheveled appearance. Something heats in her eyes. A spark of real lust, I think. It soothes my jealousy and replaces it with a low, simmering heat in my groin. My cock begins to harden as she eye fucks me.
Does she know she’s looking at me like that?
The weight of that heated gaze on me—fuck, it does something to me.
I barely bite back a growl.
My breathing speeds up as one of my hands slowly glides down my chest, my eyes staying glued on her face for any sign she might want me to stop. She watches the descent of my hand, and when I pause with it resting atop the waistband of my pants, she bites her lip.
Then she nods.
A shudder runs through me.
She wants to watch me touch myself. Fuck me, am I really going to do this?
It might be wrong, but if this is my one and only chance to be the man that makes her feel good, I’m going to take it.
In any capacity.
Leaning my hip against the doorframe, I fix my gaze to her face. Then I cock my head, my lips twisting into a smirk.
“ Watch me ,” I silently mouth.
Her lip’s part on a gasp as she continues to rock on his lap. For a brief moment, that ugly thread of jealousy threatens to reappear because I know her bare breasts are pressed against his chest. And I can just imagine how good it would feel to have her nipples scraping against my skin.
Slowly unbuckling my belt so Luke won’t hear, I reach in and pull out my stiff erection. A bolt of lust shoots through me when Maddie stares at it like she’s fucking mesmerized. I use my thumb to smear precum over my sensitive head, hissing quietly at the jolt of pleasure. My hand begins to work itself up and down my shaft.
“Please.” Maddie’s breathless plea sends a bolt of heat spearing through my stomach and makes my muscles clench.
Fuck. Me.
I stroke myself a little faster while my free hand gently squeezes my balls, the way I imagine she would. My mouth falls open, and the way she’s looking at me has more precum oozing from my reddened tip. Does she know what it does to me when she looks at my cock like it’s something she wants in her mouth? I grit my teeth, fighting back a groan at the thought. Fighting the urge to close my eyes and tip my head back, I force them to remain on her. I fight that heavy-lidded haze of pleasure because I want her to see the hunger in my eyes; I want her to know I’m pretending it’s me thrusting into her body.
I want to be the one taking care of her needs and making her feel good.
“Are you close?” Luke murmurs into her ear. Her expression remains glazed, so fixated on me that I’m not even sure if she heard him. “I’m about to come, baby.”
I arch my eyebrow.
With her gaze still locked on me, she frantically nods her head. “Oh my God, yes.”
“Good girl,” I mouth.
Luke increases the speed of his thrusts, her lips trembling on a silent cry.
And suddenly, I don’t care whose cock she’s on as long she comes.
“ Come ,” I mouth. “Let me see.” My hands are still working up and down my cock, heat building at the base of my spine. My balls are tightening and—
Maddie cries out, her orgasm hitting her at the same time as mine. She turns her head into Luke’s neck, hiding her face and whimpering into his ear. My orgasm bursts out of me, my groan drowned out by the sweet little noises she’s giving to Luke.
That she’s giving…to Luke.
Not me.
Never me.
My eyes squeeze shut as shame and guilt wash over me, immediately drowning out any post-orgasmic haze. Luke moans, his thrusts becoming more erratic until he stills. And I know he’s coming inside her, completely unaware I’m standing here with my dick out, beating off to the sight of his girlfriend. My entire body stiffens. What the fuck am I doing?
Shaking my head, I quickly back away from the doorway of their bedroom and rush down the hallway to my own room. I wince when I shut the door a little too loudly behind me, hoping Luke didn’t pick up on it as I slump against the door. The darkness of the bedroom engulfs me as I pant, my chest heaving as I wait for my heart to stop pounding.
I just betrayed my own brother over a woman.
I may not have touched her, but I wanted to.
I inserted myself into a moment that should have been something private between them. My cock still throbs at the memory of jerking myself off while she watched.
But the thing that really feels like a stab to my chest?
Even though the view of her naked body was mostly obscured by Luke, it felt like it was just the two of us. Like he wasn’t there between us at all.
Not really.