6. Chapter Six
Jax
T he following week passes in a blur. Every day, I wake up early and sneak out of the house before Maddie appears downstairs. I spend all day down at the shop and come home later than usual, keeping mostly to myself and replaying the events of that night in my mind. The guilt and shame eat at me, but so do jealousy and longing.
Fuck.
Maddie comes home from work each evening looking exhausted as she slips off her high heels. I want to go to her and offer to rub her sore feet, but I don’t dare. Instead, I watch in awkward silence as she scurries off to her room without looking at me. Luke is often gone more than he’s home—but when he is home, their hushed arguments carry to me from behind their closed door.
I’m sitting on the couch, a chilled beer half-way to my mouth with the football game on when the front door opens. Luke walks in with a scowl and Maddie follows close behind. She slams the door shut behind her as she glowers at his back. He runs a hand through his hair, sighing before turning back to Maddie and pulling her into his embrace. She goes willingly, although her body is tense.
“You’re the one who told me I needed a job, remember?” he murmurs.
“I didn’t mean for you to leave me for three months.” Her voice is muffled against his chest, her fists clenching into the material of his black hoodie. I openly watch them, making no attempt to hide my intrigue. I don’t think they’ve noticed me sitting here, but if they want to argue in private then they should go upstairs.
“You said you wanted us to get out of this house,” he reminds her, his hand running up and down her back. My jaw clenches as I watch the path it takes, a sense of unease that I have no right to possess bubbling in my chest when it brushes along the top of her ass. Then her words hit me in the gut.
“I can’t stay here by myself with him for three months.”
What the fuck does she think I’m going to do—make her eat her vegetables?
I inhale sharply, my stomach roiling. Does she hate me that much?
Luke chuckles, the sound exasperated. His head lolls back as he blows out a puff of air towards the ceiling. “I don’t get it, Madds. It’s like you two took one look at each other and hated the other for existing.” He rolls his eyes before glancing back down at her. “You guys are pretty good at avoiding each other, so it’s not like you’ll see much of him anyways.”
Maddie lifts her chin. “I don’t hate him.”
“He’s sitting right here,” I mutter dryly, the muscles in my neck rigid. On second thought, I’ve decided I don’t want to hear any more of this conversation. I don’t particularly relish listening to Maddie explain why she can’t stand to be in the same house as me. My imagination can fill the blanks in.
And I know it’s my fault.
Maddie’s shoulders tense at the sound of my voice, and it makes me sigh. Luke’s head jerks towards me, his eyebrows shooting up. A pink dusting spreads across his cheeks, and I almost feel sorry for him. Almost, but not quite, because his hand on her ass still has me feeling twitchy. He slowly steps away from Maddie, stuffing his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie. The contrite look on his face is the one he used to give me whenever I caught him sneaking out to parties or hiding his report cards. Maddie averts her gaze from me, and I find that I don’t like the guilt-riddled expression or the insecurity that flashes across her face as she stares at her feet.
“Uh, sorry bro. I just, um—”
I hold up my hand. “It’s fine. I know you two would rather have your own space.”
Luke blows out a noisy breath as he nods, giving me an appreciative smile.
Time for a subject change.
I jerk my chin towards him. “What’s this about a job?”
“Well,” Luke begins, hesitating as his eyes slide in Maddie’s direction. She sets her mouth in a hard line and wraps an arm around her middle but doesn’t say anything. “I decided to take that job I told you about. It’s a three-month contract at Cedarwood Mountain Lodge.”
I release a low whistle.
“That’s a long time to be gone,” I observe, pointing out the obvious. My stomach swoops at the idea of being alone for that long with Maddie. Being stuck with her for three months without Luke as a buffer—as a reminder of why I can’t touch her—sounds like a long, slow form of torture. I don’t exactly have a great track record when it comes to resisting this woman, especially if my recent behavior is any indication.
If I believed in a god, I would be on my knees praying for strength right now.
I look at Maddie, and she lifts her head to meet my eyes. She’s careful to keep a neutrally blank expression as she blinks at me with that cool gaze of hers. I try to decipher the emotions in her soulful, brown eyes but I can’t make her out today. Is it guilt that’s had her avoiding me, or is it regret? Did I make her uncomfortable?
Guilt I can handle. But the other two? I would rather she just drop kick me in the nuts.
I turn my attention towards Luke when he continues speaking, almost having forgotten about our conversation. “Yeah, but I haven’t found any other jobs. They need some extra help for the winter season, and this will pay well.”
I nod, scratching my fingers over the rough stubble lining my jaw. “So, you’ll be gone December through February?”
“Yeah, so, will you watch out for Maddie while I’m gone?” he asks.
She hikes her shoulders up, her eyes darting over to me with a deer-in- headlights expression. My fingers tighten around the beer bottle as my heart thuds. She’s thinking about the way I watched her that night. I know it.
“I’m not a child. I don’t need a guardian.” When she shoots Luke a dark, accusatory glare, I chuckle into my beer bottle. Then she turns that expression on me, and the fire in her eyes has a thrill running down my spine.
There she is.
I smirk, loving the way she narrows her eyes at me.
“Are you worried I’ll forget to check under your bed for monsters?” I quip, my smirk widening when her nostrils flare.
She throws her hands up in the air with an exasperated groan, ignoring my laughter as she turns on her heels. Then she disappears up the staircase, mumbling something about “grown men who act like children.”
“Think she’ll knife me when I’m not looking?” I wonder aloud.
“Can you just try to get along with her, please?” Luke asks, his voice strained. “And keep an eye out for her? She doesn’t have much family left.”
Something tight clenches in my chest. “Yeah, her parents. I remember.” I take a large gulp of beer, my amusement drying up.
“Yeah. She doesn’t say it, but I think she’s still messed up over it.”
I roll my eyes. Of course, it still affects her. She was riding in the back seat of their car the day they wrecked, and she was trapped inside a mangled vehicle with their dead bodies still bleeding out in the front seat.
The thought makes me sick to my stomach.
“I’ll watch out for her,” I assure him, meaning it this time.
As if I would ever let any harm come to that woman. She may not be mine, but I’ll protect her just the same.
“Thanks, man.” Luke sounds tired, and I notice the dark circles under his eyes. A twinge of concern pushes itself to the front of my brain. As he turns towards the staircase, his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. He hasn’t been home much this week, and it makes me wonder what he does with his time when he’s not with Maddie.
“Luke?”
He pauses on the bottom step, turning to give me a questioning look. For a moment, I remember the little boy who used to ride his bike up and down the driveway. He would fly down the hill so fast that pieces of gravel would fling out behind him. I would stand in the open doorway of the shop, my hands covered in grease as I watched him. Oftentimes I would call after him, warning him to slow down before he wrecked. And inevitably, he would spin out and come hobbling over to me with a skinned knee.
And I would wash it out before patching a Band-Aid over the bleeding wound, his quiet sniffles pulling on my heart strings.
“Is everything okay?” I ask him quietly. I take another swig of beer, so he won’t see the hope on my face, the yearning for him to let me in. A long moment of silence follows, and I begin to fidget.
“Yeah, man,” he finally says, blowing his cheeks out and exhaling loudly. His voice is quiet, resigned. “I’ve just been…trying to figure something out.”
“Is it—is it something to do with Maddie?”
He shakes his head. “No, she’s great—I…We’re good.”
And why does that feel like a kick to the chest?
“You know you can tell me anything, right?”
His downcast eyes make me want to shake him for answers. Then he opens his mouth to speak. And for a moment, I think he’s going to let me in again, like he used to.
“It’s nothing,” he says instead, shaking his head as his fingers tap on the stairway banister. “I just…have a lot going on.”
I hate the dejection in his tone.
But I remember what Maddie said about Luke needing me to be more of a brother figure and less like a father. I decide not to push for any more information, even if it goes against my natural instincts. Despite my disappointment, I still recognize that this is more than he usually gives me. And I should give him something in return.
“I miss you,” I admit.
His eyes soften, and his shoulders relax. “Yeah, same. I think this job will be good for me. Maybe the time away will give me some perspective. And when I get back, maybe we can hang out sometime?”
Something warm swells inside my chest at the thought.
“Yeah.” I duck my head, unable to stop the grin from stretching across my face. “We haven’t been fishing in a while. Or maybe we can take out the four-wheelers if it’s warm enough.”
“Sounds like fun,” Luke says, his own grin looking genuine. It slips a little as he nods towards the stairs, his eyes lingering on the vacant hallway. “I’m going to go talk to her.”
“Right. Well, goodnight.”
I watch him walk up the stairs, relieved that maybe he finally wants to bridge some of the distance between us.
Maybe Maddie was right. Maybe I’ve been in the guardian role for so long that I’ve forgotten how to be the big brother he needs.
But I can’t help but wonder—what could he need time away from?