7. Chapter Seven
Maddison
H ere’s the thing about coming to terms with a crumbling relationship: sometimes it’s easier to cling to the status quo than it is to ask for more. With every day that passes, the distance between Luke and me becomes insurmountable. The days where we used to hold hands and go on coffee dates together are long gone. These days, we mostly ignore each other. I’m slowly accepting that he’s no longer in love with me. Just as I’ve been trying to accept the fact that my love for him isn’t as infallible as I once thought it was.
Closing the back door behind me, I shiver and run a hand down my bare arms. It’s the tail-end of fall, and now that the sun has disappeared, the air feels chilly. It’s a little late in the year to be having a cookout, but there’s no way we could comfortably fit everyone inside. As I will my body to warm up, the mingled laughter of Luke’s friends drifts in through the closed door. Tonight will be his last night at home and, in the morning, he’ll leave for his new job.
For three months.
Initially, I wanted us to spend this time alone. But Luke insisted that he invite our—his—friends over for a party. Now I’m just relieved I don’t have to spend the night pretending I’m still upset over his upcoming absence. If anything, I’m mostly angry at the idea of being forced to spend three awkward months with Jax. Spotting Luke’s gray jacket hanging over a kitchen chair, I grab it and slip it on. I sigh at the immediate sense of warmth and safety before making my way to the refrigerator with my empty wine glass.
I top my glass off before ambling over to the kitchen window. His friends laugh and joke while Luke flips burgers on the grill, a wide grin splitting his face. His blonde hair is pulled into a bun, one lone strand resting on the side of his cheek.
I know I need to break things off before he leaves tomorrow, but I haven’t been able to find the words yet. Although we’ll be able to call each other as much as we want, I don’t want to do this over the phone. He deserves a face-to-face conversation. A clean break. Despite the rocky status of our relationship right now, we’ve had good times. Part of me will always hold some affection for him, and I don’t want to string him along for three months.
“You look like you’re trying to butcher another word to pass off as a real thing.” Jax’s voice cuts through the silence, his sudden appearance making my heart leap into my throat. I jump, my hand flying up to rest over my chest as I yelp. When my head whips toward him, it’s impossible to miss the amusement dancing in his eyes.
“That’s not funny,” I mutter, my lips twitching despite my words.
“It’s a little funny,” he says, grinning as he pinches his index finger and thumb together.
I snort.
His bare feet shuffle along the floor as he makes his way towards me, not stopping until we’re shoulder-to-shoulder. His gaze finds the kitchen window next to me. The proximity makes my mouth go dry.
Things have been…weird between us.
One thing I do know for sure: if I truly loved Luke, I would have called Jax out instead of allowing him to watch his little brother fuck me. The feeling of his eyes on me wouldn’t have sent a tremble of excitement through my limbs. Watching that big hand wrap around his cock wouldn’t have had me mesmerized and aching for more. I wouldn’t have imagined it was his cock I was riding and not Luke’s.
And I certainly wouldn’t have butterflies in my stomach just because he’s standing next to me in a white shirt and gray sweatpants with his big, capable hands resting so close to mine.
Maybe Luke hasn’t been the best partner, but I’m certainly no saint either.
“I can leave,” I whisper.
His head snaps back to me, his eyebrows pinching together. “What?”
“After Luke heads off for his new job tomorrow.” I falter for a moment, my nerves almost getting the best of me as I tug my bottom lip between my teeth. Staring out the window, I refuse to meet his gaze. I watch as people mill around the yard instead, laughing as they drink. “Maybe it would be better if I stay with my aunt in Crestwood Heights for a while.”
I’m going to break up with Luke anyway. I definitely can’t stay here with Jax. Right?
“But he asked me to keep an eye on you.”
He says it simply, like that’s all there is to it. Nothing else to discuss. The disappointment that it conjures feels bittersweet. I know I have no right to feel this way, but I wish he would tell me he wants me to stay for his own selfish reasons. I wish he would admit he doesn’t dislike me and he never really has. That he feels this chemistry that’s always crackling between us.
But I can’t want those things.
“So, you’re going to tolerate my presence for Luke’s sake?” I give him a flat stare.
“What? No, that’s not what I meant,” Jax replies, his voice sounding tired. “Just stay here, okay?” He braces both hands on the counter in front of his body. “Just…stay here.”
Movement catches my eyes, and I look down. His fingers tremble as his hand slides closer to mine, making my breath hitch. His pinky finger reaches out, grazing along mine in a touch so light I can barely feel it. Blood rushes through my ears, my pulse quickening. It’s the only confirmation I’m going to get that Jax has his own reasons for wanting me to stay that have nothing to do with Luke, but it’s enough.
“You’re wearing my jacket,” he murmurs.
A flush creeps up my neck, and my heart stumbles. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought it was Luke’s.” I rush to pull the soft fabric off me, but his hand reaches out. It gently circles my wrist as he chuckles and shakes his head. He gives me a sideways glance.
“Wear it. It looks good on you.” The husky rumble of his voice sends a shot of adrenaline through me.
I swallow. “Okay. Thanks.”
There’s a moment of awkward tension between us where we both avert our eyes, and I wonder if he’s going to bring up the incident. He’s probably going to tell me it was a mistake and it can’t happen again. To which I’ll agree. Of course. Instead, he nods towards the crowd outside.
“Should we join the party?”
“Sure, why not?” I shrug, feigning nonchalance. We definitely need to put some space between us.
I follow him outside, tugging his jacket just a little tighter around me. Jax wanders off, probably in search of his brother. I walk around the corner of the house, where I know there’s a cluster of rose bushes. I just need a minute to steady my erratic pulse. I want to stare up at the clear moon overhead and admire the mountain peaks in the distance while I push down these weird feelings I’ve been having around Jax.
Just as I walk around the corner, the sound of rustling makes me pause. Although I can’t make out their features in the dark, I can see a man pressed up against a writhing female. His hips grind into hers as he kisses down her neck. She moans, her fingers running through long locks of dark blonde hair.
I freeze, everything inside me going cold.
My fingers lose their grip on my wine glass, and it goes tumbling out of my hand. It lands on the ground, the red liquid sloshing out and soaking into the grass. There’s a plummeting sensation in my stomach as the couple turns to face me, both of them looking shocked.
The curly-haired female I don’t recognize.
But the man now rushing towards me with his hands out in a placating gesture, his face contorted in regret and guilt?
“Luke, what the fuck are you doing?” My voice is squeaky.
Something cracks in my chest, and I suspect it’s the last lingering piece of love that was holding our relationship together.
“It’s not what it looks like!” he exclaims, his voice sounding panicked. The curly-haired woman huffs, sending him a sneer as she rights her clothes. She storms away, her shoulder ramming into his as she goes. It sends him stumbling back a step, but his eyes remain on me.
I blink at him.
“Well—I mean, I guess it is kind of what it looks like,” he rushes on, his hand dragging through the long locks that now hang freely down his shoulders, those long fingers tangling them into snarls. His eyes squeeze shut for a moment. “What you saw—Madds, that’s all it was. I’ve never touched her before. We just had a little too much to drink and got carried away. You have to believe me.”
I chuckle humorlessly. “You expect me to believe that’s the first time you’ve ever touched her?” I ask, my voice growing hard. Rage burns through me, making my limbs tremble. The pitch of my voice grows louder, harsher as I continue. “Or that it even fucking matters?”
He winces. “Please, Maddie baby,” he pleads, approaching me slowly like one would a frightened animal.
I take a step back. I’m honestly surprised this hurts as much as it does. Even through the searing anger, I can feel the jagged pieces of hurt.
“You don’t get to call me that anymore.”
Behind me, I think I can hear voices murmuring. I’m vaguely aware that we’re drawing a crowd.
“Let’s go somewhere private and talk,” he says. He draws in a shaky breath and, maybe it makes me a shitty person, but the fear in his eyes makes me feel vindicated. Part of me wants him to be afraid, to hurt knowing that the end of us is coming, and all because he fucked up.
I scoff. “I was trying to think of a way to let you down easy, you know?” A lump forms in my throat but I swallow past it, blinking as my vision blurs.
A hint of pain and vulnerability flashes across his face. “Give me another chance,” he whispers, his lips trembling. “Please don’t do this.” As if he could stop what he’s already set in motion.
“I was going to be gentle when I broke the news to you,” I say quietly, vehemently. “But now? I just want you to know that I hate how many years I wasted on you, and I’m done.”
I turn then, pausing when I see the silent crowd gathered behind us. They look at me with pity, and I fucking hate it. My pulse picks up, and I wipe my palms against my jeans. The attention—the pitying stares—it makes me want to run and hide.
“What the hell is going on?”
Jax’s disgruntled voice booms from somewhere behind the crowd and my heart feels like it’s about to careen straight into a brick wall. I don’t want him to see me like this. He’s so strong and unflappable, and I’m about two seconds away from falling apart. The crowd parts for him, and his face comes into view. His gaze immediately finds me, concern and confusion flitting across his rugged features. Then he notices Luke standing behind me, and his eyes darken. I take a deep, calming breath before I force my feet to carry me through the crowd.
His hand reaches out, brushing along his jacket. I jerk out of his grasp and quicken my pace.
“Maddison—”
“Don’t!” I snap as I whirl around, my voice coming out so harshly he flinches. “Just leave me alone, Jax.”
I can’t talk to him right now.
I can’t.