13. Chapter Thirteen
Maddison
Andrew: I put an air horn under the boss’s chair like you asked me to. It got him real good! The whole shop was cracking up.
God, that sounds wonderful. Wish I had been there to see it!
Andrew: Fair warning! He’s on his way home now, and he looks like he’s out for blood.
“ M addison!” My body jolts at the sound of Jax’s sing-song voice as the front door flies open. His massive body lingers in the doorway as he cocks his head at me, a devilish smirk pulling on his firm lips. He takes a step forward, closing the front door behind him and placing a hand in each pocket. Despite his casual stance, he looks like a predator playing with its food. It shoots a thrill through me.
“Jax, don’t do anything crazy,” I warn him. I take a step back towards the kitchen that I just exited. He takes another lumbering step forward, and my heart skips a beat.
“You started the war, little menace.”
“No, that was just…retaliation.” I narrow my eyes. “For messing with my car last week.”
He takes another step forward, while I step backwards again. His wolfish grin has my mouth going dry. “And when you asked me so nicely to fix it, I did. Didn’t I?” He almost laughs on the word nicely because we both know that’s a lie.
“A day and a half later!” I continue to back up as he advances on me until my hips collide with the kitchen table. This version of Jax is so different from the one I’ve been accustomed to, and I love it. He still tends to be overly serious, but I’ve been catching glimpses of playfulness too.
“And I could have done way worse!” I give him my best cheeky grin, and he arches an eyebrow. “If you knew some of the other pranks that crossed my mind, you would know I went easy on you. Honestly, you should be thanking me.”
“So fucking mouthy.” He shakes his head, a playful smile bringing out his dimples. “But that’s not going to save you.” Then he rushes toward me.
I let loose a shriek as I attempt to turn and bolt away, but he’s too quick. Before I know it, his arms wrap around my waist in a tight grip.
Then his hands are at my sides, tickling me while I shriek with laughter.
“Thought it was funny to embarrass me in front of all my guys, did you?” He taunts me, his lips brushing against my ear. “You know what they say about payback, don’t you?”
My eyes water, and I giggle so hard that my stomach hurts. I frantically swat at his hands, to no avail.
“That’s enough!” I shriek.
His grin is so wide and radiant that it makes my heart stumble. Something about the close proximity of his body reminds me of the incident in the laundry room and how good it felt to have him pressed up against me. I feel my smile slip as my gaze zeros in on his mouth. His movements halt as he drags in a deep breath, his eyes darkening.
“No, don’t do that.” His voice is raspy now.
I blink. “Don’t do what?”
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
Our gazes lock, the air thickening with anticipation and razor-thin restraint. My heart beats faster as he invades my space, his soft breaths ghosting over me as his focus locks onto my parted mouth. “Like you want me to kiss those pretty lips.”
A thrill shoots through me, making my stomach swoop. I haven’t kissed him since that night in his truck all those years ago, haven’t allowed myself to dwell on it much, because I knew if I did, I would crave more. And now I’m itching to find out if the real thing is as good as my memories make it out to be. My fingers reach out of their own accord, grasping onto the denim of his work uniform and pulling him flush against me. Jax comes willingly, a low groan pulling from his throat.
He threads a hand through my hair before placing two fingers under my chin and gently tilting it up. “Tell me what you want.”
“Kiss me.” My voice comes out low and needy.
“Fucking finally,” he mutters.
I blink, wondering what he means by that. But all thoughts vanish from my head when his lips meet mine in a soft kiss. He releases a tortured groan, and adrenaline bursts through my body, making me gasp. One of my hands slips up to cup his jaw, the rough scratch of his stubble against my fingertips a sharp contrast to his gentle kiss. He continues kissing me, gradually demanding more as the pressure increases. His tongue teases along the seams of my lips, and I immediately part for him. A throaty moan of approval rumbles from deep within his chest, and it sends a lick of heat down my spine.
His tongue brushes against mine, and I whimper.
He releases something akin to a growl as one of his hands slips down to grip my hip while he sucks on my tongue. My hand slips around to his back, reveling at the smooth expanse of rippling muscles beneath my fingertips.
When we finally part for air, he rests his forehead against mine.
“Why do you fucking tempt me every goddamned day, Maddie?” His voice is low and gravely now, lined with something dark . The sound of it feels like a caress against my skin, making goosebumps pop up along every exposed inch.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I pant, sucking in a mouthful of air. “It’s not like you’ve ever noticed me before, not until recently.” Something I can’t discern flashes in his eyes.
“All I do is notice you,” he admits, his voice husky. His words flood me with a sense of warmth, and I wrap my fingers around his thick biceps. His eyes never leave mine, boring into me with an intensity that makes my head spin. It feels like a delicacy to have the full power of his attention on me, and it makes me crave more.
Moth, meet flame.
“Jax.” His name slips out of my mouth unbidden, and it doesn’t sound like me at all. Breathless and a little crazed.
“Goddamn, I love it when you say my name like that. I want to kiss you again. Please, can I? Just a few more, and then I’ll stop. I’ll be good, I promise.” He sounds desperate, and it makes my heart flutter. I squeeze my thighs together, my panties becoming damp.
Shakily, I nod.
Then he’s pushing me backwards until I hit the wall. His mouth slants over mine, taking my lips in a demanding kiss. This kiss isn’t soft at all. It’s a frenzied clashing of teeth and tongue, and it’s everything I need right now. My fingers grip a fistful of his hair, and I tug him towards me, as if he could get any closer.
Jax groans in response, his eyes half-lidded when he finally comes up for air. One hand glides down the back of my thigh before hitching my leg over his hip. With his groin cradled against mine, he grinds his erection into me. His hand envelopes my throat, firmly but not enough to impede my airway. It’s a possessive hold that makes me want to melt into him. Then his lips are kissing along my jaw. My hips thrust forward when he nips at my earlobe.
“We have to stop,” he pants.
“One more.” Now that I’ve started, pulling myself away from him feels impossible. In all honesty, I’ve never spent much time just kissing without further expectation. In my past relationships, it’s always been a perfunctory step on the way to other things. But it doesn’t feel that way with Jax. With him, it feels like… everything. I could spend hours kissing this man and never grow tired of it. In fact, I’m seriously tempted to test that theory. Especially when the next kiss is just as hungry as the last.
“Again,” he demands. I oblige him.
Wanting to explore every inch of his body, my hands slide down his biceps. I’m restless as a low throbbing makes itself known between my legs, and it shows in the frantic way I touch him. My palms roam down his chest before gliding my nails up his back, which earns me a shudder. They slide back down, moving around to the front of his body where I run a light hand over his erection. I revel in the feel of smooth skin underneath my hands, the way he grits his teeth with a hiss when I touch him, and the way his eyes flash with want.
This thing between us is starting to feel inevitable, and I’m not sure I have the energy to fight it anymore.
“We could do a little more than kissing,” I suggest breathlessly, my fingers tugging on one of his belt loops for emphasis. “Luke doesn’t have to know.”
He freezes.
Shit. Why did I say that? Why did I choose now to open my big mouth and remind him why we don’t work?
“Jax, I—”
His face turns pale as he stares down between our bodies, as though finally remembering why this is bad. Guilt, shame, horror—I watch them all flit across his face, and it feels like a slap to mine. He quickly pulls away before reaching down to adjust the bulge in his jeans. I’m left standing there, gaping, the sudden absence of his body heat making me cold.
I ruined this.
“I’m sorry.”
“No,” he snaps, pinning me with a glare. “Don’t you dare feel sorry.” Then his shoulders slump as a look of regret and resignation washes over him. He squeezes the bridge of his nose as I cross my arms. I’m so disappointed and angry at myself that I wish I could kick my own rear end.
His voice is softer when he speaks again. “I didn’t mean to let us get carried away. We can’t do this.” His eyes are full of remorse when he says that, and it chips away at my heart. “Your ex-boyfriend is my brother.”
“I get it, I really do.” Even if part of me is irrationally irritated at the ease with which he was able to pump the beaks. Clearly, I’m more hung up on this then he is. But I imagine what this would do to his relationship with Luke, and how he would react to us being together. A heavy guilt settles in my stomach. “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“One of these days, I’m going to remember to keep my hands off you,” he mutters. Something painful twists inside me at his words.
An awkward silence settles around us. He clears his throat, looking at everything except me. “I think I’ll just go grab a burger from the bar downtown for dinner tonight.”
“You don’t have to do that.” I don’t want him to go, but I know that some distance and time to cool off is exactly what we both need right now.
He shakes his head, giving me a sad smile before silently grabbing his coat and heading towards the front door. “Maddie?” I turn towards the sound of my name. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. For more than you can imagine.” My forehead wrinkles at his statement, but before I have time to question him, he’s gone.
I stare in silence at the door until my feet ache, some pathetic part of me wishing he would change his mind and come back. And I wonder, is he sorry we met at the bar that night? Does he wish he had let me walk away? I want to run after him and tell him he has nothing to be sorry for, nothing at all.
He wants to be loyal to his baby brother.
I don’t want him to feel guilty over me. He’s too good of a person for that. He deserves to move on, to put this behind him once and for all. And I deserve a man who won’t feel like shit every time he kisses me. Someone I don’t have to hide or feel guilty about being with.
I nibble on my bottom lip, knowing there’s only one way to make myself move on. To make myself give him up. Dread fills my chest as I climb up the stairs, the beginning of an idea forming in my mind. I doubt I’ll be able to move on from him anytime soon, but the expression “fake it until you make it” comes to mind. Besides, if he believes that I have moved on, then maybe that will be the push he needs to move on himself. Maybe he’ll realize I was just a passing fancy and find another woman to flirt with.
For some reason, the thought stings more than it should. A selfish part of me doesn’t want to watch him moving on with another woman. Sighing, I pull out my cell phone and call Hazel. She picks up on the second ring, sounding just as cheerful and optimistic as ever.
“Hey, woman! I was just about to call you. I picked up an extra shift at the store today, and Irene is losing her ever-loving mind over this new shipment of throw blankets. They’re so fugly! Even she agrees.”
“If she wants good quality throw blankets, she should buy them off a local who makes them by hand. But we both know she’ll never buy anything that isn’t factory-made.” My voice sounds unusually bitter and a little dejected.
“Wow. Harsh.” She whistles quietly. “But true. Now, tell me what’s wrong. Bad day?”
I blow out a heavy breath. “You could say that.”
“What happened? Has Luke been bothering you?” Her tone becomes indignant, and I almost smile at the hint of protective anger. “Because if he has, I’ll—”
“Calm down, little psycho,” I interrupt her, a soft chuckle escaping my lips. She’s quickly becoming my best friend and main confidante in Cedarwood Valley. But for some reason, I’m not ready to tell her what just transpired between me and Jax. I’m still trying to fully process it myself, which should be a sign that I’m not ready to make this request. But I bulldoze straight ahead.
“You still want to set me up on a blind date?” I don’t particularly want to do this, but I have to get over Jax Parker once and for all. So nobody gets hurt.
Hazel’s responding squeal is so loud, I have to pull my phone away from my ear.
At least one of us is excited.