24. Chapter Twenty-Four
Maddison
“ I have plans for this ass tonight,” Jax murmurs.
I giggle, my hands swatting at him as my eyes dart around the empty hallway. It’s the last day of the Cedarwood Winter Festival, and thanks to a lingering customer, we’re the last ones to leave. Jax’s truck is already loaded up with the few remaining items that didn’t sell. Overall, it was a success, and I feel like I’m dreaming.
“Maybe you should consult with me on these plans. Since it’s my ass and all?” I ask, playfully fluttering my eyelashes at him.
His only response is a heated smirk before he turns around to fully face me, walking backwards down the darkened hallway that leads from the gym to the parking lot. He raises an eyebrow. “Is that a hard limit for you?”
My cheeks warm, heat pooling in my belly as I imagine what I think he’s implying. I’ve never done that but…Jax would make it good for me, wouldn’t he? My voice turns into a throaty, hoarse whisper. “No, it’s not a hard limit.”
He smiles.
I want to tell him that I trust him with my body in a way that should feel foreign to me but doesn’t. It seems to come naturally, giving myself over to our desires. Maybe it’s not right to compare, but I find myself relaxing with him in a way I never could with Luke. It makes me want to try new things.
Jax interrupts my wayward thoughts as he turns to walk by my side again. “You made out with quite a bit of money this weekend, Miss Raddix.” His lips twitch, and he gives me an overly playful and dramatic sigh. “I think it’s time you took me out on the town. I’m a gentleman, you know. I need to be wooed a little.”
I snort when he bats his eyelashes at me, imitating my earlier move. “Could have fooled me.”
He ignores me, twisting his lips as he pretends to ponder. Then he snaps his fingers. “A steak and a blow job would do the trick. It’d make me feel really appreciated.”
I stare at him for about three seconds before I tip my head back and laugh. It’s the spontaneous, unrestrained kind of laughter that’s accompanied by a rush of joy. Jax releases a half-snort, half-chuckle before it morphs into a full-on belly laugh, his hands pressing to his stomach. The sound of it makes my breath catch, and I wish I could hear it again.
“I like laughing with you.” His whispered confession feels sensuous as he stops at the exit, pressing his back to the door. I stare up at him, drinking in this moment between us as his thumb brushes across my bottom lip.
I do, too. I like it so much that I want to do it with you for the rest of our lives.
I don’t dare utter those words aloud, although they sit on the tip of my tongue. A day and half have passed since the night he admitted he was afraid I might go back to Luke. And although things haven’t been as tense between us, sometimes I swear I still catch him staring at me like he’s about to say goodbye. A sort of melancholy expression will wash over his face, and it’s all I can do not to beg him to give us a fighting chance.
I know that you love your brother and you feel like you owe him your undying loyalty, but what about me? Could you ever love me enough to fight for me anyway?
Not wanting to sour the mood, I push my thoughts back into the furthest recesses of my mind and wrap my arms around his neck. Tilting my face up to his, I kiss him. One of his hands glides down to rest on my lower back while the other finds a spot on my hip. I take my time with this kiss, my lips moving against his in an unhurried pace as I pour my heart into it. I’m panting by the time I pull away.
Jax stares down at me with swollen lips. “What was that for?”
“Just because.” I shrug, wishing I could take his hand in mine but knowing we’ll just have to pull away again as soon as we walk out this door. Back to reality, where any prying eye could tell someone who might tell someone else who might tell Luke.
“Let’s go home,” I say softly.
He nods, giving me a faint smile before turning around and pushing the door open.
The sun is setting in front of us, the waxing light nearly nonexistent as stars twinkle to life. A cold breeze sweeps by, ruffling my loose hair and making me pull my coat around me a little tighter. My boots clink along the asphalt as we walk through a scattered crowd of people loitering outside. Some of them are still packing up the remaining items from the festival in their vehicles, while others seem to be saying their goodbyes before leaving.
“Madds.”
The familiar voice that used to brighten my whole day makes my heart freefall. My movements freeze, my head snapping up at the sound of Luke’s voice. To my right, Jax looks like an animal caught in a trap. His widened eyes dart from me to his little brother. The trepidation on his face makes my mouth go dry. I take another step forward, putting my back to Jax as I cross my arms.
“Luke, what are you doing here?”
He looks like the same man I remember, and yet he feels like a stranger. His long hair is pulled into his usual haphazard half-bun, half-ponytail. He’s wearing a black polo shirt with a small logo that looks like a cabin and a pair of khakis. Clearly his work uniform. But the dark circles under his eyes are new, and it sends a twinge of guilt through me.
“I quit.” He gestures between us before continuing. “I had to come back and fix this. The way we left things...” He trails off, blowing out a breath.
My heart is in my throat as I shake my head, dread locking my muscles up tight. I barely resist the urge to look at Jax. What must he be thinking right now?
“This isn’t a good time.” I try to keep my voice lowered, aware of curious eyes lingering on us. Something that looks like desperation crosses his features, and I want to pound my fists into the ground.
This isn’t fair. I just want to have my happily ever after with Jax.
“I’m not giving up,” he says stubbornly. “I love you.”
“Luke.” My eyes fall shut for a brief moment, my hand coming up to cover my mouth. My heart begins to slam against my ribcage. I have to put an end to this. It’s not even the crowd around us that has me panicking. I don’t want Jax to be subjected to this conversation. Instinctively, I know this will hurt him.
Protect, protect, protect.
I want to shield him from this.
“We have a lot of history. Don’t walk away because of one mistake. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness.” Luke’s hands begin to tremble at his sides as they reach into his pocket. The ground feels like it’s giving away beneath my feet when he pulls out a black, velvety box. I mutely shake my head, pleading with my eyes for him not to do this.
The gathering crowd around us grows larger, many of them now openly gawking and tapping the arm of the people nearest to them before pointing at us. Spectacle—Luke is making this into a damn spectacle. I want to strangle him, even as my heart breaks on his behalf. When Luke’s knee begins to bend, I reach forward to stop him. But before I even take two steps, he’s kneeling on one knee with the open ring box.
There’s a buzzing in the back of my mind, a sort of disbelief coursing through my blood as I numbly watch him.
“Let me show you how much you mean to me, Madds.” He looks up at me with a hopeful, nervous expression. I want to throw up. “Will you marry me?”
And that’s when I realize, in all the years we were together, not once did I picture us married. But I’m imagining it now: silent dinners where we don’t talk, him going out to see his friends while I watch TV alone, me pretending to be asleep when he stumbles in drunk. And when I compare it to the time I’ve spent with Jax, it makes me wonder why I was ever willing to settle for less.
Luke is my friend, but we’ll never love one another with the passionate, mind-consuming love that we both deserve.
His smile slips. “Madds?”
Shaking my head, I blink away tears and wrap my arms around myself. Taking a step back, I hope to feel the warmth of Jax’s chest, but it doesn’t come. I just want to get out of here and back into his arms, but the words on my tongue feel thick. Why did I let our relationship drag out so long, and why did he? When did it all become a habit?
I swallow back a lump as the hope winks out of his eyes. He stands up, his shoulders slumped as the wide-eyed crowd murmurs around us.
“You deserve someone who will love you the way I can’t,” I whisper.
Luke winces, pocketing his ring. He rubs at the back of his neck, watching me warily as I step backwards. Peering over my shoulder, I search for the man that I do love. I want to tell him…I’m going to tell him that I don’t want this to be a temporary fling where we fuck these feelings out of our system. The feelings I have for him, they aren’t so fickle as that.
But my heart stutters as I swing my gaze around.
He isn’t here.
“Jax?” I call out his name, spinning around, my voice frantic as I search for him. Behind me, Luke murmurs my name but I ignore him. A cold sliver of fear crawls down my spine. We came in separate vehicles, but….
He left me here.
“I have to go,” I say to Luke, pulling car keys out of my pocket with trembling fingers.
“Go where? Is everything okay?”
“I—I’m sorry!” I call the words over my shoulder as I jog away, weaving around the gathering crowd. When I get behind the wheel of my car, I dial Jax’s phone. No answer, not that I particularly expected one. I turn my keys over in the ignition, my wheels squealing as I peel out of the parking lot. It’s killing me not to know what’s going through his mind right now.
Did he think I would say yes? I don’t want him thinking that anybody else could ever hold a candle to him—not even for one second.
It’s time to figure out this thing between us, once and for all.