32. Chapter Thirty-Two
Maddison
“ I quit my job yesterday.”
Wrapping my hands around a warm coffee mug the next morning, I lean back against Jax’s bare chest. We slept in late, the glow of the winter sun finally shining through the curtains and rousing us from an exhausted slumber. He threw on a pair of gray sweatpants while I took a quick shower, the smell of freshly brewed coffee making its way up the stairs. When I donned a silky robe and ambled into the kitchen a few minutes later, he was sitting at the kitchen table with a relaxed smile. He pulled me onto his lap, his arms loosely wrapping around my waist before pushing a steaming cup of coffee towards me.
“Did…something happen?” he asks. Leaning my head back, I peer up at him. The crease of his eyebrows is adorable. “Was somebody bothering you?”
I snort, a smile making my lips twist. “Nobody besides Irene.”
He huffs out an amused breath. “I told you she was a cunt.”
Nodding my head, I hum in agreement. My fingers drum restlessly over my lap, but I force myself to still when Jax’s eyes snag on the movement. “I’m going to revive my parents’ business,” I blurt out.
“What? Maddie, that’s great. I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.” The quiet words are laced with affection, and the joyful pride in his voice fills me with excitement, making me eager to share more of my plans.
“There’s a small warehouse near downtown for rent. The upstairs can be my apartment, and the downstairs will be my work area. My main source of income will be custom furniture orders, but I’ll still get to do the other things I love, too. I can still refurbish old furniture or create smaller décor pieces to sell.” My mouth goes dry as I peer down at my hands, my heart doing little flips. “I have you to thank for this, really. I doubt I would have gotten this far if you didn’t believe in me.”
He tightens his hold around my waist. “Maybe I gave you a little push, but you were always capable of this. With or without me, I think you would have found this path either way. You’re incredibly talented, and you deserve this.”
I blink back the tears threatening to cloud my vision and give him a watery smile. “Thank you.”
His answering kiss is slow and tender. A gooey warmth radiates through me, and I want to melt into his arms. I’m nearly panting by the time he pulls away, his kiss-swollen lips gliding along my jaw. The sound of the front door opening has us jumping back, our heads snapping towards the doorway. I can’t help the wave of shame that immediately washes over me. Luke strolls through the entryway, his cheery whistle pausing as he freezes. Jax’s body tenses under mine as Luke studies the way I’m currently perched on his lap.
I begin to move away, but Jax’s hands are tight around my hips, pulling me back down onto his lap with a stony-faced expression.
“I’ve already seen it. No point in moving now,” Luke mumbles. He masks his discomfort quickly, his face splitting into an exaggerated yawn as his hand gestures towards the coffee pot in a flippant gesture. But I don’t miss the way his lips turn down or the way he averts his eyes. Guilt settles in my stomach like a lead balloon.
“It’s fucking awkward but whatever,” he continues.
“He’s right, baby,” Jax whispers in my ear. “If we coddle him, he’ll never get used to it.”
“I heard that,” Luke snaps. He glares at Jax over his shoulder before turning back to the coffee pot and pushing buttons.
“Fucker,” he mutters under his breath. Jax snorts.
An incredibly awkward silence stretches between us as Luke prepares a cup of coffee. He sits in the chair across from us, his shoulders visibly tense. I push a plate of muffins towards him, and he takes one with a nod. Motion catches his eyes, his gaze flickering to the way Jax strokes the back of my hand. Cold slithers down my spine, nausea roiling in my gut as I ponder the possibility of Luke never getting used to this. What if it’s too much? Will I lose Jax all over again? My hands tighten around my now lukewarm coffee mug.
“Guess I should have figured it out, huh?” Luke muses aloud.
“Figured out what?” I ask cautiously.
Luke stuffs a large bite of blueberry muffin into his mouth, his cheeks bulging as he chews. He points between me and Jax as he swallows, his lips spreading into an arrogant smirk. “I mean, he did call me a no-good cheating twat and deck me in the face after you left my party.”
I gasp, my head rearing back. Luke’s eyes sparkle, clearly enjoying the way my narrowed gaze turns to Jax.
Jax gives Luke a murderous expression.
“You hit your brother?” I hiss.
Luke snickers as Jax fidgets beneath me.
“He kissed another woman,” Jax reminds me.
I smack his shoulder and give him a disapproving look. “He’s your brother!”
Luke guffaws, the sound muffled as he shoves another bite of muffin into his mouth. “Enjoy your time in the doghouse, bro.”
Honestly, some tiny part of me—okay, a lot of me—wants to swoon over the mental image that now lives rent-free in my head. Jax swinging his fist directly into Luke’s cheating, lying face. Just the thought makes my ovaries want to dance.
“He deserved it,” Jax rumbles. Luke shrugs as if to silently agree.
When the room becomes silent again, Jax clears his throat before mumbling something about taking a shower. I climb off his lap, settling back in his vacant chair as he carries his empty coffee mug towards the sink. His eyes slide back and forth between me and Luke as he ambles out of the room. He hesitates, looking like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t.
After the sound of Jax’s footsteps fade, Luke breathes out a heavy sigh before looking at me. Knowing this is the first time I’ve been alone with him since our dramatic breakup makes me nervous, and my palms grow sweaty. My anger has long since faded, and I find myself just…wanting to move forward. I don’t want to argue, or even worse, listen to Luke ask for another chance.
“I think that was supposed to be a not-so-subtle hint to talk to you,” he says, rolling his eyes on the word subtle . My lips twitch but I remain silent. “I guess we’ve been needing to have this conversation for a while,” Luke continues. He pushes his hands through the long strands of dirty-blonde hair, causing his half-bun to lay crooked. The look of trepidation on his face has me feeling a little sympathetic.
“First of all, I apologize for…” Luke blows out a heavy breath, a half-smile forming on his lips as he releases a bitter chuckle. “…everything,” he finishes. My eyebrows shoot up. Honestly, I’m not sure if I ever expected to receive an apology.
“Luke, I…”
His smile is grim. “I was a shitty boyfriend, and I take full responsibility for everything.” He looks down at his own hands, absentmindedly picking at his cuticles. “I think maybe the first few years were good, but then I checked out. I was never there for you, even though you stuck by me every time I did something stupid. Like how you never told Jax about the time you bailed me out of jail for fighting.”
It’s more of a statement than a question, but I answer him anyway. “No.”
He nods like he was expecting that answer before clearing his throat. “I’ve been…dealing with some things.” He speaks quietly, hesitantly as he averts his gaze. I have no clue what he means by this, and I wonder if there’s something I’ve missed. A surprising amount of worry lances through me, and my hand darts out to cover his. There is an imperceptible widening of his eyes.
“You know you can talk to me, right? Even though we are not…You can always come talk to me.”
Once upon a time, I would have said he was my friend as well as my boyfriend. And surprisingly, not all of that fondness has dissipated. Maybe that’s all we were meant to be: friends. I hope one day we can be that again.
He nods reluctantly. “There are things I’m not ready to talk about yet, but I shouldn’t have let my problems interfere in our relationship.”
Was I such a shitty girlfriend that I didn’t realize he was going through something? Didn’t I often notice the gradual change in his personality over the past half year, wondering why the happy, care-free boy that I met in college was often absentminded and withdrawn?
“It’s not your fault, Maddie.” He says it quietly, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze before pulling away. “I’ve kept some things from you, and I have my own reasons for that. But it’s not because of any shortcomings on your part.” I give him a grateful smile because oddly, that does make me feel better. Part of me wants to keep prying, to dig around and find out what he’s hiding. To find out if I can help him. But I get the feeling we’re getting off track here and that he doesn’t want to talk about this anymore.
“My point is, I should have been there for you more—been there for us. And I own up to that,” he continues, a frown marring his face. “At my going away party, I had too much to drink because I knew our relationship was…not what it used to be. I thought maybe you didn’t want me anymore.”
I look away, feeling guilty.
“And it’s not an excuse at all, but when that girl started flirting with me…I guess it felt nice to feel wanted. I should have pushed her away, and gone to find you. I should have done anything else but kiss her. I’m sorry for hurting you.”
I blink away the tears threatening to gather in my eyes. While this conversation doesn’t hurt nearly as much as I thought it would, it’s still bittersweet to finally get the closure we both need.
“I shouldn’t have let the relationship drag out as long as I did. I wasn’t happy for a long time, but I stayed anyway. That wasn’t fair to either of us,” I say, my voice cracking a little as I admit to my own faults. The truth of the matter is that we both have some blame here. I grew comfortable in our relationship, silently stewing about the things I wish would change but not actually doing anything about it.
I make a silent vow right now that I’ll never let that happen again. If I don’t like something, or I’m unhappy, I’ll talk to Jax. I won’t settle and silently stew until everything piles up, until the relationship becomes a burden and not a sanctuary. If something is wrong, I’ll give him a chance to make it right.
“Jax told me about the bar,” Luke says softly.
I wince.
“I wish you would have told me. Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t really know,” I admit. “At first, I was afraid you would think I was only using you to get to Jax or you would think it was too weird that I had been with him and break up with me.” I blow out a huff of air and run a hand through my hair. “Then as time went on, I was afraid you would be mad at me for not telling you and eventually…it just became easier not to tell you at all.”
“I think I deserved to know that.”
“You did, and I’m sorry.” I trace my finger over a crack in the kitchen table, not wanting to meet his eyes. “If I could do it all over again, I would tell you from the beginning.”
Luke nods, seeming to accept my answer as I meet his gaze again.
“It was shocking as hell to walk in and see you with my brother, and I didn’t handle it well. I’m sorry for that as well.”
“It would be hard for anyone to handle.”
“Do you love him?” He sits up a little straighter, his shoulders tensing like he’s preparing himself for the answer. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to lie either.
I nod. “Yeah, I do love him. I think he’s it for me.” The words make my heart stumble as I admit them aloud.
Luke’s expression is a mixture of pain and relief. “Good, because my brother is crazy about you. He sacrificed a lot of years to take care of me after our dad died, and he deserves to be happy. When I walked in here, he was looking at you like you hung the moon.” His head turns as he stares out the kitchen window, a contemplative expression on his features. “I don’t think I ever looked at you like that. You guys deserve each other. You both deserve all the happiness in the world.”
Relief courses through me. I hadn’t realized how badly I needed to hear him vocalize his acceptance of us. Hearing it from Jax isn’t quite the same, and now some of the silent fears in my mind have been settled. I don’t think I’ll have to worry about Luke trying to interfere in our relationship again.
“You deserve happiness, too,” I say. When he turns to look at me, a quiet disbelief mars his face. It takes me by surprise, twisting my gut. Has he always thought so little of himself? Is that why he acts the way he does?
“Maybe,” he says quietly.
“You do,” I reiterate. “You’re a good guy.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t think I am, but I’m going to try harder.”
The sound of water turning off upstairs snags my attention, my eyes traveling towards the staircase. Heat warms my body as mental images of a naked, wet Jax stepping out of the shower flash through my mind. The idea that I can have him like this every day, that we don’t have to hide our relationship like it’s something sordid, has butterflies erupting inside my belly. I fidget in my seat as I try, and fail, to tamp down my smile. Luke gives me a knowing look, jerking his chin toward the stairs.
I nearly bolt toward the door but force myself to face Luke as he stands. Reaching forward, I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze. He inhales sharply, his body tense as I take him by surprise. Then he relaxes and returns my hug.
“Thank you,” I say.
“Just be happy,” he replies, his voice thick with emotion.
I nod, my throat constricting as I stave off the need to cry. “I don’t regret us,” I admit. He pulls back, peering down at me with surprise. “Maybe we weren’t meant to be forever, but we still have a lot of good memories. And I’ll always care about you, yeah?” I lightly punch his arm, trying to break the tension.
His shoulders relax. “Go on,” he says, jerking his chin towards the upstairs bathroom again. “The fool is probably missing you already. He’s going to be attached to you all the time now, you know.”
Heading through the kitchen door, I grin. “I’m counting on it.”
I bound up the stairs, happiness making me feel drunk and giddy. As I do, I think about the future and all the possibilities ahead. Then I pause, my stomach swooping as a new idea occurs to me. I know not everybody believes in the idea of guardian angels, or fate, or whatever. But I wonder if my parents have been nudging me towards Jax all along. Maybe they saw the love we could have together, and maybe they orchestrated our paths crossing as a final parting gift to me. The thought makes my heart swell with gratitude and love.
And hope.
“Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad,” I whisper.
I turn towards Jax’s bedroom door, ready to see what our future holds.