Chapter 10
10
E rin was thankful she hadn’t seen a lot of Logan since that night he’d stayed up with Parker. Having him nearby all the time made it difficult for her to think clearly. It made her want to spend even more time with him and even had her imagining a future together—even though Logan hadn’t given her any indication that he was going to stay in Frostford.
Sure, he’d helped her with some really difficult situations and told her that he loved her, but then he disappeared—again. Which was fine.
Completely fine , she told herself as she finished her makeup in the mirror. She hoped that if she said it enough times, she’d eventually believe it. At least she knew that goodbye was coming this time. She wouldn’t be caught off guard when Logan left for Florida.
For now, she needed to worry about what she was going to do. She’d already paid back the money from the wedding cake. Between that and the actual cost of supplies that she couldn’t get reimbursed for, she was much more behind on saving than she wanted to be.
Her only choice was to start looking for a more conventional job. She didn’t like the idea of spending so much time away from her children, who were still so young, but Erin didn’t feel like she had a choice. How else would she be able to pay her bills?
When she mentioned the idea to Aunt Betty, the older woman had insisted that she watch the kids for her and had suggested that this afternoon was the perfect time for Erin to go talk to different businesses. Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, she’d put on a nice shirt and slacks, and had even done her hair. With any luck, she’d be able to find a place that was willing to hire her and work around her schedule so she could see Parker and Samantha as much as possible.
As late morning approached, Aunt Betty assured Erin that the kids would be fine and shooed her out. She was just opening her car door when a woman walking up the driveway waved her down. Erin stood beside the open door while the woman walked up to her. There was no way she was a day older than thirty, and she wore a pantsuit and a friendly smile.
The visitor stuck her hand out. “Hi, my name is Angela Reynolds. I’m assuming you must be Mrs. Bethany Lewis.”
Bethany Lewis . . .
It took Erin a moment to realize this woman was talking about Aunt Betty. She’d never heard someone refer to Aunt Betty as Bethany, and probably wouldn’t have even realized that was the older woman’s legal name if she didn’t see the mail that arrived at the house.
Erin’s brows lowered. “No. My name is Erin.”
Angela looked at the house numbers and then down at a folder in her hands. “Hmm. I thought this was Mrs. Lewis’s residence—at least for the time being.”
For the time being? What did that mean?
Slowly, everything clicked into place, and Erin’s heart plummeted. This woman was here to help get the house on the market. It was really happening. If Erin had any hope of buying the house she loved so dearly, she would need to leave now. She hoped and prayed that she would find a job that would work, and in enough time for it to matter.
“I hate to ask, but do you happen to know Mrs. Lewis?” Angela opened the folder and started flipping through its pages. “Maybe I typed one of the numbers incorrectly ... ”
“N-no,” she stuttered, feeling wildly blindsided. “You’re in the right spot. She’s inside.” Erin forced a friendly smile. This situation wasn’t Angela’s fault, and it wouldn’t do any good for her to be rude. “But just a heads up, everyone around her calls Mrs. Lewis Aunt Betty, and I’m sure she’ll insist that you do the same. ”
Angela’s face relaxed. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome.” Erin pointed to her car. “I was just on my way out, so you’ll have to excuse me.”
Erin hurried into her car while Angela walked up the steps to the front door. She didn’t wait to see if the door opened, or what happened when Aunt Betty answered. Instead she pulled away and started driving downtown.
This was really happening. Aunt Betty was selling the house—just like she said she was. It wasn’t a secret. That was why Logan was here, wasn’t it? To fix it up, and then take Aunt Betty with him?
As much as Erin had been trying to resign herself to these truths, there was a part of her that hoped that things would be different. She thought she might actually be able to buy the house. She hoped that Logan would want to stay. All of those secret hopes were slipping through her fingers and there was nothing she could do. Even looking for a job right now felt fruitless. What was the point?
Erin pulled the car over and cried out to the Lord. She couldn’t understand why this was happening, but she knew that the Lord was good. He loved Erin, and she needed to trust him. It wouldn’t do her, or her children, any good if she got lost in her own self-pity. She needed to push through this, just like she did when Jake died.
He took care of her then, and she knew He would now too .
That was the truth she found comfort in as she went around talking to business owners that day.
Hours later, with sore feet and no leads, Erin decided it was finally time for her to go home. No, not home. Aunt Betty’s house. Erin needed to start looking at it differently.
She parked her station wagon in the driveway and dragged herself up the steps of the porch. She ran her hand over the wooden railing and looked over at the pink porch swing. Fond memories would always be in this place, and she would miss it. The countless days in her youth with Logan, and then watching her children fall in love with the place. Samantha learning to ride her bike. Water balloon fights.
No matter where she and her children ended up, nobody could take those memories away.
Erin opened the door and walked inside. She listened for Samantha and Parker, but the house was quiet, except for the sound of soft voices coming from the kitchen. Aunt Betty and Logan.
Erin felt guilty as she crept down the hall, hoping that they wouldn’t hear her even as she so desperately tried to hear what they were discussing.
“Did you talk to your boss?” Aunt Betty asked.
“Yep.” Logan’s deep-voiced reply was followed by something else she couldn’t quite catch.
Erin took a couple of steps down the hall.
Aunt Betty spoke again. “And the building stuff? ”
“The date is on the calendar.” There was a pause. “What about your meeting with Mrs. Reynolds?”
“It was good. It will take a few weeks for them to get all the paperwork ready, but she doesn’t think there will be any issue with the deed.”
The deed? So she’d been right when she suspected the reason for Mrs. Reynold’s visit. Not wanting to miss a word, Erin took another step down the hall so she didn’t have to strain so much to hear.
“And Erin still doesn’t know?”
“Everything is happening so quickly. I don’t want to overwhelm her.”
Erin was close enough she could hear the resigned sigh that came from Logan. “Yeah, but she’s going to find out eventually.”
Find out what? Erin took another step closer, but this time her foot hit a squeaky floorboard. She stopped in her tracks and heat flooded her face. There was no way to pretend she wasn’t there and hadn’t been snooping. She took a deep breath before she rounded the corner into the kitchen, just in time to see Logan hastily fold a piece of paper and shove it in his pocket. He didn’t meet her eyes.
No one said anything about Erin’s spying.
Erin bit her bottom lip as she looked at them. “Hey.”
“Hello, sweetie.” Aunt Betty walked over to her with her arms wide open for an embrace. She squeezed Erin tight. “How did the job search go? ”
Erin stepped back and out of her arms. “It was ... okay. I didn’t get any offers, but there were a couple of potential leads.” If Erin didn’t mind working nights and weekends.
Aunt Betty smiled at her. “Don’t give up too easily. You never know what possibilities are just around the corner.”
Logan stiffened beside her.
Was that guilt he felt knowing Erin’s possibilities were numbered?
“Where are the kids?”
“Samantha is upstairs reading a book to Parker.”
Erin just about fell back from shock. Samantha was reading to Parker? Erin had been praying for a shift in their relationship—one that didn’t involve so much teasing back and forth. She was also happy because it would give her a chance to get started on dinner.
Erin started pulling pots and pans from the cabinets.
“What are you doing?” Aunt Betty asked.
Erin’s hands stilled on a cabinet door. “Making dinner.” She was still allowed to do that, wasn’t she? She turned to see Aunt Betty and Logan both watching her. What was going on?
Logan cleared his throat. “Would you like to go to dinner ... with me?”
Like a date?
There were so many reasons to say no—he was leaving, she was losing the house, she worried what people would think—but she didn’t want to say no.
She wanted to say yes.
She was immediately hit with a wave of guilt. How could she even think about dating when she was still working through the loss of her late husband? She’d promised to love Jake until death do they part, and while she’d loved him until his dying breath, it still felt wrong to look at another man romantically—even if that man was leaving and nothing could actually happen.
She didn’t know what to do. In a panic, she looked at Aunt Betty, who was smiling at her encouragingly. She gave her the smallest of nods. Erin was still reeling at everything she’d just overheard, but she knew Aunt Betty wanted good things for her.
Erin’s voice shook when she said, “Okay.”
Logan watched Erin’s knee bounce, her gaze fixed out the passenger window, as they left Aunt Betty’s for dinner. He knew she’d been hesitant to come out with him, and he still wasn’t sure how much she’d heard of the conversation between him and Aunt Betty. Hopefully, it wasn’t too much. Aunt Betty was right when she’d said Erin had been through a lot. He didn’t want to overwhelm her.
What he wouldn’t give to know what she was thinking right now. It would make it so much easier for him to know where to begin with all the things he wanted, needed, to say to her. He’d spent the last few days praying for wisdom while consulting with different people he trusted. Logan had finally decided what to do, but he wasn’t sure how Erin would react.
“Is Italian okay?” he asked.
She was still wearing nice clothing from her job search, and Logan wanted to take her someplace nicer than Good Eats. He never wanted her to have to step foot in that diner ever again, and that left very few places in Frostford worth going to on a date.
Was this a date? Did it count if your date went under duress?
Logan was sure he was already mucking everything up, but he was determined to give it his best shot to make sure Erin was happy.
“That’s fine,” she said quietly.
“Are you sure?”
“Mmhmm.”
While her response wasn’t as enthusiastic as Logan would have liked, he couldn’t blame Erin. She had to be exhausted. He only hoped his plans would take away some of that burden and not add to them.
He drove the rest of the way in silence, and soon they were pulling into the parking lot of Antonio’s. Erin’s knee started moving more quickly. Logan reached out and put his hand on it to stop the motion. “Would you rather go back to the house?”
She looked at where his hand rested for a moment before she finally turned to look him in the eyes. He was struck anew by how beautiful she was. She’d always been beautiful, but the full-force of it hit him hard with the way she looked at him now. Holding his breath, he waited for her to answer.
“No. I want to be here. With you.”
Logan’s heart swelled with her response. He smacked his hand against his thigh. “Okay. Then let’s go.”
They walked together through the parking lot, and Logan sped ahead to hold the front door open for her. The inside was dimly lit and there was soft classical music playing in the background. Everything about the atmosphere was meant to be romantic. Logan regretted not picking someplace more neutral. At least the food would be good.
Logan placed his hand on the small of her back as they walked toward the hostess stand. With his touch, Erin’s entire body stiffened. He immediately dropped his hand. It was obvious his touch was upsetting her, when he’d only meant to comfort. He so badly wanted things to be how they once were, when there was an easy familiarity between them and a friendly touch wasn’t something they stopped to think about, but too much had happened between the two of them. It would take time to get there again, and Logan really hoped he would get the opportunity to have that again. He just needed more time, and to convince her that he was worth taking a shot on .
The hostess led them to a small table in the back, they sat down, and opened their menus. Logan already knew what he wanted. He hardly ever strayed from his favorite dish, chicken parmesan. He placed the menu down and looked at Erin, whose face was pinched in concentration as she looked at her own menu.
“Having a hard time deciding?” he asked.
Her eyes met his. “No, I know what I’m getting.”
He wondered if it was shrimp Alfredo. It had been her favorite in high school, but he also knew they weren’t the same kids from then. He placed his hands on the menu in front of him. “Then what’s going on?”
Erin bit her bottom lip, the look of concentration still on her face. She eventually released a defeated sigh. “I’m just so overwhelmed by life. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“About what?” Logan asked. There were so many things happening at once, he wasn’t sure he knew which specific thing was weighing on her at this moment.
Her eyes met his and her voice was ragged when she said, “Everything.”
His breath hitched at her response. It was heartbreaking. Logan couldn’t handle it anymore. He pulled the folded paper from his pocket. The plan was to wait until after they’d eaten, but he couldn’t wait anymore. He twisted it in his hands and opened his mouth to speak when the server appeared.
She dropped a plate of breadsticks in the center of the table and poured water into glass wine glasses that were already on the table. Since they were both ready, the server also took their order before she disappeared.
“What’s that?” Erin asked, pointing to his hands.
He took a long inhale as he unfolded the paper. “It’s a fundraiser I thought you might be interested in.”
Erin snorted as she grabbed a breadstick from the basket in front of them. “You know as well as I do that I’m in no position to give away money—no matter how great the cause is.”
Logan held the paper out. “I think this one might be different.”
Erin set the breadstick back down and wiped her fingertips on the napkin before she grabbed it from him. Logan held his breath as Erin read over it. It wasn’t flashy, just a couple of clipart pictures of dessert with all the details of the event. Her eyes moved quickly back and forth across the page, then stopped suddenly. She didn’t look up. “It’s a bake sale for families who have a loved one going through cancer treatment.”
“Yes,” Logan said, his body still as he watched Erin for a reaction.
She looked up at him. “Where did you get this?”
Logan cleared his throat. “Um ... the Chamber of Commerce.”
Her brows lowered. “It’s only two weeks away. You’d think he’d have distributed them through town sooner. ”
“Is two weeks not enough time to bake something?”
He’d seen her bake two wedding cakes in one weekend, so he’d thought a couple of weeks would be ample time for a cake.
“No, it is. It’s just ... ”
Logan leaned forward. “It’s just what?”
Erin set the paper on the table, resting her hands on top of it. She looked at Logan, her expression was weary. “The last time I baked something, it didn’t end up too great for everyone involved.”
“The last time you baked something, it was for someone who didn’t appreciate the amount of love you put into it.” He leaned over and grabbed her hands in his. When she didn’t pull away, he gave it a gentle squeeze. “These people will. You know that better than anyone.”
She bit her lip. “I don’t know. I’ve got so many other things to worry about. And then there’s the cost of materials.”
Logan released her hands and handed the paper to Erin. “You love to bake, and you’re really great at it. The wedding was hard, but the Erin I know wouldn’t let one bad experience be the reason she didn’t do something that gave her so much joy. She isn’t the kind of girl to give up so easily. Plus, I’d be happy to pay for the materials.”
A ghost of a smile touched her lips.
“The organizer said the families could use the money raised for whatever was helpful—food, bills, anything.”
She bit her lip as she looked out toward the field of flowers. “The kids and I could have really used something like that when Jake was sick.”
“I know.” Though he didn’t really know. Logan wasn’t here—he hadn’t lived through it—but he’d heard enough stories from Aunt Betty to know that Erin had to do so much on her own when Jake was sick. Aunt Betty had helped how she could, but Logan was sure there was so much more that Erin and her children needed. This cause would be something near and dear to Erin. He hoped it would be helpful for her in more ways than one.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Even if I did donate a dessert, I wouldn’t know what to make.”
“What about Jake’s favorite dessert?” Logan said. “That would be a great way to honor his memory.”
“Hmm.” Erin turned the folded paper in her fingers. “That’s actually not a bad idea.”
Logan grinned, happy to know that he was finally getting something right. He’d messed things up for too long, and he hoped things were finally beginning to move in the right direction. “I will help in any way I can. I’ve heard I’m excellent at cleaning dishes.”
Erin laughed. “I think you’ve washed enough dishes in the past week to earn yourself a break.”
He held her gaze. “What if I don’t want a break? What if I ... ” What if I love you? What if I want to stay? What if I can’t imagine leaving your side ever again? He couldn’t say those things to her. Not now. Maybe never. “I’m happy to wash dishes.”
The way Erin stared at him made Logan think she read those words on his face as clearly as if he’d spoken them. The thought terrified him and he quickly looked away. His eyes landed on the bread.
Erin snorted. “Point taken. I’ll let you help me with dishes if it means that much to you.”
It meant more than she could know, but Logan didn’t want to scare her away. He would force himself to keep his feelings inside if that was what was best for Erin. He would wash dishes for the rest of his life if that relieved her burden.
For now, he was happy to spend time with the woman he loved over dinner and see where it went.