Chapter 15
CHAPTER 15
ATLAS
O nly two more hours stand between me and Nora.
I’d like to say I haven’t been checking the time religiously, but I’d be lying.
I’d also like to say I didn’t send Ellis to check on her, but again, lies.
And now, to add to all of that, I’m obsessively checking my phone for messages, waiting to hear how she is.
Finally, my phone rings.
“How is?—”
“You need to come home,” Ellis says, cutting me off, his words rushed.
“ Now. ”
“10-4.” I put the call on speaker and fire off a text to my chief ranger letting him know I had to leave due to a family emergency and then hightail it to my truck.
“But I need you to tell me what’s going on.”
“Well, I came to check on her like you asked, but I guess she didn’t realize it was me and flipped out.”
“Where. Is. She?” I grit out the words, trying to leash my temper.
It’s not his fault she got scared, but the urge to lash out is strong.
I should have known better.
I should have known she’d be scared.
“In your room. I think.”
“What do you mean you think ?” I crank the engine and gun it out of the parking lot.
“The door’s locked.”
“Fuck.” I fly down the service road before turning out onto the main highway and punching it.
“I’ll be there in ten.”
“It’s at least a fifteen-minute drive.”
“I’ll be there in fucking ten. Tell your boys if you need to.” I end the call and focus on the road, driving like a madman.
Thankfully, the lunch hour rush is over and there are no cops on my route, allowing me to make it home in record time.
I squeal to a stop in front of the house, throwing my truck into park and killing the engine before marching into the house.
Ellis meets me at the door.
“Man, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean?—”
“I know you didn’t.” I wave away his concern as I stalk down the hallway, my sole focus on getting to Nora.
“Nora.” I try my doorknob, but it’s locked, like Ellis said.
“It’s me, Pip. It’s Atlas.”
I press my ear to the door, listening for any sign she’s in there, but I don’t hear much of anything.
Reaching overhead to the lip of the door frame, I feel around for the emergency pin lock key.
It takes a few tries, but eventually my fingers brush against it.
I grab it and shove it in the small hole on the knob, effectively disengaging the lock.
Everything in my room looks as it should—aside from the neatly made bed, which is clearly Nora’s doing.
The doors to the closet and bathroom are both shut, but before I can decide which to check first, the sound of muffled crying gives away her location.
Every part of me is screaming get to her now , but I approach the closet slowly.
Rushing in would only scare her more.
Patience is the name of the game, and I’m playing to win.
How could I not be, when Nora’s trust is the prize?
“Pip, it’s me,” I murmur, slowly pulling the door open to reveal Nora huddled in the corner, rocking back and forth as she cries.
No, cries isn’t the right word.
She’s sobbing, her despair so tangible it’s seeping out of her pores, hanging thick and heavy in the air around us.
I fall to my knees in front of her and scoop her into my arms. I’m expecting her to freak out, to fight, but she doesn’t.
No, she clings to me with her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist, like I’m the only thing standing between her and certain death.
“Shh, I’ve got you.” I rub my hands over her back, trying to soothe her.
“I’m here. You’re safe, Pip. I’ll never let anything happen to you.”
She burrows into me, pressing her tear-soaked face into my neck as I continue whispering reassurances to her.
“Let’s get you out of here,” I say, attempting to stand.
But Nora flips out, digging her nails into the back of my neck as she tries to move impossibly closer.
“Please don’t leave me,” she cries, and I swear to God, something irreparable inside of me breaks.
“I’m not, Pip. I’m not leaving you; I promise.”
We sit here, on my closet floor, for what feels like hours, with me rocking and whispering and holding Nora.
By the time she calms down, my back is cramping and my shirt is wet from her tears.
“Atlas.” Her voice is hoarse when she whispers my name.
“I’ve got you, pretty girl.” I press my lips to her temple.
“I’m here.”
She sniffles before pulling back ever so slightly.
“I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” I brush her matted hair away from her face.
“You didn’t do anything.”
“I’m a freak.” She buries her face in my neck again, trying to hide from me, but I’m not having it.
“No.” I cup the nape of her neck, tipping her head back so that she’s forced to look at me.
“You’re not a freak.”
She shakes her head.
“I am. I?—”
I don’t know what comes over me, but I lean in and press my lips to hers, effectively silencing whatever self-deprecating garbage she was about to spew.
Nora freezes against me, and I immediately pull away, wondering how to fix my colossal fuckup.
“Shit, Pip. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was?—”
“Do it again.” She raises her hands to my cheeks, before trailing her fingertips over my lips.
“Kiss me again.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, my muscles twitching under my skin from the restraint it takes not to dive headfirst into her.
The last thing I want is to take advantage of her when she’s already so, so vulnerable.
She nods, brushing her nose against mine.
“Yes, I’m more sure than I’ve ever been about anything else in my whole life. Please kiss me, Atlas. Kiss me so all I can feel is you.”
How am I supposed to deny her?
Simple—I don’t.
Honestly, there’s not much she could ask for that I wouldn’t give her.
The thought should worry me, and yet, as I lean in and once again touch my lips to hers, I can’t help but think how right it feels having her in my arms.
The kiss is over as quick as it starts.
Perfectly chaste, and yet, I know it’s something I’ll think of for years to come.
“We need to talk, Pip,” I say, brushing my thumb over her cheek.
“I know.” Her voice is still hoarse, and it fucking guts me.
“C’mon, let’s get you out of here.” She crawls out of my lap, allowing me to stand and help her up.
“Is my room okay?”
“Yeah.” She follows me back into my room, making herself at home in the middle of my bed.
I want nothing more than to crawl into it with her, but I think we both need some space, so I take the chair instead.
“Before we talk about what happened today, we need to talk about what happened today, ” I say, sounding like an absolute tool.
“Did that even make sense?”
She shrugs, and I sigh.
Of course, I’m fucking this all up.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you, Pip. It was wrong of me, especially with how upset you were.”
“Do…do you regret it?” she asks, running her index finger over the seam of her lips.
“Yes and no.” I interlace my fingers behind my head and try to gather my thoughts.
“I regret it because the timing was shit. You deserve so much more than an ill-timed kiss in a dark closet while you’re terrified.”
“And no because?” She’s sitting with her back against the headboard, knees pressed to her chest and her cheek resting on her knees as she waits for my reply.
The fact that I can still see tear tracks on her freckled cheeks makes me feel like an even bigger asshole than I already do.
“No, because you’re you, Pip.”
She lifts her head, sending a puzzled look my way.
“I don’t understand.”
“I think that’s a conversation for another day.” Because how in the hell do I even begin to tell my stepsister, who’s spent the last several years being abused by my dad, that I have feelings for her?
God, what is wrong with me?
“Well, I don’t regret it.” She straightens her spine, sitting up proudly.
“I’m glad it was you.”
“Glad what was me?” My heart climbs into my throat, because I’m pretty sure I know exactly what she’s going to say, and I’m not sure if it’s going to make me feel better or worse.
“You were my first kiss, and you’re right, it wasn’t ideal, but it was what I needed right then to bring me back. I trust you. I feel safe with you. So yeah, I don’t regret it.”
I scrub my hands over my face, trying to figure out how this day went so sideways.
“You deserve better, Nora. The best. I need you to promise me you’ll never settle for anything less than that, okay? No matter who it’s with. Promise me?”
Her eyes shine with unshed tears, and for a minute I think she might argue with me, but finally she nods.
“Promise.”
“Okay, good.” I exhale a relieved breath, my guilt partially assuaged.
“Now, can we talk about the other what happened today?”
“I feel so stupid.” The self-loathing in her voice rivals my own.
I can’t believe I fucking kissed her.
She should hate me. God knows, she’d be well within her right.
“Why? Talk to me.”
“I was watching TV, some true crime show one of you was watching earlier, and I got scared. So, when I heard the car in the driveway?—”
“It was Ellis, I asked him to check on you.”
She huffs out a humorless laugh.
“I figured that out pretty quickly, but I was too wound up to do much about it.”
“You wanna know what I think?” I ask, rolling my chair closer to the bed.
“What?” Her cheek’s back on her knees again.
“I think you should give yourself a little more grace. You’ve lived through unspeakable things and moving on from them is not easy. Healing takes time, and everyone does it at their own pace. You’re strong as hell, Pip—a fighter—and I’m fucking proud of you.”
A pretty blush colors her cheeks as she ducks her head.
“Thanks.”
“And I know I’ve already said it, but I think it bears repeating—I’m sorry for taking advantage of you. I know you said you feel safe with me, and I hope that you still do. But…” I swallow roughly, lowering my focus to the floor.
“I understand if you don’t.”
“I do, though.”
My eyes snap up to meet hers.
“You do what?”
“I do trust you, Atlas. With my life, and even though you’re upset about it, I’m not mad you kissed me either. You’re a good man. I know it like I know my own name.”
I bow my head, relief rushing through me.
“Thank you, Nora.”
I’m not sure I deserve her forgiveness, but like the selfish asshole I am, I’m going to claim it all the same.
“You don’t need to thank me, weirdo.” She shimmies her way to the edge of the bed before pressing her toes to the floor.
“But if Ellis is home, could you take me to talk to him, and then maybe show me how to actually use the TV?”
A smile curls my lip as I stand.
“Sounds like a plan.”
DIARY ENTRY, PRESENT DAY
Dear Diary,
It’s been nearly a week since my kiss with Atlas.
Which means it’s been nearly a week of me obsessing over it.
He says it was wrong of him to do it, and while I agree the timing was bad, I have a confession…
I really liked it.
Honestly, I couldn’t have imagined a better first kiss.
Maybe it’s because I know he’d never hurt me or because I know he’d stop if I asked.
I want to talk to him about it, to maybe ask him to do it again, but he’s acting like it never happened, and I’m not sure I could handle it if he turned me down.
I already have a learning curve compared to most girls my age.
Which is why I feel silly still thinking about it.
I mean, gah! It was only a few seconds, which in the grand scheme of things shouldn’t be a big deal.
To a normal girl, it probably wouldn’t be.
But, again, learning curve, so to me that stupid two-second kiss was everything.
Enough about that, for now anyway, because today’s my first OB appointment, and while I’m trying not to be, I’m really nervous.
Everything I’ve read on the phone Atlas got me (that’s a whole other issue because I told him a flip phone would be fine, but he insisted on adding me to his plan and getting me a smartphone like his) says that you don’t really feel your baby move until somewhere between sixteen and twenty-four weeks, but I’m not sure how far along I am, so it doesn’t really help me much.
I don’t know. I guess I just want this baby so badly that it physically pains me to think of all the possible outcomes.
Atlas swears he won’t leave my side the entire appointment, and I’m definitely holding him to that.
I don’t know how or when it happened, but over the last week, he’s become my rock—my safe place—and I don’t know that I’d be able to face any of this without him.
I’ll update you after my appointment. Apprehensive, Nora