Chapter 41
Xanthy’s hands never left me the entire drive. Every touch, every brush, anchored me in the moment, yet the echo of Carrington pressed against the edges of my mind. I could feel it like a weight that wasn’t her, a fire that wasn’t her, tugging, whispering, reminding me I wasn’t done with him yet.
And maybe, I would never truly get him out of my heart.
As we got into bed, I groaned, pressing my forehead to hers, letting her warmth ground me while the shadows of him danced behind my eyes.
I could feel her pulse under my lips, and her breath trembled against my cheek.
My hands tangled in her hair, on her waist, desperate to feel her, to claim her, to bury the heat and the ache all at once.
I needed to bury my thoughts of Carrington in the warmth of his sister.
“You’re shaking,” she whispered, her voice soft, almost fragile. “Shiloh…stay with me. Please. Don’t go back to that dark place in your mind.”
I wanted to, oh, how I wanted to, but my mind was a battlefield. I was losing. Every brush of her skin against mine sparked a flicker of him, not her—Carrington. His eyes, the weight of his touch, and the way he could make me tremble without even trying.
My body moved with Xanthy, an easy rhythm I could fall into. My lips pressed into hers, my hands roaming further down her chest, but my mind painted him over her, and it sent a shiver of guilt and need through me.
Where her curves and thick breasts filled my grip, my mind replaced it with ridges of muscle and the slim, soft contours of him.
I groaned, and she whimpered softly against my neck, clutching me tighter to her. “Shhh…I’m here. Just me. Don’t think about him. Not now. Not while I’m holding you.”
I froze. Did she know? How?
“Tyler will never bother us again, Shiloh. I promise.”
Oh. She thought I was thinking of her ex. Not her brother.
I pressed my hands harder against her back, feeling her shiver, and biting my lip as her scent and her heat enveloped me.
But still, the shadow lingered. Carrington’s pull was low and insistent, a whisper at the edge of my mind.
I couldn’t fight it completely. I wanted to, desperately, but the dual need twisted inside me.
“Shiloh…” she breathed, her lips brushing my jaw, soft and steady. “I feel it too. It’s okay. You’re safe here, with me.”
I gasped, my hands shaking over her hips, my fingers brushing her spine.
Her words tethered me as much as they could, but my mind’s eye kept slipping to him over and over, imagining his hands where hers were, imagining the weight of his body, the fire in his touch.
I groaned into her neck, trembling with frustration and heat.
Mmm. That’s right, think of me, Sunshine. There’s no one else that can make you explode fucking come like me.
“Xan…” I rasped, my voice too low, almost a growl. “I…everything…it’s too much…I’m trying.”
Her hands pressed to my face, holding me, grounding me. “It’s okay. Breathe, Shiloh. Let me hold you. You’re here with me. Feel me. Right now. Please.”
I let her. I let myself move with her, and the fire between us became consuming. A desperate and raw feeling, I chased her like I was drowning.
My hands traced every line of her body, over her hips, over her back, over the curves that belonged to me alone. I forced myself to stay in this moment. Every press, every tremor, every moan echoed through my chest like a fuse, setting me more permanently into the present, without him.
But no matter how much I forced myself to feel her, to hear her moans, the whisper never left me.
Carrington.
Always fucking Carrington.
Every curve of her, pressed to me, reminded me of him in the woods, and every sigh mirrored the ghost of his touch. My teeth clamped over my lip, stifling a groan, and my hands trembled with the dual fire. It was like they were both here with me now, and my heart hammered in my fucking chest.
“Lose yourself inside me,” Xanthy murmured, her voice gentle, those pale eyes searching mine.
Yes. Lose yourself in her so I can fuck you back into my reality.
I groaned, shivering, letting her hands tug me closer, while his fingers pressed against my asshole. I could feel her heartbeat and hear his behind me. I was so unsteady, like an acrobat dangling off the edge. The shadows lingered, a dark, insistent pull that wouldn’t release me.
Fuck her harder, Sunshine. Let’s see who screams louder. You or her.
I gasped, ripping her panties from her body and pressing her ass against my raging hard-on.
“Oh fuck, yes. Please, do it!”
I fumbled with my belt, feeling those ghost hands of Carrington pressing into my hole. The feeling was overwhelming.
“Oh fuck, holy fuck, this is so much—I—”
Fuck. Her. Sunshine. Can you last long enough to make her come with me in your mind?
I slipped my dick inside Xanthy. Her wetness allowed me to slide in all the way with one quick thrust. At the same time, Carrington’s fingers slid inside me, and I couldn’t breathe.
I pounded into her, feeling absolutely skewered with his pumping fingers and her squeezing my cock at the same time.
“Ah! This is—”
I couldn’t take the dual ache any longer. I pulled back slightly, gasping, while my chest heaved and stung. My hands found the ring in my pocket, the gold was cold, and felt sharp against my palm—a tether, a lifeline, a promise.
A sacrifice.
Carrington’s presence faded as I gripped the engagement symbol.
“Xanthy…” I whispered, my voice so raw and shaking. “I…I can’t…I have to…”
Her moans stifled as she pulled away from my body and turned to search my face. “Do what? Shiloh? Whatever it is, just tell me, please.”
I sank to one knee on the floor by the bed, trembling with the storm of heat and guilt raging inside me. The obsession and desire crashed together around me as I held the ring out to her. I spoke so low, it was a fierce, urgent plea.
“Marry me,” I said. The words came out rough enough that my breath caught on them. “Alexandra Francis Harding. Be mine. Forever. I don’t care about the world, the wedding, or anything else. Just you…only you. Right now. Only me.”
Her lips parted, as a shiver ran down her spine, while her eyes widened, reflecting the same fire I felt coursing through me. “Shiloh…”
“I mean it,” I said. Something low pulled at the back of my voice, an edge I couldn’t soften, but it made her settle somehow. “No one touches you. No one controls you. Not him, not them…not anyone. Only me.”
Her hands cupped my face, brushing away sweat and blood, holding me steady, anchoring me to the moment as Carrington faded away completely.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Yes, Shiloh. I will marry you. Of course.”
Sighing, I slid the ring onto her finger, my thumb brushing over it, over the blood, the heat, and my breaking heart.
I finally collapsed against her, holding her tight, letting her warmth wrap around me as the fire and shadows continued to press at the edges of my mind, turning them into a muted, cold feeling that lacked the burn.
The night was far from over. The shadows were vengeful, and the fire in my mind raged, tugging me down, trying to drown me. Deep down, I knew that now…I had to face him.
And this would be goodbye.