Chapter 19 #5
Finally, Longbourn was in view and their posture—though awkward as they rode together—became perfectly proper. Just before they reached the main garden, he leaned to whisper, “I might reconsider my previous decision to teach you to ride. I find this way of riding much more rewarding.”
She laughed again, laying her head back against his chest. When they stopped, he dismounted and helped her down.
At that moment, Mr Bennet appeared from the back door and stopped in surprise to look at them with curiosity and then reproach, studying their crimson faces, hair in disorder, and embarrassed looks. They glanced at each other and realised they looked far from proper.
“Mr Darcy! I thought you left long ago, sir.”
“I… We…” They both turned red while struggling to speak.
“Well, well… I guess I must congratulate myself on insisting to shorten your engagement.”
“Papa, we—”
“Lizzy dear, go and change for dinner before your mother sees you. I shall see you soon,” Mr Bennet said gently, highly amused.
Darcy stepped further and tried to arrange his coat as he struggled to speak coherently.
“Mr Bennet, it is my fault. I saw Elizabeth going for a walk, and I returned to meet her. I know it was not proper; I am sorry. But please believe me, I shall never do anything to harm Elizabeth nor expose her to a compromising situation. Please be assured that—”
“Do not excuse yourself any more, sir; it is really not necessary. I would warn you to be careful to avoid other awkward moments like this one, but I confess I am pleased to see my daughter so happy. At least I am not concerned she might have married you for your wealth.” Mr Bennet laughed, enjoying the chance to tease his guest.
“Tomorrow I plan to go to London and make all the arrangements for the wedding. In the meantime, I shall not allow any other similar situation to occur; that I promise.”
“Oh, do not promise such a thing; you may not be able to keep it. Do not be embarrassed, sir; I do remember what love and passion mean. I have been passionately in love with my wife since we married. Unfortunately, we had little in common except that. I have great hopes that things will be different with you and my Lizzy.”
“Thank you, sir,” Darcy replied, astonished by such a confession.
“Now go and change, too, before Mrs Bennet spots you. As fond as she is of you, it would be difficult to explain to her why your clothes have grass stains. You must hurry; dinner will be ready in an hour. I am hungry, and Netherfield is not that close. Oh, and I forgot to mention: Mr Bingley might keep you company to London tomorrow. He seemed determined to force me to accept a double wedding. My wife is exceedingly upset with that arrangement, but it is very likely Mr Bingley will eventually win.”
∞∞∞
The next day, Mr Darcy and Mr Bingley left for London after a short visit to Longbourn.
To Elizabeth’s surprise, Mr Darcy handed her a small package a little larger than a book.
He whispered she should open it only after his leaving, which made Mrs Bennet speculate about the possibility of its being a box of jewels.
It was settled that the gentlemen would stay in Town until the licenses and settlements were ready.
Mrs Bennet was still upset with Mr Bingley for stealing the opportunity of arranging a second wedding.
Even more, she was worried that a double wedding would not satisfy Mr Darcy’s notions of grandeur.
She was certain he would not want to share such an important event with anyone else, and nothing Elizabeth said to convince her otherwise had any success in calming her nerves.
As soon as the gentlemen departed, Elizabeth retired to her room and, with eager hands, untied the package; inside, she found four envelopes.
She searched them carefully and found a number on each of them.
Beside the envelopes, there was a note, with no envelope to protect it.
She understood it was the first to be read.
My beloved Elizabeth,
I will be away for four days, and I hope you will miss me as much as I shall miss you.
I cannot believe that less than two weeks have passed since our engagement—two weeks, as long as a lifetime and as short as a heartbeat. I still have so many things I wish to share with you, to tell you, to show you, that I wish to trap the time and chain it to last longer.
I have enclosed four letters, one for each day I will be gone.
Open them one by one and try to understand my chaotic thoughts and my tormented feelings; if anyone can understand, you are surely the one.
In two weeks’ time we will be together forever, and perhaps I should wait until then to tell you everything that remains unsaid. But I am certain, beyond any doubt, that we will not have time to discuss the past nor to trouble ourselves with it.
In two weeks’ time, there will be only the present and the future—our present and our future.
And our love.
Forever yours,
FD
She read the note over again, pressed her lips over it, then read it again. A sharp pain in her chest betrayed her love and the cold sense of loneliness. He would be gone for four days—four days as long as a lifetime.
Slowly, she opened the envelope with number one on it.
Inside, she found four sheets, fully covered with his handwriting. She glanced at the first page, and with surprise and equal pleasure, she saw the letter was a close confession of his thoughts from the first day they met at the Meryton assembly.
Day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, everything was there. The first letter ended at the moment she left Netherfield after Jane’s illness.
His thoughts, his fears, his hopes, his mind, and his heart—everything was there and there was so much more to come!
She read the letter several times, then rushed to her desk, took a pen and paper and started to write.
My beloved soon-to-be-husband,
I always said I wished to marry only for the deepest love, but I never knew what love meant until you captured my soul, my mind, and my body.
I never imagined what true love might be until you taught me—and I can only count my heartbeats until the moment we shall belong to each other and step together into our future.
But, as you know, my thoughts were not always so—not at all.
The first moment I saw you entering the Meryton assembly, I said to myself that you were the handsomest man I had ever seen.
Half an hour later, I was certain beyond any doubt that you were the handsomest man I had ever met—and the most aloof—and the most proud—and the most unpleasant—a man who considered me not handsome enough to tempt him to dance.
Can you imagine, my love, what that means to a 20-year-old young woman?
Surely you did not know for some time, but you learned it quite painfully… ”
She continued to write, word by word, row by row, page by page, with no restraint, no hesitation, no self-censure. She allowed her thoughts, her memories, and her feelings to flow out on the page. She put her mind and her soul on the page—to meet his.
And when he returned, she would give them to him—one letter for each day—his letters and hers.
∞∞∞
The ride to London passed sooner than Darcy expected.
He had spent the entire previous night writing the letters, so fatigue overcame him immediately.
That was a very good thing as he already felt—most painfully—Elizabeth’s loss.
The more time they spent together, the more she opened to him and allowed him as close to her as he wished; and the more he got from her, the more he desired and the more he missed and craved her.
Opposite him in the carriage, Bingley talked, happy and animated, but Darcy could not attend.
He was relieved when they finally reached London. First thing, they went to the solicitor’s office to apply for the special license, which would take a few days. Afterwards, each of them left for his own house with the promise of meeting again the next day.
Alone in his carriage, Darcy decided to call briefly at Selina’s to inquire after Anne and, if possible, to find Georgiana there, too. His intuition proved correct: in the drawing room were his sister, Anne, Selina and her children, all of them hurrying to welcome him.
He briefly asked about Anne’s health and about Lady Catherine, and he was provided with satisfactory answers.
Georgiana and Selina asked countless questions about Elizabeth, as if she had been away for months.
He explained the reason for his return to town, and news of the imminent wedding brought a storm of inquiries, suggestions, advice, and laughter.
Immediately, Selina began to write Elizabeth and Jane, to ask if they needed her to purchase anything for them.
Then she sent a note to the modiste to schedule an appointment.
Darcy looked at them sternly. After all, there was not such a difference between Mrs Bennet and the ladies of the ton.
“And Lord Brightmore? Is he away?” Darcy finally asked a reasonable question.
“He is with Robert and Thomas at the club. They tried to take Father too, but he refused. I do not know what to do with him; I cannot allow him to continue in such a way. He has not wished to speak to us for more than two days.”
“Who?” Darcy asked dumbfounded.
“Father, of course. I just told you, Darcy; pay attention.”
“Lord Matlock does not speak to you? Why?”
“We do not know; that is precisely the problem.”
“What do you mean, Selina?”
“I just told you—since two days ago, the day after you left. He went to his club then called on Mrs Gardiner then went home, but neither Robert nor Thomas was there, so we do not know what happened. When they returned, Father was alone—with his drink—and from that moment he has refused to speak to any of us.”
“Did you fetch a doctor? He might be ill. I shall go to visit him immediately.”
“We did, but he would not admit us—or the doctor.”
“That is extraordinary!”
“Perhaps my mother’s visit affected him,” Anne spoke up. “It was such a trying time, and poor Uncle was so kind and protective of me and—”
“I doubt that is the reason, Anne. I shall insist on speaking to him immediately. Have you spoken to Mrs Gardiner? She might help us. You know how much he respects and admires her. He would not dare refuse to talk to her.”
“I went to Madeleine to ask her help, but she is ill. She has not left her bed for more than two days. She is weak and cannot eat, and the doctor said she was feverish too.”
Darcy stared at them in utter shock. “Lord Matlock refused to speak to you for two days and Mrs Gardiner is ill? She has been ill for the same length of time?”
“Yes, quite strange, is it not?” asked Georgiana.
“Very strange,” repeated Lady Selina. “I do not know what to do. I send the doctor to Madeleine daily. I go to check the children. I try to make her eat but—”
“Do you remember, William? It was the same with you back in January. You left Town for more than a week without a word. It is almost the same with Uncle. Oh dear, what a strange coincidence. Elizabeth was ill that time, too. Do you remember?”
“I do remember, dearest; I could never forget that week. I do remember quite vividly.”
“Perhaps you should talk to Uncle. Maybe you can find a way.”
“I will, my dear; that is exactly what I will do. But first, Selina, may I have a glass of brandy—a very large one, please?”
Ten minutes and two glasses of brandy later, Darcy was still in the drawing room, staring out the window while his sister and cousins watched him with worried looks.
Then, suddenly, he began to laugh.