Chapter 20
“You will marry in two weeks? You cannot do such a thing!”
“Of course I can, Caroline. We will marry with Darcy and Miss Elizabeth.”
Caroline Bingley looked at her brother in astonishment. Charles Bingley poured himself a glass of wine, a broad smile on his face.
“Charles, what do you mean? Darcy marrying Elizabeth Bennet? That cannot be!”
“Caroline, I hate it when you repeat my words! I just told you, and I am quite surprised that you are surprised,” he replied with good humour.
“Mr Darcy is marrying Eliza Bennet? That cannot be, that cannot be…”
“You see? That is precisely what I was saying! I shall send for Louisa, so you can repeat the news to each other before dinner.”
Caroline Bingley needed many minutes to recover from such disastrous news.
Her mind could barely comprehend such nonsense.
Eliza Bennet managed to trap Mr Darcy in marriage?
The same Mr Darcy who agreed that a union between Charles and Jane Bennet would be a catastrophe now agrees to join that family?
It must be a nightmare, and if she were strong enough, she would surely wake from it.
Sometime later, Louisa arrived, and at last, Caroline had the comfort of her sister’s sympathy.
Caroline was certain that it must be a conspiracy on the part of Lady Selina because she showed her disapproval for those small, wild lads of hers.
Eliza Bennet was so sly, pretending she liked children!
And now Mr Darcy would marry her! If Caroline could only find a way to speak to him, she would tell him that she liked children too and was willing to give him as many heirs for Pemberley as he wished!
The Bingleys’ evening became worse during dinner.
Louisa and Caroline’s complaints, their malicious comments towards the Bennets, and their beliefs that Mr Darcy would soon realize his enormous error all ruined Bingley’s appetite, and he hurried to his apartment to finish his meal in peace.
He briefly considered how it would be after his marriage: Would Caroline change her behaviour towards the Bennets?
Most likely not. How would dear Jane bear to hear her family insulted?
And what about Mrs Bennet? She surely would consider Netherfield to be her home, too, and would expect proper courtesy.
Would Caroline consider moving to Louisa’s? Surely, he could not allow anyone to upset Jane; that would not be fair to her. But could he ask his sister to leave their house? Would that be fair to Caroline? Charles Bingley suddenly realised that his marriage might bring pain along with the joy.
∞∞∞
As his carriage rolled towards the earl’s house, Darcy considered the best course of action.
Though he had laughed in the library as he immediately guessed the reason for the earl’s state of mind and spirit, the sharp pain in his chest never released its grip.
He remembered—in quite painfully vivid colours—those dreadful days after his disastrous proposal when he was certain happiness would be an unknown word to him.
Surely, things could not be as bad in this case.
Even if he were correct in his assumption that his uncle proposed to Mrs Gardiner and she refused him, the earl’s proposal could not possibly equal his own.
They had known and respected each other for many years; the earl always valued Mrs Gardiner’s opinions and she seemed to enjoy his company.
However, it did not bode well if the earl was in such a poor state and Mrs Gardiner was unwilling to speak even to Selina.
He finally reached the house and entered; a servant received him reluctantly and, with obvious uneasiness, declared Lord Matlock was not home to anyone.
Darcy thanked him then passed decidedly towards the library.
The first knock on the door remained unanswered; the second one received a harsh “go away” in reply. He entered.
“I would appreciate a glass of brandy. The ride from Hertfordshire was quite long, and it is hot outside.”
“Darcy. I did not expect you so soon. So—did your brandy disappear that you barge into my library to take mine?” The earl only favoured him with a brief glance.
“I have not been home yet; I have to finish some business first. I went to apply for a special licence. Did you know? We decided to marry in two weeks.”
“Yes, I imagined you would do that. I am very happy for you.”
“And then I went to see Anne and Selina.”
“Yes, I imagined that, too. You may go home now; there is no business for you here.”
“Oh come, Uncle, will you offer me a glass of brandy or not?”
“You may pour it yourself if you insist; in the meantime, I shall dismiss the idiot doorman; I told him not to allow anyone into the library, but he failed to understand.”
“Nonsense; you will do no such thing.” Darcy took the first gulp from his full glass and sat in an armchair near the earl. He stared at him in silence.
“Darcy, what is it you want from me? You should go home and mind your own business. I am not ill as I told my children a thousand times; I only need to rest in peace. I might leave town for the summer. I find that London’s air does not suit me at all.
Country air would do just fine—country air and silence. I do not expect you to understand.”
“I understand quite well. There was a time in January when I thought London air did not suit me at all. I believed country air and silence would be better for me. I was wrong.”
They were sitting near each other, glasses of brandy in hand, gazing at the wall in front of them. Their conversation was stern and neutral; no emotions were involved.
“The situation cannot be the same,” the earl replied after a short hesitation.
“I am aware of that. This situation cannot be as bad as that situation was in January.”
“One always believes that one’s situation is worse than others.”
“It might be so, but I have reason to suspect I am correct in my statement,” Darcy said.
For some time, there was silence; the glasses were filled again. They continued to stare at the wall rather than each other.
“I remember you were all very worried for me, but I gave little import to your concern. I was reckless and self-absorbed. I cared nothing about others’ pain.
I believed I was correct in my behaviour; not for a moment did I consider I might have done something wrong.
But I was—so very wrong!” Darcy spoke calmly, his hand clenching his glass.
The earl finally turned to look at his nephew; he accepted and held the inquiring gaze.
“I have never spoken to anyone about that, and I never shall. Only my affection and respect for you as well as your genuine care for Elizabeth—which I know to be reciprocated—convinces me to make this confession.”
He paused and rose, beginning to pace the room.
“I was attracted and charmed almost from the first day I met Elizabeth. I was bewitched in a way that was completely new and frightening for me, and I spent many days and nights convincing myself that such feelings were inappropriate and dangerous. I left Hertfordshire on the pretext of saving Bingley from an unsuitable marriage, but I also did it to remove myself from Elizabeth. I shall not give you more details; it suffices to say that you were right to question the reasons for my interference in Bingley’s affairs, but it took a long time to understand that.
Then I met her again, and again I was wrong; you noticed almost immediately her dislike for me.
I chose to misinterpret her behaviour and convinced myself she shared my feelings and welcomed them.
So, the day after the ball, I went to Gracechurch Street and proposed to her.
I diligently exposed to her my feelings along with my doubts and uncertainties.
I told her I had to fight against my pride, duty and even common sense to accept a connection to her family, which was so much beneath me.
I hurt her in every possible way, and I had no doubt that she would accept my proposal with gratitude.
After all, I am Fitzwilliam Darcy, and she is the daughter of a country gentleman with a small estate. ”
Darcy stopped and looked at his uncle, whose countenance expressed shock and disbelief. He continued, attempting a smile to lighten the tension.
“She rejected me without hesitation. She accused me of being selfish and insensitive to the feelings of others, which we both know to be the truth. She properly humbled me as neither you nor my beloved parents ever did. My parents taught me what was right but never taught me to correct my temper. I was taught good principles but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Elizabeth placed a mirror in front of me and forced me to see myself in it—to see myself in her eyes. She showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased. Her words were as harsh and as painful as they were true, but for some time I did not allow the truth to touch my mind—that is, until I realised that running away does not bring relief and that happiness does not come from solitude. And then I returned to London.”
The tension was so burdening that each of them felt the weight of it. The earl rose, opened two windows, then continued to pace the room, glancing at his favourite nephew from time to time. Then he finally spoke.
“Damn, Nephew, I am amazed that you can be such an idiot at times! It is a wonder how you inherited this trait from me!”
Darcy smiled but said nothing. He stared at his uncle, waiting for him to continue.
“I… It is just that… I have always admired Madeleine Gardiner, but I have never considered… I valued and treasured my friendship with Edward Gardiner, and I would never dare to…”
“Of course,” Darcy replied calmly.