Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
Lady Emily Pierce waited on the front of her driveway for Alistair.
Dressed in a pale pink pelisse coat trimmed in fur, her blonde curls falling to her shoulders, her big brown eyes glimmering in the sunlight, and a smile that took up at least half of her face, she looked just as pretty as Alistair remembered.
Better still, she appeared beyond thrilled to see him.
“Your Grace!” she waved excitedly as he steered his mount toward her. “You made it.”
Alistair was nowhere near as excited to see Lady Emily as she was to see him. In fact, for the entire trip over, he wondered if this was such a good idea, and if he might do better to cancel seeing her for the day… not to mention forever.
At nine-and-twenty years of age, Alistair had spent his adult life as a bachelor.
It was done on purpose, and this was despite the trove of young ladies constantly asking after him.
His resistance toward their advances was never personal, but a deep-seated loathing of romance and love and, especially, marriage.
My father has a lot to answer for… or he would do, were he not dead. And thank God that he is.
Alas, times were that Alistair could no longer hide from what he was and what was expected of him.
He might not have wanted to marry, but now that he had Hugh to consider, he was forced to accept that in this world, one rarely got what they wished for.
In fact, from his own personal experience, they almost never did.
So it was that his sights had fallen on Lady Emily Pierce. The daughter of a viscount, she was a kind lady who was affable and agreeable, and she thought the world of him. It would have to do.
“Lady Emily,” he said as he came near. Inside, his stomach twisted, but outside, he wore a broad smile. “Are you not a sight for sore eyes?”
“And you are not so bad yourself,” she shot back with a wry smile.
“Yes, but I do not look nearly so good in pink,” he responded dryly. “So, you have me beat there.”
Once Alistair was down from his horse, Lady Emily led him around her home and into the back garden. There, she suggested that they walk together, a chance to stretch their legs and enjoy the beauty of her father’s garden. Alistair was only too happy to oblige.
“I feel that I should apologize,” he started as they began down the stone path which wound through the large garden.
“Oh?”
“I have been rather remiss of late, and while I have meant to write to you at least a dozen times this past week…” He grimaced so that she could see it. “It is not right of me to have kept you waiting and wondering.”
She raised an eyebrow at him. “I know your games, Your Grace.”
“My games?”
“Your games,” she said rightly. “Playing it cool and unbothered, as if you have not thought about me once. This, I am sure you think, will have me tripping over myself to get your attention. As if to have not heard from you is like a knife through my heart.”
“And is it…”
She laughed, and then she took hold of his arm as they walked. “You wish that were the case! Would you believe that a lady is allowed to be just as busy as a duke?”
He eyed the hand on his arm. It was a simple gesture, and not the first time that she had touched him since they started to court. But unlike the past instances, this one felt different…
Perhaps a better way to say it was that it felt like nothing at all?
Without meaning to, Alistair’s mind flashed back to yesterday, when he had taken Miss Norleigh by the hand in his office. He had done it on instinct as he tried to stop her from fleeing, but the result sent a pulse through his body that he felt strike him in the chest.
I wonder if Miss Norleigh felt it too? Or if she noticed what her touch did to me? It was subtle, I did my best to hide it, but hours later, and I could still feel the imprint of her skin on my fingertips…
Such thoughts as these ones were not something that Alistair was used to, which is why they confused him so much. He knew their meaning, just as he knew he should have felt this way when Lady Emily touched him. But that he did not… it confused him, as well as made him feel guilty.
“Now you are just trying to hurt me,” he laughed and dragged his mind away from thoughts of the governess.
“Perhaps I am…” She cocked an eyebrow at him as they walked. “All that is to say, don’t you dare forget to write to me again.”
He laughed at the joke, she laughed too, and they continued to walk through the garden, her arm now linked through his own.
If there was one good thing to be said about Lady Emily, it’s that she was personable. There was no arguing that she was one of the more popular ladies of the ton, the type who everyone seemed to like and get along with. It made for a comfortable and enjoyable time.
Today, things felt different.
They walked in a state of awkward silence, little said, a clear tension hovering between them. Alistair worried that she could somehow tell that his mind kept drifting to Miss Norleigh… but that was impossible.
Finally, after a few more minutes of little being said, Lady Emily let forth a deep sigh. “Might I ask you something, Your Grace?”
“Please,” he said a little too quickly.
“And please, tell me if it is inappropriate or none of my business. I do not mean to pry.” Her eyes flicked at him and looked away, and Alistair could feel how tense she had suddenly become.
“But I heard a rumor recently, and where I do not like to give air to rumors and whispers, this one…” She laughed awkwardly.
“I have been unable to stop thinking about it.”
Alistair knew what she was going to ask, and for that, he could not blame her. Really, he should have been the one to bring it up, and that he hadn’t made it seem as if he was hiding something. Certainly not his intention.
“You wish to know about my son,” he said.
She grimaced but turned it into a forgiving smile. “So, it is true?”
“I am afraid that it is,” he sighed deeply. “His name is Hugh, and while I have no idea what you have heard, if you will allow me to set the record straight…” Or what I am able to tell you anyhow. “… Perhaps then you can decide if I am the worst person you know, or maybe just the second worst.”
She laughed and slapped his arm. “Oh, I am sure it is not that bad. I mean, I do know some awful fellows, so it is a high bar.”
“I will endeavor to remain under it,” he joked.
“In truth, it is not nearly as wicked as it might sound. Hugh is the son of…” He clicked his tongue.
“A dear friend of mine, from years ago. Her pregnancy was an accident, and we both decided at the time that it would be best if she raised him on her own. My father…” He scoffed.
“Things were expected of me, and a son outside of wedlock would have laid waste to those plans.”
“And Hugh’s mother…” she pressed gently.
“She passed recently,” he said. “Which is why the boy is now with me. He is my blood, and he deserves to be raised as my heir. I am not ashamed of what I did, Lady Emily, but I am ashamed that it might look like I am. If that makes sense?”
She beamed and pulled his arm in tighter as they walked. “There is nothing to be ashamed of, Your Grace. You did as you thought you must, and now you are doing as is right. What could be more noble than that?”
It should have brought great relief to Alistair to hear Lady Emily’s words. That she understood him, and that she was so forgiving, might have been music to his ears.
Sadly, guilt was what took Alistair’s conscious in that moment, because what he had told her was less than half the truth. And that she was so kind and forgiving… he felt like a damn villain.
“And how is he settling in?” she asked.
“Very well, thank you,” he said. They came to a bench by the path, and they sat down. As they did, Lady Emily took Alistair’s hand and held it, seemingly determined to close the gap between them.
He eyed the hand once more… wondering again why he did not feel the same as he had with Miss Norleigh…
“He is educated, then? He can read and write?”
Alistair smiled. “By all accounts, he can. In fact, I have hired a governess to teach him, and while it is just two days in, so far she is doing a fine job.”
“I am glad to hear it. I am sure he will grow into a fine young man…” She moved in closer and continued to smile at him. “Much like his father.”
“Yes, well, we will see how his governess fairs.”
Alistair cursed himself silently for mentioning Miss Norleigh – and twice! He wanted to stop thinking about her, but seemed determined to mention her at every turn as if he wanted her on his mind.
What he should have done was allow her to quit. That would have been the smart play. Only… no, he could not do that either. Her father knew too much about Hugh’s origins, so he needed Miss Norleigh close so that he could keep an eye on her.
Yes, that is why I have kept her around.
“Your Grace…” Lady Emily’s voice softened. “I wish to say that I am so glad you felt comfortable sharing this with me. I know it is not easy, but that you trust me…” Her smile brightened. “It means so much.”
“Of course, Lady Emily.”
“And while it might be too early for such things, I would like very much to meet Hugh one day soon. I love children, I always have, and I relish the chance to get to know your son better. Anything he needs to feel more welcome, and I am here for you both.”
“Lady Emily, that is…” It was a kind offer. Dammit, it was just what he needed to hear. Any fears he had about Hugh being accepted by his peers might have been washed away by that single offer, and Alistair should have sighed with relief.
For reasons he could not ascertain, her offer struck him wrong. He found at that moment that he did not want her to meet Hugh. Why that was, he could not say. For some reason, it just felt wrong.
“That is very kind,” her forced himself to say. “And I will keep it in mind.”
“Please do.”
Alistair did not spend much longer with Lady Emily that morning.
His initial plan was to be with her all day, a means to make up for all the lost time that he had missed this last week.
But once Hugh’s name was mentioned, he found his stomach twisting, his conscience rebelling, and his mind split into a million different pieces.
Once, he might have thought it was to do with his objections to marriage. Now, he knew it was infinitely more complex than that.
Before Hugh came along, Alistair’s life was a simple thing.
He was his own man, he did as he pleased, and he cared little for what other people thought.
Now, every action he took, every choice he made, was watched under a magnifying glass, and he feared that one wrong thing said would see his world blow up in his face so that he might never recover.
What he told the world about Hugh was a lie. The truth… it had the potential to ruin his name, his life, and those that he loved. For that reason, he needed to be careful, and for that reason, he found it difficult to care about something as silly as courtship.
“I’m sorry I have to leave on such short notice,” he told Lady Emily as his horse was brought to him. “Please, do not take it personally.”
“It is quite fine,” she said. “You have so much on your plate as it is. Truly, do not worry about it.” She sounded a little too relieved to see him go, and Alistair wondered if that was because of Hugh. Likely it was.
“I will write to you,” he assured her.
“I look forward to it.” Again, it did not sound as if she did.
Alistair’s life had changed so drastically and in such a short space of time. As he looked to the future, he wondered what else was going to change, just as he wondered how it would likely ruin him.