Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
“Hugh, do you understand what I’m showing you?” Yvette asked Hugh from the front of the room. “Tell me, what does this mean?”
Hugh sat at his single table in the center of the room, his face scrunched into a tight ball, and his skin was flushed bright red as if he hadn’t taken a breath in minutes. Likely, he hadn’t.
The concentration evident in Hugh should have inspired Yvette, proof that he wanted to learn and improve his education – he was taking these lessons rather seriously.
But it was the degree of concentration that he exhibited, which worried her, a sense that his life depended on getting the answers right.
A child his age shouldn’t stress about such things. He should want to learn, while understanding that it’s not the end of the world if he gets the answers wrong.
“Those circles…” He bit into his lip. “Th – they… represent the number being multiplied?”
“That’s right.”
He breathed a sigh of relief, but somehow managed to look just as stressed. “And by adding them together…” He started to sweat. “I – I – I… I don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand?”
“All of it!” He threw up his hands.
“That’s not true,” she said gently.
“It is!”
“How can it be true when you just told me the answer?” She made sure to keep her voice soft, not wanting to upset the poor boy. “You’re correct, those circles represent the number being multiplied. And if you add them together –”
“I ca -- can’t!”
“Yes, you can.”
“Not in my head,” he huffed and folded his arms. Then, he looked away as if in shame. “Not like you ca –ca -- can.”
Yvette frowned. “Who says that you have to do it in your head?”
“You did!”
“No, I did not.”
“Well…” He huffed again and pouted. “You did it. So, I should be able to. I can’t carry a piece of paper and quill around ev – everywhere I go.”
She laughed softly. “It wouldn’t be very practical.”
“Which is why I sh – sh – sh – sh –” His stutter grew worse so that it looked as if the words were literally choking him. He gripped the edge of the table, trying to force the words out, but that just made it worse.
“Deep breaths.” Yvette rushed to his side and rested a hand gently on his back. “Take your time, Hugh. It’s just you and me.”
“I can’t!” He shoved her off and threw up his hands again. “It’s too ha -- hard!”
The poor boy was unravelling before her eyes.
This wasn’t the first time that the stress of learning had gotten to him, but it was easily the worst. She had noticed last week that with Hugh; it was a case of two steps forward and one back.
They would make progress, his confidence would grow, and then, at the slightest hiccup, he would lose his senses and capitulate into a heap.
At least he is trying… which is more than can be expected of most eight-year-olds.
It had been a rather revelatory week for Yvette.
Having never taught before, she had no idea what she was doing, what her skills were, or if she was even cut out for such things as this.
Further to that point, she also had no real conception of Hugh’s education, unable to even guess what he knew and what he needed to learn.
For this reason, Yvette had chosen to use this first week to test them both.
The start of the week was dedicated to literature and writing.
Thankfully, it had taken just two lessons for Hugh to shine, and she breathed a sigh of relief when she realized that he was far smarter than she had hoped.
In fact, she wondered if he was more intelligent than most boys his age.
He had a knack for words… ironic, as he struggled so often to speak them.
But when he wrote, and when he had a book in front of him to read, he was a natural.
Yesterday, they pivoted into mathematics.
Hugh was perfectly adequate at basic sums. He could count as high as he needed; he could add and subtract so long as he had paper and quill to work with.
Even the more difficult equations that she gave him were worked through, and while he did not always get them right, he seemed to understand his mistakes. What was more, he wanted to get better.
Today, they moved onto multiplications, and that was when they hit a wall.
At the front of the room, Yvette had a blackboard set up, and on it were a series of circles with a number of dots peppered throughout each one.
Each circle represented the number being multiplied, and it made for a good visual aid to learn the basics of multiplication.
All one had to do was add the dots together from each circle, and you could multiply any number.
Sadly, Hugh struggled. And the more he did, the greater his frustration grew. He wanted to understand immediately. He hated himself when it took too long. And as his frustration became worse, his stutter increased, and the walls around him collapsed.
“Let us take a break from multiplication,” Yvette suggested. “Perhaps in a few weeks, once we –”
“No!” Hugh sat himself up, snatched a piece of parchment, and began to scribble on it as he tried to work through the tasks that she had written down for him. “I c -- can do this.”
“You don’t have to prove anything today, Hugh,” Yvette said.
“I can do this,” he said again.”
“Hugh…” She hesitated, watching as he scrunched his face, stuck out his tongue, and worked. “There…” She looked over his shoulder and saw what he was doing. “Don’t rush… add those together… do it five times…”
“It doesn’t make sense!”
“It does.”
“No, it doesn’t!” He shoved out with his hands and knocked the ink to the floor with a crash. Ink went everywhere, and he jumped to his feet with a yelp. “Oh, no!”
“It’s fine.” Yvette grabbed a pile of parchment to use as a mop.
“I’m so – so – sorry!”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“I ruin everything.” He fell back into his seat, and his face went into the palms of his hands. “It’s all my fault. All of it.”
“It’s not your fault…” On her knees in front of the desk, Yvette looked up to find Hugh with his head in his hands, breathing deeply, body shaking.
It was only then that she finally understood what was wrong.
This had nothing to do with him struggling with his multiplication. Not really. It looked to her eyes that there was a deeper cause for his anxiety, one that went beyond his learning capabilities.
I should have seen it earlier. Honestly, I should have asked him.
“Hugh…” Yvette stood up and went to him. She sat down on the edge of his desk and rested a hand on his shoulder, keeping her voice soft and commiserating. “What do you mean, it’s your fault?”
“This,” he said through his hands. “Everything. M – my father. He hates me.”
“That’s not true.”
“He should hate me,” he said. “I ruin everything.”
“What makes you think that?” Yvette asked. “Your father loves you, Hugh. I know that he does.” Even if that wasn’t entirely true, Yvette sensed that the Duke at least cared about his son and his well-being. More than many fathers might, anyhow.
Hugh sniffed back tears. “I heard the st – staff talking. They said… they said… they said that he was embarrassed by me. That all of this, he’s ju – just tr – trying to save face. And that as so – soon as he can, he’s going to… to… to get rid of me.”
Yvette’s heart broke to hear him say such things.
She had been here for a little less than a week, and in that time, she had not once seen the Duke and Hugh spend time together.
That wasn’t to say that she thought the Duke was avoiding him, and she knew he was not ashamed, but the impression this clearly left on Hugh was devastating. How was he to know any better?
She remembered too well her conversation with the Duke, and his insistence that he wanted to be a better father. Perhaps it is time he starts to prove it? If not for himself, for his son?
“I happen to know for a fact that the Duke is not ashamed of you,” she told him as she rubbed his back.
“Liar.”
“It’s true,” she said firmly. “You must remember, this is as new for the Duke as it is for you. He’s learning to be a father, as you are a son. And when he is ready, I just know he will prove this to you. That he loves you.”
“And wh –wh at about you?” Hugh asked.
She blinked in surprise. “What about me?”
“If I don’t get any better, he’s going to get rid of you.
” He pulled his head from his hands and looked at her; his eyes were glazed red and stained with tears.
“I heard them say it. Th – th – that he never wanted to hire you in the first place. If I do – don’t improve, he’ll ask you to le -- leave.
I don’t want you to leave. Please, don’t leave me. ”
Hugh was only a child, and he was far too young to carry this sort of weight on his shoulders. Worrying about his own place in the world was one thing, but to think that Yvette’s fortunes also rested on his actions and what he did was another entirely.
Still, Yvette knew little about Hugh’s past because she did not think they were quite close enough to speak about it yet. But she wondered now about his mother, and how her loss must have broken him.
He has already lost someone he loves, and he worries that he might lose another person he cares for. And that’s not to mention his desire to impress his father… likely so that he won’t leave him too.
Yvette had been hired as the boy’s governess, which in her initial estimation meant that she was here to teach him. But as she studied him closely, as she considered her role in his life, she realized that being his governess meant so much more than being a mere teacher.
She was there to look out for him and to see him grow. And she was there to make sure that nothing happened to him. In this, she had failed, and it was time she changed that.
“Your Grace…” Yvette knocked on the door to the Duke’s office. “Might I have a quick word?” She stepped inside before he had a chance to answer.
The Duke sat behind his desk, hard at work.
Yvette knew little of what a duke’s duties entailed, just that it mostly had to do with matters of parliament, and tenancy agreements as they pertained to the land that he owned.
She assumed it was a lot of busy work, and from the bleary-eyed look the Duke had when his head snapped up to see her stepping into his office, she knew this assumption to be accurate.
“Oh!” He started at the sight of her. “Miss Norleigh, this is a surprise.”
“I am sorry to disturb you,” she said. “But I was hoping we might speak quickly. Concerning Hugh.”
“Is something wrong?” He sounded genuinely worried, and that was enough to tell her that this was the right decision.
“No, nothing to be worried over,” she assured him. “It’s to do with… his mental state.”
He frowned. “What does that mean?”
“Do you remember last week when you told me that you wished to spend more time with him?”
“I do…”
“Well, not to be too forward, but I think that time has arrived.” She made sure to smile as she spoke, to cut through any notion that things were serious. “His studies are going well, but I sense an underlying stress that if effecting him severely.”
“What stress?”
“To be perfectly candid, the stress that comes with being the son of a duke.” She sighed and walked closer to the table.
“The boy worries about how he is perceived, Your Grace. Just as he worries about his place in this household. In fact, he even voiced to me earlier that he suspects you don’t care for him at all. ”
The Duke started at that, and she saw how much the thought of this upset him. He frowned, bit into his lip, and it looked as if he meant to jump to his feet, stride from the room, and find Hugh to assure him of how wrong he was.
“I hope you told him differently,” he said firmly, his expression hardening as if it was somehow her fault.
She laughed. “I could tell him any number of things, but it will make no difference. He needs to hear it from you.”
“You want me to…” He tilted his head. “To tell him that I care for him?”
“Nothing so forward as that.” She laughed again. “My thinking is that it’s about time you spent time with him. He is your son, and he needs to be reminded of it. A day together and you might be surprised how quickly your relationship will change.”
He nodded along. “Yes, I think… that is a good idea.”
“I like to think so.”
The Duke’s brow furrowed, and she could see the silent conversation that he was having with himself, just as she could guess what he was considering asking her.
Yvette held her breath, hoping that he would ask. It was wrong. It couldn’t possibly go anywhere. But she could not stop thinking about their interaction earlier in the week, and while she was sure that it was nothing, she wanted to prove as much… or to prove the complete opposite.
I should be focused on Hugh only, I know that. But that moment we shared, as insignificant as it was, still sits with me. And I want to know why.
“You will join us,” he said.
“Will I now?” she smirked.
“You did say that you would help, if you remember?” He considered her for a moment. “I believe you exact words concerned a promise to be there for Hugh, and for me, for that matter.”
“That does sound like me,” she said with a warm smile as she held his eyes. “Which is why I agree with you. Whatever you choose to do, I will join you both. For moral support.”
“More support…” He nodded along.
“So, when you think of something, let me know, and I will be sure to structure our lessons around it.”
“What about right now?” he said quickly, half standing as he did.
“Now?” She frowned. “What did you have in mind?”
The Duke’s answer was a wry smile that reached his eyes and was felt in Yvette’s chest.