Chapter 16
What’s up with Mikey?
Luke’s been asking the question repeatedly over the past few weeks.
Nothing’s been quite the same since the night of the concert: Mikey’s been distant, and they’ve gone from spending almost every minute together to hardly having any alone time.
Any time Luke tries to ask him what’s wrong–let alone actually spend more than a few minutes together–Mikey either changes the subject or just ignores it altogether.
Luke starts to suspect there’s more going on here than he’d like to admit. In his heart of hearts he thinks he knows what’s going on, but he’s not ready to admit it to himself. He keeps holding onto the hope things will get better.
And so, when Mikey asks him to go for lunch after their morning session at NACA, he jumps at the chance. Maybe now he’ll be able to figure out what’s going on.
At first he thinks everything is going to be okay.
They make small talk as they drive up Route 2 toward Wheeling, and it’s almost normal.
As soon as they get to Coleman’s, though, there’s a strange feeling in the air.
It’s nothing he can put his finger on, exactly, but Mikey keeps on shuffling from foot to foot, never quite meeting his eyes.
Luke wants to say something, but when it comes down to it he’s afraid of what might happen if he does.
You’re going to have to ask him sooner or later, he thinks.
They get their fish sandwiches and fries–with a side order of macaroni they’ll share–and make their way to one of the nearby tables.
Once they’re seated, another silence descends, and even more impenetrable than the one before it.
Several times Luke opens his mouth, trying to muster the courage to say something, but each time he chickens out.
Finally, just when they’re finishing up their meals, it’s Mikey’s turn to sigh.
“Luke,” he says, “we need to talk.”
Luke might not have been in any relationships before, but he’s watched enough romantic comedies and romance to know nothing good ever follows the phrase “we need to talk.” His stomach is roiling, and he almost tells Mikey they don’t need to talk; they can just pretend everything is okay.
What he says, though, is:
“Yeah, I guess we do.”
He hates the look on Mikey’s face, the look of pain flickering in his eyes, the way his lips tighten. Luke knows what’s coming even before the words come out of Mikey’s mouth.
“I think we should break up,” Mikey says.
This is exactly what Luke’s been dreading but couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge. The breath whooshes out of his body, and it takes a second for his brain to really catch up to what’s happening, to make sense of what Mikey has just said.
A dozen different responses flit through his mind, and he tries to figure out which one will change what’s happening right now.
He finally settles on the most basic.
“I don’t want to break up.”
The words are simple, and he hates the way his voice hitches on them, hates the way the tears are trying to well up and choke him.
Come on, Luke, stand up for yourself.
“Why are you doing this?” he asks instead.
He’s desperate for an explanation but, at the same time, he’s not sure he wants one. He really just wants to get out of here as quickly as possible, to forget it all ever happened.
Mikey, however, doesn’t give him much of anything. He just sits there, not even bothering to look Luke in the eye, picking at his food.
Finally, he can’t take it any more. He just wants out of there as quickly as possible, and so he gets up and just glares down at Mikey.
“Fuck you, Mikey Smiles,” he says. “Just…fuck you.”
He leaves the restaurant, and he doesn’t look back.
As soon as he’s outside, Luke takes a deep breath. The air is heavy tonight, and he’s pretty sure it’s going to storm.
Good, he thinks. I’m in the mood for rain.
Now he’s not in front of Mikey anymore he can take a few seconds to gather his thoughts and sort through his feelings. He fights down the temptation to go back inside and beg for Mikey to take him back. Instead, he has to decide what to do and where he’s going to go.
Aunt Patty’s, he thinks at once. I’ll go to Aunt Patty’s.
His aunt might not know about his sexuality–though she probably suspects–but her house is the one place he’s always been safe.
Besides, he’s not ready to go home just yet.
He doesn’t like showing too much emotion in front of his parents or his brothers.
Aunt Patty, though? She’ll make him feel better, even if she doesn’t know the real reason he’s so upset.
Luke makes his way to the nearest payphone and, plopping in a couple of quarters, he calls her.
“Hello?” She answers the phone.
“Hi,” Luke manages to get out. “I’m at Coleman’s down in Wheeling. Can you come get me?”
“Of course,” she says. “Just stay there, and I’ll be there in a jiffy.”
“Thank you,” he says. “And Aunt Patty? I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetie. See you soon!”
She hangs up, and Luke tries to distract himself by wandering around the shops at the Centre Market. He can’t settle his thoughts on anything, though, and he’s glad when Aunt Patty gets there.
“Oh, baby, come here,” she says, getting out of her car and holding her arms out. Luke doesn’t think. He just throws himself into that comforting embrace, breathing in the scent of her lilac perfume, and he finally lets the tears come.
She doesn’t ask him what’s wrong, and she doesn’t press him for more details. That’s not Aunt Patty’s way. Her job, as she sees it, is to be there for him through thick and thin, and that’s what she’s going to do.
After the life-saving hug and a good cry, Aunt Patty drives them to her place.
She lives in a simple old farmhouse on a ridge overlooking the Ohio River, the house clinging to the bank for dear life.
It’s a bit rough around the edges–a few tiles are missing from the roof, and the paint is starting to peel here and there–but it still has an aura of comfort around it.
A garden is situated off to the side, and the barn (as rough as the house) echoes with the clucking of chickens, the quacking of ducks, the honking of geese, and even the odd turkey gobble.
It isn’t much, but it’s been like a second home to him growing up. Any time he felt like he wasn’t welcome at home–and, with his father and his brothers, that happened more than he would’ve liked–he knew he could find a special place with his aunt.
They walk up to the front and door and go inside.
Luke breaths deep. Aunt Patty’s been baking, of course, and the house is filled with the smell of chocolate chip cookies and cherry cobbler and a dozen other things.
If he knows her, she’s probably been baking all day, which means it’s hard to tell just how many baked goods there are scattered around her spacious kitchen.
She guides him to his usual place at the kitchen table and, without saying a word, gets him a glass of milk, a huge piece of cherry cobbler (heavy on the cherries), and a heaping plate of chocolate chip cookies.
Luke doesn’t even wait until they’re fully on the table before he dives in.
He knows he’s probably going to regret eating all of these sweets at once, but something about Aunt Patty’s baked goods always helps him forget about whatever is bothering him.
He relishes the way his aunt’s cobbler combines a sweet biscuity dough with tart cherries, the way her chocolate chip cookies are the right mix of soft and crunchy. He washes it all down with the milk and, when he’s done, he finally takes a deep breath.
“Okay,” Aunt Patty says. “I know somethin’s wrong. I don’t know what it is, and if you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. If you do…well, I’m here to listen.”
Luke panics a bit. What can he tell her? How much can he tell her?
He’s tempted to just lay the whole truth out for her, but when his eyes flick to the picture of Jesus hanging on the wall behind her, he immediately changes his mind.
He knows Aunt Patty loves him, but he also knows how devout she is.
If he tells her the truth about what Mikey meant to him, let alone if he tells her they were actually boyfriends, he doesn’t think she’d be very accepting.
And so he does the next best thing.
“Um…do you remember my friend Mikey? You probably saw him at the concert.”
Aunt Patty thinks about it for a minute, and then she nods. It might be Luke’s imagination, but he swears he sees a bit of a shadow creep over her face. It’s gone the next minute, though, and he doubts it was ever there.
“Yes,” she says. “I remember him.” She sighs. “Let me guess. He doesn’t want to be your friend anymore?”
He sniffles a little, feeling the tears trying to come back. All he can do is nod.
She sighs. “I knew it. That boy…you can’t rely on boys like that, Luke.
They’re always going to go after something else.
” Aunt Patty pauses, and he can tell there’s something else she wants to say.
He braces for the moment when she’ll say something homophobic, but instead she drops a different kind of bombshell on him.
“I didn’t want to say anything, but Loretta said she heard he’d gotten a contract with some big agent from up in Pittsburgh. I was hoping he wouldn’t do something like this.” She shrugs. “I guess I should’ve just been honest.”
So that’s why Mikey broke up with me, he thinks. He got what he wanted out of NACA, and now he’s just going to…go away.
Thinking about Mikey leaving NACA makes Luke ache but, at the same time, he thinks it might be for the best. If Mikey leaves–and why would he stay, when he’s got a contract?
–then he won’t have to see him and be constantly reminded of what he doesn’t have anymore.
Even though the summer program is over, Luke can’t bear the thought of even another day of seeing Mikey.
Good riddance, he thinks but, once again, he doesn’t mean it.
Aunt Patty reaches out and puts her hands–rough and yet soft at the same time–over his.
“It’s gonna be okay, sweetie,” she says. “I promise. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow. But it will be. Even the worst heartaches pass in time. And don’t you let his success get you down. You’re gonna get your own contract, and you’re gonna show the world what you’re made of.”
Normally Luke would roll his eyes at that kind of talk, but today it’s just what he needs to hear. He has no idea what the future holds, but who knows? Maybe Aunt Patty is right. Maybe he’ll find his own path forward.
He gets to his feet.
“Thanks, Aunt Patty. You really helped.”
She smiles at him and gestures to the guest bedroom where he sleeps when he spends the night here. “You can spend the night, if you want.”
“Thanks,” he says, “but I think I’m okay now.”
She gets to her feet, moving a bit slower than she used to. When she wraps him in another hug, though, her arms are just as strong as ever. Luke takes a last little bit of comfort.
As he walks back to his house–he fortunately only lives about a half-hour walk away–he feels so much better.
He knows there’s a long road ahead–for his heart, for his career, for everything–but he knows now he can handle it.