Chapter 19
Luke had learned a lot in the decade since he’d dated Mikey, and one of the most important lessons he’d learned was: when you were overwhelmed emotionally, it was best to get out of the situation before it escalated beyond your control. And boy were Mikey’s confessions overwhelming.
It turned out spending time in therapy after his exile was one of the best things he could’ve done.
And so, just as he’d done the night before, he got out of Mikey’s space and into his own.
I sure am leaving Mikey alone in my house a lot, he thought, but I think I can trust him not to rob the place. I guess.
Things had gotten a lot more complicated than he’d anticipated, far more quickly than he’d have thought possible.
Luke had invited Mikey up here because he hoped the two of them might be able to rekindle some of what they’d had before.
Now that Mikey was here, and all of the ghosts of the past were being brought up, none of it seemed as simple as it had before.
Mikey wasn’t the same person he used to be–he was able to take accountability for his actions, for one thing–and it was going to take Luke a while to wrap his head around the new Mikey
Why can’t things ever be simple?
It was the kind of answerless question his therapist had told him not to indulge in too often. It was better to tackle things head-on rather than to waste too much time trying to live in a nonexistent world.
I hate when she’s right, he thought grumpily. It was so much easier when I could just do things my own way.
But he knew that wasn’t really true, either.
Doing things his own way was as likely to cause trouble as it was to solve anything, as his self-imposed exile had shown.
It might’ve solved the immediate problem of what to do about his outing–it was amazing how disappearing from public view could cause a problem to go away–but it had done nothing to resolve any of the root issues.
As everyone, from his therapist to Bryce, had told him, avoiding problems just made them get worse in the long run, and he had a feeling it was going to be true with Mikey.
Mikey was in his house right now, no doubt wondering where he’d gone off to and when he’d get back.
Damn it, he thought.
He walked down by Fish Creek for a while.
His property extended for quite a way, and there was something calming both about the environment and about the fact this land was his, and no one could take it away from him.
He might not have the success he once had, and he might be a pariah to most of the music world, and he might still be a bit of an emotional mess, but at least he had a little slice of peace.
As he walked, he relished the sound of the creek rushing in its backs, of the wind rustling through the trees, of the sweet chirping and singing of the birds. His home was always peaceful, it seemed like, and he was glad the gas companies hadn’t yet managed to come so far.
You can only wander around the property for so long, he said to himself. Mikey’s not going to wait up there forever, and it’s really not fair for you to just…leave him.
That was the rub, wasn’t it? He’d meant what he said to Mikey.
He was hurting, and as much as he wanted to forgive and move on and maybe do more –and as much as he yearned for Mikey to come running out of the house just then–the truth was his mind was still a jumbled up mess of mixed emotions he didn’t know what to do with.
And yet…he couldn’t forget the look in Mikey’s eyes, and or the fact he’d actually apologized for what he’d done, something Luke didn’t know he was capable of even contemplating, let alone doing.
Didn’t it all add up to something? Didn’t it all suggest a possibility for rekindling what they’d had, if Luke could bring himself to see it?
Maybe I will, he thought. But first, let’s make sure we can collaborate. And I need to make sure he feels welcome and comfortable here.
It wasn’t going to be easy, but he was going to do everything in his power to make sure Mikey knew here, at least, he could be home.
Well, Luke thought, let’s do this.
When he got back to the house Mikey was sitting where he’d left him.
Duke, of course, was sprawled in his lap like the traitor he was.
For a few minutes Luke just stood there and looked at the two of them.
It occurred to him that a much younger Luke Carter would’ve given almost anything to have Mikey Smiles sitting in his cabin with his dog on his lap.
Truth be told, the older version was pretty excited about the development, too, at least if the faster beating of his heart was anything to go by.
It was unfair, really, just how casually handsome Mikey looked, just sitting there on Luke’s couch in his T-shirt and joggers.
The sun streaming through the windows glinted in his curls, picking out the shades of bronze that had emerged as he got older.
Luke had often wondered whether they were real or not, but at the moment he didn’t really care.
What mattered was how he found himself wanting to throw himself on Mikey and ravage him on the spot.
Mikey must have sensed something of what he was thinking, because he looked up, an undeniable smirk on his face.
He gestured at Duke.
“I’m sorry about this. I was just sitting here and he jumped up on me. I hope you don’t mind.”
Luke rolled his eyes.
“I’m not that sensitive,” he said. “You think I’m gonna be jealous because of a dog?”
Mikey gave him a level look.
“I have met you before, you know, and yeah, I think you’re actually quite likely to get jealous because of a dog.”
Luke barked a laugh. “You’re probably right, I guess I don’t mind it so much. Do you mind if we keep talking?”
Mikey got a guarded look on his face. “Um…sure, yes, that would be good. I guess we should talk about the concert, right?”
It wasn’t really what Luke wanted to talk about at all, but since Mikey was offering him the out–and since he was clearly sending Luke a message about his lack of interest in anything romantic–he was just going to roll with it.
“Okay,” he said.
“Well,” Mikey went on, “I really do think you’re right about the music history angle.
We want something to really hook people here.
The real question, though, is how many songs we’re going to include, as well as what types.
I hate to admit it, but I think we might want to lean more into your type of music than mine for this event. ”
Luke mimed putting a hand to his ear. “Could you repeat that, please? I’m not sure that I heard you properly.”.
“You know,” Mikey said, “you literally did the same thing in the car. And it wasn’t funny then, either.”
Before Luke could respond, Mikey picked up one of the throw pillows–a present from Katrina, of course–and threw it at him. Luke dodged it easily.
“I hope you’ve never thought of quitting your job and taking up baseball,” he quipped, which prompted Mikey to give him the middle finger.
Luke couldn’t help but laugh at how nice it was for the two of them to be joking like this again.
Maybe miracles do happen, Luke thought. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll all work out.
“Okay,” he went on. “If you’re serious about the whole focusing on tradition thing, then I think we should spend some time actually working outside.
” He gestured toward the outdoors. “As you noticed when you drove up here, I’ve got some horses, and there’s a whole bunch of stuff that needs done with them. Do you think you’re up for it?”
He could tell from the way Mikey’s eyes were getting wider with every word out of his mouth that no, in fact, he wasn’t at all ready for any of this.
Luke would be lying if he said it didn’t give him a little bit of pleasure, but he wasn’t going to rub it in, not when Mikey was being such a good sport.
Besides, he couldn’t expect him to become a country boy right away.
Instead, he said, “You’re going to have to earn your keep one way or another, and there’s no time like the present to learn what it’s like to live in the country. You should be glad I don’t live on a big farm, or there’d be even more to do.”
Mikey groaned. “I don’t know why I have to actually do the whole country thing. I’m a pop star, remember."
Luke actually found his fake whining rather endearing. It reminded him that more than a little of the young man he’d been when the two of them were together.
“The only way to be authentic is to do the thing,” Luke said. “You know?”
Mikey looked very skeptical, but he still got to his feet.
“Fine,” he said. “Let’s do this, then.”
“Okay,” Luke said. “But we’re going to have to get you some better clothes. You can’t take care of horses in what you’re wearing. I’m also guessing you didn’t bring anything better.” He sighed and shook his head before Mikey could answer. “Okay, come on. I think I have some things you can wear.”
A short time later they were both dressed in some grungy old clothes Luke kept for when he was doing chores, and he had to admit Mikey looked even more adorable wearing a set of overalls and boots.
“Now you look like someone who’s ready to take care of some horses,” he said.
Mikey rolled his eyes.
“Can we just get this over with?” he asked.
“All right then, come on,” Luke said. “Let’s get to work. I promise you won’t regret it.”