Chapter 14
Kemah
I don’t know if I feel better with Hodge knowing my business or not.
It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, knowing I've shared something, but I can also see the anger in his eyes over what I revealed.
His hand has stayed in place on my cheek as he looks deep into my eyes.
Then he leans in and presses his lips to mine.
His lips feel too damn good against mine to pull away.
But then he does. He breaks the kiss and looks at me.
“No one is gonna do that shit to you again. You hear me?”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do know that.”
“How?”
“Because you’re never goin’ back to that shit.”
“I don’t have a choice, Hodge,” I argue with him. He huffs and lowers his hand before running it over his face.
“So let me get this straight. You’re willin’ to go back to him, to be beaten and abused for money?” He asks angrily. He doesn’t get it. That money is all I have. That’s it. That’s my life right there.
“If that’s what I have to do.”
“For money?”
“Yeah, Hodge. For money! Don’t you get it? That’s all I have! I don’t have friends, and my family gave me away. My boyfriend, if you can even call him that, uses me and hates to even look at me. That money is my way out,” I tell him. He looks confused as he tugs at his hair.
“So what do you want to do here? You want me to take you back to him?”
“He sent me away. I’m sure they know that by now. I don’t know how I could even go back at this point.”
“And you’re mad about that?” he asks, noting the anger in my tone.
“You people ripped me from the van I was supposed to be in!”
“Do you know where that van and those women were goin’?” he asks calmly, but looks anything but calm.
“No.”
“They’re whores, Kemah. Girls who want to be fucked, but you know what? They don’t get their money. Their boss does. They get drugged. Is that what you wanted?”
“I don’t believe that.”
“You don’t believe that?”
“No. How would you know that?”
“How would I know? Kemah, we were the ones transportin’ them! Fuck, I’m the one who vetted them all to make sure they wanted to be there!” He roars at me.
“I … I don’t look like them.”
“You think that matters to the assholes who pay to fuck and hurt them?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well fuckin’ surprise, Kemah. It doesn’t! A fuckin’ pussy is a pussy to them. They don’t care what kind of body it’s attached to,” he snaps at me. I step back, unsure what to say now. What do I do? I need that money. I want that money. It’s the only way I can start my life over.
“You’re still thinkin’ about the money? After what I just said to you?”
“You don’t understand, Hodge. That’s all I have left.”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “That’s not all you have. You have us, you have me, Kemah. You can start over here,” he tells me.
“And do what? Be the fat club whore? I don’t think so.” Hodge yells into the air before storming toward me and wrapping his hand around my neck.
“I warned you about talkin’ about yourself, Kemah.
I swear to God if I have to spank your ass and brand my goddamn name on it to make you understand how fuckin’ beautiful you are, I’ll do it.
” His hand isn’t so tight that I can’t breathe, but it’s tight enough that he makes his point.
His loudness has earned us an audience. There are guys and a few girls who stand outside the clubhouse now watching us.
“I call it how I see it, Hodge.” Why I’m pushing his buttons is beyond me. Hodge nods his head, his eyes turning dark before he smirks at me. It isn’t a nice smirk. It’s a deadly smirk. Like what he said, he meant.
“Locke! Bring me a lighter and some rope,” he calls out. One of the guys moves and disappears before returning with what Hodge had asked for.
“What are you doing?” I ask him, but he does little more than smile at me.
“You think I’m playin’ games here, Kemah? You think I’m jokin’ around with you?”
“Hodge, what are you doing?” I ask once more as heat and anger roll off that man.
“You’re gonna think twice about fuckin’ with me.
You’re gonna think twice about playin’ fuckin’ games with me, Kemah.
” The guy, Locke, steps up next to us when Hodge pulls his hand off my throat and reaches for the rope first. “Help me out, Locke,” he says, nodding toward the light pole.
Locke smirks and lets out a chuckle while Hodge quickly grabs my wrists and ties them together before I have the chance to pull them away.
“What the fuck?” I hiss at him. Before I know what’s happening, he and Locke are dragging me toward the pole.
“Hodge, what’s goin’ on?” His dad asks him.
“Not much,” he responds.
“Do you know what you’re doin’ right now?” he asks.
“Yeah, I do.” His dad just chuckles as Hodge forces my wrists against the pole and Locke wraps the rope around it. There’s no fucking way I can move even as I tug at it.
“What the hell are you doing? This isn’t funny!”
“Not supposed to be funny, sweetheart.”
“Don’t call me sweetheart,” I snap at him. Both he and Locke laugh now as I pull at the binds keeping me in place. Locke passes Hodge the lighter, which he flicks to life and holds the flame up in my face for me to see.
“I like fire, Kemah. I like it more when I see it in your eyes,” he says.
“I don’t have fire in my eyes.”
“You do when you wanna be stubborn and defiant. Just like you are right now.”
“Untie me, Hodge.” He shakes his head as he lets the flame burn out. The next thing I see, he’s pulling a ring off his finger, a skull ring I’ve seen him wearing.
“Locke, pull them down,” he orders, nodding toward my jeans.
“Like fuck you will!” I scream. Hodge laughs before pulling his knife out and flicking it open.
“He pulls them down, or I cut them off. Ladies’ choice,” he says.
“Don’t you fucking touch me, Locke,” I hiss. Locke steps back with his hands in the air, a grin on his face. That’s when I notice that most of the girls were sent back inside, but a few, along with the guys, are all outside watching this unfold, whatever the hell this is.
“You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined doin’ this,” Hodge says as he moves closer to me. I try to pull away, but where the hell am I going to go?
“Don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Whatever it is you’re trying to do.” He licks his lips and brings the blade to the crotch of my jeans and presses it there lightly. I instantly gasp, and he likes it. I can see it all over his face.
“Fuck, Kemah. This gets me hard as hell,” he tells me as he drags the blade over me and up to my waist.
“Don’t do this.”
“It’s gonna be okay, Kemah.”
“No, it’s not. You have a fucking knife, Hodge.”
“Are you scared?”
“Yes, I’m scared! I don’t know what the hell you’re doing.”
“Trust me, Kemah.”
“What? Are you crazy?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Hodge, please.”
“Please, what? Please fuck you when I get done with you? Please lick your pussy when this is over? You want me to make you feel better when this is done, Kemah?”
“When what’s done?”
“I warned you not to play games with me, and you played anyway.”
“I didn’t do anything.” Hodge flips the knife in his hand and grabs the waist of my jeans, pulling them away from my body before cutting them.
I stand still so he doesn’t cut me by accident as he cuts it straight down the middle.
He parts the denim and groans when he sees the front of my panties on full display.
“Stop,” I warn him.
“You’re in no position to make demands, darlin’.
Just relax.” Relax? Is he seriously telling me to relax right now?
I’m about to open my mouth when his hand slips into the front of my panties and slides down to my pussy.
I suck in a breath, knowing everyone is standing there watching him do this to me.
“You like it?” he asks, feeling how wet I am.
I can feel my cheeks heat, and embarrassment floods me.
I don’t answer him, and I don’t have to.
Hodge pulls his hand out and licks his fingers before kneeling in front of me.
He grabs the leg of my jeans and begins to cut them, then moves to the other leg.
Once he has them the way he wants them, he rips the fabric from my body and tosses it to the side.
“You wore the thong,” he groans as he stands and moves around behind him. The tip of the knife touches my flesh, and I jerk slightly. “Kemah, darlin’. I’m gonna do somethin’ you’re not gonna like.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m tired of you talkin’ down about yourself. I’m tired of you thinkin’ no one would want you.”
“Don’t do it, Hodge.” I look over my shoulder as he drops the knife and pulls the lighter back out of his pocket, flicking it to life once more. Then he holds the skull ring up in the flame, and I know exactly what he’s about to do.
“No! You can’t do that!” I scream. Someone stop him!” I cry as I look at the others. No one moves. No one attempts to move.
“Hodge,” the other guy, Remy, calls out to him.
“Yeah?”
“You sure about this?”
“I’m sure.”
“You’re brandin’ that girl for life, Hodge. There’s nowhere for her to go after this,” he tells him. What the hell does that mean?
“What? What does that mean?” I ask hurriedly.
“You’d like to know, wouldn’t you, Kemah?” Hodge taunts me now.
“Please, Hodge. Just tell me what’s happening,” I beg now. His dad, Locke, and Remy move closer to us, and I don’t feel the embarrassment I once did because the fear of what he’s doing to me is overriding that.
“You see this ring? It’s our club ring, Kemah. Anything marked with this symbol belongs to us. The Soulless Bastards, regardless of chapter. If anyone from another chapter sees this mark, they’ll know where you belong.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” I say as tears begin to well up in my eyes.
“You said you had nothin’ without that money. I’m makin’ sure you have somethin’ without it, Kemah.”
“What? No.”
“You don’t have a say in this,” he tells me as the ring begins to glow. He pulls the lighter away and drops it to the ground before grabbing a handful of my ass. “Sorry, sweetheart.” That’s the last thing he says to me before the burn.
Hodge presses the ring into my flesh as I scream. No one steps in, no one tries to stop him. They all watch as tears pour down my cheeks and pain radiates through my body.
When he’s done, he steps back to admire his work as I sob.
“Why would you do that to me?” I cry as he steps back in front of me.
“You needed a place to belong, darlin’. I just gave you that.”
“You’re the one who said this wasn’t for me, that this club wasn’t for me.”
“No,” he denies, shaking his head. “I said I’m not for you. This club will protect you now. You don’t have to stay here. You can go wherever you want, whatever chapter you want, and you’re protected.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” I cry when he reaches up and wipes the tears from my cheek.
“What’s your favorite place to be?”
“I … I don’t know.”
“What do you like? The ocean, the mountains?”
“The ocean.”
“There are chapters all over California, Kemah. Different guys, different girls. A different life,” he tells me.
“Are you telling me I have to leave?”
“No, sweetheart. I’m givin’ you an option. I’m givin’ you a way out of here without worryin’ about that fuckin’ money. I’m givin’ you a family who will actually care about you and take care of you.”
“But that doesn’t include you?” I see him suck in a breath before shaking his head.
“That doesn’t include me.”
“You’re a bastard. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, I do, but this is what I could do for you. This is how I could make things better for you.”
“What if I didn’t want it? What if I wanted the fucking money!” I scream at him as he bends down and picks up the knife. He cuts the rope holding me in place and lets it fall to the ground. I step back as the guys all turn and head back inside.
“Fuck the money, Kemah. Your life is more important than money.”
“Says who? The man who is afraid to live?”
“You don’t know shit,” he says, pointing at me now.
“Oh, come on, Hodge. Everyone can see it. You’re scared.”
“I’m not scared.”
“Yeah, you are. You’re scared to let someone in. You’re afraid they’re going to run just like she did, but you know what? She was a coward, Hodge.”
“Watch what you’re sayin’, Kemah.”
“She was. She couldn’t even face you to tell you she wanted out, so she just ran. And look what that got her.”
“I mean it, Kemah,” he warns me, but I don’t stop.
“I came back, Hodge. You said yourself that meant something.”
“I was wrong.”
“No. Now you’re the coward. You’re the one who’s afraid to tell the truth.”
“What truth do you want, Kemah?” He roars at me.
“You feel something even if you don’t want to admit it.”
“You want me to admit it? Is that what this is?” I nod my head. “Yeah, I feel somethin’, Kemah. Does that make you feel better? Huh? But you know what? I’m not about to ruin another fuckin’ life because I have feelin’s!”
“Then why did you do this?”
“You said it. You said you had nothin’ and now I’m givin’ you everything, Kemah.”
“Everything I didn’t want! This is your life, Hodge! Not mine!”
“Now it’s yours too. Whether you like it or not. Money or no money. This is it!”
“You’re a selfish bastard for doing this.”
“Why? I just gave you everything you needed,” he says before turning and walking away. I stand in nothing but a fucking thong and a t-shirt when Remy walks up slowly to me.
“This is a bad time of year for him.”
“Doesn’t mean he had to do this,” I tell him as he nods his head.
“Hodge has always tried to do the right things for people. In his head, this is what’s right.”
“Well, he fucked up.”
“Not in his mind, he didn’t.”