Chapter 15 #2
My eyes rolled into the back of my head, as his tongue found it's way to my clit. Slowly, I wound my hips, enjoying the feel. The sounds of his slurps were echoing off the walls, turning me on even more.
I gripped his head, as my toes curled. I cocked my legs up in the air, making sure he could taste it all.
Just as I was literally fucking his face I heard, she said it’s your child and it really messed me up.
How could you deny your own flesh and blood?
Got to face reality. There can never be anymore us.
My children’s father was calling me.
“Let it ring.” Khalil suggested, while his mouth remained on my clit.
“It could be important.” I reached for my phone, weakly. “Hello. Umm.”
“What the fuck...Where you at?” Jahrein asked, as my baby cried in the background.
“At home.” I attempted pushing Khalil's head away. He didn't budge.
“The fuck is you doing?” Jahrein badgered.
“Nothing.” I moaned, as Khalil continued to issue soft licks.
“Nothing? Shit, it sound like you nuttin'.” he fumed.
I sucked my teeth. “Yeah, right. I...I...was sleeeep.” Khalil had picked up the face, causing my body to tremble.
“Say, Raven, I don't know what type of fucking games you playing...”
“Jahrein.” I snatched away from Khalil. I decided to speak clearer. “I was sleep, but now you got my damn full attention. Now, why is the baby crying like that?”
He sat there silently for a second, but I could hear him breathing.
“Hello?”
Finally, he decided the talk. “Jahlero been crying none stop for about two hours. I think that he have a ear infection or some shit.”
“Did you try giving him some Tylenol?”
“Yeah, that didn’t work.”
“Damn, well maybe he needs to go to the emergency room.” I sighed, as I slid off the couch. Khalil wore a disappointed expression on his face.
“Yeah, that’s where I’m about to take him. I need you to meet me there.”
I headed for the bathroom. “Okay, where are you taking him?”
“To Southwest Herman Memorial.”
“Okay, I’ll be there.” I promised, as I hung up. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and couldn't miss the look of guilt written on my face.
“What’s going on? Is something wrong with one of the kids?” Khalil startled me.
“Yeah, my baby’s sick.” I felt so guilty for not being there for him at that very minute. My baby needed me and there I was clear across town.
“That’s fucked up. You need me to go with you?”
I gave him a look. He couldn’t have been serious. “No, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“Yeah, you right.” Khalil nodded, but it seemed as though his feelings were hurt.
“We’ll just have to get together sometime next week.” I told him, as I stood on my tip toes to give him a kiss.
He palmed my ass. “Next week? Today is just Tuesday.”
“I know Khalil, but I usually stay at the house with my kids until one or later. I only come home earlier when you’re coming over. If I would’ve been over there, this whole thing probably could’ve been avoided.” I explained.
“I don’t know why you just don’t keep your kids over here.” he snapped, as I pulled away.
I paused for a second. This was dejavu. I never wanted a situation where I had to explain myself when pertaining to my situation.
I was under the impression until that very moment that that he knew that.
“Khalil, I thought that we talked about this. Jahrein will not let them come here unless I show him where I live.”
“Shit, those are your kids too. You don’t need his permission to take them home.”
I didn’t like the direction that conversation was headed.
I didn’t have to explain anything to him.
I was trying to keep things cool between us, but he didn’t have shit to do with the decisions I made about my kids.
That was my and their father’s business.
Hell, I didn’t have time to waste. My baby was on the way to the emergency room.
“Look, we’ll talk about this another time. I have to go.” I said giving him the opportunity to make his exit.
Instead of leaving he was lingering around asking more questions. I was becoming irritated.
“So, exactly when are you coming back home?”
“Baby, I gotta go.” I stomped me feet, growing impatient.
“Well, how about I hang around here until you come back?” he suggested. I wasn’t feeling that. I didn’t feel comfortable with him roaming around my place freely while I’m away.
“I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
“Okay, Boo. Well just call me and let me know what’s up with little man.”
“I will.” I assured him.
When I finally made it to the hospital Jahrein was pissed. He didn’t know exactly where I stayed so he had no understanding of the distance or the time it took to get there. He’d dropped all the other children off at his grandma’s since she was the closet to the hospital.
Since my baby was so young they saw him in no time. All I witnessed was the doctor explaining how to administer his medicine. He did have a slight fever and ear infection.
“You couldn’t pull yourself away from that dick for a few minutes to see about your baby?” Jahrein questioned me sarcastically, as I walked with them to his truck. Even though, I told him that I was following him home he wouldn’t allow Jahlero to ride with me.
The control he had was beginning to get on my nerves.
I was realizing that he fucked up, but our situation was starting to lean more in his favor.
Sure, I had my freedom, but he had complete control over my interactions with the children.
I was thinking that maybe I would just take my kids on the sneak tip.
I walked inside of Jah’s home first to hold the door for him and Jahlero. He decided to leave the other kids at his grandma’s. I was so tired and just wanted to go to sleep with my baby next to me.
I think you’re truly something special. Just what my dreams are truly made of. There’s no one else like you around. Boy I really like what you‘ve done to me. I can’t really explain it. I‘m so in to you. I really like, my cell phone rang.
Jahrein stopped dead in his tracks. That Fabulous and Tamia song was clearly the summer’s little thug love anthem.
I guess he figured that a man was trying to call me.
Indeed it was Khalil. He’d called twice as I drove to Jah’s house.
I didn’t answer because I didn’t want him to drag on a conversation until I made it to my destination.
Jah would’ve had something to say about that and now the very thing that I was trying to avoid was right back in my face.
I knew that if I didn’t answer I’d have to do more explaining later.
“Hello.” I said as I flipped open my cell.
“What’s up? Are you busy?” Khalil asked.
“Um, not really. Why, what’s up?”
“What was wrong with little man?”
“He had an ear infection.” I told Khalil as I watched Jahrein watch me.
He couldn’t hold his composure. “Who is that?” Jahrein asked loud and clear.
I ignored him and prayed that Khalil didn’t hear him.
“You aint gon answer him? He asked you who you‘re talking to.” Khalil badgered.
“No. I aint trying to go there.” I told him trying to keep the conversation neutral. I didn’t want to give Jahrein any indication of me talking to a man.
“Who the fuck is you talking to?” Jahrein asked me again as he placed Jahlero on the couch.
“Look, let me call you back.” I spoke into the phone.
“Why?” he snapped.
“Because, I need to talk to my children’s father.”
“No, your husband!” Jahrein shouted.
“Jahrein, you see me talking on the phone. Now, I’m trying to respect you.” I barked.
He stepped to me. “Who the fuck is you talking to? Huh? You just gonna stand here and disrespect me?”
“Aint nobody disrespecting you. This is a friend of mine.” I found myself explaining.
“Friend? You must think I’m fucking crazy. Tell that nigga that you’re busy.” he dictated, trying to take my phone.
“Move!”
“Do that nigga know that you married and pregnant with my baby?” Jahrein blurted.
“Oh yeah? So that’s what’s good?” Khalil asked me losing his cool.
“I’m not pregnant.” I said speaking to the both of them. I was tired of Jahrein saying that I was pregnant. He didn’t have any proof.
“Are you still fucking that nigga?” Khalil asked me.
“No.” I replied. Well…that was partially true. I hadn’t slept with Jahrein in almost two or three weeks. I lied and told myself two months ago that that was the last time. Well, two or three weeks ago I made that promise to myself again.
“Who the fuck is that hoe ass nigga?!” Jahrein yelled. I could tell that things were about to escalate if I didn’t end the call with Khalil.
“Look, I gotta go.” I told Khalil right before I hung up. I didn’t even wait on his reply.
“Who is that nigga?!” Jahrein screamed about to lose his mind.
I had to take a deep breath. “How many times do I have to tell you that it’s over between us, Jahrein?”
“Raven, we are married. I’m not your fucking boyfriend!
I am your husband. Shit aint right between us, but what you doing aint right either.
I fucked up. I can admit that, but we are still married.
I’m not giving up on us. You still love me and I know it.
I’m just trying to be fair and let you have your space.
But if this shit with these niggas continues I aint gonna have no understanding. I mean none whatsoever.”
“It doesn’t matter what you say. I told you to give me a divorce.”
“I aint giving you shit!” he growled as he moved in on me. I backed away.
“Jah, I’m telling you right now, if you put your hands on me, your ass will go to jail.” I threatened trying to keep some distance between us.
He quickly ran up on me and grabbed my neck. “You think I give a fuck?” he gritted. “Huh? What the fuck do I have to lose?”
Jahrein and me tussled and argued for the remainder of that night. I didn’t get a wink of sleep. The fact that Khalil blew up my cell every hour on the hour only added fuel to the fire.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I sat and watched my children play. They were tearing up my apartment. They’d been there for three days and were used to being in a much larger space.
Jahrein had some important business that couldn’t wait, so when he left one afternoon I took my kids.
I planned on enrolling the kids in school near my home.
I felt that I could not move on if I continued to stay in that situation with Jahrein.
I was going to keep my own kids and let him come get them on the weekends.
I hadn’t discussed that with Jahrein, though.
I wanted to give things time to cool down, because he was furious when he realized that I’d taken the kids home.
So, he called my cell all day and night making threats.
He was talking crazy; swearing that he’d make sure that I never saw the kids again.
The entire situation was highly stressful. Most people in my family had chosen Jahrein’s side, which made me isolate myself from them. I didn’t want to talk to anybody. Khalil wouldn’t stop calling and I refused to answer his calls.
As I sat on my couch I heard a faint knock on the door. I went over to the door quietly, because I didn’t know who was on the other side. I looked through my peephole and saw Khalil.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him as I cracked my door.
“So, now you’re treating me like some stranger? I can’t come in?” he asked.
I released a frustrated sigh. “Look Khalil, I am going through some things right now and it’s just a bad time.”
“Well, I feel that we’re better than this. If you have a problem, then talk to me about it. Don’t just shut me out.”
I wanted to just close my door, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. So, I moved away from the door to allow him in. He crossed my threshold and saw all of my kids staring at him.
“Oh, you have your whole little crew over here.” he commented with a grin.
“Yeah.” I nodded.
He turned to face me. “I know this is not the reason that you’re avoiding me? Is it? I knew you had kids since day one. I wouldn’t look at our thing any differently because they’re here now.”
“It’s a little deeper than that.” I whispered.
“Khalil, I am married. So, it’s not as easy as telling someone that it’s over when you’ve built a life together.
Jahrein doesn’t even know that I talk to you.
And do you honestly believe that we can have any kind of functioning relationship after he finds out? ”
“I don’t know how he’ll react, but it’s not fair for you to live a certain way to make him happy.”
“We still have to raise our kids together, so I’m trying to keep the confusion down.” I searched his eyes for some understanding.
“Well, you are not being fair to me, then. I wouldn’t even be here right now if I didn’t care about you. I know that it will be a bumpy road, but I feel that you are worth the ride.”
I didn’t know what to say. I’d been enjoying myself with him, but I never thought about a future. I didn’t quite know what I wanted to do and didn’t want to lead him on.
“Khalil, I don’t know where this is going. I don’t want to jump from one situation to the next.”
“Raven, don’t let him fuck it up for the next nigga. I would never do anything to make you unhappy. Why can’t you just take a chance with me?” he pleaded.
“Mommy, I want some chips.” Jahrae whined interrupting our conversation.
“Okay, hold up.” I told my son.
“Who are you?” Jhyrah asked Khalil as she stared up at him.
“I’m your mama’s friend.” he told her with a huge grin.
“You know my daddy?” she asked him.
“Yeah.” Khalil chuckled.
“What’s your name?” Jhyrah asked.
“Jhyrah, shut up. Leave that man alone.” Junior expressed to his younger sister as he tried to pull her away.
“No, I wanna tell my daddy him name.” Jhyrah snapped as she yanked away from him.
“Girl, go sit your ass down.” I gritted. This caused her to burst into tears.
“Hmmm. I want my daddddyyy.” she sobbed over-dramatically.
“Whhhaaa!” Jahlero cried from his swing. I made my way over to him and picked him up.
I could handle my kids, but they were giving me hell while Khalil was there.
I thought that after a few minutes of the chaos he’d run for the hills, but he stuck around.
He tried to interact with the kids, but they were all acting like he was the boogie man himself.
The only one that wasn’t really tripping with him was Jahreiah and that was because she was too young to be biased.
Khalil went out and bought the kids extra toys trying to make things smoother for me. He wasn’t realizing that their problem was his mere presence. The only person that they were willing to share my time with was their father.