Chapter 16
(The Ex-Factor/Lauryn Hill)
“It could all be so simple, but you’d rather make it hard. Loving you is like a battle and we both end up with scars. Tell me who I have to be to get some reciprocity …”
“Baby, are you cooking tonight?” Khalil questioned, as he gave me those bedroom eyes.
I gave him a grin. “Maybe, daddy.”
We were shopping in Wal-Mart after fucking through most of the night. At three in the morning we decided to go buy some groceries. My little cousin Trinity had spent a night at my apartment, and was keeping an eye on the children while I was away.
I was trying to get some cheese dip or something.
I’d been craving cheese for about two weeks straight.
My damn breasts were itching, so I assumed that my period was about to come.
A few people looked at me strangely as I scratched my nipples through my shirt.
I was wearing some turquoise Roca Wear sweats and a white tee.
I was rocking my hair in a high ponytail.
It was late and I wasn’t trying to impress anyone.
“Khalil, did you get that Hawaiian Punch?” I asked him while my back was turned.
When he didn’t answer I turned to see why. He wasn’t in sight, but a trifling bitch was. Tyra was pushing her son down the aisle and was talking on her cell phone smiling from ear to ear.
“Jahrein, your daddy wants to talk to you.” she said as she placed the phone to her little boy’s ear.
I wanted to slap the shit out of her.
“Baby, you called me?” Khalil asked as he came around to the aisle I was on.
Tyra’s entire expression changed when she saw him.
“Yeah, did you get the juice?” I asked him trying to act unaffected by her presence.
“Yeah.” he replied.
“What’s up cousin-in-law?” Tyra asked Khalil.
“Oh, hey Tyra.” he spoke dryly.
She took her cell from her son. “Oh, I was just speaking to Khalil.” she spoke into the phone.
I had thought about what I’d do if I ran into her. I never thought that I’d be with Khalil when the day came. I still wanted to beat her senseless, but that would tell Khalil that I wasn’t over Jahrein.
I held my head high and pushed my basket down the aisle with Khalil. I didn’t know if she was really on the phone with Jahrein, but I knew that she’d definitely tell him what she’d seen.
“That ole messy ass bitch gon get some shit started.” Khalil spat.
I remained silent. I was wondering why she was shopping out on F.M.1960 at three in the morning when she supposedly lived on the opposite side of town. Had she moved? Did she have family out that way?
As we checked out our items my cell vibrated in my pocket. I knew who the caller was without even looking. Who else would call me in the middle of the night? I wasn’t about to allow Jahrein to ruin my night. He needed to stay focused on his little family with Tyra.
When we were pushing our cart to my Benz I saw Tyra headed to her new Ford Focus.
I guess she’d upgraded or downgraded; hell I don’t know.
She had plenty of groceries, and I spotted a nice sized rock on her hand.
I found myself wondering had my husband paid for it.
Just thinking about the liar that I married made me go home and fuck Khalil twice as good.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
“Why, don’t you just answer the phone?” Khalil interrogated. He was beginning to sound more and more like Jahrein each day. All he did was question me. I just felt that I didn’t owe him any answers when it came to my kids or my marriage.
My cell phone had rung none stop for two days straight.
Jahrein had covered my entire call log with his number.
He had filled my voicemail box to the max.
I hadn’t even bothered to listen to any of the messages.
Up until that point I allowed him to talk to the kids over the phone, but I didn’t want to do that, right then.
After a while Red and my daddy began calling me. When Ray-Ray called for the eighth time I decided to answer.
“Hello.”
“Raven, what’s going on with you and that nigga Jah?” Ray-Ray asked me wasting no time.
“What are you talking about?”
“That nigga showed up over here at about four in the morning talking crazy. He said that you won’t let him see the kids and you fucking with Killah.” Ray-Ray said referring to the name that Khalil often went by.
“I’m not trying to keep him from the kids. He is threatening to take them from me.”
“Man, that nigga aint crazy. He knows damn well that I wouldn’t even let shit go down like that. But what’s all this about you fucking with Killah?”
“Daddy, whoever I choose to talk to is my business.” I spat.
“Raven, you and Jahrein are husband and wife. I don’t even have to tell you that what you’re doing is wrong.
You know it. Killah is dead wrong for even fucking with you just on strength that you are my daughter.
That nigga knows better. Then you of all people could’ve made a better choice.
Do you honestly feel that he’ll do you any better than Jah did?
Then you have seen these niggas throw blows over you and then you go and have that man’s kids around his enemy.
You think that shit is going to roll over nicely? ” Ray-Ray asked me.
“But daddy, Jahrein had another baby on me. Why do I have to set boundaries for him when he set none for me?”
“Raven, you’re sounding like a little girl right now.
It is time for you to think and act like a woman.
Jahrein was wrong but two wrongs don’t make a right.
You have five little kids. Why bring all that extra confusion into their life?
Now, if you really want to be done with him that’s on you, but don’t get with a nigga just like him.
If that’s what you trying to do, then you need to stay with your kids’ daddy. ”
What Ray-Ray said made a lot of sense. I hadn’t planned on getting closer to Khalil, but it just happened.
“But I aint trying to fuck with Jahrein right now.” I told Ray-Ray.
“I understand that, but what you doing right now aint working. If Killah’s really digging you he’ll wait until you tie up these loose ends.
Those kids should be your number one priority right now.
Then you need to make a decision about your marriage.
If you decide that you don’t want Jahrein then you end it.
I wouldn’t listen to that over shit if I was still hitting it.
You the one making shit more fucked up than it should be.
Handle all that shit first, before you bring another nigga into the picture. ”
I didn’t like that Ray-Ray knew what he was talking about.
“It’s not like I’m trying to get married to the next man. We’re just kicking it.” I glanced at Khalil. He was sitting next to me and was clearly listening to my conversation. He gave me a look when I made that comment.
“Well, Raven, I hope that y’all work this shit out.
I honestly feel that you need to give your husband another chance.
We’re all human and make mistakes. I was calling you so that you could bring the kids out here.
Jahrein wants to see them. I’ll make sure that I’m here so that he won’t try anything.
Just bring them out here tomorrow.” Ray-Ray ordered instead of asking me.
“Okay.” I breathed.
“Okay, well you think about what I said. Don’t walk around thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, Raven.”
“I won’t.” I said as I hung up.
“Ray-Ray trying to tell you to stop fucking with me?” Khalil frowned.
“Well, you already know that he doesn’t like that you are closer to his age and you used to run with him. He feels like you should have had enough respect for him to not look my way.”
“Man, Ray-Ray kills me with that shit. It was alright for Jahrein to fuck with you while y’all was under his roof, but I can’t fuck with you while you’re a grown ass woman?”
“Khalil, Ray-Ray had issues with that at first. The thing was that he couldn’t change the fact that we had a baby together. It helped him to look at it realistically. My daddy really feels that Jahrein loves me, so he feels that as long as there is love, we should try and make it work.”
“Do you want to make it work?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I mean, I’m hurt and I don’t know if I can get over it.
I really can’t picture myself playing step mama to another woman’s child that fucked my husband.
That’s a hard pill to swallow. It wouldn’t be right for me to demand that he has nothing to do with the child, but that’s how I feel.
I don’t want that little boy around my kids or anything. ”
I don’t think that Khalil liked my answer very much. He was expecting for me to magically have Jahrein out of my system. Anybody with a lick of common sense knew that things just weren’t that simple.
“So, what are you saying?” Khalil asked searching for clarity.
“I’m saying that I don’t know what I’m going to do. I definitely don’t want to make promises to you. So, if you’re here for a good time for as long as it lasts, then we’re all good.”
“But what if I want more?”
“Then I might not be the one to give that to you.” I answered honestly.
“That’s fucked up, Raven. I’m falling for you and you tell me some shit like this.”
I sat up on the couch. “Khalil, take a real good look at our relationship. I am still married to a nigga that hates you and is not trying to let me go. You have been around my kids for a minute now and they still trip with you. The road is not going to get easier. Now, you ask yourself if it is really worth it.”
He licked his lips. “Come on, mama. Why would I waste my time if I felt that you wasn't worthy?”
I shrugged.