Chapter Twenty-Two
Carrie
I stepped out of the bedroom slowly, my eyes immediately finding Ash and Jake by the window. Both of ignored me, keeping their focus on the man in the kitchen. Swallowing my fear, I peeled my eyes from the Red Snake men and froze when they collided with the pair of familiar brown eyes.
Jeremy was one of the scariest and toughest men I knew. He was royalty in St. Louis, having taken over the Crew, a street organization his uncle formed decades ago, and starting Oasis, the underground street-racing hub. His warm brown skin stood out against his gray hoodie, his jaw tight as he glared at me, his nostrils flaring as the anger in his eyes grew.
As I stared at him, I felt Grayson approach from behind me. He put his hand on my shoulder, and the touch alone settled me in a way I would never understand, grounding me.
“Jer, I—”
“What the fuck, Carrie?” Jeremy all but growled, ticking his head to the side. He looked me up and down. “Jesus! You’re fucking covered in bruises!” He took a few steps closer and out of the corner of my eye, Ash and Jake closed in as well. Jeremy’s eyes shot to them, his upper lip curling before he looked behind me to Grayson. “Call off your fucking boys, Grayson.”
“Not until you calm down,” Grayson returned, moving me to the side gently so he could step out of the doorway. He guided me to stand between him and Jake, Ash taking another step forward.
Jeremy watched it all, taking in every single movement.
“Jeremy,” I called, ready to beg for his patience, his mercy.
This man was dangerous, and he’d killed people over less. I wouldn’t let him hurt Grayson or any of his men. Jeremy shook his head when he finally looked back at me, the hurt on his face—in his eyes— gutting me, cracking my heart. “Carrie, what the fuck?” he asked, quieter this time.
I began shaking my head, trying to find the right words. “It’s not—”
“Care Bear, what did we do to you?” he asked, his voice raw now, giving me something I’d never seen from him before. The nickname slammed into me, hurting me in way I never thought it could. Everyone from that group called me that. “Did we—were we not—” He cut himself off, shaking his head and looking to the floor again. “Whatever we did—whatever I did—to hurt you, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
I moved then, rounding Grayson’s coffee table. “You did nothing wrong,” I said, crying. “None of you did anything wrong—”
“Then why?” he asked, the question slicing me open completely. “Why did you run away? Why didn’t you call us? You know Oasis would do anything for you. We would’ve protected you.”
I was shaking my head again, the answer wanting to come out, but I held it in.
Jeremy put both of his hands over his heart, his face twisting in confusion and disbelief. The band of his wedding ring shone underneath the kitchen lights. “What did we do wrong? Tell me.”
I bit my tongue, tears streaming down my face now.
“Jeremy,” Grayson called out softly. “Maybe—”
“Fuck you,” he growled, glaring at the bounty hunter he’d hired to find me—to bring me back to the home I never wanted to return to. “She was in fucking danger, and you didn’t fucking call me. Why the fuck is she even here? Why is she even involved with Red Snake?”
“Jeremy, please,” I rasped.
“Please what?” he barked, leaned forward. “I want some goddamn answers. For fuck’s sake, when Mason Langston called me to tell me about a woman one of the fucking cowboys spotted on a trail camera—”
“You know Mason?” I asked, shocked.
“Mason is my fucking boy, Carrie. That was something you would’ve learned if you hadn’t fucking run away to—”
“—and when, dare I ask, were you going to let me out of that damn rehab, Jer?” I shouted, the dam finally breaking. Suddenly, anger was all I felt, towards him and everyone else in that city.
The room went dead silent, my question hovering over us like a bomb getting ready to drop.
I took a single step forward, unable to stop the words now. “You guys kept me in there for a fucking year,” I spilled out, my heart on the floor now. Jeremy’s throat worked, but he said nothing. “I was dying . My soul was on the brink of death and no one of you even noticed.”
He jerked back. “Carrie—”
“I love you, I love everyone there, but I was done,” I sobbed, my body shaking now. “I was done with that city. I had to leave so I could live .” I felt Grayson at my back again.
“Carrie, you tried to die,” Jeremy whispered, judgment absent from his voice. “No one blamed you, no one looked down on you. Given everything you had gone through, how could we? You lost everything, the love of your—”
“The love of my life is standing right behind me,” I cut him off, emotions swirling in my belly, my heart pounding. My old friend jerked back once more as my words hit him, and slowly, oh so slowly, Jeremy’s eyes left mine to look at Grayson. He said nothing, and I continued, not wanting to give him a chance to speak yet. “Robert Hale was a horrible human being and husband. He never loved me. He starved me. He verbally and physically abused me. After his death, I just wanted everything to stop. I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel because I didn’t think I was deserving of it.”
I didn’t tell him about my dead husband being a serial killer.
Grayson and Red Snake were still handling that, apparently, and I was still trying to process that particular nightmare.
I didn’t tell him about the suppressed memories.
Frankly, that was none of his business.
The room remained silent, and I felt Grayson stiffen behind me, the energy in the room changing. I was too far gone to notice. The truth needed to come out. Jeremy deserved to know the truth, no matter how much it hurt both of us. “I was blinded by the life my father set me up to live, and due to that, I accepted Robert. At the beginning of our marriage, I had hope, and I believed he truly loved me. Our love was different than everyone else’s. That’s what I told myself every single night before bed.”
“Carrie—”
“He starved me,” I repeated, my soul bleeding now. “Both of them did. My father and then Robert.”
Jeremy looked away from me, his throat working as his jaw tightened.
“I love you, Jer. I love the family you tried to bring me into, but you need to understand, I was never meant to be there. I had to get out, and I knew that if I didn’t, I would’ve remained in the white-walled room with bars on the window and a shitty twin bed. I got out, and when I thought I was finally free, Grayson showed up,” I continued, my voice shaking.
“We just wanted you home safe,” Jeremy murmured, looking at me again, his voice thick. There were tears in his eyes now.
“St. Louis was never my home,” I murmured back, holding his unwavering gaze. “You protected me when my father was outed as the monster he is, and I can never repay you for that—”
“—I don’t want you to repay me,” he interrupted, moving now. He closed the distance between us, grabbing both of my hands, reminding me of the way Sarah had when I first arrived in Astoria. His hold was firm and warm. “I want you safe.”
“I am safe,” I promised him.
His eyes flashed. “Yes, because the bruises on your face are a good indication of that,” he quipped.
“She’s safe now,” Grayson stated.
I looked over to him to find his snake-tattooed arms folded over his chest, the snakes coiling around his thick forearms. Red and white, just like him. That’s when it hit me.
Joseph Grayson wasn’t black and white.
He had a soul covered in blood, but his heart was pure.
Red and white.
Jeremy began arguing with Grayson, stepping away from me, demanding to know everything. Of course, I knew that if Jeremy knew the shocking, horrifying truth about Robert, then the FBI would be involved, and I didn’t know Grayson’s plan yet. Then again, he probably didn’t expect me to puke my guts up when he delivered the news.
“We have it handled,” Grayson pushed out, trying to remain calm, his eyes slicing to me.
Jeremy looked back at me, disappointment painted across his face. “Why wasn’t I informed she was in danger?”
“Because she’s no longer your concern, Jones.”
I looked over to Ash, finding his eyes already on me, his face filled with sorrow. I looked over to Jake, finding a similar look. Then, I decided to step in between Grayson and Jeremy, putting my hand on Jeremy’s chest. “This isn’t your fight,” I said quietly, pressing myself against Grayson.
His eyes snapped down to mine. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me.” My hand fell from his chest.
I expected him to argue, but instead, an emotion I couldn’t read passed over his face. “You’re fucking family, Carrie. This absolutely is my fight.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I waited a few seconds before giving him the rest. “I don’t want you, or anyone else from St. Louis, in this fight, Jeremy.”
He blinked. Then, he stepped back, not looking at any of the guys, only at me as he demanded, “Tell me what you want, Carrie.”
The knives in my throat moved down, slicing me open from the inside out as I closed the door on St. Louis, finally closing out that chapter of my life. “I want you to say goodbye to me.”
A look of devastation trickled its way across his handsome face, and he looked down to his shoes, taking a broken breath, the sound alone urging me to keep the door open, not for me, but for everyone in St. Louis. But I couldn’t do that. I’d spent my entire life living for the people around me, and after everything, I needed to put myself first.
For a long time, Jeremy said nothing, and when I couldn’t take the silence anymore, I added, “You’re the reason I found Grayson.”
Jeremy looked up then, the rims of his eyes red.
“I owe you for that too. I know I do, but right now, I can’t give you anything,” I rasped. “All I can give you is this: I’m happy. I’m finally happy, Jeremy, and I can’t lose that. I deserve this.”
“I know you do,” he murmured.
I nodded. “Then say goodbye to me and go home to Casey and your son.”
“You need—”
“I know what I need,” I told him, reaching for Grayson’s hand. “I have everything I need right here. I trust Grayson and his team.”
He said nothing, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.
“This is my family now, Jeremy,” I whispered. “I never belonged with yours, no matter how much either of us wanted me to.”
“You need to know that—” He cut himself off, his eyes shooting up to the ceiling. “You need to know why we kept you in the rehab. You weren’t—we just thought—”
“—I know,” I whispered. “I know.”
“We’ll always be there for you, Carrie, whenever or however you need us,” he vowed.
Tears were in my eyes again, and all I could do was nod, emotions overwhelming me.
The Oasis leader opened his arms. “Come here, Care Bear,” he murmured.
Half a second later, I was wrapped in one of his bear hugs that reminded me of his uncle. My tears soaked into his shirt, and I felt his mouth against the top of my head. “I’ll fucking kill him if he hurts you,” he muttered.
“I know.”