Chapter 14 Allison
The last few days have been magical. The team dinner and skating. Not even TJs broody presence could diminish it. I pull the cookies out of the oven, careful to be quiet so the boys don’t wake.
Hudson has been suspicious of Santa’s existence for a couple of years now. Especially since some of the kids at school try to spoil the fun for others.
I let them cool while I send Tate a text.
Alli
Boys are in bed! All clear.
Tate
Turns out the Santa costume you left for me will come in handy after all.
Alli
I did go a little nuts on the shopping.
Tate
All good. My house is cozy now.
Tate
Want me to put Hudson’s presents in the Santa bag too, just in case?
Alli
Sure. They’re in a suitcase in the trunk of my car.
Tate
Good hiding spot. Better than back of the closet like me. We have had too many close calls.
Alli
I usually keep them at Ronan's place. He stuck it in there while we were skating.
Tate
Ah, I didn’t realize you had elves in your employment.
Alli
And you’re one of them. ??
Tate
And what do I get as payment? ??
Alli
Santa, are you trying to get me on the naughty list?
Tate
As Santa, I do have the list and… yep you’re already on it. No saving you now. Might as well make the most of it.
I stifle a giggle into the palm of my hand. I feel lighter than I have in years. After being burned by TJ, the thought of trusting someone new is… daunting. But it’s been lonely these past years. I find myself wanting to have someone to lean on. Someone safe.
Not that Tate would be that person, of course. Not to mention, I'm not sure Matty would even appreciate having me as a mom.
Sometimes, I find myself indulging in the dream.
One where there isn’t a near guarantee that most athletes are cheaters. One where Tate doesn’t have to sneak back next door. One where Matty isn’t just here for a sleepover.
But then I think of Tate wanting more children. A bigger family and a future I can’t give him.
I’m thirty.
If I was going to have another, it would’ve happened by now.
The alarm chirps and Tate enters. He’s in full Santa costume down to the boots and a pillow shoved under the shirt.
I tamp down my thoughts and go enjoy the moment for what it is.
It can’t be more.
I bring his cookies and coffee.
“Here you go, Santa.” I smile. Tate's blue eyes twinkle behind the small frames. His broad shoulders pull at the fabric of the costume.
Thanks, Alli.” His eyes roam over my body. I’m wearing oversized red plaid pajamas. The furthest from sexy that you can get and yet his heated gaze tells me it might as well be lingerie.
My cheeks heat as that look brings back a flood of feelings from the other morning.
I can’t let it go there though. It would hurt too much to have him but not keep him. To have us on the edge of something great and never being able to step over.
So, when he leans down to pull me to him, I place a chaste kiss to his cheek instead. My lips linger on the skin above his fake beard for longer than necessary. I let the smell of his detergent and that distinct spice washes over me.
When I pull back, his gaze seems to soften with understanding. This thing between Tate and I hasn’t needed many words.
He just knows.
He sees me.
The Christmas lights twinkle in his eyes as they bounce between mine.
He gives me a single nod of understanding, letting his head rest against my hair.
Only for a moment. Then he straightens.
I watch him all the way to the door. He turns the knob and opens the door. He hesitates there. A glance over his shoulder and a whispered goodbye.
“Goodnight, Alli.”
Then he was gone.