Chapter 15 -Allison
Christmas morning has always been a magical time of year for me. I know it’s not like that for a lot of people, especially those that grew up in the system, like me.
However, I still choose to make it magical. I spent so many years just waiting to be a grown up so I could make life fun.
So that’s what I’m gonna do for my kids. Even when I’m not totally feeling it. We are still gonna do the damn thing.
I crack up Mariah and get my coffee on.
The boys come tumbling down the stairs. Matty has gotten comfortable here. It seems like he lives here sometimes. Especially with the way he slides in the exact same spot of the railing as Hudson.
“Morning mom!” Hudson calls as runs past me to his stocking.
“Morning mom!” Matty calls as he follows him. His step stutters and his ears turn brighter than the tree lights. “Uh— I mean, Ms. Alli.”
“Morning, boys.” I say brightly, ignoring the pang in my chest at the sentiment. I smile and pass them their hot cocoa.
A knock comes at the door.
“That must be your dad.” I say.
“Yeah, right.” Hudson huffs.
“I meant Matty’s.” I correct softly. Hudson perks up. Then he seems to remember something and deflates again. I frown but don’t comment. Not now anyway. I don’t want to bring the morning down.
Magic Maker, baby.
“Oh hell.” The sigh slips out before I can stop it when I answer the door to TJs smiling face. Not only TJs face. There’s a busty brunette standing slightly behind him with an expectant look on her face. She’s gorgeous, though dressed slightly inappropriate for a family Christmas morning.
Still, it makes my pajamas feel frumpy.
Hudson comes running over but his face falls when he sees TJ. He gives me a look that’s mixed between surprise and disappointment.
“Hey, Hudson.” TJ says glancing between us. He’s bouncing on his toes.
It’s only then that I notice his hands behind his back.
Dare I ask?
Maybe there’s still time to slam the door and pretend to not be home.
In true perfect timing, Tate cautiously makes his way up the drive.
“Howdy.” He tilts his head the them as he walks up. He doesn’t move his shoulders or slow his pace as he enters, instead making TJ shuffle out of the way for him. He places a soft but quick kiss on my cheek. “Alli.”
TJ watches with narrowed eyes and glares at Tate's back as he makes his way into the living room.
“Merry Christmas, boys.”
The boys are chattering in his ear about presents and jumping all over him with excitement.
He squeezes them both in a big hug.
I smile as I watch.
A throat clearing reminds me that I’m standing here with my ex and his date in the freezing cold.
“Sorry, come in.” I say and open the door wider for them. I shake her manicured hand. “I’m Allison.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m Tanya.” She has a slight accent that I can’t place.
I turn with her and leave TJ behind to let himself in.
Here we go.
Tate meets my gaze. He gives me a wink. Like he already knows I was ambushed. That i’m feeling awkward as fuck. I’m trying like hell to not let the Christmas spirit dampen for the kids because of me.
I take a deep, centering breath.
Tate leans back on the couch, arm spread over the back. I don’t know how I know exactly, but it’s an invitation meant for me.
I take it.
I settle into his side, needing his warmth.
Especially when TJ reveals what’s behind his back.
“No fucking way!” Hudson gasps. Tate clears his throat and Hudson immediately apologizes, not taking his eyes off the puppy.
That’s right. A puppy.
No fucking way. No fucking way.
This man did not.
He actually did.
No fucking way!
“Here you go, kiddo.” TJ grins like he’s Santa himself. “His name is Bruiser.”
Hudson’s smile falters for a second but keeps on petting and loving on the German Malinois puppy.
“Bruiser. Like the New York Bruisers?” I ask my eyes, crinkling in confusion at TJ.
His gaze flicks to me, annoyed.
Tate's arm tightens around me reassuringly. His hand rubs up and down my arm once. He lets me go once the boys look at us, opting instead to place his elbows on his knees and pet the puppies' ears.
“Mom, can we keep him?”
“Of course you can, it’s your Christmas present.” TJ interrupts me before I can answer.
I glare at him.
Tanya looks uncomfortable and excuses herself.
“Why don’t you boys get the puppy set up with his food and water while the grownups talk?” Tate suggests diplomatically.
Hudson looks to TJ expectantly. TJ just blinks back with a blank expression.
“You did bring dog food, right?” Tate draws slowly.
“No, I thought you might already have some.” TJ grips the back of his neck.
“Why?” Tate answers this time with a frown. He glances at me. “Do you have a dog?”
“No. A dragon though.” Hudson answers.
I send the boys and puppy to get some sausage off the breakfast spread and a bowl for water from the kitchen. Their cooing voices fade as they go.
I wring my hands together to stop them from shaking before I turn to my idiotic ex-husband.
“Why the hell would you buy him a dog without asking me first?!” I hiss through my teeth.
“He’s, my son! I don’t need to ask to buy him gifts.” TJ defends, screwing up his face like he’s confused. He can’t be.
“Oh okay. So where is the dog gonna live?” I challenge.
“Here. With Hudson...” His eyebrows raise like he’s waiting for me to catch on.
“And who’s gonna take care of him?” I continue.
“Hudson.”
“Really? Do you think Hudson will be the one to potty train and socialize a dog like that? He has school and hockey practice. What about vet appointments and shots? Not to mention that’s a large breed that’s going to need a lot of training.
” I flap my arms towards the kitchen, standing now.
I try like hell not to raise my voice. “What about when I’m traveling for work?
And let’s not forget about how much those dogs cost! ”
“I’m a professional hockey player. Of course, I can afford a couple grand for a gift for my son.” He scoffs at me.
I’m fuming now. My hands ball into fists at my side.
He may tower over me, but my rage is bigger than this stupid little man.
“You can afford a few thousand for a dog, but you’re behind at least ten times that for child support for our son.” I say in a hushed yell.
“You just want that to pay for your own bills and vacations.” TJ rolls his eyes.
“No, TJ. I declined spousal support. But in our divorce, you are required to pay for Hudson’s needs too. He doesn’t need presents bought on a whim. He needs a college fund.” I shake my head at him. I’m pacing back and forth now, trying to release this pent-up anger and resentment.
I can’t stop it now; the faucet is on. Everything flies from my mouth rapidly.
“Let’s not forget about the youth league you guilt him into playing because it’s the only thing you have in common and I have to foot the bill.
You sure love to act like a big-time hockey player and yet you can barely provide for your son.
I’m a PR agent, not even the head of the department and yet, I'm the one paying for all your impulse decisions. All you’ve done is throw another expense on my shoulders by getting him a puppy.
And If— IF you would’ve had the decency to ask, I would’ve said hell no. ” I end my rant in a panting breath.
“What the hell were you thinking?” I ask defeatedly. My hand is pressed to my forehead trying to stave off the throbbing headache.
“I thought it would make it easier for him to hear the news.” TJ says hesitantly. I know from the look on his face that whatever is coming is worse than the dog.
My head snaps up and the back of my neck prickles with a strange awareness. “What news?”
“Tanya’s pregnant.”
I physically stumble backwards as if his words shoved me. My eyes are blinking rapidly, trying to fight off the shock.
My mind isn’t wrapping around the words. She can’t be.
We tried. We tried for years.
We never went to fertility clinics. I didn’t want to go through that the way so many women in my life had. I didn’t think I could survive that finality of someone telling me my body was broken.
After feeling hopeless, I’d confided in Emalyn. She bought out the ice cream aisle and held me while I cried. Without her, I would’ve fallen apart with the acceptance.
I was happy with our son. I convinced myself it didn’t matter.
But this? It proves my body is the issue. That I’m the one who prevented us from having more children.
“When?” I ask. TJ just stares. I clarify. “When is she due?”
TJ throws his arms out and sighs. “Does it matter?”
“Yes.” I nod, blinking back tears.
“Early April.” TJ says a rare hint of shame in his tone.
I quickly do the math in my head and holy shit.
This woman in my home, carrying his baby is one of the women he cheated on me with. Conceived before the divorce was even finalized.
I bite my lip trying like hell to keep the tears at bay.
“So what? You get Hudson a dog? Something to distract from the fact that you’re an absent father? Or from the fact that you were working on a new family before you even got rid of the old one?” TJs eyes flick over my shoulder. I turn. I forgot that Tate was even in the room.
I flush down to my toes with embarrassment.
“Oh God. I’m s— “I start but am cut off with a firm shake of his head. Tate’s face is beet red, jaw tight but his demeanor is eerily calm. He takes a long stride, stopping directly in front of me. He leans down and takes my face in his hands.
“Don’t apologize, Alli. You did nothing wrong.”
“You’re one to talk, Al.” TJ flicks a hand through the air, using a nickname he knows I hate. “Looks like you’ve been working on my replacement too.”
“You’re gonna wanna shut the fuck up, Troy.” Tate warns, holding me to his side.
“Whatever, I’m leaving. Tell my son, I’ll see him next weekend.” TJ collects Tanya and leaves. She has the decency to look abashed as she passes us.
Tate holds me the whole time, a hand brushing my hair. I don’t cry. I hold the tears in. I think Tate squeezing me holds the tears - and everything else- in.
“Oh, Darlin’. I’m so sorry this happened,” He whispers. “You’re okay. I got you.”
He rubs my back until I take one last shuttering breath.
When the back door opens, signaling the boys return from taking the puppy potty, I straighten up.
“Mom. Can we rename him?” Hudson asks as the puppy comes in and pees right on the rug.
Hudson’s jaw drops.
“I swear, he just went outside. The snow was yellow!”
For some reason, that’s what does it. My head falls back as I start cackling. I can’t stop, even as I’m wiping away tears and it’s not long before Hudson and Matty join in.
Tate tries to fight it, but he starts chuckling too. He draws me back under his arm, not worrying about if the boys see this time.