29. Chapter Twenty-nine
Chapter Twenty-nine
Deacon
Phoebe was perched on my bed when I came out of the bathroom, steam billowing around me from my burning-hot shower. She waved her phone before dropping it onto the bedside table.
“I just spoke to Linda, Hailey’s foster mom. She picked Hailey up at the diner not long after she left Sugar Rush. She’s doing fine now.”
I nodded and walked to my dresser, taking out a pair of sweats. I yanked them up my damp legs then roughly dried my hair with my towel. My head was in too much of a fog to properly respond. I couldn’t believe she’d stayed—especially after she’d witnessed my little sister run from me in horror.
Once I ran out of things to do, I walked to the bed and sat beside her. Curling forward, I braced my elbows on my knees and held my head with both hands.
“I know you have a lot of questions. It’ll be easier if you ask me instead of me trying to sort out my muddled thoughts.”
I felt her moving closer—the exact opposite way she should have gone. She pressed her cheek to the back of my shoulder and circled her arms around my middle.
“She was living with you when you went to prison?”
“Yep. Parents didn’t give a damn as long as they kept getting her check from the government. As soon as I graduated, I took her out of that hellhole and sorted a place for us to live. I’d been looking after her since she was born. I was still a kid too, but I couldn’t leave her there to fend for herself. It was a struggle—taking care of her and myself—but I did it. Tilly’s mom watched her for next to nothing while I was working. We were poor, but we’d always been poor. That didn’t matter. She was safe, and that’s worth more than a bank full of money.”
Then I made decisions I’d always regret. I screwed up so badly my sister couldn’t even look at me without running away.
“Deacon…” she whispered, her palm moving in slow circles over my flank, “what happened?”
“Richie,” I uttered. “He kept coming around to visit Hailey. During his visits, he was always reminding me how easy it would be to pull the rug out from under us—he could snap his fingers and make sure Hailey went back to our parents.”
I’d been almost certain he’d been bluffing, but there’d been no way in hell I was willing to take my chances with Hailey. Not when our parents’ house was a revolving door of criminals and lowlifes who wouldn’t have thought twice about hurting a little girl.
“For a while, all he’d done was dangle that reality, but a few months before I got arrested, he’d turned it into a noose, and my neck had been all the way in. He had me driving him and his buddies to jobs. I’d never asked what they were doing, but I knew. The fourth one had done me in. Someone saw my truck, saw me driving, and I was done.”
“Not Richie?”
I shook my head. “They tried to get me to turn over on him, but that’s not me. Even if it was, Richie promised he’d make sure Hailey went to a good family, not back to our parents. He’s a piece of shit, but he cared about her. That, I knew for sure.”
“So, Richie’s done one good thing in his life.” She hmphed. “Actually, he probably had nothing to do with Hailey’s placement. Why would social services listen to him? I won’t be giving him credit for the Spellmans—not when he let you go to prison for his crimes. He doesn’t get credit for a damn thing.”
I straightened, twisting around, one knee bent on the bed, and cupped the side of her face. Her cheeks were flushed pink, and her eyes were lit from within. Pretty and angry, my girl was.
“You’re mad.”
“Well…yeah.”
“I’m not innocent, Phoebe. I was there. I knew he was committing crimes. I could’ve said no and found another way to protect my sister. I chose the shortest route instead and ended up losing her for good.”
She shook her head. “There’s no reason it has to be for good. You’re here, and now you know where she is. You could rebuild your relationship—be her brother instead of her guardian. You could—”
“She doesn’t want to be around me, and I understand.” I blew out a heavy breath. “Remember the shitty lawyer I had?”
“I do.”
I dropped my hand from her cheek to her leg, resting it on the soft bend of her knee. “His genius idea of a defense was getting Hailey to lie for me. He wanted her to say she saw me at home that night.”
Her lips parted. “Oh no. Your alibi that fell apart?”
“Yeah. I didn’t know any of it was happening. My parents had let him work her and gotten her to talk to the cops. All it had taken was a light grilling, and her story fell apart. There was so much pressure on her to lie for me, and she couldn’t do it. That was when I lost her. She wouldn’t see me after that. I wrote her a handful of letters, but I can’t say if she ever got them. Don’t know if she knows I’d never hold anything against her, let alone not being able to lie for me.”
My girl . So much more than just my little sister. I’d let her down in a huge way. It was pure luck she was doing as well as she was, and it had nothing to do with me. In fact, my going away had probably been the true favor. Now she had a real family and a nice home.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all this before.” I squeezed my eyes closed, but there was no chance of blocking any of this out. Opening them, I met hers. As always, her gaze was soft and thoughtful. “I should’ve told you, but I—it’s really hard for me to even think about losing her. I’ve tried, but I don’t know how to get rid of this…dirty, oily shame all over me.”
“I won’t tell you you have nothing to be ashamed of. There’s nothing I can say to convince you of that.” She took my hand from her leg and held it sandwiched between hers. “I don’t think you’ve lost Hailey, though. Recalling the conversations we’d had about you when I thought you and I were over, she told me she was worried about you being sad. And before that, she asked me what kind of guy you were. So I think she still wants to know you, but today was a surprise for everyone, and maybe she wasn’t ready.”
“She was worried?”
A trickle of something that felt like hope made its way through my system. I didn’t usually let myself hope. If I wanted something, I worked for it, and I wanted my sister back. I was socking away money to use toward a house big enough for us both. A place she’d feel was hers, not like she was living there on borrowed time. The problem was, I knew how to do the work, but I didn’t have the faintest idea of how to get her back in my life.
“She was,” Phoebe confirmed gently. “I bet she’s been worried about you for a long time now. She really liked hearing we were back together.”
Phoebe leaned into me, pressing her cheek against mine. “You haven’t lost her, honey. Today might’ve been the beginning of you two finding your way back to each other.”
My chest constricted from the enormity of that possibility. I tried to suck in a deep breath but only managed to pull in strawfuls. Phoebe saw me struggling and whispered tender, sweet words in my ear as she stroked my hair. Slowly, she pushed me back on the mattress and stretched out beside me. I rolled to my side, needing to feel the solid weight of her in my arms.
“She’s safe,” she whispered. “You’re safe. We’re here together, and we’re going to figure this out. Nothing’s lost, honey. I promise you that. As long as you keep trying, it won’t be lost. Nothing will.”
She gave me soft reassurance, murmuring variations of the same words over and over, until I could take a full breath. I held her close, taking everything she was offering.
“For what it’s worth, I’m not angry you didn’t tell me about Hailey.” Her fingers trailed along my chest, slow and methodical. “We don’t know everything about each other yet, but I’m eager for every piece of you you give me. Thank you for trusting me with this one. I know it wasn’t easy to share it with me.”
“I’m glad you know,” I said gruffly. “You want to know me, I’ll give you all of it. It might come slowly, though. There’s a lot of ugly, and laying that on my beautiful girl doesn’t sit right with me. But I won’t ever withhold anything from you.”
“I won’t either.” She shifted her legs, sliding one of them between mine. “It’s not the same, but I know something about shame. I don’t think I’ll ever get over being the other woman. For a long, long time, I felt dirty. I’d done another woman wrong. I can’t think about those months with him without wanting to claw my skin off. So, I get it, even if it's in a small way.”
“Not your fault,” I stated firmly. “You don’t need to carry that.”
Her fingers traveled to my jaw, flattening to cup it. “A lot of your shame comes from circumstances that weren’t your fault either, but I don’t know if anyone could convince you to lay it down.”
I blinked at her. She was right. There was no convincing me. The fact that she wanted to, though…that affected me. It made me want to always live up to her good opinion. I was no stranger to working hard, so it wouldn’t be a burden to put in that work for her. Not at all.
“Yeah,” she breathed. “I didn’t think so. But, for what it’s worth, the more I learn about you, the harder I fall for you. Today being no exception.”
“Baby…that’s worth everything.” I rolled my forehead over hers. “I’m in so deep with you, Phoebe. So deep.”
That earned me a tremulous sigh. Then her mouth found mine in a searching kiss. Closing my eyes, I gave into all the goodness in my arms and sipped from lips so sweet they might’ve been made from spun sugar. She parted them, inviting me to slip inside, giving me so much more of her sweet.
I slid my hand down her side, over the round curve of her hip, and around to her plump ass. Squeezing her cheek, I pulled her closer, bringing us flush.
Her body was something else, so incredibly soft and wildly feminine. Pink where she blushed, peach in other parts. And hell if I didn’t want to discover every other shade her clothes hid from me.
I could’ve gotten lost in her. It’d be too easy to forget the world outside her curves—curves shaped by sunshine and sweet things—but I kept my head, focusing on who I was with and where I was. She wasn’t an escape from my pain. Phoebe was my girl, and I’d be damned if I missed a single detail of what she gave me because I was trapped in regret.
Pulling back from her, I watched her eyelashes flutter as her eyes cleared. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“Getting there.”
Her breath shuddered. “We don’t have to go further.” Her legs scissored between mine. “I just want to feel you, Deacon.”
“How do you want that?”
She brought her hand to my chest, smoothing it down my torso. “Your skin on mine.” Pushing up on her elbow, she tugged her T-shirt over her head, then she reached back, unhooking her bra and tossing it aside. “Like this.”
She lay back down in front of me, pressing her bare chest to mine. An earthquake racked my insides, shifting things permanently within me. I shoved my face into her neck, my hands skimming down her back, tracing the dips and swells that fit against me like they’d been made to.
“Phoebe, angel, I don’t deserve this.”
“Shut up, Deacon,” she cooed, no sharpness to her words. “It’s up to me to decide who gets to touch me, and I’ve decided on you. Can you let it be as easy as that?”
I huffed into her neck. “Nothing’s as easy as that.”
“What if it is this time?”
I kissed her shoulder and pulled her impossibly closer, her breasts molding against my chest. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Just hold me. We’ll figure the rest out together.”