30. Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty
Deacon
We lay there for a long time, eventually shedding the rest of our clothing. Skin on skin, we touched and petted. Slow and easy, gentle exploration and warm comfort. My mind settled after a while, all my previous panic a shadow in comparison to the light in my arms.
The girl I’d never allowed myself to dream about, more real than I could have imagined if I had. I trailed the rough pads of my fingers down the curve of her back, over the slope of her ass, then back again. I moved to her side, along the dip of her waist and the dramatic swell of her hip to her upper thigh.
Phoebe studied my tattoos, tracing the lines of the Rockies on my chest with her nail, placing light kisses on the peaks.
My cock had been hard for a long time, and it was getting difficult to ignore, especially when she moved her legs between mine, her hot pussy sliding along my thigh. She’d done it a few times, always shifting away quickly, except this time, she stayed, the slick heat of her core pressed against my leg.
Cupping the side of her head, I tilted her face back and peered at her. Her cheeks were rosy, bright eyes a little glassy, and her lips were pink and parted.
“You turned on, baby?” I gruffed.
She nodded. “But it’s okay. We don’t have to—”
I rolled her to her back before she could finish her sentence and braced my hands on either side of her head.
Bending my neck, I took a long look at all the valleys and swells of her decadent body, getting stuck on the brown curls at the apex of her creamy thighs. Then I found her eyes again, wide and alert.
“Do you have any idea—any idea how sexy and beautiful you are?” I dragged my nose along her jaw to her ear. There, I nipped her velvet lobe and whispered, “I really hope you do. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I look at you, and I have to blink to make sure you’re real.”
She brought her hands up to her breasts, holding them up like an offering. “Everything about you and me is real.”
I stared down at her, my brow drawn to the middle. “Do you want this? With me?”
Her nod came quickly, and it was vigorous. “So badly, I can barely think of anything else.”
There was nothing I could do but believe her. “I don’t know if I’m going to be any good.”
She brought her knees up, parting them slightly. “Then we’ll have to practice until we get it right.”
I was already so close to the edge I knew it’d be fast, and I’d be damned if I didn’t make her come first. Sliding my hand down her sloped stomach and over her nest of curls, I slipped my fingers into her folds, finding her wet all over. Her clit was beaded and hard, rolling like a marble beneath the pad of my finger. She shivered and quaked as I rubbed her and even more when I took her nipple in my mouth.
This, I knew how to do. I’d made her come in the hot springs like this. The sounds she’d made were burned into my brain, along with what she’d done to me after.
I can’t think about that, or I’ll make a damned fool of myself.
She dug her fingers into my shoulders. “Baby, I’m so close. I don’t want to—not without you.” Her legs clamped around my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. “Please, Deke.”
Popping off her nipple, I panted. “You don’t want me to make you come?”
“With you inside me.” She let her legs fall open. “I need you. Please .”
Every bit of self-control snapped. I wouldn’t be asking if she was sure again. Didn’t think I’d be able to get those words out of my mouth even if I’d wanted to.
Moving between her spread thighs, I slotted myself against her. The second my cock came in contact with her sleek pussy, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from coming.
Some sanity prevailed, and I pulled back. “I don’t have a condom, baby.”
She raised her knees to either side of my hips. “I’m on birth control, and I’ve been tested. We don’t have to use a condom if you’re okay with it.”
I shook my head, biting down even harder. “I’m going to make a mess of you.”
“Then make a mess.” She reached up to cup my jaw. “I’m one-hundred-percent sure of this, but if you’re not ready, that’s okay.”
“No, I’m more than ready.” I lowered myself onto her again, bringing my face close to hers. “I want to be good enough for you.”
“You are.” She rocked herself against me. “Be with me, Deke.”
I dropped my forehead to hers, taking a moment to lasso the last of my restraint before aligning the head of my cock with her entrance. I tried to go slow, pushing into her a little bit at a time, but once I felt the warm grip of her all around me, there was no hope. Driving forward, I seated myself fully inside her and nearly lost my shit.
“Phoebe,” I bit out. “Oh hell , baby. I didn’t know. I—”
“Move, Deke. Let me feel you,” she cried softly.
The last thing I wanted to do was pull back, but I did, then thrust forward again. And dear god that was even better. I stared down at her in disbelief. How was this real?
“Everything about you and me is real.”
I fisted the sheets on either side of her head, going back and forth between staring at her flushed face and watching her breasts bounce as I plunged into her. I tried my hardest to go slow, to prolong this as much as I could, but her inner walls were wrapped around me so tight I was helpless to the call of her.
My mouth covered hers, kissing her wet and deep as I drove into her faster, harder. She moaned into my mouth, clinging to my shoulders, her feet on the backs of my thighs. I had to give in. There was no stopping it. Not with all her softness beneath me, her heat surrounding me, her sweetness on my tongue, all of her imprinted on my mind.
The frayed rope inside me snapped. I plunged into her deep, hard, planting myself at the end of her, filling her to the brim and spilling over so our mingled arousal coated us both.
We kissed breathlessly, grappling to get closer even though it was impossible. She tugged at my hair, and I kneaded her breasts and hips—anywhere I could get my hands.
We rolled to our sides, still joined, her leg over mine. I slipped my arm between us to give her clit the attention it needed, rubbing it the way I had before. Her lips broke from mine, but only far enough for her to cry out my name. Then I captured her bottom lip between my teeth, tugging sharply as her inner walls clamped down around my still-hard cock.
“Deacon—oh god, you feel so good,” she moaned.
Seemed impossible she could get more beautiful, but Phoebe losing it while I was inside her had set a new record. Her hair was wild around her shoulders, flowing like chestnut banners on my pillow. The flush on her cheeks had traveled down to her chest, and her lips were little swollen rosebuds. I already knew I was irreversibly hooked on making this woman come.
I rolled my hips into hers, wanting her all over again. “I’m not done. Are you?”
“Nowhere close.” Her eyes flicked open. “Fuck me, baby.”
The angle was different this way. More shallow but no less hot. I tried to take my time—hell, I should’ve been able to, considering it had only been a handful of minutes since I came—but the combination of my seed in her and… her proved to be my downfall.
“How do you like it?” I asked through clenched teeth. “Talk to me.”
“I like what you’re doing.” She rubbed her leg along my side, hooking her foot over my ass. “Those hard, fast strokes are hitting me just right. If you keep doing that, I’m going to come again.”
I gave her what she asked for, a steady drive into her velvet heat, only stuttering when I bent to take her nipples into my mouth. I felt her getting tighter, swelling for me. The level of pride it gave me, knowing she liked what I was doing to her, struck me dumb. It instantly became my mission to make her come as many times as I could. I already knew I wouldn’t be able to get enough of it.
“Right there, right there, right there,” she chanted. Her neck arched, and her mouth fell open in a soundless cry as I ground my pelvis into her, hard against soft.
I fucked her like that, planted deep, rocking against her clit, until a faint scream broke free and she bowed into me, hands slapping on my shoulders, head thrashing wildly.
Beautiful.
Once again, my control was yanked from my hands, and I had no choice but to move with the tide slamming me into her. Primal instinct guided me. Shoving her onto her back, I hooked my arms beneath her knees, lifting them high and wide. Her nails clawed at my biceps and shoulders as I pounded relentlessly.
We were eye to eye, locked on each other. Sweat glistened like dew on her flesh. Our bodies were slippery from it. My gut was taut, cock so hard it was painful, and my chest ached from the emotion pouring out of my heart. Glorious pain rode me, and there was no shrugging it off. I had to take the pain to get to the blissful pleasure within reach.
Her hands clapped onto my cheeks. “Come in me, Deke.”
“Deacon,” I grunted. That was hers. I only ever wanted her to call me that.
“Deacon, honey. Come inside me.”
There was no denying this woman a single thing. My body answered her call again, spilling so forcefully I fell over her, unable to hold myself up anymore. Her arms came around me, clasping me to her while I shook.
“Honey,” she whispered beside my ear. “Perfect.”
I didn’t know if that was true, but right now, feeling like I did, I was inclined to believe her.
“Yeah, baby.” I touched my lips to her temple and sighed. “Perfect.”
We ended up in Phoebe’s apartment a little while later since my fridge was barren. She had food, and we were both starving. We ate, talked about nothing of consequence, and watched a true crime documentary.
We’d had a couple heavy hours, and my emotions were still a little frayed, but Phoebe had worked a miracle and pulled me back with her. By the end of the night, I was prepared for whatever came next.
At least, I thought I was until Phoebe invited me to sleep at her place. I should’ve seen that coming, but I hadn’t been thinking too far ahead.
She took my hand in both of hers. “Stay.”
“I, uh”—I looked away, unsure how to answer her—“I don’t know if I can sleep next to you.”
“Oh.” It was like I’d punched her in the face. Her hands slipped from mine, and she fell back against the couch cushion, deflated.
“Shit, Phoebe, I meant…I don’t know if I can sleep next to anyone .” I squeezed my eyes shut. “It’s hard for me to shut down at night. I’ve had to be alert since I was a kid, and my years in prison didn’t help. I’m up and down all night when I’m on my own, and I can’t be sure how I’ll handle sharing a bed with you when I’m not delirious with fever. Believe me when I say I want to. More than anything, but—”
“Okay.” She leaned into me, wrapping her hand around the side of my neck. “That’s a much better answer than your first one.”
I exhaled a heavy breath and gripped her nape. “After everything you gave me tonight, I don’t want it to end. Not ever. I just don't know how it’ll go.”
“I hear you.” She rubbed her lips together, and I could almost see the gears turning behind her melted chocolate eyes. “How about this? Come to bed with me. If it’s not working, you can go right upstairs to your place. I won’t be offended if you leave since I understand the reason now.”
I nodded, liking her plan even though I was already sure I’d end up at home before dawn broke. “It’s not like I have to go far.” And if I got to spend a little more time with her, it’d be worth it.
“No, you don’t. So, we’ll try it and see.”
I waited in her room while she got ready for bed in the bathroom. When she was done, we switched places, but I stopped short in the doorway, my gaze locking on what had been left for me on the counter.
A toothbrush, new in the package.
My mouth twitched at the color: bright pink. I checked the toothbrush holder. Phoebe’s was baby pink. We’d be able to tell ours apart.
My stomach knotted. A tangled mix of pleasure and something a lot like pain. Every little thing I learned about Phoebe pulled me in deeper—made me like her even more than I already did, and that was a lot. But moments like this, her quiet, simple gestures she probably didn’t think twice about, staggered me.
I wasn’t used to this sort of kindness—not when it didn’t come with strings. Accepting I could be given something for absolutely no reason other than the person wanting to do it was hard for me. It drove Chris and Tilly crazy.
But Phoebe? This was who she was. A giver. If I pushed back, if I let my own hang-ups get in the way, I’d only hurt her.
I knew that because I was the same way. Giving felt good. And if someone turned it down, it stung. I wouldn’t do that to Phoebe. Not ever.
I tore open the package and used my pink toothbrush, grinning the whole time. My girl was cuter than she had any right to be with all her pink, but I didn’t mind being surrounded by it. Not one bit.
After I was done, I strolled out of the bathroom, still grinning. “Thanks for the toothbrush, sugar. Made me feel extra special, you sharing your pink with me.”
“I’m glad you appreciated it. I don’t share with just anyone.” Smiling, she folded over the covers and patted the spot beside her. I stood at the edge of the bed, looking her over. She had on some kind of raspberry-colored silk slip.
“What’re you wearing?”
She looked down. “A nightgown. It’s what I always wear to bed. A lesson my mother imparted on Hannah and me from an early age—silky, pretty nightwear always makes for a better night's sleep.”
I tugged on my cotton T-shirt. “Is that where I went wrong?”
She snorted a little laugh. “Could be. Though I think I like you in your sweats better than I’d like you in my pajamas.”
“I think I agree.” I crawled into bed with her, lay on my side, and hooked my arm around her waist. Her nightgown was smooth as glass beneath my palm. She snuggled in close, slotting her leg between mine and tucking her hands against her chest.
“How are you?” she asked softly.
“A lot better than I would’ve been without you. How about you? How are you?”
Even in the dim lighting, I couldn’t miss the way her cheeks had pinkened. “If I didn’t have to get up in six hours, I would want…well, I’d want to start all over again.”
I raised a brow. “Start all over?”
She nodded and brushed her lips over mine. “I’m already aching to have you inside me again.”
If I hadn’t been hard just from seeing her in her nightgown, that would have done it. As it were, my arm jerked her against me out of pure instinct.
“You are?” I bit out. If I opened my mouth any wider, it would latch onto her and not let go.
“Of course I am.” She wriggled against me, sighing. “We both need to sleep, though…right?”
I chuffed at her indecision. “You’re putting it in my hands?” I dipped my head to kiss the crook of her neck. “It kills me, but I can’t have my girl losing sleep. We’re gonna turn off the lights and get some rest.”
“That’s what we should do.” She hesitated until I gave her a gentle shove. Not that I wanted to but because we both had jobs where we needed to be on our game. “Fine, honey. Let’s go to sleep.”
She rolled away to turn off the lamp on her side of the bed, then returned to me, scooting into the same position. Legs tangled, my arm around her waist, her hands tucked against her chest.
I wasn’t going to fall asleep, but I’d stay until she did.
“I’m glad you’re with me,” she murmured in the dark.
“I am too.” My lips touch her forehead. “Good night.”
“Night, Deacon.”
I’d leave soon, but not yet.
Relaxing with her soft, still body alongside mine, I closed my eyes…
Just for a while.