37. Chapter Thirty-seven
Chapter Thirty-seven
Deacon
I was an idiot. That was all there was to it.
There was nothing intimidating about the night. Hell, Hannah and Remi had all the attention—and rightly so. I just had to hang with my girl and sister, and everything was right as rain.
Phoebe’s grandad grilled chicken, and the rest of the food was catered by the resort. Her mom had made it a point to stop by and tell me all of it was safe for me to eat.
I shook the hands of her brothers, dad, and grandad, was introduced as her boyfriend to people I’d never met and got ordered by her grandmother to sit down and take a load off since Phoebe had told everyone I’d been working all day.
I could almost forget this family was richer than I’d ever be able to imagine if not for the uniformed waitstaff and view of the land they owned as far as the eye could see. They were down to earth, the food wasn’t anything fancy, and the conversation centered around either Hannah and Remi’s wedding or ranch business. The same things regular folks probably talked about at events like this.
Hailey was eating it all up. She’d made friends with Margot, the woman I’d met briefly at Joy’s a month or so ago. Margot had taken Hailey right under her wing, plying her with food and introducing her to every single person in attendance. Then she invited my sister to a spa day—on her. And I was pretty sure Hailey’s head almost exploded.
Phoebe and I were on one end of an outdoor sectional. My arm was curled around her shoulders, hers draped across my lap. Comfortable, close, no space between us—exactly as we should’ve been.
I tipped my chin, lowering my voice. “Is everyone who works at the resort as nice as Margot?”
She laughed. “No. She’s an exception. She and my mom became fast friends because they’re both into fashion and all things designer. It’s tough being glamorous on a ranch, but they find a way. I’m sure Margot wouldn’t mind recruiting Hailey as part of their glam squad. There’s strength in numbers, you know.”
Scanning the massive patio, I found Hailey tucked between Elena and Margot, looking happy as a clam, and blew out a heavy breath.
“Last time I spent time with her, she was a little kid. I’m not ready for my sister to be glamorous.”
She giggled softly. “Don’t worry. My mother has two daughters who didn’t inherit her sense of fashion. She won’t push anything on Hailey she doesn’t want.”
I rubbed the back of my neck and frowned. “Yeah, not sure that makes me feel much better, seeing as Hailey’s got stars in her eyes right about now.”
Phoebe’s nephew, Jesse, plopped down on the opposite side of her, and she leaned over to ruffle his hair.
“Hey, dude. Where’d you come from?”
He pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “Did you know the cookie tray is empty?”
She nodded. “I noticed. I refilled it three times. Everyone cleaned me out.”
He scrunched his nose. “I only had two chocolate chip cookies. Dad says that’s enough, but I beg to differ. I asked him how many he ate, and he wouldn’t answer, which tells me it was a lot more than two.”
Phoebe snickered. “You’re probably right about that. But…did you think I’d bake all those cookies and not set a few aside for my favorite nephew?”
He bounced in his seat. “You did? Where are they?”
“I stuck them in your backpack. They’re all yours to take home with you.”
He threw himself at her, and she had to let go of my leg to return his hug. It was only when he was right next to me he noticed I was beside his aunt.
He straightened, looking me over with narrowed eyes. “Hey. I’m Jesse.”
I nodded. “Nice to meet you. I’m Deke.”
“I know who you are. You were in prison,” he stated, as blunt as a bat to the head.
“That’s true.”
Phoebe knocked his knee. “That isn’t who he is. That’s something he went through. Deacon is a carpenter, a big brother, and my boyfriend.”
I squeezed her hand. “It’s all right.”
Jesse folded his arms across his bony chest. “I know that, Aunt Phoebe. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s like if you met me and said, ‘I know you. You’re the kid who’s allergic to peanuts.’”
“I’m allergic to peanuts too,” I informed him.
“Whoa.” He let his arms fall. “It sucks, right?”
I nodded. “Yep. Good thing your family is careful about it. Means I get to eat delicious food whenever Phoebe cooks for me or brings home leftovers.”
“Yeah, we’re lucky.” He pushed his glasses up his nose. “I can’t eat school lunch. It's probably terrible, but one day, I’d like to eat pizza on Fridays. Just out of curiosity.”
“Believe me, I get it. I was on the free lunch program when I was in school, and all they had for me was prepackaged cheese and crackers. I eyeballed that pizza more times than I can count.”
He took that in, gearing up with more questions. Before he could get any out of his mouth, Caleb sat down beside him, placing his big hand on top of his son’s head.
“Looks like an interesting conversation happening over here.”
Jesse twisted toward his dad. “Did you know Deke has food allergies like me?”
Caleb raised a brow. “I hadn’t heard that.” He lifted his chin at me. “Sucks big-time, huh?”
My mouth quirked. “That’s what Jesse and I were just discussing.”
Jesse leaned forward. “What’d you eat in prison?”
Caleb made a gurgling sound. “Kid, come on.”
I waved him off. “No, it’s all right. Believe it or not, that was one of Phoebe’s early questions.”
She pressed a hand to her cheek. “Oh god. It was, wasn’t it? I’m as bad as an eleven-year-old.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t mind then, and I don’t mind now.” I gave Jesse the sanitized story I’d given Phoebe, leaving out the time I’d nearly died. I figured this kid had enough to worry about without adding my trauma to it.
Jesse was on the edge of his seat, his elbow on his knees, chin resting on his fists. “So what was prison really like? I’ve seen documentaries—”
“What documentaries?” Caleb barked.
Jesse grinned at him. “Educational, age-appropriate documentaries. Ms. Clark, at the library, helped me find them.”
Caleb rumbled. “Maybe I need to have a talk with this librarian about the type of material she’s showing you.”
He threw his hands up. “It’s age appropriate, promise.”
Hailey approached, stealing Jesse’s attention. His cheeks turned bright red when she waved at us and introduced herself. Caleb greeted her, but Jesse clammed up. I got the sense his going quiet wasn’t a common occurrence.
Beside me, Phoebe giggled. I looked at her, and she mouthed, “Jesse has a crush.”
Oh shit . That was what this was, wasn’t it?
I wasn’t ready for this either. Even if he was only eleven.
Hailey perched on the arm of the sectional. “So, what are you guys talking about?”
“Prison,” Jesse yelped.
“Oh.” Her shoulders fell. “Maybe I should’ve waited a few minutes for you to finish that conversation.”
“Don’t worry, kiddo,” Caleb said. “We’re all done with that topic. I was about to ask your brother what projects he’s working on.”
From there, things went up. Jesse might not have found woodworking as scintillating, but he got the hint from his dad to cut it out, and he did. I didn’t blame him for being curious, nor was I angry, but I was relieved to move on.
Later, after we said good night to everyone and dropped Hailey off at her house, Phoebe and I headed to her apartment. As soon as we were inside, she put her bags down and pressed herself against me, her arms curving around my waist. Mine circled hers without hesitation, holding her tight.
We stayed like that for a long time, holding on to one another in the middle of her living room. Nothing really needed to be said. We’d had a great night after a not-so-good few days. But the not-so-good part was over. My head was out of my ass, and my eyes were wide open.
“You’re my girl,” I murmured into her hair. “My angel girl.”
“You’re mine,” she said against my shoulder.
“I’m yours,” I agreed. “I’m sorry I had a hard time showing it these last few days.”
“Thank you for saying that.” She pulled her head away to meet my gaze. “When you’re having a hard time, you can talk to me about it. I’d rather hear it than be left in the dark.”
I nodded. “Richie called me the day Hannah was at Sugar Rush. Hearing from him always puts me in a dark place that’s hard to shake off.”
“I wish you would have told me that,” she whispered.
“I should’ve. I was dealing with it, but not well. Got in my head and convinced myself if I showed up at Hannah and Remi’s party, your family would see me for what I am and want you away from me.”
“What you are?”
“Yeah. Unclean. A felon. Not good enough.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Only one of those is true, and they don’t hold it against you. You have to know that.”
“Knowing a fact and taking it to heart are two different things.” I sucked in a breath. “I get it now, Phoebe. I was wrong. Hailey told me to use my critical thinking skills, and dammit, the kid was right. You know all the bad I’ve got behind me, and you’re still here. I need to stop questioning it and count my lucky stars.”
“That’s right, you do.” Her hands trailed down my arms, stopping to curl around my wrists. “You’re finished with that now, aren’t you?”
“I am. I might get dark, but I won’t let it keep me from you.”
“You better not.”
I took her to her bedroom, and we made love, slow and sweet. Sliding over her, into her, holding her face in my hands, whispering I loved her. I said that again and again, and she answered, feeling the same. She loved me too, and she repeated it until the words blended, mine with hers.
After, we lay tangled in her floral sheets and each other. I told her I’d spent most of my life in places made of concrete and sharp edges—not just in prison but long before. Now, I was learning to live with comfort and softness, with sugary kisses and words as gentle as her touch. It wasn’t always easy to believe it was mine—to trust it wouldn’t be taken away. My mind knew how to survive in the rough and unforgiving. This , her, was so new, I had to rework some of my wiring.
She brushed her fingers through my hair and told me she had all the time in the world. Patience, she’d said, was her strong suit. She’d always been a little whimsical. Had always found magic in places others overlooked. Her hope was that someday, I’d learn to see myself the way she did “and finally understand why she loved me so.”
I wanted that too.
When we were close to falling asleep, she rolled to her side, and I curved around her. She lifted her nightgown, allowing me to slip inside her. And there it was. The comfort and security she handed to me without question. Giving me her very body to help me fall asleep.
How could I even question if she really loved me?
I couldn’t. I didn’t. Maybe I didn’t understand it, but I knew it to be true. Phoebe Kelly loved me.
“It was a good night,” I said on the edge of sleep.
Her fingers threaded through mine, and she sighed. “A really good night, honey.”
With my eyes closed, I kissed her shoulder.
Sugar.