Chapter 10
TEN
Ava
The burgers from the grill hit the spot. We stand up, grab our plates, and head inside. Kai can cook surprisingly well for a bachelor. As I throw my plate in the trash, my phone rings. It’s my friend Lia down in Virginia Beach.
“I’m going to take this. I’ll be right back,” I say, pointing to my phone as I raise it to my ear. I walk through the slider and down to the water.
“Ava! You are not going to believe this…” she yells into the phone.
“You have a spot down in Virginia Beach at the festival. Someone dropped out, and your name was next on the waitlist.” That event brings in hundreds of thousands of people.
It’s also where I could be ‘found’ and a place where life as I know it could change in a heartbeat.
A knot tightens in my stomach, and dread sweeps through my body. I muster as much excitement as I can and say, “Amazing news! I can’t believe this is happening.”
She tells me all the details. As she drones on, I glance up at Kai.
He stands on the deck, cleaning the grill as he waves to me.
I give a half-hearted wave back. The excitement I thought I’d feel if I were to receive this call is vying with…
Kai. The guy I never thought existed in my world.
The one who breaks down walls with his attentiveness and in the care of his arms.
“All I heard is you need to be here on Monday and sign the contract by Friday. Can you be here?” I imagine Lia jumping up and down.
“Ah, yeah, of course I can. I’ll need to leave tonight,” I say as nausea rolls up my throat and my fingers run down my throat, willing it to stop.
“Okay, well, hang up and get your ass on the road. Call me when you stop!” She continues to yell into the phone.
“Okay, Okay.” I hang up, and my smile from earlier disappears.
Being with Kai has opened my eyes to something different, something I might have been longing for all these years, but never found.
The inkling of what might be between us doesn’t outweigh this sign to keep moving.
I don’t let my heart be vulnerable; I can’t, I won’t.
It’s time to say goodbye, though it will pull at my heartstrings.
It’s for the best…right?
I sigh and stare out onto the lake, watching the boats pass by. In my own world, I don’t hear him walk up to me. Kai stands there when I turn around. I hope he didn’t hear my conversation. “I need to head out to my sister’s.”
“Is everything all right?” he asks as he rubs my shoulder.
“Ah, yeah, she’s fine. Thank you.” I peck him on the cheek and walk straight to my car.
I don’t have the courage to look back at him, which tugs harder on my heart.
It’s like I’m walking away from the nicest guy I’ve ever met, who has me feeling everything in my body, every nerve ending firing.
I shake my head and focus on the drive back.
This is what I do; there’s never anyone holding me in one place. I’ll forget all about him once I’m with Lia and the crew. They always know how to keep my mind off things. Once I’m there, I won’t look back—I never do.
The drive to my sister’s is a blur. I slam the shifter into park and slap my hand on the steering wheel. I left Kai standing there. He deserves better than that, better than me. It’s definitely for the best.
I jog into the house yelling, “Theresa, Theresa…”
“What’s wrong?” She comes around the corner, belly first. She is a beautiful pregnant woman, although she’s so tired. It stops me in my tracks and reminds me why I’ve been considering staying here long term.
“I got the spot at Virginia Beach,” I say with a fake smile plastered on my face, with a dab of enthusiasm to sell it.
Why am I not happier about this?
She stares at me, her head tilted and curiosity written all over her face. “Then why do you not sound excited like you did when you told me you applied for it?”
I throw myself onto the couch and groan. With my arm over my eyes, I say, “I’m not sure. I’m sort of excited.”
She pulls my legs up, sits down, and lets my legs fall back on her lap. “Alright, what happened?”
“What do you mean? What happened?” I groan.
I can see the face she’s giving me without taking my arm off my eyes. “Ava Lee, you’ve been talking about Kai ever since the cookout, and you spent the night. I’m not an idiot, I know where you were.”
“Ugh, he’s the best. A nice guy and too good for me. It will wear off, like it always does. It’s only a physical attraction.” I blurt out my thoughts.
“If you believe it in your heart, then you should go to Virginia Beach.”
Did she agree with me? Where did my sister go?
“Okay, fine! I’m feeling slightly torn between staying and going. But I don’t stay anywhere, how is this any different?”
She rubs my legs and says, “That’s a question only you can answer.”
Why isn’t she telling me what to do like she always does?
My phone dings with a notification. I pull it out of my pocket.
Kai:
Are you okay?
No, no, I’m not okay! Why did I have to meet him?
I can’t stay, and I told him I would. Was it a lie?
Not when I said it, I really thought I’d be here for at least a few weeks.
I never thought I would get the call for this opportunity in Virginia Beach.
It’s one of the biggest events on the East Coast. I can’t say no.
“Hey.” She pulls me up to a seated position. “When do you need to leave?”
She says it so matter-of-factly, like she’s used to me picking up and leaving. “I’ll pack up my things upstairs and leave right away. I need to be there by Monday morning.”
“Are you at least going to tell Kai you’re leaving?” She looks at me with sympathy written all over her face.
It’s like something is gripping my heart, ready to rip it out. “I’ll text him. It’s only been a week.” I don’t think I can tell him I’m leaving in person. I won’t be able to handle the extreme disappointment on his face. So, I take the easy way out.
Ava:
Something came up that I’ve been waiting for for months. I’m heading to Virginia Beach. I’ll call you soon.
What else do I say? But tears start to well up in my eyes.
Catching feelings is not my thing. Am I really questioning all of this that’s happened with him?
Heading to Virginia Beach is familiar—running away before it’s too late.
My feelings will dissipate, and I’ll be back to my normal self.
I might need some time. Distractions won’t hurt either.
Kai:
Please do and drive safe.
My sister takes me in her arms and hugs me. That’s all it takes for the tears to roll down my cheeks and a small cry to escape.
Why am I leaving?
Maybe I don’t want to lose myself in a guy. Maybe trusting him is hard. Maybe I’m scared of—what if it all works out? Being alone keeps you from hurting. This time, the things I’m telling myself don’t resonate. Old habits die hard.
Avoiding is what I do well. So, I stand up, hug my sister, and say, “I’ll shower and pack everything up.” I rub her pregnant belly. “I’ll be back to see this little one.”
Before I can walk away from her, she says, “Sometimes you can’t control who you love…and who loves you. You’re enough, always.”
My heart drops straight to my stomach, a knot forming.
I reach for it and hold my hand on my belly.
All these feelings are foreign to my body.
It’s uncomfortable, like every muscle is tense and there’s no way to relax.
Unless I’m with him. I clear the rock in my throat, pushing down the urge to cry more from these overwhelming sensations throughout my body.
When my three-year-old niece walks in the room, I genuinely smile.
I leave all of it behind me and focus on Giana.
She makes the world go around. Her energy, her spirit, and her laugh—I will miss all of them.
It’s harder and harder to leave her behind.
I remind myself I’ll be back in a couple of months. It’s not forever.
As if I’m trying to talk myself into not feeling bad that I’m leaving, I hug her sweet body, pick her up, and tell her. “Auntie needs to head out, but I’ll see you soon. You ready to be a big sister?”
She nods her head frantically. “Yes, yes, I be a good big sister.” And then hugs me with her tiny arms wrapped around my neck. “I luv you, Auntie.”
My heart might burst into a thousand pieces. I love this little girl like she’s my own. “I love you too, buttercup.”
Once I place her feet back on the floor, I tap her head and turn quickly as more tears spill out of my eyes.
I leave as quickly as possible. Goodbyes with my sister and niece are harder and harder each time.
But this time, I can’t seem to go fast enough before having a breakdown.
It’s been hard to leave, but nothing like tears and blubbering.
I wave and pull myself together as I hop into my van and head south.
Two days later, I’m pulling into my spot at Virginia Beach as Lia waits for me. I slide out, and she pummels me with the biggest hug. “You’re here!” She’s bouncing on her feet and clapping her hands.
I put on a smile for her. “I am”
She grabs my face with both of her hands, tilting my head from one side to the other. “What’s wrong?”
I shake her off. “Nothing.”
“Lies, all—lies.” She side-eyes me.
I spent the next two hours talking to her as we set everything up for the week. Filling her in on Kai, the cookout, the restaurant, the Lakehouse, all of it.
As if he knew I was talking about him, a text comes through.
Kai:
Did you get there safely?
Ava:
Yes
Kai:
Okay. Call me when you can.
Ava:
I will.
I absolutely will call him—I’m not sure when, but soon.