Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
L acie walked out of the room and down the hall. ‘Hi, Xavier.’
‘Hey there, how’s it going in Australia?’
‘Fine, thanks. Great. Spending time with my family. It must be the middle of the night over there?’
‘Early morning, sun’s about to come up and I’ve only just got in after a marathon late-night shoot. Can’t sleep yet, too wired, so thought I’d call and see what’s up. You thinking about taking on that job I mentioned last time I saw you?’
‘No, no job. Just a chat.’
‘Oh. Cool. Okay. Maybe your voice will help me relax so I can sleep, had so much coffee.’
‘Well, um,’ she began, walking into her bedroom and closing the door behind her. ‘About when I last saw you. You know, how, um…’
‘It was a great night, wasn’t it? Honestly, sometimes I feel like you’re the only one who understands me, Lace. I know our relationship wasn’t practical anymore, but I have to say, it was pretty awesome to end things on a high note. A mutual, clean break. No residual hard feelings.’
A high note? Clean break? Little did he know there was definitely something residual.
‘I guess so,’ replied Lacie. ‘Except for one thing.’
‘Oh? You don’t want to continue it, you know, like a friends with benefits kinda thing. Is that it?’
Lacie rolled her eyes. Xavier had been sweet, attentive, and exuberant when they’d first met, but it seemed the more successful he became, the more over-confident he became too.
‘Nope, that’s not it.’ She exhaled a short, sharp breath. ‘I’m pregnant.’ There, that was the only way to say it.
The line went silent.
‘Xavier?’
‘Uh-huh,’ he mumbled. ‘Did you say pregnant?’
‘Yes.’
‘And… you think I’m the father?’
Oh my God.
‘Xavier, I know you’re the father. Geez, who do you think I am?’
‘But it can’t be. We used…’
‘I know, I know, I wondered how too, but we had had a few drinks, and maybe we failed to notice if something didn’t quite… do the job.’
Xavier swore under his breath. ‘So, you’re sure?’
‘Definitely sure. I’m having a scan next week, to check everything’s okay.’
‘Whoa, hang on. You’re going to have it ? It was an accident that shouldn’t have happened.’
‘Well, yes. I can’t not . I just can’t.’
Silence again.
‘Look,’ Lacie said, feeling both relief at having let the cat out of the bag and trepidation at knowing what was coming. ‘I just wanted to let you know, since it is yours, you are entitled to have your say too, however, I will be having the baby, I just haven’t decided yet if I’ll keep it or give it up for adoption.’ The last word sent a sharp jolt through her heart. ‘But I think I’ll… probably, um…’ She sat on the bed.
Keep it.
Was she seriously leaning towards that option? Or was it hormones and maternal instinct making the decision for her?
‘Okay, look.’ Xavier exhaled loudly. ‘To be completely honest, I think you should give it up. There are people who are desperate to have children. But you? Your career is on a high and you have so much more potential. Why let this get in the way?’ By the sound of his breathy voice, Lacie was sure Xavier was now pacing his room and nowhere near relaxed enough to sleep. ‘Anyway, either way, I can’t be part of it. I’m sorry.’
Straight to the point.
‘My current lifestyle doesn’t allow for being a father,’ he explained. ‘And in no way am I ready for that! Nothing will get in the way of where I’m headed, I need you to understand that.’
‘Oh, I do, believe me. I’m not asking for anything, just being courteous, in case, you know, you wanted to know that your blessed genetics were being passed on, and in case you ever wanted to meet your own child.’
‘Meet? Lacie, you’re getting way ahead with this. Please, don’t bring me into it. I’ve made my decision, and I’m sorry if it seems callous but I can’t and will not be a father, in any way, shape, or form.’
Lacie’s jaw tightened. He was unbelievable. She didn’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore anyway, but he could at least show a bit of compassion.
‘Fine. I guess that’s it then.’
‘Guess it is.’
‘Have a fabulous life, Xavier.’ She ended the call.
Her tightened jaw slackened and her lip trembled again.
So much for a clean break.
Lacie managed to put the conversation out of her mind over the weekend, putting all her focus and energy on her family and taking time to relax. She had already read half of the flower book, and even though spring was two months away, she even took to picking whatever flowers and greenery she could find in the garden and arranging them into bouquets for various places in the house. Including a posy of bottlebrushes in a cute vintage vase beside her bed. She loved the red splash of colour, reminding her to get out of bed with enthusiasm and passion for this precious time she had to share with her loved ones, and hopefully without too much nausea. The medication the doctor suggested had worked a treat. She still felt a slight niggle here and there, a sudden urgency to sit down or to splash water on her face, but it was keeping things at bay for now, though Dr Greene had also said the effects may wear off slightly after time as the body got used to the medication.
On Monday morning while the rest of the family were busy and Chris was helping Martha assemble new bookcases, Lacie was left to her own devices. She took the opportunity to do some more flower picking, getting ideas for the grand table centrepiece of their Christmas in July dinner on Friday night. She was thinking a warm, comforting theme with reds, oranges, and earthy tones… grevilleas, clivias, fern branches, and pine cones. She smiled as she thought of getting Jessie to paint the tips of the cones with red nail polish. She gathered some of the flowers and plants into her basket to do a small practice run, then looked up as Nathan approached the area with a smile and a wheelbarrow full of pebbles.
‘Hey,’ he said, ‘taking over my job, are you?’ He winked.
Lacie grinned. ‘Not quite. Picking flowers for a table centrepiece.’
‘Nice.’
‘At least I’m not throwing up into them this time.’ Lacie chuckled.
‘Oh, I don’t know. That shrub on your patio has never looked so healthy since you showered it with organic fertiliser.’
Lacie’s cheeks warmed and she lowered her face as she giggled.
‘Sorry, I shouldn’t joke. Seriously, I hope you’re okay and feeling much better?’
‘Much, thanks.’ She eyed the pebbles. ‘That looks heavy. What are you going to do with them?’
Nathan moved his hand in a ‘follow me’ gesture. He wheeled them a little further to the barbeque area beyond the fruit trees, where a cleared circle of earth surrounded by grass waited like a blank canvas for an artist to create something out of it.
‘I know it looks like a crop circle at the moment, but I assure you by Friday it’ll be a centrepiece of its own.’ He let go of the wheelbarrow handles and exhaled.
‘Water fountain?’ Lacie mused.
Nathan shook his head. ‘Nope. Do you like marshmallows?’
Lacie had to think twice. She usually did, but wasn’t sure now if her stomach could handle the squishy texture, the thought made her feel squeamish. She just nodded. ‘Oh, a firepit?’
Nathan smiled. ‘You got it.’
‘Awesome, that’ll be so cool. I mean warm.’ She walked to the circle. ‘I’ll have to make sure Mum adds marshmallows to the shopping list.’
‘Once the firepit and pebbles are in, I’ll create some edging around the circle, and then some seating.’ He glanced around. ‘Your mum and I figured this would be the perfect spot. Not too close to any trees or branches, but secluded enough in this little pocket of garden that the heat can be contained somewhat. Should be cosy.’ He rubbed his hands together.
Lacie could imagine her family gathering around the firepit; toasting marshmallows, Matt playing a tune on his guitar, the kids running around in circles… and a spare seat where her dad should have been.
‘I don’t know why we didn’t think of this earlier,’ Lacie said.
‘Your mum said the same thing. But she was more focused on establishing the gardens first, she said.’
‘And we have a fireplace inside to keep warm in winter, so I guess we’ve just been used to that.’
‘Must be nice. But there’s nothing like being outside under the stars on a cool winter’s night,’ he glanced up at the sky, ‘taking it easy and enjoying the moment.’
She noticed the stubble under his jaw had a subtle sparkle as the patchy sunlight sprinkled its glow onto his face. It reminded her a little of Xavier, but she quickly shook the memory from her mind. She had no room for the man who wanted nothing to do with her or their baby.
There was a strange silence, a moment of stillness, nothing but the gentle breeze wafting the scent of grass and winter blooms her way. Her sense of smell had been heightened, she’d noticed.
‘Anyway, gotta do what I’m here to do.’ He seemingly snapped out of his moment . ‘I’ll bring the firepit over from my Ute.’ He turned slightly, but then turned back to face her. ‘Those clivias,’ he pointed to her basket, ‘they match the orangey colours in your dress.’ He smiled, and walked to his vehicle.
Lacie glanced down at the floaty dress she wore over leggings. Orange swirled and mixed with an earthy red, creating a pattern resembling an outback sunset. How bizarre of him, or a man, to notice such things. She hadn’t even realised she was picking flowers that matched her choice of clothing. But he was a gardener, and apart from knowing what the flowers were called, clearly had an eye for detail and design.
Lacie put her basket down and wandered around the area, revelling in the peace, familiarity, and possibilities. With no garden of her own, she wanted to make the most of it here. She grabbed an orange from the tree and peeled off the skin, taking a wedge and biting into the juicy flesh. She had been craving a lot of citrus fruits lately, which Google had told her might indicate a need for more vitamin C.
She ate another one as Nathan returned, carrying the firepit in his bare hands, his rolled-up shirt sleeves tightening at his inner elbows.
‘Orange?’ she asked, holding it out.
‘Sure. I’ll just…’ He placed the firepit down in the centre of the circle.
She tossed it his way and he caught it in his left hand. ‘Thanks.’ He peeled it and bit into it. ‘You sure your mum won’t mind me eating the produce?’
She waved away his hesitation. ‘There’s more than enough to go around. Help yourself when you like.’
Lacie sat on the edge of a bench near the inbuilt barbeque that her dad had cooked many a steak on. Nathan remained standing.
‘How did you become interested in gardening?’ she asked.
He finished his mouthful then replied, ‘As a kid I used to play with my toy cars in the dirt. There wasn’t any grass where I first lived. One day, I’d left them outside under a tree and when I went back to get them, a flower of some kind had fallen on one of them. I don’t know what it was, but I looked up and realised I had never noticed the tree before. There was a bird going from branch to branch, and for some reason it captivated me. I’d had a rough day and, I dunno, I think somehow it gave me a moment of peace.’ He took another bite of his orange. ‘After that I started to notice things around me more. Trees, plants, insects… colours, sounds. I was kind of an introvert, trying to process so much of what was going on in my life at the time, that I never really noticed the world around me much, until then.’
‘It sounds like you had a lot more to think about than any child should,’ Lacie said, sensing some kind of memory simmering away in his mind.
He nodded. ‘And then, at school they had us watching a nature documentary in science, and I was hooked. I wanted to immerse myself in the natural world, where things made sense and I felt at home.’ He finished his orange and scooped pebbles from the wheelbarrow with a shovel and onto the bare circle around the firepit.
Lacie found that her body was leaning forward, eager to hear more of his story, her hands clasped together between her knees to balance herself and keep her fingers warm. Usually, she would listen to people’s stories while lathering creams and lotions on their faces or bodies, having to be both present and attentive, but focused on what she was doing. But now all she had to do was sit and listen.
‘It’s so great you’re doing what you love,’ she said.
He smiled. ‘I’m very lucky.’
‘I’ve always loved flowers,’ she blurted, thinking she should let him get on with his work but feeling the urge to balance out the conversation with some input of her own.
Nathan eyed the basket on the ground nearby. ‘I can tell.’
‘Since I was a child too. I used to pick flowers for Mum and leave them on her bedside table so she’d get a surprise when she went to bed. I didn’t realise at the time I should have put them in water, most of them were shrivelled and wilted by the time she saw them!’ Lacie laughed at her childhood naivety.
Nathan chuckled. ‘That’s how we learn, I guess, through our mistakes.’
‘True. When Mum explained to me that flowers needed water, I started putting them into leftover jam jars filled with water, tying a ribbon around the top.’
‘Sounds like you have a great relationship with your mum.’ Nathan paused his pebble scooping.
‘I do. I’m very lucky.’ She mirrored his choice of words from before, and was about to ask him about his own family when he scooped another mound of pebbles quicker and louder than before and it made her lose her train of thought.
‘So, flowers, eh? Tell me you’ve put your flowers-in-jam-jars and ribbon-tying skills to good use as a florist?’
Lacie’s eyes widened. ‘Good guess! But no. Well, I almost become a florist.’
‘Almost? What changed?’
‘I did.’ Lacie stood and stretched her arms above her head, easing some muscle soreness from her back. ‘Became more confident in myself. I loved flowers, still do, but when I received treatments for a skin condition and learned how to improve it, I wanted to help others feel better about themselves too. So I became a beauty therapist, and then a make-up artist.’
‘Oh, cool. It’s great you’re doing what you love too. Did you say you lived overseas?’
‘America. I run my own salon in Chicago. Used to work mostly as a freelance make-up artist but it got pretty hectic going from location to location, and I wanted a more consistent lifestyle.’
‘Sounds fair. Did you have to travel far, to do your work? You must have seen way more places than I have!’
‘Yes. I worked on set for various films and TV shows, some in Hollywood studios but many on location around the country. I got used to flying at short notice, always had a bag packed and an extra suitcase filled with my make-up supplies!’
‘Wow.’ Nathan leaned on the shovel. ‘What an amazing experience! A Hollywood star in your own right. Such a world away from little Tarrin’s Bay.’
Lacie shielded her eyes from the sun’s glare, or was it to try to hide her flushed cheeks? ‘It sure is. Have you travelled much?’
Nathan pressed his lips together and shook his head. ‘Never been out of the country. Never really had the chance.’ He resumed scattering the pebbles. ‘Besides, I think we’re pretty lucky here in Australia, I’ve never felt the need to go anywhere else. Look at our amazing environment.’ He moved his arm in an arc. ‘Greenery, stunning coastline, farms, beaches, and the city’s conveniences only a couple of hours away.’
‘It does have its advantages, that’s for sure.’ Lacie had definitely missed the clean, fresh air of small-town living. Her environment smelled like car fumes and cigarette smoke and the icy cold wind, if that even had a smell, but still, she loved her little corner of the globe, her business, and her cosy apartment, even though her beloved cat, Lightning, had died a few months ago from a heart condition at only four years of age. She wanted to get another one, but now, well, maybe she should wait and see. A baby would be enough to look after.
‘I didn’t mean to discount your life in the States though, hope it didn’t come out that way.’
Lacie hadn’t sensed any hint of criticism, and was surprised he even mentioned it. This guy seemed such a thoughtful, aware human being. ‘Not at all.’ She smiled.
‘Hey, Lace!’ Chris called out from the open window in the upstairs sitting room that overlooked the garden. ‘We need an extra set of hands to steady the bookcase with Mum while I attach the base. Nothing strenuous, don’t worry.’
‘Be right up!’ She gave a thumbs up.
Damn, she was enjoying talking to Nathan and wanted to know more… how long had he lived in Tarrin’s Bay, what happened in his childhood, was there another reason why a man in his thirties had not wanted to venture overseas at least once, and, and… what was his favourite flower? All the important stuff.
‘I should let you get back to work without interruption,’ she said. ‘It was a delight chatting with you, Nathan.’ She didn’t know why she had put on a fake English voice. Like her dad used to do, except his accent was mostly real having grown up in England, but it had relaxed into a more Aussie intonation over time since he’d moved here as a young man.
‘The delight was all mine,’ he said in his own fake accent. ‘Seriously, it was a nice interruption.’ Back to his Aussie accent. ‘I hope you’ll consider interrupting me again tomorrow.’
The corner of Lacie’s mouth inched up in an anticipatory half-smile. ‘Somebody’s gotta check on how this firepit’s going, and make sure it’s up to scratch.’ She winked, and she didn’t know if she’d ever winked at anyone before in her life. Maybe it felt okay because he’d winked at her when he’d first approached with the wheelbarrow.
‘I better up my game then.’ He picked up one pebble from the wheelbarrow and painstakingly placed it on the ground, then moved it slightly to one side as though it had to be perfect.
‘Ha!’ She laughed. ‘That’s gonna take you a while. Good luck.’ She lifted up her basket of blooms, and walked back to the house to help her brother.
‘Looks like you two were having quite the conversation,’ Martha said when Lacie arrived upstairs in the rich burgundy wallpapered room, a chandelier dangling from the ceiling creating rainbows on the floor from the rays of sunlight streaming in.
‘She was dilly-dallying at the window while I was hard at work getting all the bookcase pieces in order,’ said Chris, kneeling on the floor getting all OCD with the wooden shelves.
‘Just admiring my beautiful garden.’ She winked at Lacie. ‘And daughter.’
What was with all the winking? Was there some kind of substance in the water causing eye twitches?
‘Well, Nathan wasn’t slacking off if that’s what you’re wondering, he kept working the whole time. I did give him an orange though, told him to help himself when needed, hope that’s okay, Mum. He’ll do better work then.’
‘Of course, Nath knows he’s practically part of the family now.’
‘Nath?’ Chris said.
Her mother shrugged. ‘He’s such a nice man. Wish he was thirty years older.’
‘Mum!’ Chris stood. ‘It’s been less than two years since Dad went.’
Martha crossed her arms and gripped her elbows.
‘Hey, it’s perfectly within Mum’s right to move on if and when she wishes.’ Lacie placed an arm around her mother’s shoulders. ‘Just not with the young gardener, though, okay?’ She gently nudged her mum then kissed her cheek.
‘I was only joking anyway,’ Martha said. ‘I just…’ She dabbed at the corner of her eyes. ‘I just miss him, that’s all.’
‘Oh, Mum.’ Chris put down the instructions and held his arms out, welcoming his mother into an embrace. ‘I miss him too.’
Lacie turned it into a group hug, wrapping her arms around the pair and glad she didn’t have a large belly getting in the way yet. ‘We all do,’ she said.
After Martha wiped her eyes and Lacie stayed to help them until the new bookcases were standing tall and proud in the grand sitting room, she went downstairs to her flower basket on the hall table.
She had an idea.
Lacie picked up one of the orange clivias, found an old jar from the kitchen and filled it with water, tied a bow around it with some twine, and popped the flower in it, before sneaking back upstairs to her mother’s bedroom and placing it on her bedside table next to her reading glasses, and a pile of half-read books with tattered bookmarks poking out from between the pages.
She was lucky, indeed, to have her mum.
And she hoped that one day, she would be a good enough mother that someone would feel the same way about her.