Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
L acie laughed on opening Nathan’s message on Wednesday morning. A photo – a selfie – of him getting dressed into his bee suit, one arm hanging out to press the phone camera button.
You look like an astronaut.
She texted, after heading downstairs in the elevator of her apartment building.
She swiped through the other photos he’d sent; blue cornflowers in the garden, trees starting to grow leaves and flowers, and Jessie’s pebble family tree which she’d added some fairy statues around. He’d also sent photos of the wooden frames from the beehives, full of honeycomb. Another showed the frame after he’d scraped the honeycomb off, allowing the honey to drain from it into a tub. And the ‘after’ photo he’d called it; the richly coloured honey in glass jars, ready for consumption.
Tastes delicious. But not as sweet as you ;)
She grinned. He was so cheesy, in the cutest, most endearing way. She sent back a selfie of her face looking all flattered and shy in response to his text, and then one of the front of the building that housed her business premises, and then had another idea. She went into her salon, and found exactly what she was looking for. She held the nail polish in her palm and took a photo of it, followed by the underside of it which showed the name of the rich golden-brown colour: Sweet as Honey.
I’ll have to change my nails.
She replied, then popped the small bottle into her bag to take home so she could update her nails later, knowing she wouldn’t have much time at work.
I look forward to seeing them. Have a sweet day at work.
Thanks. Sweet dreams.
She added a heart emoji and then switched her phone to silent and put it away, got the room and ambience just right in preparation for her first client, with coconut and vanilla scented candles, and warm, dim lighting. When she heard the ding of the door, she also heard sniffles and sharp, short intakes of breath. Instead of entering the waiting room with a broad smile and welcoming gesture, she entered with a curious tilt of her head.
‘Chloe, are you okay?’
Her client dabbed at the corners of her eyes with a tissue.
‘Come in, lovely, let’s have a chat.’ She draped an arm around Chloe and guided the sobbing young woman into the beauty room. ‘Can I get you a tea?’
Chloe nodded. ‘Thanks.’
Lacie poured a cup of the ready-made superberry tea from the teapot sitting on its warmer, and handed her the small ceramic teacup as she sat on the chair.
‘Sorry, it’s just one of those days, and it’s not even midday.’ She offered a weak smile.
‘Oh, no need to apologise. Do you want to talk about it?’ Lacie sat on her wheelie stool and rolled up next to Chloe.
‘It’s nothing new, just the usual. Still coming to terms with the way I am now, I guess. It swamps me out of the blue sometimes.’
Lacie nodded her understanding. ‘It’s all part of the grieving process, and the healing process.’
‘I know I should be grateful, I mean, I’m alive for crying out loud. But I didn’t realise what an effect the physical changes would have on me. I feel guilty for feeling this way, when others who’ve had cancer aren’t as lucky as me.’
‘Your feelings are valid. You’ve been through a big scare, and the pain of surgery. And now you’re coming to terms with your new appearance, not to mention loss of employment. It’s normal, and perfectly acceptable to feel whatever you’re feeling.’ Lacie eyed the scarring over her client’s cheek and the side of her nose, slightly disfigured with a caved-in appearance from skin cancer and the surgery to remove it. The scarring was also along her collarbone area, visible beneath her neckline of her dress. At their first appointment a month ago, Chloe had showed her photos of what she’d looked like before, when she had worked as a model, and the significant difference in her appearance meant she was no longer recruited for modelling work. Sad, considering what they could do with digital editing these days. But it was much more economical for photographers to have less to edit in the first place.
‘Thanks, Lacie, it’s just hard some days, you know? I miss my life before all this. Things are so different now.’ Chloe wiped her tears again and sipped more of her tea. ‘If there’s one thing I’ve learned though, it’s to make the most of your life when it’s good. Be grateful for what you’ve got. You never know when things might change. And as you taught me last time, I also need to make the most of what I have now, work with what I’ve got and focus on the positives.’
‘Yes. But remember that you are always entitled to have bad days. Just don’t let them get in the way of your life and what is possible now and in the future. The bad days are going to happen sometimes, but a bad day doesn’t mean the whole week is bad, and a few bad weeks doesn’t mean you’ve got a bad life. They are just part of the light and dark of our lives as a whole. Focus on the light. On the light within you . That’s what matters.’
Chloe nodded. ‘I never thought my beauty therapist would become my emotional therapist!’
‘Happy to help in any way I can. I can’t, and no one can, change what’s happened to you, but you can change what you do and how you think, moving forward. Any progress with your idea for your Empowered clothing line?’
Chloe’s eyes brightened. At her last appointment she had mentioned her idea to turn her experience into a positive, with an inspiring range of clothing for cancer survivors, those with scars and disabilities, and anyone wanting to embrace their unique beauty. She’d have a professional photoshoot, modelling the clothing herself, no digital editing required. ‘Yes, I’ve made a list of all the quotes, words, and designs I want incorporated onto the T-shirts, so the next step is to find a service that can do high-quality printing. And I’ll be using organic cotton only.’
‘Nice. Well, I’ll be your first customer. That is, if you’re going to have…’ she placed her hand on her small but rounded belly, ‘maternity T-shirts?’
Chloe’s eyes widened. ‘Oh! I didn’t even know you were pregnant! How far along?’
‘Almost fifteen weeks.’
‘Congratulations! In that case, I’ll be sure to add a maternity option to the T-shirts. Perhaps the “Blooming Beautiful” quote would be suitable.’
‘Lovely. What are some of the others?’
‘There’s also Brave and Beautiful, Perfectly Imperfect, Sassy Survivor, I Never Gave Up, and We’re All the Same Inside.’
‘I’m excited for you! Happy to promote your business to my clients as well. I know a lot who would love these.’
‘Wow, so you’re my beautician, my therapist, and my marketing assistant. I’m so glad I found your salon. I hope you’ll be here forever. Although you’ll obviously need some time off work when the baby’s born. Boy or girl? Or is it too soon to tell?’
‘You can find out early these days from a blood test, but I’m going to keep it as a surprise.’ She smiled. She often wondered, sure it was a girl on some days and then convinced it was a boy on others. It didn’t matter, she was still trying to get used to the fact she was growing a baby, let alone whether it was a boy or girl. ‘Are you still up for your facial and vitamin C treatment?’
‘Of course, though I know you might have to cut it a little short after our talk so that you don’t fall behind.’ She stood and handed the empty teacup to Lacie. ‘I think it’s going to help me, coming here regularly. It’s nice to show my skin some love after all it’s been through.’
‘It’s nice to show yourself some love after all you’ve been through.’ Lacie smiled. ‘I’ll leave the room and let you get into a gown, and be back shortly.’
Lacie left the room and took a breath. She had so much to be thankful for. A family, though far away, who were always there for her. A place to live in a city she loved. A job, her own business, to earn money – one that satisfied her in even more important ways. A unique, enriching friendship with a charming man. And a new life growing within her.
The leaves on the tree in the small park near her apartment complex were a rusty orange colour, heralding the transition into autumn, or fall, as they called it in the States. Her second favourite season, spring being first with all its blooms and sunshine. It was nice to have Nathan’s photo updates, he kept sending flower photos, knowing her love for them. And she would send him nature photos when she came across anything that he’d find interesting. She’d even sent him one of a stray twig on the ground, and a weed bursting through a crack in the pavement, to which he’d sent a laughing emoji.
When she stepped inside her apartment and kicked off her shoes, her phone pinged with a message. She smiled, wondering if Nathan was expecting her sweet as honey fingernail photo.
Her mouth formed an O shape when she saw it was from Melina. Chris had taken a few days to respond after her mother had revealed Lacie’s news to the family, and she hadn’t expected Melina to message her as they didn’t often chat except when in person, or through Chris.
Hi Lacie, sorry it’s been a long time between messages. Chris told me your news, and I know he messaged our congratulations, but I wanted to send a congrats myself, even though it’s been a couple of weeks. I guess it’s taken me a while to process, and to be honest, I was a bit jealous at first. But I really am very happy for you, and I know you’ll make a fantastic mother. Let me know if I can offer any words of wisdom when it comes to motherhood, though I know Penny will probably help you with all that. But I’m here too, though it’s been a long time since mine were babies. Chris also mentioned the gift you offered, and I want to thank you. Although we are okay at present, I do appreciate the gesture. Fingers crossed we get some answers, and more importantly, solutions when we see the specialist, and who knows, maybe IVF will work for us sooner rather than later. Stay well and all the best for this new stage of your life.
Lacie sat on the couch and sighed. She wondered how Melina would have responded if she’d offered a different gift, but her decision was made now, and Melina and Chris would probably want to give it their best shot for a biological child first anyway.
Hi Mel, thanks for your message and congrats, much appreciated. Miss you and the girls! Will definitely need your motherhood expertise, you are a pro. And I have a good feeling you’ll get to experience it again too. Lots of love, Lacie.
She sighed again, in relief or tiredness she wasn’t sure, and after making herself a cup of peppermint tea, she sat at the table where the journal was, and opened it to a new page…
Dear Baby,
I can’t wait for you to meet our family. They live in another country, Australia, so it’s not as easy to see them regularly, but we’ll figure it out. And we’ll do lots of video calls. Your grandma Martha is so looking forward to meeting you. Everyone is, especially your cousins Jessie and Dane, and Anastasia and Allana. I grew up with two sisters and two brothers, these will be your aunties and uncles. I’m sad you won’t get to meet your grandpa Edward though, he went to Heaven a couple of years ago. That’s a place some people believe in, where we go when we’re no longer alive on Earth. I like to think he is looking down on us and guiding us through life.
I will be here to guide you through life too, from childhood to beyond. I will be learning as I go, but we both will. Life is an exciting adventure and there are so many great things to experience.
I can’t wait to introduce you to ice cream, and Easter eggs, and slippery slides, and jumping castles, and picture books, and baby animals, and show you the stars in the sky. It’s like you’re a shining star that’s come down to earth to be with me, magical and miraculous. I still can’t believe it.
I’m so glad I was given this journal by a special client of mine, Maria. It’s helping me connect with you and process what I’m going through. I hope that by me writing these words, you will somehow sense them, and feel connected to me too. This will be our special time together, through this journal, until we meet in real life. I’m sure when I see you it’ll be like I’ve known you all my life.
Love, Mum xo
Lacie held a hand to her belly and breathed. It wouldn’t be long before the baby would start kicking, and she couldn’t wait to discover what that felt like. Her elastic waisted, wide-leg pants felt tight, and she decided she would go shopping at the weekend for some proper maternity clothes. And in a few weeks’ time, after her morphology scan that would assess her baby’s organs and growth and ascertain that everything was indeed okay, she would tell Nathan. She had to. She could bite the bullet and tell him now, but they were having such a nice time connecting virtually and she didn’t want to spoil it, or change the dynamics. This would be her last chance to experience something like this – a simple but meaningful connection with a man, that although couldn’t go anywhere, was giving her (and she presumed, him) such joy and fun. If he was local and they were dating, she would have told him already, and it would be becoming obvious, but he wasn’t and they weren’t, and she wasn’t sure what to do in this unfamiliar situation. He might not want to continue their unique connection if he knew, and like Xavier had left her to it, he might do the same. She wasn’t ready for that yet. Maybe it was the fear of motherhood, of whether she could do this on her own, but once the cat was out of the bag, she’d have to face impending motherhood head on.
Until then, it was okay to enjoy a little harmless flirting and friendship with the opposite sex, wasn’t it? It would be her last chance for quite a while, I mean, who would want to date a woman with a newborn? And her interludes with Nathan would probably fizzle out at some point anyway, pregnancy or no pregnancy. Just like nature, it would run its course. She might as well enjoy his virtual company until he lost interest or met someone else. And that was something else she’d have to get used to, the day when his lovely messages and photos would be saved for someone else who could actually be a real part of his life.