Chapter 37
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Dear Elliana,
Tomorrow is your first birthday! I can’t believe you are one year old already. The year has flown by in a flurry of sleep deprivation, feeds galore, nappy changes, giggles, cuddles, milestones, laughter, and a few tears. It has been the best year of my life. Every day I love seeing you in the morning, and the way you smile at me when I pick you up from your cot like I’m the best person in the world, is humbling to say the least. Thank you for coming in to my life. You are the surprise gift I never expected, but now I could not imagine life without you.
We have a special party planned for you. I know you won’t really understand what’s going on and you’ll probably just want to play with your toys, eat your favourite vanilla custard, and try your best not to fall asleep at naptime. But all my favourite people will be joining us to celebrate your life. I’ll take lots of photos and show you when you’re a bit older so you can see the fun we had.
I’m a little emotional writing this letter, because you mean so much to me and I feel so lucky. But I am also sad your grandpa can’t be here to meet you. He would have loved you so much, and if he’s up there somewhere I hope he is looking down on you and smiling, and writing little inspiring notes to leave on your pillow.
Although it’s not yet your birthday, you already have your first gift. It was left on the patio table this afternoon and I noticed it when I closed the blinds and curtains at the end of the day… a small jar with a ribbon tied around it, filled with a posy of tiny little baby’s breath flowers. There was a larger jar too, for me, with a single perfect pink tulip. I know who left the secret gift, and I’ll tell you one day.
On your first birthday, I want to tell you how much I love you and always will. Keep growing strong, but don’t grow too fast! I plan to make the most of every moment, every day, and every year of your life. These younger years will go fast, and it’ll be nice to sit back one day in the future and read these letters together. You can always write letters to me too, even though you’ll be with me and will be able to talk at any time. What I’ve discovered is that through writing to a loved one, words are said that might otherwise not be said, and it’s a way for us to make sense of what we are thinking and feeling, and hopefully bring a smile to our loved one’s face. So I am going to write you a letter like this every year on your birthday until you are eighteen. One down, seventeen to go! I wonder what the last one will say… it’s surreal to think about! But I won’t get ahead of myself. Right now, I am grateful for my healthy, happy one-year-old; the light of my life.
Love, Mum xo