Chapter 31
Chapter thirty-one
Teddy
We’re at the beach. The one we can see from Helen’s balcony.
In addition to the sound of the flags, there’s the buzz of beachgoers, the thump of a volleyball on sand, and the distant hum of a Coast Guard helicopter overhead. I watch it closely, wondering if maybe someday I’ll be up there or down on a rescue boat, skimming over the waves.
Yesterday, I bought a test prep book for the ASVAB.
It’s huge, as big and thick as one of those old-fashioned yellow page directories my mom kept in a bottom drawer in our kitchen for years, claiming it might come in handy just in case the entire Internet came crashing down.
Gwen and I used to tease her, saying if that happened having a phone directory would be the least of our concerns.
Helen taps my shoulder and points at a guy dressed in a full-on Santa suit, who’s roller blading down the sidewalk with a boom box under his ear.
The funniest part is that he’s blasting out holiday tunes.
Laughing, I turn my head to watch him pass.
“Only in California,” I tell Helen, who nods in agreement.
Just past the skating Santa a familiar figure saunters toward us with his hands in his pockets.
I stretch my arm over my head and wave. “Hey! Over here.”
“You sure this is necessary?” Helen asks, her voice hushed and stiff.
“You’re ready,” I tell her for the fifth time, careful to keep my tone even.
If encouragement is what she needs, I’m happy to provide it.
“You’ve practiced paddling in the living room.
You can stand on the board without falling.
The next step is going in the water, and I can’t take you.
” I gesture to my cast, while frustration curls in my gut.
It’s not fair. I want to be the one to do this with her, to be there when she takes her first wave, but it’s just not possible.
Not yet. “He’ll take you out. He can help. ”
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Helen as Jamie approaches, bracing for the flash of jealousy I know is coming.
Jamie’s the kind of guy who’s never heard the word no.
He’s all sun-bleached hair, a surf-hardened body, and that wrecking-ball smile.
The one that melts women. I’ve watched it happen a hundred times.
Hell, I used to study him. Mimic his lines, his swagger, his easy confidence. That’s how I finally figured out how to get women to notice me. Before that, I was just his wingman, the guy holding drinks while Jamie walked out with one, sometimes two girls hanging off him.
Not today.
Not with Helen.
But when he gets close, Helen doesn’t flutter.
She doesn’t blush or preen. She frowns, her forehead creasing with gentle lines.
To my complete surprise, she shifts closer, her hip brushing mine like she’s seeking my reassurance.
Without overthinking it, I put my hand on her waist, digging my fingers into the rubbery surface of her wetsuit, and draw her close, welcoming the sensation of her next to me.
The gesture is designed to comfort her, but it serves another purpose as well.
It’s to claim her.
We may be “just friends,” but I’ll be damned if I let another guy think he has a chance with her while I’m around, even Jamie.
Maybe it’s selfish.
But any other option?
Unthinkable.
Jamie reaches us. His eyes flick down to where my hand rests on Helen’s waist, fingers splayed. He doesn’t say anything, just tilts his head and lifts one brow in that knowing way of his.
Yeah. We’ll be talking about this later.
Jamie’s never been one to let things slide, especially when it comes to me.
***
Helen
I’m out of breath, just from paddling past the breaking waves. The man next to me is annoyingly unruffled. He straddles his surfboard, legs dangling casually in the water, body moving with easy grace, absorbing the motion of each swell like he was born in the ocean.
I sway dangerously from side to side, struggling to stay upright. Even with my wetsuit, I can feel the cold seep into my skin. It doesn’t matter the season—the Pacific Ocean is always freezing. I push icy, damp strands of hair out of my face, wishing I had put it up in a ponytail.
Next time, I tell myself.
Assuming I don’t make such a fool of myself that there is no next time.
The potential for humiliation is sky-high.
Which makes me nervous. Which makes me self-conscious, tongue-tied.
I stare at my hands, knuckles bone-white where they grip the rails of the board like I’m clinging to the edge of a cliff.
Avoiding Jamie’s gaze, I rack my brain for something witty.
This is Teddy’s best friend. It shouldn’t matter, but it does. I want him to like me.
What would Teddy do right now?
Probably make a joke. Say something charming or stupid in a way that makes people laugh, makes them relax.
I take a breath, trying to channel just an ounce of his easygoing nature. I lift my head and meet Jamie’s eyes.
“Okay,” I say. “Hypothetically, if I try to stand up right now and immediately wipe out, how much pain are we talking?”
Jamie grins, easy and amused. “Somewhere between mild embarrassment and a bruised ego. Maybe a wedgie. Depends on how dramatic your fall is.”
“Excellent,” I sigh. “Can’t wait.”
“You’ll do fine.” He glances toward shore. “Teddy told me you’re a natural.”
I blink. “He did?”
Jamie paddles a little closer. “Yeah. He said you don’t give up easily. That once you want something, it’s game over.”
My stomach flips, and it’s not from the waves.
“I’m not as confident as he is,” I admit softly, dropping my head to watch droplets of water splash across the nose of my board.
“Hey, you made it all the way out here.” He scans the horizon, tracking waves as they come closer, cresting a few feet after they pass us. “That’s half the battle.”
“Only half?” I ask, still panting. “Great.”
Jamie chuckles. “It’s not easy, especially on a day like today, when the waves are higher than usual.” He dips his hand into the water, letting it run through his fingers. “These are at least five footers.”
Just my luck to start surfing on a “rough sea” day. I’ve studied the surf condition reports, memorized the terminology, practiced with Teddy in the living room. Still doesn’t help me ride a wave.
“This beach isn’t the best for surfing.” Jamie lazily studies the shoreline, his gaze lingering for a minute on the bright orange umbrella where Teddy waits for us.
From this distance, he looks like a stick figure from a child’s drawing.
Behind him the palm trees are even more decorated than they were in October.
Now they have string lights wound around their trunks and ornaments dangling from their branches.
Jamie draws my attention back to him. “I mean, it’s okay for beginners, but once you get better we’ll take you up the coast to Malibu. My parents have a place there. It’s Teddy’s favorite spot, so we’ll wait until he can go too. You’ll love it.”
At first, I think he’s bragging about how rich he is, but when he mentions Teddy I realize he’s simply making plans, not trying to impress me.
“You think I’ll be good enough someday?” I ask, doubtful. “To go with you and Teddy?”
Jamie turns to look at me, his eyes a dark blue-green, the color of a tropical sea after a storm. Not like Teddy’s pale blue, Jamie’s eyes are deeper, more guarded, like there’s an undertow in him, hidden just below the surface. “You went to med school, right?”
I nod, confused about where he’s going with this.
“Not exactly a walk in the park. You made it through that, you’ve already proven you’ve got grit. Surfing’s hard, yeah, but not harder than what you’ve already done.” He shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “I believe in you, Helen. You’ve got this.”
You’ve got this.
That’s exactly what Teddy said, right before I left him on the beach. Breath tickling my neck, he’d whispered in my ear, “You’ve got this, Hellcat.”
A knot in my chest loosens. I straighten on the board and even manage a smile as a swell lifts us gently and then lets us drop.
“Yeah,” I say, mostly to myself. “I’ve got this.”
The tide has pulled me away from Jamie, farther down the shore. He paddles through the water with a couple of powerful strokes, and he’s back next to me. He reaches over, grabs the edge of my board, and drags me to him.
“Hey, Helen.”
“Yeah?”
“Teddy’s like a brother to me. He’s been through enough shit in his life. He doesn’t need you adding to it.”
I freeze, unsure how to respond. “Is this a warning? I think you should know that I tend to take things literally. I’m not great at deciphering subtleties.”
He looks me in the eye deadpan and says a soft, “Good. I’m not trying to be subtle.”
I swallow, suddenly nervous, then remember what Gina said. About how Teddy isn’t for me. “We’re just friends,” I tell Jamie, mostly meaning it.
“Sure, you are,” he says, in a way that makes me wonder what, exactly, Teddy has told him. Like flipping a switch, he smiles, transforming into the laid-back surfer guy I met earlier on the beach.
“Well,” he says cheerily, full of charm, “since that’s out of the way, let’s get you up on that board.”
Rattled, I take a couple of deep breaths to calm down.
Jamie pushes away from me, giving me room. “All right, doc. Time to stand. Paddle hard, pop up fast, and, for the love of Poseidon, don’t overanalyze it.”
I lay down flat on my belly. “Tell me when to go.”
He assumes the same position next to me, watching over his shoulder. “There’s a good one coming. Wait for it. Wait…okay! Now! Paddle!”
Following his instructions, I put my arms in the water and circle them, paddling like my life depends on it. The swell catches us and rises high into the air.
“Knees!” Jamie yells out, practically screaming to be heard over the pounding of the waves, the squawking of the seagulls.
Legs shaking, I wobble to my knees and balance precariously, swaying as the board shifts beneath me.
“Feet!” He surges up until he’s standing, throws his arms out for balance, and with a simple sway of his hips curves off to my left, riding the wave away from me with his knees bent.
He makes it look so easy.
I push up to stand and spread my arms wide. There’s a moment of exultation where I think I’ve got it. Where I’m on top of the water, and it feels like being on top of the world. Like I’m flying.
That feeling lasts for a fraction of a second and then I’m falling, head literally over heels.
My board goes one way, and I go the other.
I hit the water with the impact of smacking into a brick wall.
My ears ring, and my nose floods as I start to sink.
For a terrifying moment, everything is so topsy-turvy that I can’t find which way is up.
This is how Teddy must have felt on the night he almost drowned.
I’m slowly moving downward when the board gets caught by another wave.
I’d forgotten it’s connected to me by a strap tied to my ankle.
I’m jerked to the side, tugged like a fish caught on a hook.
My hair streams out behind me. The air I was holding in my lungs runs out, and I choke, inhaling seawater that stings the back of my throat.
Just when I’m convinced I’m going to die, strong arms grab my shoulders and tug me upward.
I come out of the water spitting and coughing, right into Jamie’s face.
“Are you okay?” he cries, his mouth drawn into a line, eyes wild with panic.
I wave him off, coughing up salt water. “I’m fine.”
He scrubs a hand over his face. “Thank God. Teddy would’ve killed me.”
I manage a weak grin. “Good thing I’m still breathing then.”
“Seriously.” Jamie smiles back at me, a little less cocky this time. More real.
After a deep breath, I army crawl back onto my board and tell him, “Let’s do it again.”