Chapter 10
I’ve never been this nervous for a single day.
It’s Wednesday, and Keo is due to come home. He hasn’t texted me since that night, even though I’ve sent a few here and there—asking about his food preferences, whether the cat eats wet food, or if she’d just eaten dry.
Thankfully, Clover is pretty self-sufficient and content with the dry food. She keeps to herself and only comes to me at night, or oddly if I’m feeling sad. Her presence has made sleeping easier. I’m not entirely alone, even if the hollow space beside me is filled by a feline instead of…
Nope. I can’t go there.
I just want him to talk with me, to listen and understand without judgment.
I’m already embarrassed about why I couldn’t come here.
Even Alysa, who I’d given just a partial truth to, hated that I wasn’t fully transparent.
Telling Keo is going to be so much harder, and I don’t want to give anything less than the full truth when I finally do.
Regardless of how he reacts, I want him to understand why.
The sound of a car door slamming jerks me upright on the couch. I hadn’t even noticed Clover resting on my chest—I was that zoned out. She doesn’t hiss or bolt like I expect; she just looks up at me before getting up and padding toward the kitchen.
He has a key, so I’m surprised when a knock comes at the door.
I stand quickly and make my way over, leaving the screen closed to keep whoever it is and me separated, at least in some small way.
I’m taken aback to see a woman standing just on the other side. She’s a striking blonde, surprise etched across her face.
“Oh…” She takes a step back and looks to the left of the cabin, then to the right. “Uh.”
“Hi. Can I help you?” I ask as I open the screen door.
She tucks her short blonde hair behind her ear and smiles. “Hello. Is Keoni here?”
Not my hopeless heart wanting her to be here for our parents, not him.
“No.”
She wraps one arm around her waist, resting her elbow on it, and taps her chin with her index finger. “I know I’m a little early… I didn’t even think to check the other side for his truck.”
My throat goes dry, and swallowing feels impossible. “I can let him know you came by if you’d like… What’s your name?”
Play it cool, Ayden.
“Oh, no, that’s fine. I’ll wait for him in the car. But my name is Brittany.” Her hand extends out toward me. “And you are?”
“Ayden.” I take it and give it a gentle squeeze. Her well-manicured nails painted opal match her entire aesthetic; very clean and pristine.
“Ayden… Pierce?” She squeezes my hand a little tighter. When I nod, her green eyes gloss over slightly. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I attended church with your parents.”
I force a smile. “Thank you.”
“I didn’t know you were in town.” When she puts her hands in front of her, I see she’s got a small notepad now clutched for dear life in one of them. “Are you here permanent—”
“Yeah. I moved in.”
Her smile is relaxed, and I swear there’s relief in her tone as she says, “That’s amazing. I was telling Keoni that being alone at a time like this isn’t ideal.” She lets out a soft laugh. “I can’t spend every day he’s off work with him.”
I’m surprised at how sick that statement makes me.
“Yes, well…” I clear my throat. “Who are you to him? Sorry, he hasn’t mentioned you…”
The expression she gives me is akin to sympathy. “I’ll let him tell you who I am. I think it’s important, especially during this sensitive time, that he explains his needs and relationships himself.”
She may as well have just fucking told me she’s his girlfriend. What is so hard about that?
The moment I’m about to say something stupid, the sound of tires crunching on dirt has us both turning to see Keoni’s moss-green truck pulling up right beside a really nice Jeep.
Of course, she has money.
Jealous is ugly, Ayden, stop it.
He gets out and slams the door shut. His eyes lock on us—no, on me—immediately. They narrow in confusion but never look away as he rounds the porch and heads for the stairs. Brittany steps aside, smiling at him.
“Afternoon, Keoni,” she coos.
“Hey, Britt.” He tosses his duffle bag to my left, and the moment it hits the wall of the house, I startle.
“Hey.” I sound as defeated as I feel. Shit.
His eyes flick to mine. “Hey.” There’s a tinge of irritation as he shifts to gaze at the girl. “You’re early.”
She lets out a soft giggle. “Says the one always late.”
“I’m not always late.” He sounds offended by the statement. “Are you ready?”
I glance from her to him, hoping he’s looking at me, but to my dismay, he’s focused on her. Great.
The all-too-familiar hollow ache in my chest hits me so hard that I lean to the side, bracing myself against the door. I do my best to make it look like I’m just heading back inside.
“Yeah. Would you like Ayden to join us?”
I don’t even look at Keo as I slip through the screen door.
“No. This is our time.”
Where’s the damn knife? There’s absolutely no way I’m not bleeding.
“Nice to meet you, Ayden!” Brittany calls, but I shut the door and walk idly through the space to the stairs.
Suddenly, I’m exhausted. Fuck me. Maybe staying here wasn’t a good idea.
I plop onto the bed, throwing my back against the terrible mattress, and groan. Resting my arm over my eyes, I sink into the familiar sensation I’ve been swimming in for the past six years.
I’ll just go back to San Francisco…
Maybe I’ll move into the apartment in Boulder.
I should give this time—maybe Keoni will come around and talk with me…
Or maybe there’s no solution to this destructive feeling, and everything is hopeless.
Soft purrs come with fur dragging across my arm. Her quiet meow accompanies my teeth gritting together.
“Damn you, Michael.”
Damn him for making me into this person.
Damn him for breaking me down.
But most of all, damn myself for not getting out sooner.
Age 14
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dad so nervous before. It’s honestly kind of cute.
He’s really trying to make an impression. We even went shopping at Trader Joes, and he hates that place. Says it’s too overpriced, which, both Alysa and I agree. Though, they have the best chips: Chili however you’d classify it.
Cool.
This is all cool. No problem…
Who am I kidding?
This freaking sucks.