Chapter 43
Christmas Eve
“It’s your fault for getting the tallest fucking tree,” Alysa says, swatting the back of my head. “We may be making new traditions, but I will forever put the star on the top. It’s my calling.”
“It seems nothing has changed,” Ayden says, reaching up and handing a large golden star to his sister.
I adjust her on my shoulder, and she shrieks. “Drop me, and I swear to god, Keoni Pierce!”
“Listen, you’re boney. Not my fault,” I tease.
That earns me another swat on the head, and I can’t stop laughing.
“I told you we have a ladder out back.”
“It’s snowing. I wasn’t going to make you go get that when you’re a firefighter and strong enough to hold me up.”
“Aly, I chopped down this tree in four inches of snow. I can sure as shit walk through a few flakes of it.”
Ayden moves to my other side, his hand sliding across my back as he does. I look down at him—chin tilted up, watching his twin place the final piece to complete the tree.
“It’s perfect,” he says, a bright, joyful grin spreading across his face.
I bend down to help Alysa off my shoulder. She sets her hands on her hips and smiles. “Perfect.”
“I think it’s a bit crooked.”
“Motherfucker, I just got down!”
“Kidding, Aly. Relax.”
As her feet rush away from us, I quickly wrap an arm around Ayden’s neck and pull him against my side.
“Great job, sunshine.”
“Thank you, baby.”
He’d been the one to get the tree prepped and ready. It needed trimming, and neither of us had considered the number of bugs that would come with dragging in a fresh tree.
That was fun.
But now, lit up in yellow, orange, and red, with ornaments perfectly aligned to the aesthetic, it’s all worth it. Alysa may disagree—she was bitten a few times—but everything has fallen into place.
I rest my head against his. “It’s perfect.”
He tightens his hold around my back and nods.
Alysa returns to my other side and wraps her arms around me, trying to grab onto her brother, even if it’s useless. Her arms are far too short.
“I’m going to say the sad shit tonight,” she murmurs, squeezing me tighter. “Then tomorrow, we’ll focus on the positive—all together, with Mom and Dad.”
I drag my hand up and down her arm.
“Grief fucking sucks. It’s persistent, and just when I think it’s done being a relentless asshole, it comes back.
Leilani, you’d always say a star died when someone we loved left us, and that in time, others would come and help fill the hollow spot in the sky they left.
But…” She pauses, taking a shaky breath.
“It’s felt like a starless sky without you and Dad. ”
She lifts her head to me, then to Ayden. “I see what she meant. Because until coming back here to be with you both, it’s truly felt like that.”
I release her as she tugs away and wraps her brother in a hug.
“It’s why I’ve decided to move back.”
“What?!” we both say simultaneously.
He pulls her away just to see the watery smile on her face. “What about Joshua?”
“He’s coming with me. Do you not want me back?”
“No, shut up. I do… but you aren’t actually going to move in here, into the cabin, are you?”
I let out a low chuckle. While I love Aly and am excited about this prospect, I share his sentiment; I’m enjoying just my time with him, and I know that won’t change in my lifetime.
“I’m going to sell the apartment in Boulder and buy a place around here—or in one of the neighboring communities.” She tilts her head to meet my gaze. “We all deserve to be together. For your mom and our dad.”
“I just know that would make them so happy,” I say, sighing in contentment.
She does a little “yippie” and rushes off toward the kitchen. “Alright, I’m telling Josh it’s official.”
Ayden moves in and rests his head against my arm. I turn and kiss his temple.
Every Christmas before this was great. I loved spending time with Alysa, my mom, and Grant. It was the single time of year I looked forward to—but also dreaded—because I knew I wouldn’t see the one person I truly needed in my life.
This year, although the space around us is emptier, it doesn’t feel that way.
He looks up at me with a smile. My heart thrusts hard against my chest, those words creeping right up my throat. “I—”
“Alright, let’s play some games!” Aly shouts, cutting me off.
She’s back at our side, joining in on an embrace I really didn’t want to share—but that’s fine. I have time to tell him I love him.
This probably isn’t the right place, anyhow.
“Monopoly?” she croons, and both Ayden and I groan.
Ayden
Christmas Day
We were all up early to visit our parents, leaving flowers even though the snow would cover them within the hour.
There weren’t any other plans. When we got back, I cooked us breakfast and was planning to put on a movie—until my twin decided to pull out gifts for Keo and me.
“It isn’t anything crazy.” She watches as I open the gift bag and pull out a few snacks I don’t recognize. “Just some of my favorites from the UK.”
“Are there beans in there?” Keo’s humor earns a laugh from me, though Alysa is less impressed. Her death glare has him holding his hands up in defense. “Kidding, kidding.”
“Open yours, funny guy.”
He rolls his eyes and opens an envelope. Pulling out what looks like tickets, he raises a brow at her.
“Football tickets?”
“Yup. Two.” She wiggles her eyebrows. “I was determined to hook you two up if it hadn’t happened naturally.”
I don’t say anything, just smile. Even if I don’t particularly like watching the sport anymore, I’d go anywhere with Keo. The sudden thought of us showing up on the kiss cam has my neck and face heating up.
“Thanks, Aly.” He leans over and hugs her. “Let me grab mine for you two.”
As my sister rushes to hug me, my mouth drops open. “Wait… what? I swore we agreed on no presents!”
He ignores me and heads upstairs. My sister leans in, whispering in my ear, “It’s so hard to shop for him. Also, there’s a gift card in the bag. There’s a place in Denver that does custom bookshelves, and you told me you’re getting back into reading.”
“Lefty, that’s too much.”
She shrugs. “Eh, maybe. But it’s also kind of selfish. Imagine you turn the loft into a mini Beauty and the Beast-style library.”
“It’s not tall enough.”
“Stop shooting down my dream and just do it.”
Before I can list all the reasons that’s ridiculous, Keo reappears. My sister instantly leans away from me. He’s holding an envelope for her and a small orange bag for me—my favorite color—with a handwritten note dangling from the handle.
Alysa starts reading her card, then groans, “Seriously? It’s snowing, Keoni.”
“Go, Aly.”
She throws her head back, stomps toward the front door, and wrestles on her shoes and coat.
I turn back to him as he says, “Go ahead, open it.”
The moment the screen door opens and closes I flip open the small card.
Sunshine,
“To growing a bright future with the person that makes this world worth living in.”
Keo
“I’m not poetic… hopefully it makes sense.”
I laugh lightly and pop open the bag to see smaller pouches inside. “Oh… Keo.” Grabbing one of them, I hold it in the light to make sure I’m seeing it right.
The soft chuckle he releases has me lifting my gaze to meet his.
“Not too corny?” He rubs his hand across his cheek before sliding it to the back of his neck, nerves written in the motion.
Shaking my head, I reach in and grab another packet of… Sunflower seeds. And I’m positive there are different varieties of flowers in the bag as well.
I laugh again, mostly to keep from crying. The heat building behind my eyes rushes forward, ready to spill over and show just how emotional this man makes me. He does it in all the right ways, and these are absolutely tears of happiness.
“We can plant them in the spring. Together. I’ve never had a green thumb, but I feel like we can figure it out.”
Wetting my lips, I put the packet back into the bag. “Thank you, baby.”
He lets out a low groan. “Please… these walls are too thin, and I’m suffering.”
We’d already decided not to test the waters with Alysa’s hearing. Kissing in front of her is one thing. Having her hear us fucking? No thanks.
“I didn’t… get anything for you.” I set the bag down and step into his waiting arms. “I’m the fucking worst.”
“Not even, sunshine. You give me something every day… You have no idea what a gift you are to me.” He pulls me tighter into his embrace, and I’m glad my face is hidden because the tears are definitely slipping free.
“Receiving physical presents isn’t my love language.
It makes me uncomfortable, if I’m honest.”
He lowers his head and presses a kiss right below my ear, then whispers. “Okay?”
I nod. “Okay… What did you get Alysa?
As if sheepish about the answer, he clears his throat. “A card that says Merry Christmas, but it’s at the end of three scavenger clues.”
“Keo!”
“What? She hasn’t left our fucking side, and I was nervous you’d hate the gift.”
The sound of stomping feet on the patio indicates someone isn’t happy by that revelation. I suppress a laugh because I shouldn’t laugh at her… even if it’s funny.
“I’d love anything you give me. Never worry about that.”
He rubs up and down my back. “Good to know for the future.” His gentle hum sends goosebumps crawling up my arms. “I’ve got one last thing, but it’s for New Year’s. Aly is going out with her friends, so I’ve got you to myself. Is that okay?”
“Pfft. As if you even have to ask.”