Chapter 47
“Thanks for taking the extra days, Keoni,” Elijah, my fire chief, says as he slaps my shoulder. “You’re going to be missed.”
I nod. “No problem. It’ll be nice to spend more time with everyone. I’ll be moving up to Colorado officially next week.”
We start up the long walkway that circles inside the fire station.
“You tell your parents yet?” he asks.
“Nah, they’re on a road trip right now. But they’ll come home to a letter from me. A nice little surprise.”
He smiles genuinely at me. “You’ll be hard to replace, Pierce. Just know—”
My phone starts ringing, and I pull it out quickly. “Sorry about that.” I spot the caller ID, and it’s like I’ve summoned her to call me.
“No problem, need to take it?”
“Yeah, if you don’t mind. We can continue after.”
He nods, and I step back before placing my cell to my ear. “Good afternoon, Mom.”
“Keo, how’re you, honey?”
Leaning against the railing, I sigh. “Good, it’s hotter than Hades here.” She laughs. “How’s the trip going?”
“Wonderful. Where are you right now?”
My brows pinch. “At work.”
“Oh…” She clears her throat, and away from the phone she asks, “What day is it?”
“Friday,” Grant, my stepdad, says in the background.
“Did you change your shift around?” she asks me.
“No, I actually picked up a few more days. It’s peak season for us right now.”
“Oh. Guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. My workaholic son.”
A soft chuckle vibrates from my throat. “You know me… Why? What’s up, Mom?”
“Grant and I are parked right outside your place.”
My heart skips. “Wait, seriously? Why?”
Her soft giggle makes me chuckle. She may be in her fifties, but she still acts so young. “We decided to take the long route to come spend the day with you, and were hoping we could bunk up for the night.”
Every part of me wants that. I haven’t seen my mom and stepdad since last Christmas. But I agreed to these extra days, and I know how much they need the help. I’ll see them in just over a week—even if they don’t know it yet.
“Dang, Mom, I’m so sorry. This time of year is so bad for us, I wish I could.”
The sad mumble of something in her native tongue has my stomach tying into knots.
“I understand, honey. Do you mind if we bunk up tonight at your place?”
Motherfucker, my entire place is packed up. If they go in and see that, they’re going to have so many questions. I’ll be forced to ruin the surprise.
Shit, shit, shit.
“My place is an absolute mess. Let me put you up in a hotel.”
A moment of silence passes, before she says, “No, that’s alright. We’d planned to just keep driving anyway, this would’ve just been a pleasant detour. Don’t worry about it, Keo.”
A wave of heat rolls down my right side, chased by a sudden chill. Goosebumps prickle across my skin, and I have to physically shake off the sensation.
“You sure, Mom?”
“I’m sure. We will see you in a few months for Christmas. Right?”
“You know I’d never miss it…”
“Hopefully we can get Ayden there this year,” Grant grumbles.
The mention of him has my stomach opening up and swallowing my heart. “Yeah… I’m not going to get my hopes up.”
“I’ll fly to California to grab him, throw him in a suitcase, and drag his ass to the cabin,” he says. “Tired of that boy not spending time with us.”
My mom, once again, giggles.
“Aloha wau iā ?oe, Keo.” She almost sings the endearment at me.
“Aloha wau iā ?oe, Mom.” I try… I just have a hard time getting it down, but I at least know how to say I love you to her. “Love you too, Grant.”
“Love you, son. See you in a few months.”
“Bye, guys.”
“Bye, honey.”
The phone feels heavy, and even more so when I press the button to end the call.
I stare at the screen as it goes black, and after a second, take a deep breath. This feeling is probably from lying, but it’s a small fib to get me through the next ten days. I’ll see them so much sooner than they think, and I’m so excited.
August 1st, 2026
“I’m so sorry, Keoni.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Keoni, how horrible, I just heard what happened.”
Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP!
It’s nearly one hundred and twenty degrees, but I feel cold. So… fucking cold…
Wrapping my arms around my body, I scream. It’s not loud enough, because I just know whatever god exists up there can’t hear me.
So, I do it again. And again.
My entire body shakes as I stare down into the dirt. It’s not orange or red, it’s fucking black. I’m in an endless nightmare.
“They were in an accident…”
Shut up…
“Take solace in that they didn’t suffer.”
Shut up!!
I grab a handful of dirt and rocks, squeeze them so tight I feel the tears in my skin, before throwing everything.
I did this…
Turning my hands over, I watch the blood trickle down both palms and across my wrists.
I did this… If I’d just… let them in. If I hadn’t tried to surprise them. If I had just been fucking better. Been a better son…
“Mom…” I shake my head. “Fuck…” Tears build around my eyes, some falling down my face as I try to keep myself from passing out.
I feel lightheaded.
I feel raw, empty. In so much pain.
Bending forward, I slam my head onto the ground and scream once more.
“Give me one more chance, please. Please… if a god exists, please don’t let this happen.” I hit the dirt over and over with my head. “I’ll leave work. I’ll spend every fucking second with them. Please, please give her back. I-I’m sorry… I-I’m sorry, Alysa… I’m so sorry, Ayden…”
It’s all my fault.
All my fault.
My fault.
I… can’t take anymore guilt…