Chapter 6 #2
“Hey!” Bell says, sitting up straighter when she sees us, and her eyes land on Silas. “I thought I heard a tractor.”
“Yeah,” I say, dropping onto a spot on the blanket, purposefully leaving the only spot for Silas right next to Bell. “Silas’s dad gave us a ride over.”
“Awesome,” Bell says, smiling as Silas sits next to her.
He gives her an awkward, tight-lipped smile, then looks right into the fire as he stiffly drapes his arms over his knees in front of him.
Connor passes us each a beer from the cooler, and I have to chuckle to myself as Silas does everything he can not to look at Bell.
We’ve all told him—countless times—that she’s into him, but he refuses to believe it.
Even though he’s good-looking, fit, a genuinely nice person, and she has done nothing but show her interest in him, he can’t see how she’d be into him.
But Bell is persistent and patient and doesn’t seem to mind Silas’s inability to pick up on cues, no matter how loud they are.
And she’s heading to UPEI, which is only thirty minutes away, so it could, and should, work.
If he let himself believe he was worth something, this could actually work.
“So, Bell,” I say, getting into meddle-mode, “you’re lucky to be going to school so close. You’ll be able to visit home a lot.”
She smiles and nods, her curls catching the firelight as she tosses another quick glance at Silas. “Yeah, I could visit most weekends.”
Silas flicks his eyes to her for a quick second, then stares harder into the fire and takes a long drink from his beer.
My god.
“We’ll all be close enough to visit often,” Aiden says, then turns to me as he playfully rolls his eyes. “Except you.”
I huff and take a drink of my beer, catching sight of Sarah across the fire as she releases a breath and looks down at her drink.
I feel bad that she’s hurting… but it wouldn’t have worked.
She’s heading to Dalhousie in Halifax, and I’m going to Toronto, so it realistically didn’t make sense to stay together just to break up eventually anyway due, to distance and a connection that wasn’t that strong to begin with, since we only dated for a few months.
She said she understood, but I think she felt more strongly about us than I did and wanted to try to stay together.
“University of New Brunswick has business tech programs,” Jaelyn says with a smirk. “Still time to change your mind.”
I laugh, and Connor bumps me with his shoulder.
“Or Dalhousie,” he says. “At least we’re all staying in the Maritimes. You just had to go out-of-province.”
Silas shifts next to me, and I try to hide my own discomfort. Because we’re all leaving tomorrow, and Silas is staying.
“Well…” I shrug lightly. “U of T has the Management and Information Technology program I want. So, as much as I wanted to stay close…” I glance at Silas, but his focus hasn’t left the fire, “I need to go.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Connor rolls his eyes playfully. “Smarty-pants. But let’s not talk about school. We’re here to have a good time and enjoy our last night of summer!”
I send him a silent thank-you as he glances at Silas, then launches into a story about his brother almost flipping their boat this morning.
We pass around drinks, and Sarah pulls out marshmallows to roast as we share stories from the summer.
The all-night bonfire where we snuck out and watched the sun rise, four-wheeling across fallow fields that haven’t seen a crop in years, the swim out to the rocks after curfew when Connor got a jellyfish wrapped around his leg, and Aiden said peeing on it would help.
It's fun, and the perfect last summer night together. Silas even starts to smile and talk to Bell.
Until it’s all ruined.
“Figured we’d find you here!”
I sigh and look up to see Ashton, Jeremy, and Tucker step into the firelight like they’ve been watching from the dark. The glow hits their faces as they close in, and the mood around the fire shifts immediately.
“Hey,” Connor says slowly, looking between them. It’s awkward because we all like Tucker, so we don’t want him to go… just his other friends.
Tucker gives Connor an apologetic look as if to say he knows, and he’s sorry they tagged along, then drops to the sand next to Aiden.
Ashton and Jeremy sit too, and I feel Silas tense beside me.
Seriously… fuck these guys. Of course they had to show up tonight.
Ashton smirks as the silence remains, and the only sounds are the crackle of the fire and the waves behind us.
“What?” he asks, all fake innocence. “We can’t join the fun?”
“You can,” Sarah answers, turning her to look at him. “If you can manage to go one night without being a dick.”
Ashton snorts. “Name one time I’ve been a dick to you.”
Sarah shakes her head. “You don’t have to be a dick to me for me to not like you.”
Ashton’s gaze flicks across the circle and lands on Silas. “If we all keep our hands to ourselves, it shouldn’t be a problem.”
Silas doesn’t say a word. He just tightens his grip on his beer can and keeps his eyes on the fire.
“Ashton,” I say with a sigh. “Just don’t, man. It’s our last night together.”
Ashton nods slowly, looking around the fire at everyone. “Yeah. I know. Everyone is leaving…” Then his eyes land on Silas again. “Well… almost everyone.”
“Don’t.” Connor’s eyes narrow at Ashton.
Jeremy lets out a low laugh. “What? It’s true. We’re all leaving. He’s not. That’s just facts. Are we pretending that’s not what’s happening?”
Silas releases a heavy breath and clenches his jaw, and I’m surprised his beer can hasn’t been crushed in his hand.
“No, that’s what’s happening,” Ashton says, still looking at Silas. “Right? Going to count potatoes for a living? Or maybe that’s something you have to work up to. You going to shovel dirt instead—”
Before I even realize what’s happening, Silas is on his feet, and his beer can hits Ashton right in the chest with a loud thud. Beer sprays everywhere, and Ashton lifts his arms too late to protect himself.
I jump up and grab Silas by the arm before he can launch himself over the fire at Ashton. Connor and Aiden step in to keep Jeremy back as Tucker grabs Ashton.
“Fuck you, Silas,” Ashton snarls, wiping beer off his face. “This is exactly why you’re going to spend the rest of your life on a potato farm while the rest of us actually become something.”
Silas is practically vibrating as he tries to hold himself together, and I tighten my grip on him.
Jeremy steps forward, and Aiden places a hand on his chest to keep him back.
But Jeremy just gives Silas a dark smirk. “It’s obvious why your mom left you.”
Silas tries to yank his arm out of my grip and lunge at him, but I wrap my other arm around him and pull him back.
Tucker shoves Jeremy back. “Enough!”
“It’s time for you to go,” Jaelyn says, pointing towards the dark path and glaring at Ashton and Jeremy.
Bell inches closer to Silas with a worried look on her face as she glances up at him, but he continues to glare at Ashton and Jeremy as I hold him back.
Jeremy rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” Then he grabs Ashton by the shoulder and nudges him toward the path to leave.
But Ashton can’t help himself from getting one final dig in.
He glances back over his shoulder. “Oh, and I don’t know if you’ve heard. But Jeremy and I are both going to UPEI. So, I’m sure we’ll see you around.” Then he winks at Bell, and they disappear down the trail.
Well, fuck.
Bell lets out a quiet sigh, then looks at Silas again. But he just shrugs out of my grip and keeps his gaze down at the sand as he turns towards me. “I’m going to go,” he says quietly. “You can stay.”
“No,” I say immediately, shaking my head. “I’m coming with you.”
I know it’s useless to convince him to stay after that. Once he shuts down, it’s hard to get him back. Especially around everyone else.
“We should all probably go anyway,” Sarah says. “It’s getting late.”
I flash her a grateful look, and the others start murmuring their agreement.
They could stay longer, and they probably would have…
but they get it. They know him too. They know he’ll carry the guilt for days or even longer if he thinks he dragged me away from them and turned the night into something it didn’t have to be. Even though none of this was his fault.
As we start in on our goodbyes, with hugs that last longer and a new kind of emotion hanging over us, it hits me.
This isn’t goodnight. This isn’t “see you in school on Monday” or “meet you at the falls on the weekend.”
This is goodbye.
I won’t see my friends again for months.
“He’s an ass, Silas,” Aiden says as he releases him from a hug. “Don’t listen to a thing he says. I could never do what you do, and you’re really fucking good at it.”
I smile and blink back the tears in my eyes. Because it’s true.
Fuck, I’m going to miss my friends.
And my heart hurts even more when Silas doesn’t even look at Bell as she hugs him. But he’s not doing it to be a dick. He’s shut down and trying to protect himself… and her. He doesn’t think he deserves happiness, and he thinks she deserves more than him.
He couldn't be more wrong. And we all know it.
They all take off down the path, and Silas and I head the opposite way along the beach towards home.
The waves gently lap against the shore, and the breeze rustles the tall grass on the dunes as it brushes over my skin.
I listen to the rhythmic sound of the sand shifting beneath our feet as we walk and watch the silver moonlight twinkling on the water with each roll of the waves.
I latch onto all the sensations of the island, as I try to etch this into my memory to take with me.
It would be peaceful… if it wasn’t for the anxiety and sadness swirling deep inside me.
“I’m going to miss you.”
His quiet words almost float away in the breeze before I can hear them, and everything in me stills as I stop walking.
He turns to face me with glassy eyes full of unshed tears, sparkling in the moonlight.
My own tears threaten to spill over as I nod. “I’m going to miss you too,” I whisper.
Silas sniffs, and a tear falls down his cheek.
I step forward and pull him into me, wrapping my arms tight around him as he does the same to me, and his shoulders shake.
I stare out at the moonlit ocean through blurred eyes and listen to the water crashing softly against the sand between his sniffs, as I try to hold back my own sobs and be strong for him. For us.
But I fail. The tears fall, and I release a shuddering breath.
“I’ll always be here for you, Si,” I say quietly. “Things may be changing… but we’re not.”
He pulls a shaky breath in, and I squeeze him tighter, making sure he feels my promise.
“Never.”