Chapter 8 #2
I’ve told him about her, that we’ve been having… fun. So far, it’s nothing serious, and honestly… I’m still figuring out how I feel about it, if I feel anything at all. She’s sweet, but I think she wants more out of this than I know how to give her.
Silas glances between us, trying to connect the dots.
“Oh, Silas!” Amara pulls him into a hug, and I see the wheels turning behind Silas’s eyes as he finally places her.
He glances at me and awkwardly hugs her back like he forgot how his arms work.
“So nice to finally meet you,” she says, stepping back with a smile. “Levi talks about you all the time.”
“Uh, yeah. You… too,” Silas says, his eyes flicking to me, and I have to fight the urge to roll mine.
Dude. Don’t tell her I talk about her…
“That’s sweet,” Amara says, squeezing my arm, and I give her a small smile.
“We’re going to grab drinks and do the rounds,” I say, nodding for Silas to follow me. “I’ll come find you in a bit.”
“Sounds good,” she says with a sly smile, and heads into the living room.
“Si.” I stare at him.
He spreads his hands with wide eyes. “What?”
I sigh and shake my head, turning to the fridge to stick our beer in there. Honestly, Silas and girls. At this point, I don’t know if he’ll ever get it.
I pass him a beer just as some of my friends step into the kitchen.
“Hey!” Kristian says, a big grin spreading over his face when he spots us. “Silas, right?”
Silas nods, and before I can say anything, Olivia appears beside him.
“Hi! You’re visiting from PEI?”
Silas nods again, and his eyes land on me like a plea for help.
I point between them. “Kristian and Olivia.”
“And Jack,” Jack says, appearing on my other side and holding out a hand.
Silas takes it. “Silas.”
“So, what do you do in PEI?” Jack asks. “School or work?”
The music suddenly grows louder, and someone in the living room yells something, followed by loud cheers.
Silas scrunches his forehead as his eyes flick towards the living room, then back to Jack. “Work.”
“What do you do?” Olivia asks.
“I work on a farm.”
Jesus Christ.
I roll my eyes and nudge him. “His family owns one of the largest potato farms in the province. They’ve run the farm for over sixty years and supply potatoes to Cavendish and McCain. His dad and grandfather run the place, and he’s next up.”
Silas huffs and shakes his head like he doesn’t believe that. As he takes a drink of his beer, his eyes once again dart to the living room as the music booms and loud laughs drift into the kitchen.
“Oh damn, that’s so cool,” Kristian says, then tilts his head curiously. “I bet the data behind your yearly crop rotation is fascinating. How do you track soil health metrics across fields to adjust inputs?”
Hm. Good question. And I can’t say I hadn’t thought about the farm myself when we were studying agri-data systems this year.
“You probably use field sensors, right?” Olivia asks. “With a farm that big, I can’t imagine you’d be taking manual samples.”
Silas glances between them as we all wait for his answer, and he just shrugs one shoulder. “I don’t know. I just run the tractors.”
Kristian and Jack nod, and Olivia’s eyes flick to me.
“And fixes them,” I quickly add. “And everything else. This guy can fix anything.”
“That’s awesome.” Jack smiles.
But Silas just looks down at his beer in his hand, and I see his chest rise and fall with a sigh.
I furrow my brow as I watch him, not quite sure what’s going on.
“So, hey,” Jack says, nudging my arm. “Remember that data structures test I swore I bombed? I got a fucking ninety.”
“No way,” I laugh.
Kristian shoots him a glare. “No you fucking didn’t,” he says.
Jack scoffs. “Yeah, I fucking did.”
As they settle into a bicker-war over grading curves and prof favouritism, I keep my eye on Silas.
He’s gone quiet, just standing next to me with his beer in his hand, and his eyes slowly drifting around the room. I can see him fading away as he shuts down… and I don’t know why.
I always know why.
Just as I’m about to nudge him and quietly ask him what’s up, a few people I don’t recognize stumble into the kitchen.
They’re loud, drunk, and already obnoxious as they talk over each other while refilling drinks and bumping into counters.
One guy stumbles backwards and bumps into Silas, sloshing beer down his arm.
“Sorry, man,” the guy says quickly, glancing over his shoulder at Silas before turning back to his group, telling an animated story with his arms, sending beer flying everywhere.
Silas glances at me quickly, pulling in a breath through his nose and shaking his beer-soaked arm.
“Oh, Levi,” Kristian says, pulling my attention to him. “We’re getting a pickup hockey game going tomorrow. You guys want in?”
The guy behind us bumps into Silas again, and I feel him stiffen next to me.
“Silas, we can lend you some gear,” Jack adds.
Before I can even open my mouth to say no, that we already have plans, Silas turns on the guy behind him. He shoves him hard, sending him stumbling into the counter and spilling his beer over himself and the floor.
“Fuck off,” Silas snaps.
I quickly reach out and grab him, feeling the anger rolling off him as the guy pushes up and glares at us. He moves to get in Silas’s face, but one of the girls with him steps between them and places a hand on his chest.
“Babe, no,” she says, then glances over her shoulder at Silas and me, shooting us dirty looks.
Before anything else can start, I step in front of Silas so he meets my eyes. “Outside,” I say.
His gaze darts over my shoulder, but I’m already pushing him through the kitchen door and out of the apartment into the hallway.
What the fuck…
I shut the door behind us, and Silas pulls off his hat, running a hand through his hair before settling the hat back on his head.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
He sighs and looks up at me, and the sadness in his eyes has my anger quickly fading.
“I don’t belong here, Levi.”
I release a long, slow sigh as that sadness seeps into me as well.
To everyone inside, it probably looks like he overreacted for no reason and was being an asshole. But I know that’s not true. I know that wasn’t nothing… it was everything all at once.
He tried. Really hard. He’s been trying since he first stepped on the plane to come here. And he reached his limit. And I know when he reaches his limit… he explodes. I know this. So why didn’t I see it coming…
“I can meet you back at your place,” he says, not looking at me. “I can take your key and—”
“No,” I say immediately.
He looks up at me, and I step closer. “I don’t care about the party. I’ll come with you.”
He drops his gaze again and rubs a hand over his face. “You don’t have to. I’m sorry for fucking it all up…”
I grab his hand and pull it away from his face. I stare at him until he meets my gaze again, and I don’t miss the glisten in his eyes that he blinks away.
“That guy was annoying,” I say.
He gives a slight nod.
I smile. “Someone would have kicked his ass at some point anyway.”
Silas doesn’t smile back, and I can see every ounce of guilt and shame he’s feeling written all over him.
“I’m sorry, Si.”
He shakes his head and looks down.
“Let’s go,” I say gently. “We’ll go back to my place and watch a movie.”
I grab our jackets, and we walk back to my apartment. And the whole way, I just keep wishing we could have a do-over on this whole night.
While I’m disappointed that my two worlds had a full-on destructive collision instead of seamlessly weaving together like I had hoped, I only have Silas for a weekend. And I promised him it would be a good one.
We can only go up from here.
“I would have been pissed if I made this trip just for the Habs to lose.”
I scoff. “Because that’s the only reason you came to Toronto?”
Silas smirks at me. “You were a bonus.”
I give him a shove and he laughs, slowing to a stop outside airport security. I look over his shoulder at the line and sigh. One weekend wasn’t nearly long enough.
“And the turtle,” I say, bringing my gaze back to him.
He gives me a serious nod. “I’d come back just for that turtle.”
I laugh, picturing the turtle that tried to follow Silas everywhere through the aquarium.
Every time we thought we would see something new behind the glass, the turtle would appear, focused on Silas like it thought it belonged to him.
We ended up stopping to sit and hang out with him, and Silas drew him.
The drawing of the turtle, who we’ve fondly named Raphael for his persistence and attitude, is now hanging on my bulletin board in my room.
We’re both quiet for a moment, then I reach out and pull him into a hug.
“I wish I could see you on your break,” he murmurs.
“I know,” I say, releasing him with a sigh. In a few weeks, I’ll be on break for reading week, but I’m not going home. This year, I’m headed to Mont Tremblant to go skiing. “But you can come with us. You know Noah and Julien now.”
Silas shakes his head sadly. “Not really my thing.”
I nod. “Yeah… I know.”
We’re both quiet for another long moment, neither of us eager to be the one to move first and end our time together.
“I miss you, Vi.”
I meet his eyes and nod. “I miss you, Si.” I give him a half smile. “I’ll see you this summer.”
He nods, and I swallow down the emotion that’s fighting to come out. That feels like a long way away.
“Call me when you get home,” I say.
“I will.” He presses his lips together as he blinks and steps in to wrap me in another hug.
I squeeze him tight and blink away the tears threatening to spill over.
I do my best to hold it together as I watch him go through security and catch his final wave to me before he disappears. Then I let a tear fall as I keep my eyes on the spot my best friend left behind.
And my heart hurts.
I love him, and I miss him so much.
We had such a good time together this weekend. But it was also the first time something didn’t feel quite right.
And I’m scared of what that means.