Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
I pull the forklift up to the cutting shed and groan as I see Dana and Ned crouched beside the seed cutter, the top access panel swung wide open, and the machine sitting silent.
I lower the seed bag next to the others I’ve been hauling over from storage all morning, then kill the engine and climb down.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
Dana looks up as I approach them. “A jam in the chutes.”
Ned wedges a wooden paddle between the rollers and starts clearing the mess of mangled potatoes clogging the cutting blades. As he works, my eyes drift past them to the output conveyor, where a few of the cut pieces have visible bruising along the edges. I pick one up and turn it over in my palm.
“We’ll need to slow the speed,” I say, lifting the bruised piece for Ned to see.
He glances over and nods. “Yeah, and the blades are slightly off. I’ll reset the alignment while I’m in there.”
“The russets seem to be bigger than last year,” I add, turning towards the stacked totes I’ve already delivered.
Twenty bulk bags of seed potatoes line the shed wall, ready to be fed into the cutter and portioned into blocks for planting.
And this is just the first of four varieties we’re planting this season.
“I’ll adjust the sizer settings too,” Ned says, leaning into the machine again.
“Hey.”
I turn at the sound of Dad’s voice as he enters the shed with his eyes sweeping over the cutter.
“Everything alright?” he asks, stopping beside me.
“Just clearing it out and making some adjustments,” Dana replies. “All good.”
Dad nods. “Good. Well, I’m glad I caught you now, then.” His gaze settles on me for a moment in an assessing type of look, then he jerks his chin towards the door. “I need everyone in the garage for a few minutes.”
My pulse picks up as I follow him outside, and I notice the way he seems to stick close to me.
Why are we all meeting in the garage… in the middle of seed cutting…?
As we step into the yard, my eyes lock onto the truck parked beside the garage with the John Deere logo across the side in green and yellow. My finger immediately starts picking at my thumb as we get closer, and both tractors come into view inside the open bay doors.
Why is the dealership here?
And why are the planters also inside?
Dad walks beside me, and just before we reach the entrance, he reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. And that’s how I know I’m not going to like whatever this is.
We step into the garage, and I stop dead in my tracks.
Both of our 8400R tractors are parked inside with the cab doors swung open. Technicians in John Deere polos sit in the seats with laptops balanced across their knees, and cables running to the in-cab display screens.
And right in the middle of all of it… is Levi.
My heart thrashes as my gaze snaps from him to the laptops and back again.
What the fuck are they doing?
“Thanks for taking a minute, everyone,” Dad says, moving to stand next to Levi. “Since we’re running variable rate this season, we’re updating the planters.”
My jaw tightens as my breaths quicken, and my eyes flick back to the laptops.
“Our goal is long-term sustainability,” Dad continues, nodding towards the equipment.
“We’re aiming to tighten margins, reduce input waste, and make planting decisions with stronger planning behind them.
” Then he turns to Levi with a smile. “This is where Levi comes in. He’ll walk us through what we’re doing. ”
Levi smiles brightly, and I stare at him with my heart racing, feeling completely frozen and rooted to this spot.
“We’re installing a prescription-based variable rate system,” Levi says.
“Each planter will run software that reads field data in real time, such as moisture, soil type, organic matter, and more, and adjusts seed rate automatically as it moves. Instead of one uniform rate for the whole field, we’ll plant heavier in strong zones and ease off in weaker ones to keep everything balanced. ”
My eyes stay locked on his face, and a war starts up inside me. One where I hate the words coming out of his mouth… but I can’t look away from his smile. Because if I look away, I feel like I might lose it.
“This approach lets us tailor density and input to what each zone can handle,” Levi continues.
“It’s fully integrated with zone maps tied to last year’s yield, soil test layers, and topography.
The planter reads those maps and shifts the rate the moment it crosses a zone line.
You don’t have to adjust it anymore. It will just respond on its own. ”
The sound of his voice starts to sound far away as my mind turns hazy, and I cross my arms and dig my fingers into my biceps to keep myself here as long as possible.
“This software will automatically log everything,” Levi adds. “And we’ll have cleaner transitions, less waste, and stronger emergence.”
Everyone around me hums with excitement, and I slowly breathe out as I replay all those words in my mind.
But I don’t know what it means. I can’t make sense of what it means for how we do things.
And it’s really pissing me off.
I grip my arms tighter when Levi’s eyes land on me, and I stare back at him as he shifts his weight and his eyes flick between the guy still typing in the cab, then back to me.
“So…” Levi says slowly, shifting his attention to the tractor again. “Basically, we have the same equipment, but now it can listen to the field a little better. Instead of us setting one rate and running it across the whole thing, it reads the maps as it goes and plants what each section needs.”
When his gaze meets mine again, I see something different in his eyes. I don’t know what it is… but it feels like he’s speaking just to me in this moment.
And my grip on my arms loosens, just a bit.
“This is going to be great,” Dad says, and I force my eyes away from Levi as Dad nods towards the monitors.
“Yeah,” Levi agrees softly, but I don’t look at him.
I shift my gaze past everyone to the open back door and the fields beyond it. Everyone’s voices fade into background noise as I let my mind blur until my only focus is the view of the fields, and a comfortable haze settles over me.
We’ve always planted a fixed rate of 34,000 plants per acre. That’s what I was taught, and that’s what we’ve always done. Every time.
I let my eyes trace the edges of the fields in the distance, where the dirt rolls into itself and vanishes into the sky.
The soil needs one more tilling before planting, and I find myself itching to be the one to do it.
To feel the tension in the steering wheel, the rumbling of the engine, the smell of fresh soil as it cracks open… everything I know well and can do well.
We’ve always controlled the process. We choose and set the speed and the downforce, and adjust row pressure based simply on feel and instinct.
I’ve always controlled the equipment.
But now… it responds to Levi. It responds to numbers, data, and dashboards.
My gaze sharpens again and lands on Levi as realization dawns on me.
He hasn’t said anything about the hollow heart field since he offered to help the other day.
And I’ve been waiting for him to keep pushing it, knowing it’s coming.
I was starting to think since I already told Al it’d be the last field planted, he was letting it go for now. But I knew something was coming.
I just wasn’t expecting this.
I didn’t expect him to just cut me out of it and rewrite the entire system around me.
Levi’s eyes flick to me again, and I stare right back at him as anger once again starts to rise.
“Alright, thanks everyone,” Dad says, but I continue to glare at Levi. “Once these are installed, Levi will walk us through everything.”
Fuck that.
I turn and walk out of the garage, a mixture of anger towards him and myself swirling deep inside me.
I should be excited about this, like everyone else. It’s good for the farm… I know this.
But I’m not.
All I feel is distance.
I’m even further behind now, and my entire world is changing. The one I created to be my safe space when I lost the most important thing in my life.
And now that person is back and pushing me out of my world.
“Silas.”
Levi’s voice cuts through my thoughts, and my step falters before I can stop it. I curse to myself, but still… I stop and turn around.
He looks just as surprised as I am that I did that, and he stops a few feet in front of me as his eyes flick between mine.
And I hate that I see pity in his eyes.
He’s never looked at me with pity before.
But he blinks it away and sighs. “Look, I…” He shrugs. “I get it.”
My brow furrows slightly as I stare back at him, and I can’t get my muscles to move to say anything. Even though I don’t even know what to say.
Levi observes me thoughtfully for a moment, letting the silence stretch between us. And I just keep looking into his warm brown eyes, like they’re somehow an anchor keeping me from drifting away.
“I just wanted to let you know…” Levi says quietly. “I’m going to keep showing up. Because I’m not going anywhere.”
My fingers twitch at my sides, and my chest tightens, my body reacting before I can really hear and take in his words.
But before I can, Levi gives one gentle nod, then turns and walks back into the garage.
My feet automatically take one step after him. Just one, and then I stop, my eyes glued to the back of his head as he walks away.
I’m not going anywhere…
The words repeat over and over in my head as I stay right where I am, watching him. Frozen in confusion as a mess of emotions slams into me.
I’m angry. So fucking angry.
I’m angry that I’m falling behind. Angry that everyone is able to step into this new world, and I’m still trying to understand step number one. I’m angry that I’m losing my place here, and that it’s because of Levi.
I’m angry that he’s back, and I’m angry at myself for not being happy about it.
I’m angry for not letting him help me…
But underneath it all, the truth is sitting heavy right in the pit of my stomach.
I miss him so fucking much.
And I love him… just as much as I did when we were kids.
I know that never went away.
I’ve been hiding behind a wall of anger because it’s safe here. It’s safer to keep him away than to let him in.
But he just showed me he’s not afraid of my anger. He never was.
He used to be the safest place I had.
And I can’t ignore that small whisper in the back of my mind, wondering if he could be again.
An urge slowly sparks to life, pushing me to follow him, join him, and be a part of this with him. To let him be my calm, and for everything to go back to how it used to be.
The urge grows to take another step, but my body stiffens, and my feet don’t move. Just one is all I can take.
But… It's a step.